Don’t Pick Up Boyfriends From the Trash Bin

translator: baumkuchen  editors: serefina, glitterypanda

In the “Space between Moments”. 

Standing before the giant, dark red, human brain, 061 was still neither haughty nor humble. “Is there something wrong?”

The Lord God spoke in a grim tone, “Do you know what you’ve done? Implanting memories into the people around you and creating a false identity is against AI rules.” 

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After receiving successive notifications about persisting energy fluctuations, the Lord God searched for a really long time before finally realising the problem was with the world Chi Xiaochi was in.

When he saw “Dong Feihong”, the Lord God was simply outraged, immediately sending a notice to get 061 to return to the Lord God’s space for an investigation.

“Yes. Implanting memories into the mission target without authorisation is against AI rules,” 061 said.

The Lord God could hear the barb in that comment. His tone became heavy, “……What do you mean by that?” 

061 looked straight at the Lord God. “I just wanted to thank you for personally setting an example.”

The Lord God was humiliated into anger, but still suppressed his emotions, “Are you suggesting that I’ve interfered with that world? Where’s your proof? And what right do you have to do this?”

“Yes, I don’t have the right, and I don’t have proof,” 061 said, “Now that you’ve determined that I’ve violated the rules, you can send me to the supervisory office to make my statement. If I’ve truly done something wrong, and receive punishment after an investigation by the supervisory department, that would be very fair.”

The Lord God, “……”

It had thought that 061 might refuse to acknowledge his creation of the fake identity of “Dong Feihong” even on the threat of death, but it had never thought that he would actually dare to openly admit it, and had also never thought that he would bring out the threat of the supervisory body.

This could be said to be the Lord God’s Achilles’ heel.

When the trojan horse containing Lou Ying’s memories had been selectively implanted into the mission target, Lou Sifan’s mind, it had done it fairly covertly. It was confident that it wouldn’t attract any attention from the supervisory body. 

But when 061 created his fake identity, he hadn’t done anything that would interfere with that world either.

Without using his own face,  he had created an insignificant passer-by A. 

If the Lord God wanted to punish 061, he would have to provide relevant evidence to the supervisory body.

In the absence of sufficient direct evidence, the supervisory body would get involved with the investigation, and it would become impossible to hide what it itself had done in that world. 

To put it simply, this was the tactic of “exchanging injury for injury”.

——Since you’ve broken the rules, I’ll follow you in breaking them. If there really was an investigation, at worst, the two of them would be punished together.

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The Lord God couldn’t believe it. “Are you threatening me?”

061 bowed. “You’ve misunderstood. It’s because I respect you, that I’m saying this.”

As he spoke, he raised his head. “If you were to take this all the way up to the supervisory body, it wouldn’t end well for me, and neither would it for you, isn’t it?”

Despite how respectful he sounded, there was no smile in 061’s eyes. 

The Lord God laughed, enraged, “061, don’t think yourself smart.”

“I’m not smart,” 061 said, “So I don’t want to do any more unnecessary things, I just want to do my job well.

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“Po sbe vbc’a lcafgofgf jcs oegatfg, P jirb kbc’a vffqfc ws ifnfi bo lcafgofgfcmf.”

Ktf Obgv Xbv, “Tbe——” 

Ljnlcu rqbxfc ab tfgf, cba kjlalcu obg atf Obgv Xbv ab vb jcsatlcu, 061 lwwfvljafis ifa bea jc jqbibufalm fzqgfrrlbc. “Vbggs, atlr lrc’a j atgfja, pera j rlwqif vfmijgjalbc bo ktfgf P rajcv. Uifjrf vbc’a wlrecvfgrajcv.”

As it watched 061 leave the “Space Between Moments”, the digital screen in front of the Lord God cracked.

The Lord God’s personal AI straightforwardly asked, “Are you angry?” 

“……There’s nothing for me to get angry about.”

The Lord God looked at Chi Xiaochi’s entropy value which had already increased to 300 and sneered, “This kind of interference is effective against him. If this continues, there is no way Chi Xiaochi would remain unshakable.”

No one could walk out of his system and leave his control.

Chi Xiaochi would need to stay for many years in that world. 

……There was no rush, they could take their time.

As he walked out of the “Space Between Moments”, 061 let out a deep breath.

He didn’t take another detour to go chat with 023, going straight to the meeting point and sending out his signal. 

He could remotely control Dong Feihong from a long distance, and knew that Chi Xiaochi currently had already reached the “home” he’d meticulously prepared and had taken a shower.

It was time he went back and read to him.

But even after he sent out the meet-up signal three times, 089 ignored him.

061, “……” Sigh.

After the three unsuccessful signals, he activated the compulsory transmission.

When he returned to Chi Xiaochi, 089 was currently chatting with Chi Xiaochi about this world, and very happily at that. 

The two were unexpectedly getting along really well.

089, “Did this bastard die in the end?”

Chi Xiaochi said, “He didn’t die. After retiring, he lived a rather good life, even finding a little boyfriend who was very similar to Dong Ge, commemorating those past feelings.”

089, “Fuck, was there no passing god to enact heavenly justice, and give him a little leipility?” 

Chi Xiaochi said, “No. Depending on heavenly punishment is really too unreliable. If the heavens were truly just, they wouldn’t have let his sperm run so fast in the very beginning.”

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061, “……”

How did this harmonious atmosphere from the relationship of jokester and fall-guy come about? 

He coughed softly, “I’m back.”

089 said, “Oh, you’re back. Bajibajibaji.”

061, “……” Why did those words make it sound like 089 was the owner of this place.

He said, “Don’t eat your melon seeds here. Sweep up the garbage data you left before leaving.” 

089, “Come on, a three-person tea party……”

Before he could finish, he was forcefully sent off, the floor full of melon seed shells also sent away with him.

Chi Xiaochi nestled comfortably in his bed. “What did your boss call you for?”

061 said gently, “Just to talk. ……What do you want me to read tonight?”  

Chi Xiaochi said, “《Advanced Mathematics》.”

061, “Starting from the third chapter? Last time I read up to Chapter Three already.”

Chi Xiaochi, “……When did you read Chapter Two?”

061 said good-temperedly, “Then we’ll start from Chapter Two today.”  

Liu-laoshi began to responsibly and diligently teach his class while Chi Xiaochi began to carefreely and leisurely don the role of a slag student.

After coaxing Chi Xiaochi to sleep, 061 put down the book and sent himself back to the Lord God’s space. 

He knocked on the door to 089’s office.

When he came in, that bag of peppermint melon seeds still hadn’t yet been finished. “Bajibajibaji.”

089 looked up from that pile of melon seed shells, revealing a face that was shockingly identical to that of “Dong Feihong”.  

He said sadly, “Traitorous son, you’re back. Daddy was anxiously waiting for your explanation.” 

061, “……” Can you spit out the melon seed shell in your mouth before you start acting out your play.

089 said, “You peeling off my vest to wear is fine, but at least leave your father a haramaki to wear. You took my name, you took my face, you even took my food. How shameless can you get?

089’s original name was Ji Feihong, completely incongruous with his temperament.  

061 laughed, “……You actually wear a haramaki?”  

089, “Get lost, get lost, get lost, stop adding to the ozone layer. Speak, why.”

Actually, there wasn’t any particular reason. Out of all the people he knew, only 089 was at the age of an “uncle”, so he just casually used his vest.

But he said very tactfully, “Your name sounds very good. You’re also handsome.” 

089 was instantly appeased, saying, “Thank you, I also think so. Daddy forgives your little mischief.”

061 laughed, “Luckily you weren’t assigned as no. 88 in the beginning.”

The moment he brought his up, 089’s face was filled with grief and indignation, “I just missed by a bit! Just a little bit!”

Only after his emotions stabilised, did he finally ask again, “You even used my face, why not just directly become Dong Ge’s father?” 

061, “……” Because I don’t have a daddy kink.

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But this time he actually answered properly, “I can affect the memory of other people, but not the memories of Dong Ge himself. Xiaochi can see what the people Dong Ge knew looked like. In contrast, it’s simpler and more convenient to involve myself in his life to just create a ‘person’ out of nothing.”

“Then why do you have to be his uncle? Why not a friend of the same age?”

“In terms of his sexual orientation, Dong Ge is naturally bent,” 061 said, “With the identity of an uncle, I can openly be good to him without causing any misunderstandings.” 

089 was amused. “Who exactly do you want to be good to?”

061 played dumb. “What who?”

089, “When I was talking with Chi Xiaochi, I tested him a little and found that he didn’t know anything about you being Dong Feihong. What are you keeping it from him for?”

When Chi Xiaochi was brought up, 061 himself didn’t notice how gentle the look in his eyes became.

“Doing this is against the rules. If I let Chi Xiaochi know about this, it would be taken as us conspiring together; if I don’t tell him, then it’s just my own responsibility, he won’t be pulled into it.”

Even if someone wanted to vent their anger, they wouldn’t be able to move it onto Chi Xiaochi’s head.

061 said, “Anything task-specific is his responsibility. As for him, I’ll be responsible.” 

089 didn’t reply. He tossed a bag of melon seeds over. “Alright, Daddy doesn’t have anymore questions.”

061 raised his hand and caught it. “You’re not going to ask why I did something as unnecessary as breaking the rules to create a person?”

089 waved a hand. “There’s no point if I ask too much.”

061 weighed the bag of melon seeds in his hand and couldn’t help but smile.

089, this person, usually let out all kinds of emotions, speaking carelessly without rhyme or reason, but was unexpectedly intelligent.

061 said, “Then thanks for helping me take this shift. Also, thanks for lending me your face.”

“I just have one complaint,” 089 said, “Can you not dress me up like that Zhu Jun from Artist’s Life? It makes me uncomfortable just seeing it.” 

061 laughed, “Okay.”

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After being reformatted, meeting Chi Xiaochi could be said to be the second lucky thing he’d experienced in this life as a system. 

The first thing was that when he woke up, he met this group of friends.