Ferocious Dog of Old

From that moment on, it was xiao-ge in front of people and little dog in private.

When he was young and ignorant, he didn’t think calling someone his little dog was insulting. He only later realised people found it strange, and so ‘little dog’ became the private secret between the two of them.

–

It took three school terms to finish their school’s first year. The first school term was essentially preschool, in order for these blind children to adapt to the school earlier.

Once they finished the third school term, it was time for Chi Ku to transfer out. He was a child who could see, and he couldn’t keep studying in a blind school; Tao Xiaodong had initially said to him that he only needed to stay with Tao Huainan for one year.

But Tao Huainan couldn’t be away from Chi Ku. No matter how much he got used to the school or how independent he became, he could not be without Chi Ku. Except he didn’t fuss with his older brother—he simply sneakily told Chi Ku in the middle of the night, “You can’t be someone else’s little dog. You’re mine.”

“Sleep,” Chi Ku said, not even opening his eyes.

“You only know to sleep.” Tao Huainan pouted, thinking Chi Ku really didn’t have a heart. His heart was almost completely broken, and yet Chi Ku was still the same.

Chi Ku wasn’t actually that sleepy; he just didn’t want to reply. The little blind child wouldn’t stop once he started rambling, and Chi Ku was truly afraid he would start if he replied just once.

But it didn’t mean the little blind child wouldn’t nag just because he didn’t reply.

After a little while, Tao Huainan kicked away his blanket from feeling overly warm. He only pulled it back over himself once he’d cooled down, and he tossed about for a long time. He placed his leg on Chi Ku some time later, and feeling comfortable, he shifted both of his legs up.

Chi Ku asked him, “Can’t you sleep?” 

“Can’t you tell I can’t sleep?” Tao Huainan was still immersed in the gloominess of having to soon separate. “Once you’re not going to school with me anymore, who’s going to play with you? Who’s going to go woof woof at you?”

WIthout any emotion in his voice, Chi Ku replied, “I don’t need anyone to woof woof at me.” 

Tao Huainan usually barked at him whenever he was trying to act like a good child—there was definitely something up with him if he went woof woof. If Chi Ku had his way, Tao Huainan would never go woof at him again.

Tao Huainan was mourning all by himself by his side of the bed, feeling like there was nothing to look forward to anymore at school without Chi Ku.

A few moments later, Tao Huainan quietly asked, “Chi Ku, there’s five school days in a week, so you won’t be able to see me for five days. Will you miss me?”

Chi Ku responded without any hesitation. “No.”

His decisive reply stabbed Tao Huainan in the heart. Tao Huainan flipped over, tugging his blanket, and stopped talking to him.

–

Chi Ku found him mushy and nauseating, so he said whatever he was feeling.

Since he hurt Tao Huainan’s heart, Tao Huainan no longer looked for him to talk about how sad he was feeling. All the hurt and sad feelings cooped up in his heart with nowhere to release them, and he ended up growing an ulcer in his mouth. 

His older brother had already left for work, and Chi Ku was reading and practicing his handwriting. Tao Huainan walked over to Chi Ku and said to him, “My mouth hurts.”

Chi Ku didn’t stop moving his pen and asked, “Bit your tongue?”

“No, I have a sore.” Frowning, Tao Huainan hissed through his mouth.

“Let me look,” Chi Ku said.

Tao Huainan tugged his lip open for him to see and mumbled, “Do you see it? It’s there inside my lip, really hurts.”

“I see it.” It was quite a large ulcer, and it looked painful.

Tao Xiaodong had bought some ulcer patches the last time he’d gotten one. Chi Ku went looking for them in the medicine cabinet and helped Tao Huainan stick one on.

His lips went numb as soon as it was applied; the ulcer stopped hurting as much.

Chi Ku could see him curl his lips, trying to keep them away from his teeth. He looked so pitiful.

Tao Huainan’s small face was scrunched up, looking like he was in a world of sadness.

“Did I say I was leaving?” Chi Ku picked up his pen again and said as he continued to write, “Did I say I wasn’t going to go to school with you anymore?” 

Tao Huainan blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Go ask ge,” Chi Ku said, his eyes lowered. He looked entirely ice cold. 

Tao Huainan managed to guess, and he didn’t dare believe it—his eyes slowly brightened. “You’re not leaving?”

Chi Ku didn’t answer, seriously focussed on his writing.

Pressing down Chi Ku’s hand, Tao Huainan excitedly asked by his side, “Right? Right right right!” 

–

Chi Ku had never once said he wanted to transfer, and he had immediately said no need when ge had come to speak with him. Tao Xiaodong had later talked to him about it twice; Chi Ku had never changed his answer. If he really did transfer, then the little blind child would cry again—that crybaby knew best how to torture someone.

Tao Huainan was ridiculously happy, wrapping his arms around Chi Ku and sticking his face onto Chi Ku’s. Next to Chi Ku’s ear, he quietly, softly went ‘woof woof’ like a little dog.

“Go away.” Chi Ku found him too clingy and pushed him away with his arms.

He wasn’t able to push Tao Huainan away at all—Tao Huainan was just like a plaster patch, the kind that was the most annoying.

–

In the entire world, Tao Xiaodong was the first person Tao Huainan couldn’t be separated from. Chi Ku was the second.

But his older brother wasn’t exactly the same as Chi Ku: his brother had his own things to do; he needed to work. Chi Ku was able to be with him all twenty-four hours of the day and would forever stay with him.

Those twenty-four hours of inseparable companionship and being together etched that inability to be away from each other even deeper into their bones. If they’d ruthlessly been forced away as children, then they might’ve been able to go on their separate ways—but they were bound even tighter as time passed, until there was no way they could be unraveled.

–

Children could be reckless and wilful, but adults couldn’t follow along.

Chi Ku stayed in the blind school for a further two years, and when they were about to start fourth year, Tao Xiaodong said he was going to transfer him out no matter what. Chi Ku was too smart, and even the school didn’t keep him, saying they were afraid they’d delay him if he stayed.

Two years ago, Tao Huainan had been able to accept Chi Ku transferring out. Now, he was utterly unable to accept it at all; Tao Xiaodong didn’t plan on following his wishes even if he didn’t accept it and had already started the school transfer procedures.

Chi Ku also went to speak to Tao Xiaodong, saying it was all the same even in the blind school. Tao Xiaodong refused to listen to either of them.

Tao Huainan sulked by himself for a few days, and then he looked for his ge. He said he didn’t want to attend the blind school anymore either.

Tao Xiaodong had initially thought Tao Huainan had looked for him to again talk about not transferring Chi Ku out—he completely didn’t expect Tao Huainan would say something like that.

Tao Huainan was quite resolute. “I’ve already completely learned Braille. Our class lessons are now the same as normal schools’. I don’t want to continue with blind school.”

“My little ancestor1, please stop fussing.” Tao Xiaodong was already smiling in pain. “Please stop torturing me.”

“No.” Tao Huainan took a step and hugged his neck, begging, “Ge, please, ge pleeease.”

–

At first, Tao Xiaodong could still righteously reject him, but later, even he started to waver.

To be honest, he had never hoped for Tao Huainan to have good grades or be a good student. Being blind was his largest obstacle, and Tao Xiaodong had never wished for any particular grades. It would’ve been fine as long as he grew up healthily and happily.

And then Chi Ku said he could teach Tao Huainan—if he couldn’t follow along with the class, then he’d tutor him.

Chi Ku skipped a year entirely, and Tao Huainan jumped with him.

–

Normal schools were different from blind schools no matter what. There were no blind tracks on campus, and there was no infrastructure built specifically for blind children. There were also no Braille versions of textbooks, and in the beginning, Tao Huainan couldn’t follow along at all with anything taught in class. He was still confused despite trying his best to listen. The lesson speed was too fast for him.

Chi Ku sat next to him, and so Tao Huainan didn’t panic. It didn’t matter if he didn’t understand; it was fine as long as Chi Ku did.

Chi Ku truly brought credit to them. He tested third on the first mid semester exam after transferring over. Tao Xiaodong knew he was smart, but he didn’t expect him to be so smart—he’d already jumped a year and hadn’t had any fourth year lessons at all.

It was different for Tao Huainan. He didn’t even get into the last place—the list ranking didn’t have his name. He hadn’t been able to fill in the exam.

–

In a normal school, this little blind child who couldn’t fill in exams was too eye-catching.

The entire school knew a blind boy had transferred into fifth year.

Blind kids could go to school? How would they learn?

Normal blind children definitely had no way to attend a normal school, but Tao Huainan was different. He had a cheat.

He had xiao-ge. With xiao-ge taking him, even if it wasn’t to school, he would’ve been fine going anywhere.

He didn’t know if people were staring at him, and it was fine as long as he didn’t hear them nearby. Tao Huainan wasn’t as timid as he used to be, and as long as he had Chi Ku by his side, he didn’t care how other people talked about him.

Of course, some people looked for trouble and wanted to either provoke him or say some terrible words right in front of his face—after all, he couldn’t see them anyway.

But Chi Ku could see them, and he was too fierce. 

Simple-minded children who knew only to look for trouble didn’t know what family this blind child’s xiao-ge came from; the last thing he was afraid of was fighting. He would get into a fight with whoever annoyed him.

Within one year of transferring schools, Chi Ku got into a fight three times, and parents were called every single time.

Every time Tao Xiaodong was called over by the teachers, he needed to clean up after his two boys.

But his two boys had a natural advantage: whoever was weaker was in the right. His side of the fight had a blind child, so who could be weaker than him? Almost no explanation was needed to be able to guess that it was definitely the troublesome child who bothered him.

So Tao Xiaodong usually didn’t need to apologise; it was almost always the other side’s parents who apologised to them, their eyes filled with warmth and compassion, before slapping their own child a few times.

–

The two of them had grown taller. Chi Ku vigorously grew, and his height increased very quickly over the last few years.

Tao Huainan was still not able to grow taller than him despite drinking his daily large cup of milk. He used to be slightly taller than Chi Ku, but by the time they graduated from elementary school, his ears would only reach Chi Ku’s shoulder when he stood next to Chi Ku.

Perhaps Chi Ku’s nutrients were all used on growing taller, while Tao Huainan’s were all pushed towards his looks.

Children were the ugliest when they were neither young nor grown, yet Tao Huainan seemed to have never been ugly. His small pudgy face had been round and squishy as a baby, and a pointy chin gradually grew out of it. His pair of eyes might not be able to focus, but they were bright and radiant. Whenever he blinked and his long eyelashes swept downwards, he looked completely like a beautiful youth.

This beautiful youth always had a tight face outside, not interacting with anyone. He was utterly cold and indifferent.

Only his two brothers at home knew—what cold and indifferent. It was all pretend.

–

Having just graduated, the two of them were preparing to enter junior high. Their ages were actually about to reach those in second year of junior high.

Except that one child at home seemed to never grow up: whenever there were no outsiders, he was essentially the same whiny baby as before.

The entire time Chi Ku was showering, he could hear Tao Huainan incessantly call out in his room, “Xiao-ge.”

“What are you calling out for?” Chi Ku had just come out of the shower, his head still dripping with water.

Tao Huainan patted the bed next to him, grinning broadly. “Let’s take an afternoon nap together.”

“I’m not sleepy. You sleep.” Chi Ku raised the room temperature a bit; it was too cold.

“Together, together.” Tao Huainan then patted Chi Ku’s pillow. “I was scared when I woke up just then with no one next to me.”

Chi Ku opened his mouth, and out came that familiar “so fussy”.

Tao Huainan docilely agreed and even said, “I’m a troublemaker.” 

Chi Ku grabbed a towel, rubbed his hair until it was half dry and then came back to lie down by his side. Tao Huainan turned over and placed a leg on him, so comfortable he groaned.

Chi Ku wasn’t sleepy, so he casually took the Braille examination paper Tao Huainan had just taken and ran his fingers over it.

The paper crackled as he flipped through the pages. Tao Huainan never woke up grumpy and had never had a bad temper at not being able to sleep well. He didn’t get annoyed at being bothered, only pulling his blanket to cover up his ears with a corner.

Chi Ku asked, “Can’t sleep?”

With his eyes closed, Tao Huainan sleepily said, “I can.”

Chi Ku said, “Sleep by yourself, I’m going to head outside to read.”

Tao Huainan rushed to stretch out a hand, holding tightly onto Chi Ku’s; his mouth busily and indistinctly repeated, “No no no, no nonononononono.” 

——

The author has something to say:

Plucking out the radish seedlings.
Little cub: older sisters, I’ve grown up a bit now.

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1 Chinese slang for someone you ‘respect’ or someone who holds power over you. Sometimes used sarcastically/ironically!