Casual Heroing

I’m trying to chill on the ground floor of my bakery, but Gaius seems against this idea.

“The Adventurers’ Guild said that the second floor of the Dungeon should have been cleared by now. Instead, the monsters keep coming. A couple of [Scholars] went down with an escort and found that those weird creatures are probably part of a spawn. The city thinks that a horde could be brewing. When monsters such as those are under stress, they consume more food and spawn up to ten times the number of monsters than usual. That leaves them damaged for a while, but it’s still not enough to eliminate them. They say that the Adventurers’ Guild will form a mandatory party to go down there and—”

“Stanimal!” I shout toward the kitchen. “We are going on a vacation for a few days! Pack your bags!”

After a couple of seconds, no one answers.

Instead, Princess Laura comes out of the kitchen, half-covered in flour.

“My Ancestor is not here. He went to check out some materials that Master Lakaris has ordered.”

Gaius looks at me with a serious expression. The huge guy is determined to bring me into the Dungeon for this huge raid, isn’t he?

“You should go,” I hear the purple-haired walking-flour-bag say.

What happens if I say no?

Oh, man. I have to take responsibility, don’t I? With great powers—you know how it goes.

“Ok, ok, you two despicable bullies, I’m going. Just let me chill for a second. My brain is mush. I’m too good of a [Mage]. My magic is so good it gets too elaborate sometimes. I try to keep it simple, but it’s really too much. Man, isn’t my lesson with Domitilla tomorrow? Shoot. Whatever. I still need to draft the contract for her. Did we get the materials I’d requested?”

Princess Laura looks at me without a clue.

“Tiberius!” I shout. “Tiberius!”

I can hear his wooden leg click-clacking as he reaches us. Wait, not wooden anymore. He’s got a weird prosthesis or something.

“Chef?” he comes out of the kitchen with a respectful expression on his face. Sometimes I just wish he would actually insult me. Just to break out of character.

“Did we get the stuff I ordered for the magical contract? And where are Lucillus and Antoninus? Did Stan take them with him?”

“We’ve got the shipment, Chef. It was very expensive. Stan said you’d dumped a lot of money lately,” Tiberius says those things without a problem as if it wasn’t insulting me.

“Ok. Get someone to bring that stuff to my room, please. I’ll need it. And you didn’t answer. Where are Lucillus and Antoninus?”

“Right, Chef. Antoninus said he had a family problem and needed to take care of it. Lucillus went with him.”

“Well, I hope it’s nothing serious. I’d rather have them lazy out and skip work in a tavern than—you know what? I need a walk. Princess, care to come with me to visit Antoninus’s family? I have never met them.”

“Who have you never met?” I hear a woman’s voice coming through the door together with its owner.

“Yo, Camilla,” I wave at the short pink-haired Elf, “Antoninus’s family. They are having problems. I’m his employer. I should check on them. His family, I mean. And the two idiots. Want to come? We can all stop for lunch later.”

“I wanted to discuss some possible new recipes,” she says with a foxy smile.

“Nope. No new recipes for you. The Three Roses is doing super-well, isn’t it? Did you get into a fight with Flaminia again?”

“Who? Me?” Camilla says with an innocent smile.

“Joey! I need new recipes!” right at that moment as if God had wished it, Flaminia storms into my bakery.

“Here we go,” I say, facepalming myself.

Flaminia and Camilla have been very competitive lately. We all go out and get together for drinks and food, but Happy Bakery and the Three Roses have gotten loads of new clients. This is a crucial moment for both places as they try to overcome the other. They can’t steal recipes from each other, as per contract, but the aggressive marketing and God-knows-what-other-strategies are all still on the table.

“Camilla?” Flaminia says with narrowed eyes.

“Oh, you need new recipes?” Camilla says with a broad smile. “I might teach you one or two if you beg.”

I have to say that the prospect of a catfight makes me reluctant to break up these two up. But there’s something more important to do.

“Yo, you two! I need to visit Antoninus’s family. If you want to come, we are going. Right, Princess?”

At that moment, they both seem to finally take stock of who is gracing them with their presence.

“Your Highness!” they both bow their heads in a sign of respect, and Camilla even does a curtsy.

“Like this?” Princess Laura ignores the two girls and points at her clothes.

I pass my hand over her in the air.

[Cleanse]

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

“You know I now have artifacts against spell-casters. Be careful; if there had been even a bit of malice in you, you would have been blasted into oblivion.”

I tip my hat to the Princess. Sadly, that makes Flaminia and Camilla notice my new headpiece.

“Joey, why are you wearing that ridiculous thing? Do you intend to wear it while we are in public? I don’t want to be associated with a lunatic that wears that thing.”

Camilla—always so gracious.

“I agree; he looks like a [Witch],” Flaminia says with a snort.

“He’s been wearing it non-stop,” Princess Laura says while assessing the real cleanliness of her clothes and skin.

“It’s a cursed item. I can rarely take it off. And that’s only for when I sleep, shower, or do other stuff like that. I’ll solve the curse in the future. Until then, mind your own business, both of you.”

“I’d mind my own business if I got a new recipe,” Camilla says.

“Same,” Flaminia chimes in.

“Vultures.”

While I’m getting ready to go out, Gaius finally speaks up again. The big guy is a bit shy around girls.

“Joey,” his deep voice makes my bones rattle, “do you know where Antoninus’s family lives?”

Huh, that’s a good point.