Ferocious Dog of Old

After he hurt himself, he was afraid of being scolded; he first said “sorry” to make it hard for people to scold him no matter how much they wanted to.

Chi Cheng pulled out a piece of tissue, reached into his collar, and wiped the blood drop away. His skin was too pale. Any small wound or mark on his body was hard to look at.

Tao Huainan was afraid of Chi Cheng. When Chi Cheng helped him to clean his wound, he was unbearably well-behaved.

Actually, Chi Cheng rarely scolded Tao Huainan for knocking into things. Every time, Tao Huainan would explain in a small voice that “I didn’t do it on purpose”; he didn’t have to explain, anyone would know that he didn’t do it on purpose. He couldn’t see the dangers around him at all. Compared to normal children of the same age, Tao Huainan was already very, very well-behaved. In strange places, he almost didn’t move at all; he only relaxed when he was in places he was familiar with, occasionally walking about casually.

Even so, it was hard not to be hurt or to knock into things. Tao Huainan didn’t like using guiding canes; he hated them. The stick didn’t give him the slightest sense of security. When he held that stick that symbolised his blindness, Tao Huainan felt even more alone than without it. With nothing to touch the road with and nothing to support him, whenever something tripped or pricked him, he would start with fright. What was the point in scolding him?

Afraid the nail might’ve been rusty, Chi Cheng cleaned the wound for him for a long time. The little hole was quite deep, a small section pierced through by the nail. The disinfection was a little painful. Tao Huainan sniffled, occasionally taking a sharp breath, but he didn’t dare to speak forcefully—after a while, he said that it hurt, in a very small voice.

“Bear with it for a moment,” Chi Cheng said to him.

Tao Huainan said “okay”, bowing his head and obediently letting him handle it.

It was a small hole. In the end, Chi Cheng stuck a plaster over it. Tao Huainan finally sighed in relief, then smiled at Chi Cheng, saying again, “Xiao-ge, I’m sorry.”

Chi Cheng held his chin and pinched his face, pinching till his mouth was all screwed up and he couldn’t speak.

With his lips pursed, Tao Huainan asked, his words muffled, “Are you done studying?”

“What is it?” Chi Cheng asked.

“It’s my birthday today. Keep me company,” said Tao Huainan.

“Okay.” Chi Cheng let go of his face. Looking at the two parts of his face that were now red from pinching, he used his fingertips and stroked a few times.

–

Ever since god knows when, Chi Cheng really liked to pinch Tao Huainan. Tao Huainan grew accustomed to letting him pinch here and there; sometimes it was his face, others the flesh on his arm. Occasionally, when Tao Huainan was sleeping, all soft and warm, Chi Cheng would pinch his tummy over his shirt.

Tao Huainan was ticklish all over. Sometimes he ducked, and other times he didn’t, laughing as he let Chi Cheng pinch him.

They had been together since Tao Huainan was eight. Now Tao Huainan was almost sixteen.

Chi Ku1 had been with him for half of his life. For a child of this age, seven to eight years was a very, very long period of time.

–

In the shop was a gigantic birthday cake ordered by Huang-ge. Only when it arrived did the staff learn that it was Tao Huainan’s birthday. The little disabled group chat started to fill, swoosh swoosh swoosh, with “happy birthday” texts and small red packets of money.

Tao Huainan opened all the red packets. None of them were big; they were all just small tokens of well wishes from these older guys and girls. You had to be at least a university student to work part time at the shop, so they were all a number of years older than Tao Huainan, a group of cute gege and jiejie.

Tao Huainan kept something in mind, eating only a small piece of cake. Huang-ge even asked, “Why is your appetite so poor today? Normally, you could eat a whole layer on your own.”

Tao Huainan grinned and scooped another spoonful from his bowl—fruit from the sandwich layer.

Other people ate cake with paper plates. Tao Huainan used a bowl. His hand was not precise. If he used a plate and couldn’t manage to scoop with his spoon, cake would fall to the floor in short order.

“What do you know.” Tao Xiaodong sat on a chair and slid over. He hadn’t finished work yet; he still wore dirty gloves over his hands. Chi Ku2 delivered a large forkful to his mouth. Tao Xiaodong said as he ate, “His xiao-ge already made him one. There’s a whole cake sitting at home waiting to be eaten. Who wants to eat your store-bought one?”

“Whoa, really?” Huang-ge pointed at the cake and joked with Tao Huainan. “Believe me, you should hurry up and eat this one. How could the one your xiao-ge made be as good as one that costs thousands?”

Tao Huainan didn’t speak, only grinning.

Chi Cheng’s household registration still fell under Huang-ge’s family. Legally, Huang-ge was now his guardian; strictly speaking, he was now one generation below Tao Huainan.

“Look at you. You should’ve made more and brought it over, then I wouldn’t have had to order one at all.” Huang-ge teased Chi Ku3 too, giving him a look. “Huh, son?”

“Piss off!” Tao Xiaodong opened his mouth again. Chi Ku4 handed more over, with the plate underneath; Tao Xiaodong took a large bite. “You’re taking advantage of three brothers at once.”

Tao Xiaodong slid back over to continue working. The customer was a young lady who was also eating cake.

Huang-ge shouted in their direction, “It’s on the household register! Strictly speaking, you should call me Uncle.”

The two owners of the shop had such a solid relationship. Whenever the two of them bantered, the staff around them would all laugh along.

Tao Huainan’s little intentions couldn’t be hidden from his two brothers. His ge pierced them to bits in front of everyone.

Chi Cheng really did make one for Tao Huainan. He made it last night and put it in the fridge to be eaten today. He had originally planned to make a few for practice, but the very first one succeeded. Tao Huainan was one for ceremony; xiao-ge made it, therefore it had to be better than the store-bought one.

The cake had no special patterns or designs. It wasn’t like Tao Huainan could see it anyway, and he couldn’t touch and feel it. It was fine as long as it tasted good.

It definitely did taste good. The bottom-most layer was a moist and soft chocolate mousse cake base, the middle a very thin layer of panna cotta, and the top covered with a full layer of minced fruit.

Even removing his subjective judgement, very objectively speaking, Tao Huainan also felt that it tasted better than the store-bought one. Nobody knew better than Chi Cheng what Tao Huainan liked to eat. It followed his preferences, so there was no way it wasn’t tasty.

–

Tao Huainan’s palate was terribly spoilt now. He wouldn’t eat this and that. He was very fussy. Chi Cheng was sometimes very strict on him, but sometimes spoiled him. It seemed that Chi Cheng wouldn’t mind his eating habits, even making him dishes and noodles on weekends when they didn’t go to school. The more he spoiled Tao Huainan, the more picky Tao Huainan’s tastes were. He put any food he didn’t like into Chi Cheng’s bowl.

Sometimes, even Tao Xiaodong couldn’t stand to see it; he would reprimand the boy. Then Chi Cheng would defend him, saying “it’s okay”.

–

Tao Huainan ate himself full of cake. Now he felt like even his breaths were too greasy. The next day was Monday, and they had to go to school. After Tao Huainan washed himself up, it was only eight-something. It was too early to sleep, so he lay on Chi Cheng’s lap with his earphones in, listening to his books again.

Chi Cheng placed a hand on his head and read as well.

Tao Huainan’s expressions were too contorted, it was hard for Chi Ku5 not to notice. He would see Tao Huainan’s brow knit, then smoothen slightly, then gather together again, twisting into a contorted little knot, accompanied by a sharp and deep gasp of surprise.

Chi Cheng pulled one bud out of his ear. Normally, Tao Huainan would openly let him listen in, even if it had some slightly sexual parts; he would be perfectly righteous and guilt-free. But right now, just as Chi Cheng touched his ear, Tao Huainan sat up. He covered the earphone and didn’t let him have it.

Chi Cheng raised an eyebrow and asked, “What are you listening to?”

Tao Huainan’s hand covered his ear and didn’t let go. Guarded, he said, “A porn book.”

“If it’s a porn book, why are you so guarded with me?” Chi Cheng tried to take his earphone again, but Tao Huainan slapped his hand away, leaping to his feet and running barefoot into the bedroom.

He had a little secret now.

Chi Cheng didn’t really want to mind him. When Tao Huainan went back to their bedroom, he didn’t follow. Tao Huainan didn’t make a sound in the bedroom by himself either; when Chi Cheng went in, he was already asleep.

Though he slept, his brow was still wrinkled, and his earphones were still in. Chi Cheng pulled them out and wrapped them around the phone, then put it at the head of the bed.

Tao Huainan lay diagonally across the bed. Chi Cheng propped up his neck and righted him. Half awake, Tao Huainan called out “Ku-ge”.

“Sleep,” said Chi Cheng.

“Good night,” Tao Huainan mumbled in a low voice, then scooted towards Chi Cheng, pressing himself against him out of habit. Chi Cheng had just lain down. When Tao Huainan leaned over, he threw an arm over his body too.

But barely seconds later, Tao Huainan must’ve thought of something; he flipped over and turned his back towards Chi Cheng, putting some distance between him.

Once he flipped over, Chi Cheng played along, not minding; he turned the other way too.

–

Who knew what play this drama queen was putting on in his head now; for some period of time after that, he seemed somewhat off. Every time there was something up with him, it took Chi Cheng many days to realise; with his insensitive nature, there was really no way for him to stay on the same wavelength as Tao Huainan.

Chi Cheng only noticed that he appeared to be addicted to his phone recently, his earphones constantly in his ears.

At night, Chi Cheng would still study, while Tao Huainan would still play with his phone next to him. Chi Cheng knocked the table, not looking up from his practice questions. He said, “Don’t listen all the time. Take a break.”

“I’m looking something up,” said Tao Huainan.

“What are you looking up?” Chi Cheng said. “I’ll help you.”

Tao Huainan said “no need” and stood up again. He went to the bed to lie down, silently listening to his phone alone.

Chi Cheng looked at him, then didn’t bother with him.

–

Lately, he stopped showering with Chi Cheng too. In the past, he would join in annoyingly every day whenever Chi Cheng showered; now he was suddenly reserved.

Every day, either he would shower first, or wait for Chi Cheng to shower before he went. They didn’t shower together anymore.

Chi Cheng didn’t care about this. It was even better this way—less cramped.

Tao Huainan held this little weight in his mind alone, not telling anyone—not ge, not xiao-ge. On occasion, he would space out, mulling over who-knew-what.

A half-grown child, he was in the age of rapid maturation; some mornings he would wake up from the discomfort of the swelling.

Tao Huainan woke from a dream. He’d slept till his head was covered in sweat.

Chi Cheng was still sleeping next to him. Tao Huainan wasn’t a good sleeper; he would lie down properly before sleeping, but when he woke he was still pasted against Chi Cheng, with his leg even thrown over him.

Tao Huainan was so uncomfortable that his brow was tightly knit. He pushed his waist back bit by bit, taking his leg off his body too.

The moment he moved, Chi Cheng woke up. He opened his eyes and saw Tao Huainan awake. Looking at the time, he said huskily, “It’s still early, sleep a little longer.”

He heard this voice every day, but for some reason, it made Tao Huainan feel a little awkward right now.

He mm-ed softly, then slowly turned around.

No matter how insensitive Chi Cheng was, when these awkward little things piled up, he could feel it too.

During class, Tao Huainan didn’t listen properly at all, his hand feeling blindly at the book from the last lesson. Chi Cheng knocked his book with a pen. Tao Huainan started in fright.

Such a small movement to cause such a great start. He really was slacking off too terribly.

Chi Cheng looked at him. He lowered his voice and said, “Pay attention to the lesson.”

Tao Huainan collected himself and nodded.

Because of this incident, Tao Huainan received a scolding that night after they returned home.

Normally, when Chi Cheng scolded him, Tao Huainan never talked back. Chi Cheng had a bad temper, and backtalk could rile him up even more.

“What rubbish are you mulling over every day?” Chi Cheng’s voice sounded a little angry. Chi Cheng was strict when it came to Tao Huainan’s education. If Tao Huainan didn’t study properly, he received a scolding.

As usual, the moment Tao Huainan opened his mouth, it was, “Xiao-ge, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be flippant with me.” Chi Cheng had only noticed that he was strange today, but when he thought about the past period of time, he’d been a bit strange for a while now.

“I’m not being flippant,” Tao Huainan said in a small voice.

“What did you hear this time?” Chi Cheng asked impatiently. “I held hands with someone again? I’m dating?”

That embarrassing matter from their first year of junior high was aired out again. Normally, Tao Huainan would have already covered Chi Cheng’s mouth from embarrassment by now. But this time, his mind was on a different path; he opened his lips and said: “You can’t.”