Don't Concern Yourself With That Book

“I can’t even die by myself.”

It wasn’t long before he came to know the reason why she hated him but there was already nothing left he could do. 

“Why did you come forward so recklessly? You couldn’t save me anyway. Hernan.”

That was why she hated him. And it was only then did he understand why that girl only made a certain expression in front of Castor. Perhaps it was because when he was younger, he too, felt a chill when seeing the boy who did not look much older than he was. The reason why she looked as fleeting as the winds blowing through the wastelands. 

“Is it already too late to apologise?”

“… What are you talking about?”

It was already too late. With tears in her eyes, she smiled before grabbing the hand he laid on her cheek.

‘It’s not too late.’

There was only one way Hernan could reverse all of this.

“Do you remember?”

Castor had assured him that he would grant any one wish Hernan might have. 

“… Hernan.”

“Castor will never kill you.”

Because that was what he wished for. 

Two years ago, after the man saved the girl from Castor’s sword, he knelt before his master and pleaded. Please let the princess live from this moment forward. He was going to use the wish Castor had promised him a long time ago. 

“The contract I had with Castor had started then and will end once I ‘pay’ for it. From that point forward, he could no longer kill you.”

“Why…?”

“Because I swore on the River Styx.”

Castor had been graciously waiting for the moment Hernan lost his humanity. So far, what he had been going through was something like a grace period. He had wanted it to last forever. 

‘I had hoped that it wasn’t love…’

This might have just been his desperate hope. Life continued to move on as his regrets only piled atop of each other. From the point where he left an indelible scar on the girl’s cheek to the moment when he left the girl’s side. He had hoped that for as long as she lived, the girl would only be happy. And he believed that she would be. 

However, he had already been tainted the moment he grabbed Castor’s hand in the ruined city. He was drowning in the swamp of regrets that continued to erode his body away. He was going to erase his existence. 

My princess. 

Since this was going to be the last time he sees her, he wanted to take a closer look. 

‘I hope I managed to be of some help in the end.’

Strands of their different-coloured hair continued to tangle and separate repeatedly in the wind. 

‘If I managed to be of any help in the end…’

A cluster of white lights of the same colour as his hair surrounded the girl as if blessing her. 

‘That was the only time I felt alive.’

Without the girl, his world had been zapped of colour. It had been as if only black and white existed. Biting his lips, Hernan gathered his divinity. The divinity he imprinted on the girl will now be the token of the contract he made with Castor. Castor will not let this girl die in his absence. 

“I love you.”

Perhaps this was how the fact that she was his [Companion] manifested in their relationship. However, what he was imprinting was not only a [Contract] but also his final [Blessing].

“And for the rest of your life, please forget about my love for you. Because I’ll be disappearing.”

As his whispers travelled through the air, Hernan smiled as he stared at the girl’s face lit by the moonlight. 

‘There was something I dared to hope for.’

Hernan’s hand brushed against her cheeks over and over again as if he was handling a fragile ceramic piece. Light burst from his fingertips as it drew the contract.

‘I had wanted to call out your name.’

But once again, her lips parted. The girl asked.

“Hernan, why are you speaking as if you’re going to disappear.”

A dry voice filled the empty space between her parted lips. He felt something drop on the back of his hand. Hernan was not used to the fact that the girl was crying for him. 

“I can’t love you.”

This couldn’t be. Her cheeks were stained with tear marks. Then, Hernan realised that he would never know the meaning behind the girl’s gaze at this exact moment. 

“Instead, I’ll make sure to save you.”

Hernan suddenly laughed. 

“You don’t have to do that. Because you’ve been saving me this entire time.”

The fact that she was alive. That alone had been his salvation. 

“Be happy.”

Hernan whispered to the collapsing girl whose eyes slowly closed. 

“Because when we meet again, I will no longer be myself.”

***

Boom.

Another firework exploded. 

The end of the festival, which he thought had already ended, had finally arrived. Hernan struggled to open his eyes and look at the flame. He broke out of his recollection to find himself back in the alley. Another firework exploded again. The festival might have already ended but there was still a very small and insignificant flame hanging on the sky perhaps because it had been one of the leftover fireworks in the distant square. 

But even at this moment, Hernan was smiling surprisingly softly. 

“Castor.”

Deeper into the alley, someone’s feet broke through the boundary dividing the shadows. Hernan could see through any kind of darkness like it was day so he could immediately recognise who it was. He called his name. 

But Castor remained silent. 

“Listen. I’ve lived my entire life thinking I was your sword.”

‘I was a beast moving by my instincts.’

This might be something that only he could follow through. He knew instinctively what was happening as red light bloomed under his neck. These were his final moments as a human. In fact, Hernan had no reason to hate Castor. Until the point he brutally tortured his [Companion], they had been friends who would call each other by name. 

“You’ve warned me that I tend to listen to my emotions more than my reason. You always win because you can see the future.”

Hernan smiled like a drooping flower. His vision was darkening. 

“But this time, I wonder why… I don’t think it’ll work out the way you want it to.”

Hernan called his name one last time.

“Castor.”

With the twisted love and affection he had for him, Hernan spoke to his last friend, and his last master. 

“You’re going to lose.”

“…..”

The beast slowly shut his eyes. 

“I pity you a little for your… loneliness.”

Soon after, when ‘he’ opened his eyes again, his blue eyes were nowhere to be seen. 

And in its absence, purple eyes took their place. 

Hernandez Durgel von Devolo no longer existed. 

***

I love you dearly for you have morphed my endless nights to one with the moon hanging above. 

My love I so cherish.

May spring eventually arrive for you even after you wander about your endless torture. 

Are you now smiling in a world where the snow has finally stopped falling,  where spring continues to bloom and smile back at you? 

My spring which you have brought me is now lost. 

But I do not woe over the fact that I was not your spring. 

Because this, too, was love. 

Everyone had gone through this before. A morning where you don’t feel like opening your eyes. Even without opening my eyes, I could tell. Tomorrow has come. 

‘Why did it come?’

I groaned. 

Someone did say time waited for no man. But this was different. I hated how it continued to flow. The morning soundscape, the chirps of birds and the crunching of dried leaves against the wind were just too painful. 

It had been a week since the Founding Festival ended. The week passed quickly. Perhaps it was because I had spent that week staying in my room doing nothing. 

“Ha… are they digging the ground today as well?”

Since it was the Founding Festival, the day festivities lasted for 10 days followed by night festivities. So there was still a week left until the rest of the festivities were going to end. Moreover, during that week…

Turning my head, I slowly woke up. I could feel my hair flowing down my face. I spotted the small notebook right in front of me. The diary that had been together with me for 4 years. 

A week from now, the desert princess was going to stab me. 

I looked away from the diary before staring blankly at the floor. What time was it now? If I shifted my gaze a little, I would spot a pile of packages. The whole stack was mine.

I didn’t know who sent me the packages because I hadn’t had the chance to look through each one. Perhaps they were nobles who had been impressed by my dance or high-ranking nobles from another country. I vaguely remember how the packages did not just fill this room but other rooms as well. But I wasn’t too sure. Because I had been sleeping this whole time.

“Princess, had you been… coughing…?”

Hannah was the one who opened the door and slipped in. Instead of answering her, I glanced outside the window. I was then blinded by a beam of light no wider than my finger that seeped through a crack in the thick curtains. After opening my eyes slowly, I noticed how blue the sky covered in clouds were. 

“Yeah, Hannah.”

Not caring if she could see it, I smiled. 

“It’s quiet outside today.”

After not appearing in a single symposium after my performance, the fact that the princess had stayed cooped up in her palace after performing the [Primo Salvatio] had spread through society. There were some people who couldn’t handle the fact that I had refused to attend any of the banquets or parties and even declined all of my invitations. Hence, they came all the way to the western part of the Imperial Palace to look for me. But I heard that they were all chased out by the princes who were also waiting for me. 

As if grateful for my reply, Hannah lowered her head.

“P… princess, they’re waiting for you today as well.”

“Really? Who is it today? No, I don’t even need to ask who it is. There can only be three possible people, right?”

“…..”

It was true. I had been staying in my room without showing my face to Lord Ray, Dane or Fleon. It was not because I needed time to organise my thoughts or plan my next steps. It was nothing that grand. Just that an unknown emotion had taken over me, making me want to sleep to escape reality. And the name of that emotion might as well be ‘giving up’.

“Ashley, are you up?”

When I opened my eyes a week ago, I had found myself in Dane’s arms. I could see Lord Ray’s concerned face next to him but Hernan was nowhere to be found. 

“It’ll be best if you rest first, right?’

Even though it looked like he had a lot to say, Dane brought me back to the palace without another word. I never questioned the dark-skinned person standing on the other side of Dane nor the stranger’s long black clothes. 

I was exhausted and didn’t feel like doing anything. Yeah, this week has been sort of like a break for me. 

I have been through a lot till now. During these four long years, I had always been facing death and did everything I could to escape it. In the end, even though I had numerous miracles that shone upon me, they had barely done enough to shed the shadow of misfortune casted over me. 

Touching the cold floor reminded me of reality. After a week of rest, it was time to finally step back into my reality.