Destiny or Coincidence?

Athira Patel

Confusion…. One word, but can create many doubts in our decisions which can cause us the difficulty to take the right decision. I was very angry and upset on my dad after knowing that he had kept it a secret from me all these years but at the same time it's even hurting to see him breaking down in front of me and crying like he lost the battle he was trying to win all these years.

I cannot see my father getting hurt no matter what, so even if I am angry at him, I still got up and went towards him to console him. It might be hard for me to accept everything at once but that doesn't stop me from hugging my dad because at the end of the day, he is still my father.

He was there for me whenever I felt low or sad. He was always there to look out for me and make me happy at all times. 

"I am sorry for not telling you about your real mother princess." Dad murmured a little loudly while hiccuping that I immediately stiffened listening to the word real mother'. Sensing my reaction, he released me from the hug and looked into my eyes with regret in them. I can see that he wanted to say more but was debating internally whether to tell or not. So I stayed silent by giving him a silent sign to continue.

"I… I was scared to lose you Athi" he admitted shuttering in between while looking deep into my eyes with tears in them. How can anyone see his father crying in front of them and do nothing about it? But here i am, standing in front of him like a statue when all i wanted to do was hug him tightly and take away his pain. 

I was torn in between getting angry and forgiving him. When i see my father crying like this i wanted to forgive him but when i remember that he hid the truth from me I feel like he betrayed me. He kept me in the dark and left me alone to survive in this dark hole called truth.

"I am sorry Athira…" dad said looking down at the ground with a clenched fist and continued "I am really sorry for hiding the truth from you…. I am sorry Athi" He said with a broken voice and held my hands in his that I closed my eyes in return with pain.

"I am sorry…." He repeated continuously while looking into my eyes with hope filled in them that my heart clenched looking at him. 

I wanted to assure him that everything will be fine and I wanted to forgive him by saying that it's alright. But the thing is I cannot say it or do it. One side, I wanted everything to be ok between us but on the other side I felt betrayed by everyone. 

All these years I was happy with them, and I would have understood if he said the truth before I got to know from the others. I would have understood his situation and the reasons behind his actions. But he chose to hide it from me and keep me in the dark. It was my life after all and I think I need to be the one to make the decision but not others about what my reaction would be.

Situations would have been different if dad was the one to say the truth. Now i feel like i have been betrayed by the only family whom i thought that i could trust with my whole life. This is not about forgiving. I can forgive him because I cannot see him like this but I know for sure that i would always feel insecure and empty from inside. There would always be this scar on my heart that my dad betrayed me and I would never feel the same about him again.

So i cannot forgive him that easily at present because i am overwhelmed with the information and emotions which are going haywire.

"Athira…." called aunty while coming towards me with slow steps that i came out of my internal debate by listening to her voice. 

I always used to think that she is a mother figure to me while my own mom is gone. I felt safe and secure around her that I used to share my happiness and sorrow with her whenever I felt alone or missed my mother. But i never thought that she would become my own mother one day. Now i don't know what to think about it anymore. 

Every single secret is out and was spread in front of me but still I was unable to catch hold of it in my hands that it's getting even more frustrated than before. My life was simple and happy before but now it was all messed up because of this secret. 

She is not a bad person but whenever i look at her thinking that she is my real mother, i feel like i am betraying my mother by replacing her place with aunty. And I cannot do it to my mother. And the very fact that she is my own mother is very disturbing at present and I don't know if I will be able to accept her that easily in the future. But for now, there is no way that I can grasp it and hold it. 

It was one thing to know that my parents are not real parents but knowing that Abhi's mother was my real mother is a whole new thing.

I may love her as Abhi's mother, but I cannot love her as my own mother. 

I may even forgive my dad for lying to me but I cannot forget the truth that he betrayed me.

I may speak to everyone like everything is fine but I cannot digest the information that nothing is the same as before.

Everything is changed in a fraction of second by leaving me empty and confused as hell. I don't even know how to feel at the moment and i don't know if what i am feeling is right or not. But i cannot act like nothing has happened and accept everything with open arms because i know that nothing is the same as before. No one is the same and no relation would be the same. Everything is at stake and the only feeling I'm experiencing at the moment is betrayal. 

Tears were running down my face knowing that everything fell apart and everyone lied to me. It felt like someone kept a cloth on my face by making me suffocate and short of breath, it felt like someone was stabbing me with a knife repeatedly to make the pain even worse than before. 

It was all too much to handle at once that I wanted to run away from them. It was enough and I am not ready to listen anymore of their explanations. So I took a step back by shaking my head in denial for her to stop coming near to me. It made her freeze on the spot with hurt replacing in her eyes. It made my heart tug in response but I ignored it and looked away from her.

"Athira… baby… Please talk to me… let me explain…." she said repeatedly while trying to convince me to speak to her or listen to her. But it was enough and I am not ready to listen anymore of it. 

"NOO…" I shouted, closing my eyes and covering my ears with my hands from stopping her voice to reach me.

I took a deep breath to control my emotions because I feel like pulling my hair in frustration and shouting at everyone who made my life miserable. So to stop everything i took a moment to compose myself but even then it was becoming hard for me to compose when everything inside me was ready to explode. 

"Athira…." This time my dad called me from where he stood with a wary look on his face which is clearly explaining that he knows what I am suffering from inside and how I am feeling at the moment.

"No FATHER…. Please stop it" I said, pressing on to the word 'father' by emphasising that I am still angry and frustrated at him. I looked at him with an expression of hurt and betrayal that he stumbled back a little by looking at me. 

"Please stop it aunty…" I said to her by looking at her with a hurtful expression that she too closed her mouth with her hands by giving a loud sob.

"Athira…" called Adi this time with a careful voice of this which broke all the walls that I was trying to hold until now.

"I SAID STOP IT. IT IS ENOUGH" I shouted from the top of my lungs with tears flowing down from my eyes. 

"Stop it please…" I said breaking down and clutching my stomach while crying.  

"You all betrayed me…" I whisper shouted while getting back from everyone with an empty heart and full pain in them. 

"You all made me alone and empty… Why dad? Especially you out of all of them…." I whispered again with a breaking voice at the end of the sentence and let out a sob that was trying to come out for a while. This made them take a step in my direction but I shook my head in denial that they stopped there itself with a painful expression on their faces.

Dad looked at me with a devastated and defeated look on his face while crying but all I saw was my mother whom he stated as not my real one. Each and every word of him has ripped me apart into little pieces by leaving me in pain and agony.

"Leave me alone….." I said the last word before running away from the house and reached the bottom of the stairs where I could see the entrance gate but still all I felt was pain in my heart which became very heavy. 

Everyone was calling my name when I was running away from them but I never looked back to see their expression because I needed to get away from there before I broke down in front of them. I cannot handle this pain anymore and i want to run away from it. So when I listened to the three footsteps coming my way which made me look back only to see that all the three boys were running towards my direction, I did the only thing that was running in my mind. 

Run…

I ran all the way to the outside and even to the main road but still my feet were not stopping anywhere. I ran and ran until I was sure that they were not following me and were mistracked. My feet were aching but if i stop running then i know for sure that my emotional pain will come back in ten folds for which i am not ready. I am scared to face the truth and scared to face the emotional pain because i don't know if i would be able to handle this much pain again. 

I only felt like this when my mother died but even then that pain was bearable because then i knew that she was at least my mother and not anyone else. But now i am scared to face this pain because i know that i won't be able to face it when she is not my mother anymore. 

Even when I was grieving with her death, she was there with me all the time to console me and support me as my strength. 

I never felt this alone in my life when she left me because then I knew that my dad was still there with me. 

But now I am feeling like everything has slipped out of my hands and every little moment with them has been snatched away from me in a fraction of second by leaving me alone on this deserted road. 

She was there to support me when I was feeling low, she was there to listen to my complaints when I was frustrated on my college, she was there to teach me the right things, she was there to show and suggest me the ideas, she was there to show me the way to be a good person and woman, she was there to console me and hug me when I felt sad and alone, she was there to make me happy and smile…

She was always there for me when I needed her the most, but all of a sudden she died and left me alone in this world. But even then she was there in my heart to guide me through the bad days and hurtful feelings. She was always there for me but now I feel like I lost even her with my dad. 

All of a sudden I feel like there is no one left for me in this world to say that they are my family. 

I broke down into tears and slumped on the roadside in the middle of nowhere and started crying my heart out with gut wrenching sobs from the bottom of my stomach. It felt like I was drowning into a pool full of pain making it impossible for me to make my way up. Who said that everything happens for a reason? 

If this has happened for a reason then i don't want this modification in my life. I want my life back where I was happy with my parents and friends without a care in the world. I want my mother who used to take care of me and make me laugh. 

I need to see her smiling face again, i need to see her teasing me for every little thing of mine, i need to see her twinkling eyes which always has a magic when she looks at me and my dad with so much love, i need to listen to her babbling about everything and nothing at all the times, i need to see her fighting with my dad for small small things, i need to feel her caressing my cheek  and giving me good night kisses, i need to feel her touch and everything about her. I need her the most now.

"I need you mom. I need you now more than ever." I said in between my cries while hiccuping and weeping on the ground like an idiot. 

"Everyone lied to me mom… Everyone…. Even dad to…" I complained like a child while looking at the sky and holding myself together with arms encircled around me. I can feel that every part of my body is aching but still it was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside my heart.  

"I thought that dad would never lie to me. I thought that he would be there for me after you died. And he was there until now but suddenly I got to know that he betrayed me by keeping everything as a secret from me." I said out loud to the empty road with sobs coming in between my sentences. My heart is feeling so heavy that I want to pluck it out of my chest to lessen the pain I was feeling.

"Dad betrayed me mom…. He said that you are not my real mother." I said while wiping my tears away and continued "how can that be possible when I know that you were the one to raise me and look after me." I said, shaking my head in denial to make a point that I am not ready to accept the truth. 

"He is lying right?" I asked in hopes that she might reply to me back suddenly from an unknown place. 

"Answer me mom… please answer me…." I said crying again and clutching myself.

Arghhh... I shouted from the top of my lungs to stop from feeling this feeling. 

"Why did you do this dad… why did you lie to me…" I shouted to the empty road in frustration and anger…

"Why….?" I asked again by closing my eyes and crying with all my heart to let out the pain that was eating me alive from inside. This feeling is like a torture where all i can feel is nothing but dejected and grieve.

Why can't this misery end? Why can't I be happy like everyone else? Why do i have to suffer this much pain where all i want is nothing but the death to swallow me so that i can rest in peace instead of suffering this anguish.

========================================

Hello everyone,

Here is your awaiting chapter. I hope that you guys really like it.

So what do you think about this chapter? And what do you think about the behaviour and feelings of Athira?

Do let me know your thoughts and opinions on this chapter. I will be waiting for your responses.

Don't forget to vote, comment and share it if you like.

Will try to update the next chapter as soon as possible. Till then see you....

Love...

Sprinkle...