Defeated By Love

Translated by Fairy_Dust

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Hearing that answer, Xie Ruhe’s expression froze and his mood became obviously worse. He clenched the bag in his hand and in a soft voice with a hint of iciness: “Why?”

She didn’t know why he was suddenly unhappy so Shu Nian whispered: “What do you mean by why?”

His face was gloomy: “Do you think I can’t help you?”

Shu Nian didn’t hear him clearly: “What?”

The two happened to have left the supermarket gate.

The wind blew, melting into the night and piercing through the crowd.

Xie Ruhe didn’t repeat what he had said earlier. His black eyes seemed to be mixed with ink, deep and sinking. He looked up and showed an inferior expression for the first time.

“Shu Nian.”

That was the first time he called her name after meeting again.

Shu Nian stopped and wondered: “What’s wrong?”

" "

Xie Ruhe was against the light and his whole face was buried in the darkness but his eyes were bright and clear. He curled his lips and his voice was obscure: “Why haven’t you asked me why my legs became like this?”

“I don’t think you necessarily want to say.” The hand holding the bag tightened. Feeling at a lost, her heart felt suffocated and breathless. “It’s probably not a good memory. It’s fine that you’re good now. It’ll only get better in the future.”

If someone asked her why she was like this now.

Shu Nian wouldn’t be willing to say.

It was a bad memory.

She didn’t want to relive it again.

“Gradually getting better…” Xie Ruhe’s Adam’s apple rolled and his eyes dimmed. As if he had realised the reality of things, his voice became low and hoarse. “Shu Nian, I’m different from you.”

Shu Nian didn’t mind: “Is someone coming to pick you up?”

Xie Ruhe didn’t confirm or deny her. Finally, he said the reason why he had been following her today: “The phone call you made yesterday was to me. If you need any help in the future, you can come to me.”

“…”

He also said something else but his voice was too low that Shu Nian couldn’t hear him clearly.

Shu Nian wanted to ask him to repeat it.

But Xie Ruhe had turned around and walked in the other direction without even saying goodbye.

Shu Nian had a large bag of things. She borrowed a community bike next to her and rode all the way to the subway station. It took about 15 minutes to get to the subway station near her home from that station.

Then, it would only take about ten minutes to walk home.

It was still early and the shops on the streets were still open. Neon lights and street lights were on, the laughter of lovers could be heard and the shouts of vendors floated in the air. The colourful night market was particularly lively.

Shu Nian bought some fried pancakes nearby and then went in the direction of her community.

Along the way, she kept thinking about Xie Ruhe’s words.

She felt a little strange. She was a little depressed and unhappy because of that. Shu Nian didn’t know where her unhappiness came from. It was clear that he didn’t say those words with any malice.

Although he lied to her on the phone, he was still quite decent about it.

She didn’t want to think about that anymore.

She started to recall the last sentence Xie Ruhe had said.

His mouth shape…

Shu Nian was used to reading lips and her memory was not bad either.

Thinking about it carefully, Xie Ruhe should have said seven words.

But what he said was really vague. The movement of his lips and teeth were not extremely obvious. Shu Nian couldn’t properly read lip language so she was really clueless to what he had said.

She didn’t think it was a problem though, she just kept thinking about his mouth shape all the way home.

When she was downstairs of her apartment, she looked around and made sure that there was no one around. Then, she ran up to the second floor. She quickly opened the door and locked it.

At that moment, she gasped and muttered to herself: “Don’t be bullied by others.”

Shu Nian was stunned and repeated it but she still didn’t dare to believe it. She felt that Xie Ruhe would never say such words but they completely coincide with his mouth shape at that time.

Shu Nian froze for a while.

Soon, she began to do things as normal. She checked the doors and windows, cooked the frozen dumplings, bathed, washed clothes, practiced her mouth shapes in front of the TV, read the script… after Shu Nian had done all those, it was almost early morning of the next day.

She turned on the light and laid in bed while playing with her phone.

She thought back to the name she heard in the toilets today. Shu Nian scratched her face and hesitated for a few seconds. She opened the browser app and entered the word “Ah He” in the search bar.

Shu Nian didn’t pay much attention to this kind of thing and rarely listened to any songs.

Looking at what was displayed on Baidu, she found out that Ah He was an independent musician who had gotten very popular in recent years.

Since five years ago, he began to publish his own work on the internet.

His first album was called “Wu Nian”, but because there was no promotion for it, there were basically no fans at that stage. However, he didn’t seem to care about that. Instead, he immersed himself in his own world.

“It’s Hard to Control”, was the second album and it was played live by a popular gaming reporter which helped it to gradually gain more fame.

With the release of each album, his reputation grew.

For the past two years, he had basically stopped singing. He began to work behind the scenes and concentrated on composing. His name would often appear on other people’s albums as the composure, arranger and occasionally, the lyricist.

Shu Nian pursed her lips and played the song, “It’s Hard to Control”.

The prelude was not long, the style was lyrical and melancholic. She could hear all kinds of sounds but she didn’t know how any of them were made. Soon, the noise was drowned out. In the silence, Ah He’s voice rang.

Shu Nian’s eyelashes moved.

As she thought, it was Xie Ruhe.

His voice followed the rhythm and was dragged out. It sounded low and ethereal, each word brought about dark and depressing emotions. His breath was shallow and the music was neat and clean. When singing, his voice became higher.

Surrounded by such a melancholy song, Shu Nian’s mood was getting better.

Shu Nian slowly became sleepier just by listening to his voice.

Before falling asleep.

Shu Nian suddenly remembered the words Xie Ruhe had said.

——”I am different from you.”

…

Several days had passed after Li Hong was admitted to the hospital.

Because of her subjective and reckless behaviour, she had said hurtful words. Shu Nian reflected on herself for many days. Finally, she reluctantly came to the conclusion that she was too young. There were many things to consider and he should be forgiven.

She emphasised that conclusion to herself dozens of times a day.

But before the brainwashing could fully succeed, that kind of thought was broken by Chen Hanzheng who was in the same class as her.

Chen Hanzheng had a good relationship with Li Chao, Li Hong’s son. Chen Hanzheng would always bother Shu Nian to chat. Shu Niajn knew one thing very clearly afterwards——before Li Hong had entered the hospital, the brakes of the bicycle were already faulty.

Sometimes it would be good and sometimes it would be bad. Li Hong didn’t get it repaired in order to save money.

When Chen Hanzheng was saying this, he had a pen in his mouth and sneered: “Fate is not really lenient on him. All his savings were spent for the hospital fees, it’s too damn bad. This is the first time I have seen someone with this kind of hobby, spending money to suffer.”

Shu Nian was silent.

Chen Hanzheng felt weird. Normally, she would frown her face and lecture him for swearing. But at that moment, she didn’t even say a word.

Chen Hanzheng had a sense of crisis: “What’s wrong with you?”

Shu Nian: “?”

“Scold me, boss!” Chen Hanzheng shouted. “Why aren’t you scolding me! Do you have a change of heart? Do you not love me anymore? I won’t fucking listen!!!”

“…”

Shu Nian was full of worries and was no mood to talk to him but she still seriously refuted his words: “I have never scolded you. I was only teaching you.”

“…”

“Also, what change of heart? What is this talk about love?” Shu Nian frowned. “How old are you? How can your head be filled with such nonsense?”

That time it became Chen Hanzheng’s turn to be silent.

For a long time, he was speechless and the corners of his mouth were raised: “It’s really as they say, a traditional thirteen-year-old woman. I’ve finally got to experience it.”

Shu Nian ignored him and lay on the table to look out of the window.

She didn’t know what to think.

After a long time had passed, Shu Nian noticed a group of teenagers running on the playground wearing blue and white striped school uniforms. She suddenly raised her eyes and looked at Chen Hanzheng with a thoughtful expression.

Chen Hanzheng felt inexplicably guilty: “Okay, I won’t say anymore so stop looking at me like that.”

Shu Nian opened her eyes and thought about the appearance of the “most beautiful junior high school student”. She asked him: “Do you know the name of the most beautiful boy in our school? I’m not sure which grade he is in.”

Hearing those words, Chen Hanzheng immediately approached her face and rubbed his finger against the tip of his nose.

“I know.”

Shu Nian cheered up in an instant: “Who?”

Chen Hanzheng grinned and said carelessly: “It’s me.”

Shu Nian didn’t support his childishness and frowned: “Did you not hear me clearly?”

“Huh?”

Shu Nian was very serious, she had no intention of joking at all.

“I’m talking about a very good-looking boy.”

Chen Hanzheng: “…”

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