Destiny or Coincidence?

Athira Patel

Life… simple word to say but a lot of meaning behind it. There won't be enough words to describe the meaning of it. There won't be enough poems or languages or songs to explain it. The only way to know it is to feel it and experience it. 

Life really is a lemon sometimes and beautiful sometimes. But we only accept the good ones and accuse the bad ones when it is the combination of both. Because without sadness there is no meaning for happiness and vice versa. 

That's the thing about life. We only get to the value of it when we experience each and every single thing it has to give us. 

Sometimes the sadness stays longer in our life than the happiness to know the value of it and sometimes happiness will be more. It all depends upon the time. We are just the puppets under it to dance accordingly because life always has the meaning and destination created for us to reach it. And until we reach that destination which is destined to us, we will face the hardships and lemons in our life. 

I remember each and every word mom used to explain to me about life when i was a child. She always used to say that life is so unpredictable, so we need to be always ready with our open arms to accept the fate that is destined to us by wearing a smile on our face. But never have I thought that it would be this unpredictable to make it unbelievable.

When i lost my mom, i thought that the pain was unbearable but i came out of that pain and moved on in my life, when i broke up with my ex boyfriend i thought that universe is against my happiness but even then i came out of that struggle with my friend's help and moved on. Then I met Abhi and felt like there was no other pain in this world that can be this deep but how wrong was it? 

All those sufferings and endless cries to the night were nothing compared to what i am feeling right now. It was like someone created a hole in my heart by filling it with so much anguish that it became difficult for me to even breathe without tasting or sensing that pain. Each and every breath I took became heavy with hurt in my heart. 

If this is what feels like a lifeless soul who lost everything then i definitely would be one of them. When mom died, she left me alone to survive this world by myself but now i feel like even my dad left me to face the consequences of this harsh truth by revealing everything to me.

I thought i gained everything this year after i lost my mom but now again i lost everyone in a blink of an eye with this truth. Why is life so unfair with me? What have I done to deserve this pain and heartbreak?

I am scared that I will forever drown in this agony without a light to get back in my life. I am scared to face reality and I am scared to accept the fact that I am not their daughter. 

"I am scared mom…." I whispered to myself by resting my head on my knees and started rocking myself to stop from crying. I closed my eyes, remembering my mother's face and her delicate smile whenever she looks at me with love in her eyes.

"Baby…" 

I stiffened listening to his voice all of a sudden. I thought that i mistracked them but I was wrong. Who am I kidding? He never accepts defeat until he gets what he wants. 

I saw that he slowly took the seat beside me on the roadside but still I didn't even  move an inch to acknowledge him. 

I was angry that he didn't listen to my words and came searching for me but I was even thankful that he didn't listen to me. Because i don't know if i will be able to handle myself from this pain.

He just sat there silently beside me without uttering a word for some minutes while I was getting overwhelmed with so many emotions that I was trying to control it very hard but it only took his three words for me to explode like a volcano in front of him. 

"Are you ok?" He asked silently while looking at me that I gave a gut wrenching sob listening to him. 

He immediately took me into his arms while coming even closer to me and started whispering assured words to make me calm down, but it had a reverse effect on me that I started full on sobbing while shaking in his arms from head to toe with emotions hitting me like a storm at once. So he hugged me even tighter than before by kissing repeatedly on my head. 

"I am scared Abhi… I am so scared" I whispered in between by sobs by clutching his shirt in my fists that he stroked my back slowly in return and shook his head in answer.

"Everything will be fine dear" he whispered by kissing the side of my head and looking into my eyes with love filled in them. This simple act made me somewhat calm down from my breakdown and started hiccupping while looking at him in confusion.

"How can it be fine?" I said with a somewhat loud voice, remembering the events that took place today. It was a nightmare to even think about it.

"Nothing is fine Abhi… Nothing…" I said with trembling lips and continued "Everything is shattered… All my life was a lie…" I said gulping down with difficulty and looked at him with tired and hopeless eyes. He nodded his head silently for me to continue.

"Dad… Dad lied to me all this time. He kept it as a secret all these days… He betrayed me…" I said while crying and hiccupping but still continued because i want to let it all out now because i know that he is the only one who can handle me or give any suggestion or even hold me while i cry my heart out.

"All these years i thought that they were my parents" I stated, looking at the far end and continued "but now i get to know that they are not my real parents and hema aunty is my real mother. How can that be possible?" I asked looking at him again but he stayed silent because I wasn't asking him truly. It was a question directed at myself to know the answer.

"I already have a mother who raised me all these years and died a few years back. Then how can it be possible Abhi? How?" I asked crying again by remembering my mother who always used to love me.

"Do you really want to know the answer to that question?" he asked silently, looking at me with seriousness in his eyes that I immediately nodded my head in agreement.

"Because you are scared to face the reality Athira" he stated with the same seriousness in his tone that chills ran down my back.

"You are scared to accept the truth because you fear that you might lose your mother even more than before" He said with a genuine voice that I started shaking my head in denial.

No… that's not possible. I am not scared to accept it or even I fear to replace my mother. No. that can't be. What is there to fear when there is only one mother in my life who raised me. No. He is lying to me. That can't be true.

Really Athira?? Asked my brain, making me freeze on the spot.

Because what i can see is that you are scared to face the truth. You are scared to accept the reality. Stated my brain with a confident tone that I shook my head repeating the word 'No' continuously.

"No.. I am not scared" I shouted out loud by placing both of my hands on my ears to cover the voice of my brain which was accusing me of being a scared puppy.

"Athira…" Abhi shouted my name by shaking my shoulders to get my attention. I got back into reality with full force and started crying while looking at him and repeating the words 'I am not scared' continuously. 

"Athira listen to me… I said listen to me" he said with a demanding tone while raising his voice that I clamped my mouth shut while hiccupping.

"You need to stop fighting first" he said with a serious tone while searching for my face if I was hearing what he was trying to say. I know what he was trying to say but it was getting hard for me to accept it. 

"But I am unable to Abhi..." I replied mumbling to myself but he probably heard because he exhaled before he took my hands in his and encircled them with his fingers. 

For the first time I felt so vulnerable and I am not afraid to show this side of myself to him because I trust him with my life. He is the only one I trust with my everything. So I showed him how scared I was to face this truth and how lost I was feeling right now. 

He got to know what I was trying to communicate to him with my eyes because after seeing my face he hugged me immediately with so much emotion and kissed the crown of my head with affection and love. It also felt like he was assuring me silently that everything will be fine. It somewhat made me relax into his arms by not getting scared like first but it was still there and I fear if it will stay forever like a haunting dream at the back of my mind like a reminder poking my brain. But I kept that thought aside because of his soothing words and snuggled even more into him for the comfort. 

We stayed like that for a while without uttering a word in silence while I was reviving everything that has happened today and flinched a little bit from the truth. He too felt my reaction because his next words had me freeze on the spot like a statue. 

"Athira… she really loves you. I can see that in her eyes" he whispered unsure of how I would react because I felt the hesitation seeping in his voice while he called my name before he said how much she loves me. I didn't react anything and this gave him the opportunity to continue further and even I let him be because maybe he can explain why am I behaving like this or at least give me some way to get out of this mess. 

"I know that it is a lot for you to take in. Hell it is a lot for me too. But if you want this nightmare to go and be like before then you should not run away like a coward. " He said while releasing me from the hug but still being close and placing his palm on my cheek and wiping a tear that fell from my eye because of his words. He was watching my every move and reaction for his each and every word. It felt so surreal and at the same time unbelievable and I want to fight with him for saying that I am a coward but I know that he is right and I need to face it if I want to move on and not be a coward who runs away when the situation gets tough. 

So I did the only thing any sane person would do and listened to my Abhi about what he has to say. I think he got to know my decision from the way my eyes looked at him because he gave a slight smile in acceptance and continued further. How can he read me like an open book every time is really out of my league.

"Athira… You need to accept the truth. Only then you will be able to make peace with your inner self." He explained while caressing my cheek that I inwardly closed my eyes and relished in his touch. It was acting like a soothing effect on my injured heart. 

"You need to understand their situations and reasons for behaving that way. It was not their intention to hurt any of us by taking this life changing decision on that day. You need to accept that even they were the puppets in the hands of life called fate. Even they suffered a lot while enduring the pain of losing their loved ones." He explained looking into my eyes to make me understand the situation while I was listening to each and every word of what he was saying.

"They got hurt, they lost their friends, they suffered but still they raised us as their own because of their friendship. They still looked after us like we are their own blood. They never made us think for even a second that we are not their own children. They always treated us and loved us as their own children. One reason might be because of guilt but still the major reason is because they loved us. They will still love us irrespective of whose daughter or son we are." He said with tears in his eyes that my own tear fell from my eyes by looking at his pained expression. 

He is right that they love us like we are their own and never treated us any differently. Hell, until today i never know that i was not their child and i never felt that way because of their love and care. Even today I wouldn't have believed if dad lied to me. I would have easily believed each and every word he says. That much amount of love they showed me where I can trust them blindly with all my heart in a heartbeat. 

Abhi is again right that they have faced a lot of destruction and trauma situations to make them choose this path. I knew it from the way they explained with pain filled words and expressions which easily indicated that they endured a lot of suffering all this time. 

God, if i am true to myself then i know that i felt every pain she showed me today. It was like she was crying from the pain but my heart was taking all the broken pieces of hers which made it hard for me to breath normally. It was her pain but i felt every second of it. It really broke my heart to see her that way but i was very scared to go near her. How can i? How can i go to her and betray my own mom who raised me all these years. It will definitely look like I was a selfish daughter who forgot her own mother and went to her blood related mother as soon as she died. 

I cannot become that selfish daughter who left her own mother behind for her selfish reasons. I cannot make her feel like i am not her daughter. I am her daughter and I will always be one. I cannot accept any other even if she is my own blood. 

When I glanced at Abhi, I knew for sure that he got my confused and dilemma expression from the look he was giving me. And I even know that I need to let out my confusions because of the way he was watching me intently. He was waiting for me to open up while I was freaking out internally about how to explain to him. But I made up my mind to let him know, so I started explaining to him.

"I… I can't betray my own mother just because I found my birth mother. It will sound so unfair to her. And i cannot become the daughter who left her mother for her own selfish reasons" I explained that was running in my mind while not looking at his way but just glancing down because of what he might react after listening to me.

"Also, i cannot imagine anyone in place of her. She was the only one who raised me and I am scared to accept this truth and replace her. I am afraid that I might forget her and be happy with my birth mother. I am afraid that we all will forget her and leave her alone while we are happily enjoying our lives." I said looking far away with tears in my eyes and trembling lips while stopping myself from crying again.

"Athira…." He pronounced my name delicately as if his sound might break the unseen bubble between us. But I didn't listen to him and carried on with my explanation while sounding desperate to let it all out.

"I am scared Abhi… I am scared that I might lose her permanently by allowing myself to be happy with my birth mother. I am scared that I might forget our happy and sad memories by moving on to creating new ones with my birth mother. I am scared to replace her with my own mother. I am scared that I will lose her forever by erasing her memories from my heart…" I said sobbing in between each word because my heart is in so much pain like someone was repeatedly stabbing it with a knife. 

" I am scared Abhi…." I whispered while crying my heart out by clutching my stomach because of the unbearable pain it was producing at the moment.

He immediately took me in his embrace while I cried with my everything by remembering each and every moment I spent with my mother. We were holding each other like that for some time before I stopped crying where my loud cries turned into small whimpers. 

"Athi… You are scared to move on and accept her as your mother. I can understand your fear. But what if your mother was here and was watching you cry like this? Will it make her happy by seeing her own daughter in a miserable state? Will it make her happy to see her princess crying? Will it make her happy to see you in pain and struggling to move on in your life?" He asked whispering out loud while rubbing soothing circles on my back and caressing my hair. But when i heard his last sentences, i moved away from his embrace to look into his eyes while questioning.

"Tell me Athira… You know your mother right? So you would even know if she will be happy or not by seeing you in this condition" He asked again while looking into my eyes seriously that i gulped nervously while thinking about his question. I racked my brain while searching for the answer to his question but came up with only one answer. 

That made my breath hitch in return and titled my head in his direction by looking at him with wide eyes in realisation. 

"No…." I whispered stammering and taking deep breaths in shock. This single word made him give a small in my direction.

"She won't be happy seeing you like this and she definitely won't be happy if she gets to know that you are still stuck on her death and not enjoying your life like you needed to" He stated as a matter of fact while watching my reaction. 

"She won't be happy if you are not happy dear… Her happiness lies in you. She can only rest in peace if her daughter is in peace with her past" He said while taking my hand in his and bringing them towards his lips by gently kissing it with adoration in his eyes. There is this softness in his eyes which made me melt down like a candle and drown into his eyes.

His each and every word made me think of how she would react. And I realised that I need to make peace with my past to move on. 

"Athi… Your birth mother cannot replace your own mother's place. You know why?" He asked gently that I looked at him in question asking for him to continue because I was eager to know the answer for this question. 

"Because you will have seperate places in your heart for both of them. You will never forget your mother by accepting her. You will just create another spot in your heart for her where she stays forever as your birth mother and the other one as your raised mother. You will give each of them the same importance and love without hurting or forgetting anyone of them." He explained looking into my eyes with love filled in them that tears pooled at the corner of my eyes while listening to his words. 

"You are just scared to admit that she is your mother. But think about her love, sacrifice, pain and all the enduring she went through because of losing her own daughter. Then you will be able to accept her as your mother." He said with a gentle smile on his face as if he knew what i was thinking. He squeezed both of my hands in assurance while I closed my eyes and revived the words she said today. 

I remember each and every word of hers, I remember her pain, her cries, her tears and her heartbreaking truths which made my heart tug painfully for her. It felt like some longing feeling while I was thinking about her. It was like she was calling for me and my heart was jumping to be near her in the moment. 

Then in that moment I realised the pain and longing I felt for her. It was my heart calling for her mother because it accepted her long back the moment it realised that she was her mother but it was only the brain who was scared and confused like a lost puppy by listening to the truth. It was scary to accept her as her own mother and leave the one who raised her all this while. All this while it was her brain fighting against her own heart to accept the truth and face the reality.

And when I realised the internal battle I was suffering, I got to know that the time has come for me to let go of my mother and make her rest in peace. 

I realised that it was not their fault. It was all fate playing its role by splitting us apart and then making us find each other again together in one piece.

All this while it was my destiny to meet Abhi and my mother in this way where fate played as the director.  

I hugged Abhi again with all my love and tears in my face when my emotions were getting overwhelmed with my acceptance towards the truth. He too realised my feelings and hugged me back with equal happiness and love.

Hello everyone,

Here is your awaiting chapter. I really hope that you like it.

Do let me know your thoughts and opinions on this chapter. I would like to wait for your responses because I want to know the response of this emotional chapter.

Don't forget to vote, comment and share it if you like.

Only two more chapters left for this book to be completed. Love you all for taking your time and giving my book a chance by reading it. It really means a lot for me.

Will update the next chapter as soon as possible. Till then see you...

Love...

Sprinkle...