Ferocious Dog of Old

Tao Huainan didn’t know what Chi Cheng later did with that present, and neither did he know whether he actually read that letter. He held it in for a good few days, pondering and wondering and wanting to know, worried that Chi Cheng would get annoyed with him.

After a few days, he himself was starting to feel a bit disagreeable. Chi Cheng glanced at him a few times every day—Tao Huainan couldn’t actually hide his thoughts at all.

But he was still the little monarch at home. That night after he finished showering, with his soft and fluffy pyjamas and smelling of his milky shower gel, Tao Huainan plopped himself onto Chi Cheng. He wrapped his arms around Chi Cheng’s neck and started to grumble. Chi Cheng had showered earlier and was now sitting there, studying. 

“What are you doing?” Chi Cheng poked him back with an elbow. “Why are you sticking to me?”

“Ku-ge!” Tao Huainan didn’t care anymore. He decided to be shameless today.

His hair stuck to Chi Cheng’s face and was ridiculously itchy; Chi Cheng raised a hand and swept it away. “Talk.”

“Where’s your love letter?” Tao Huainan rubbed his face against Chi Cheng. “Where’d you leave it?”

“You wanna read it?” Chi Cheng deliberately asked.

“Would I need to work so hard if I could?” Tao Huainan pursed his lips. “Have you read it?”

“No.” Chi Cheng pushed at him with an elbow again. “Don’t overthink things. Go to sleep.”

Now that he knew Chi Cheng hadn’t read it, Tao Huainan stopped asking. His curiosity was aimed only at Chi Cheng; he didn’t want to know who sent it. Girls carried a young and precious self-respect behind their actions; at their current age, someone liking someone else was something beautiful. Tao Huainan didn’t want to lay those things bare.

–

Tao Huainan stayed up that night, listening to a book and waiting for Chi Cheng to come over to sleep.

Chi Cheng finished a set of questions and packed up. When he lay down next to him, Tao Huainan took off his earphones and shifted closer.

“You’re still awake?” Chi Cheng was a bit surprised. Tao Huainan was usually asleep by this time.

“I was waiting for you.” Tao Huainan was actually already sleepy. Now, with his body touching Chi Cheng and a hand holding onto a corner of Chi Cheng’s pyjamas, he yawned.

“Don’t wait for me. Just sleep,” Chi Cheng said.

He’d been like that since he was a child, all rough and straightforward. Tao Huainan’s occasional soft and gentle thoughts, by the time they reached him, would be like water slipping through his fingers—Chi Cheng couldn’t catch hold of them at all. 

Tao Huainan didn’t mind, fiddling with Chi Cheng’s pyjamas. Two minutes later, he first cleared his throat, and then in the darkness, he softly asked, “Xiao-ge… do you have a girl you like?”

Chi Cheng frowned. He scolded, “Don’t be bothersome.”

“I’m seriously asking…” Tao Huainan shook him with his arms. “Do you?” 

Chi Cheng ignored him and turned to the other side.

“Can’t you just talk to me.” Tao Huainan took his arms back. “You think I’m annoying as soon as I talk to you.”

“You are annoying,” Chi Cheng smoothly said.

Tao Huainan had wanted to talk, had wanted to have some quiet conversations in the dark, but now that desire had been completely cleared away by Chi Cheng. He too flipped over, his back facing Chi Cheng, and silently thought, I must’ve been bored to have waited for you.

–

It was the last winter holiday of junior high, and this year, they were given only one month.

It was actually a winter holiday of two months, but they had extra lessons at school for one of them. Winter came with snow, a thick, thick layer on the ground, and the sky had still yet to lighten when they left the house each morning. Tao Huainan’s hand was placed in Chi Cheng’s pocket, and the ground crunched beneath him as he walked.

He’d never been able to handle the cold. 

He was grown up now, so he couldn’t really keep muffling his face tightly with a scarf. It was a terrible look. And so Tao Huainan’s winter coats would all have a large, furry hood—as soon as it went on, it blocked quite a bit of the wind.

Lately, their teacher and the teaching director looked for Chi Cheng every day. They didn’t look for just him; they talked to everyone in the advanced class. They asked where they were planning on going for high school; there was only one term left before they needed to register. The school really cared about their grades, and it also wanted a high rate of students continuing on and enrolling in high school. In the school, Chi Cheng’s grades were very high. The school had very high hopes for him.

It was originally something that only needed to be discussed once, but with Chi Cheng’s simple “I’m not going to a key high school”, the school went to speak with him multiple times.

He didn’t change his mind even after all that talk—this student was truly too hard to handle.

When it came to his own matters, Chi Cheng had his own plans. What he decided was what it was going to be—he refused to change his mind.

–

Tao Huainan had no idea about this. Chi Cheng was called away during the second lesson of the day, and Tao Huainan was still hugging and drinking his large thermos of hot water. He’d been suffering from a slight cold lately, his nose blocked and runny.

The trash bag hanging on the side of his desk was filled with his tissues; he needed to wipe his nose every so often. Tao Huainan had already finished his pack of tissues, so Chi Cheng first went downstairs to buy a new one before going back to the classroom. 

When he returned, Tao Huainan was asking for tissues from the desks behind him. The student stuffed some in his hand; he said thank you in a low, clogged voice.

Chi Cheng had gone downstairs straight from the office, and he also hadn’t worn his outer coat. He came back with cold air wrapped around him. Touching his hand, Tao Huainan warmed it up for him. He said, “So cold.”

Chi Cheng tore open the pack and placed it where it’d be easy for Tao Huainan to reach. He asked, “Does your head hurt?”

“No, it’s fine.” Both of Tao Huainan’s hands were clasped around Chi Cheng’s hand, chafing back and forth, not letting go until it was warm again.

Chi Cheng chuckled and asked, “Did you rub your snot all on me.”

“No!” Tao Huainan also laughed. “I didn’t get any on my hands.”

“I saw you wiping your hands.” Chi Cheng tugged Tao Huainan’s clothes; they weren’t on properly. “You definitely got some on them.”

Tao Huainan nudged him, smiling. “I was wiping off water! I got water on my hands!”

–

Chi Cheng was just teasing him; he’d never disdained him before.

Tao Huainan was always sickly in winter—he would never really get well. As soon as the temperature dropped, he would catch a cold, coughing at some blast of wind. Chi Cheng didn’t like how droopy and withered he looked while sick, so he’d occasionally tease him and get some energy in him.

Tao Huainan asked, “What did the teacher want you for?”

Chi Cheng said, “Nothing.” 

“Oh.” Tao Huainan actually was still unwell; he didn’t have all that much energy to talk, his head heavy and dizzy.

They’d grown up together, and yet Chi Cheng was much stronger than him. Chi Cheng hadn’t gotten sick much these last few years, while Tao Huainan never stopped with his small illnesses despite not getting any major ones.

Drinking hot water was a must when sick—Chi Cheng poured a large cup of hot water into the thermos every day, and Tao Huainan drank it over the morning. With too much water came needing to go to the bathroom. Chi Cheng took him there with a hand holding his wrist. He said, “It’s slippery.”

Ever since that fight in the first year of junior high, there was almost no more smoking in the bathrooms. Security went around on patrol every time there was a class break, and those who were caught smoking would have class points directly deducted.

The boys who no longer smoked still liked to gather in the bathroom. When Chi Cheng came in with Tao Huainan, a bunch of them turned to look at the two of them. Tao Huainan didn’t know, and Chi Cheng didn’t care.

No one dared to cause trouble for him these days—and no one dared to bully Tao Huainan after first year.

After all, his ge was too fierce.

Now that it was third year, people were even less willing to cause trouble for Chi Cheng. It was almost time for high school entrance exams; if anything happened, they would get into more trouble than just having it recorded.

Tao Huainan needed to wash his hands. The boy who was in the fight even shifted away, letting him get to the faucet. Tao Huainan couldn’t see people’s faces, but he could still sense someone had given him some room. He slightly turned his face over and said, “Thank you.”

With a blank face, the boy indifferently said, “No problem.”

Tao Huainan froze for a moment, hearing that voice. Chi Cheng tugged him out by the arm once he was done washing his hands.

–

The sick blind boy didn’t even shower once he got home, wrapping himself in his pyjamas and blanket while making a fuss about how cold it was.

Chi Cheng touched his forehead and said with a frown, “You say you’re fine as soon as we talk about taking you to get an IV drip, but you yell about being cold when you don’t get one.”

“I hate the smell.” Tao Huainan felt like his entire body, down to even the cracks of his bones, was wafting out cold air—yet he was breathing out hot air. “And I also don’t like the feeling of the IV entering my veins. It’s cold.”

“So troublesome.” Chi Cheng tucked the blanket around him more securely and gave him some fever medicine.

Tao Huainan obediently finished it and said, “I’ll be fine once I sleep.”

–

Ge wasn’t at home, and the two of them hadn’t even told him Tao Huainan caught a cold again, worried he’d be concerned while on his business trip.

Tao Huainan stopped chattering so much once he was sick. When he was truly feeling unwell, he didn’t say a single thing, his lips dry and chapped as he breathed heavily through them.

Chi Cheng didn’t study, only watching over him. Tao Huainan occasionally opened his eyes and moved them in Chi Cheng’s direction. His eyes were out of focus, but sometimes, when they looked directly at something, they would look like they belonged to a normal person. Touching his face, Chi Cheng gave his thin eyelids a light tap with his thumb.

The boy was clean and pale, and the skin on his eyelids was also thin—the veins showed through.

–

Tao Huainan had only drank hot water the entire day; he didn’t really eat. His appetite came back a bit once the fever faded away, and he softly said to Chi Cheng, hungry.

Chi Cheng made some congee for him. Tao Huainan slurped up a bowl.

He was still somewhat worried about Chi Cheng being too concerned about him, so as soon as he had some energy back, he started to sweet talk again, deliberately licking the corners of his mouth and saying with a smile, “Why’s it so yummy.”

Chi Cheng stroked his head, asking if he wanted more.

“No, I’m full,” Tao Huainan said.

–

He went to the bathroom to rinse his mouth now that he wasn’t hungry anymore; he went back to sleep once he was done.

Chi Cheng lay next to him, watching him. He hadn’t taken him running for the entire year this year. Tao Huainan didn’t like running, so sometimes Chi Cheng would give in whenever he tried to get out of it—if he didn’t want to go, then so be it. But Tao Huainan’s body really was quite weak; his immune system was terrible. Chi Cheng touched Tao Huainan’s dry lips and fixed the blanket again.

The fever medicine didn’t last long. Tao Huainan started burning up again in the middle of the night.

–

He curled himself into a ball and pressed himself into Chi Cheng. Chi Cheng held onto him, using his chin to touch Tao Huainan’s neck.

He was a bit hot—Chi Cheng immediately sat up and smacked on the lights.

As soon as the lights came on, he saw Tao Huainan squeezing his eyes closed, muttering something with trembling lips.

“Tao Huainan.” Chi Cheng gave him a pat, wanting to wake him up. 

Tao Huainan went quiet. He was silent for a while, and then without opening his eyes, he called out in a rough, raspy voice, “Xiao-ge.”

Chi Cheng went to get the fever medicine again. He wanted Tao Huainan to take some.

Tao Huainan laid there with his eyes closed; Chi Cheng didn’t know if he was asleep or not.

Just as he was about to wake him up again, he saw tears at the edges of Tao Huainan’s eyes. That told him Tao Huainan still wasn’t fully awake, so Chi Cheng placed the water and medicine to the side and picked him up.

“Wake up.” Whenever Tao Huainan was awake and alert, Chi Cheng would rarely use such a patient voice to talk to him—he was always impatient. But now Chi Cheng held him in his arms, lightly patting his back and using a coaxing voice to say next to his ear, “Come on, Nan Nan.” 

With his chin against Chi Cheng’s neck, Tao Huainan lay limply on Chi Cheng’s body. Chi Cheng softly called out to him for a while, and only then did Tao Huainan blink open his teary eyes.

What was the point in opening his eyes—it wasn’t as if he could see anyway.

Even after waking, Tao Huainan continued to cry. The fever left him muddled and confused, his mind not quite clear.

He breathed in the smell of Chi Cheng’s shampoo; it was the same smell as in his dream just then. When he spoke, his cracked lips scraped against Chi Cheng’s neck. Tao Huainan lifted his arms, circling them around Chi Cheng, and used an unbearably hoarse voice to say, “Why’d you have to leave me…”

Chi Cheng was still holding him, and he now kneaded his neck and back. “You were dreaming. Even sleep can’t stop you from being unreasonable—I haven’t left.”

Tears kept dripping from Tao Huainan’s large, blank eyes. His nose was blocked, and his voice was raspy. “I feel so terrible…”

“Then get up and put on some clothes. We’ll go to the hospital,” Chi Cheng said.

–

Tao Huainan clearly had a nightmare while sleeping; he was still bleary. It was the first time he was like this. Chi Cheng carried him in his arms and wrapped him up in a blanket, calling him Nan Nan. 

It took a long time for Tao Huainan to stop crying. His eyes stared out emptily, but at least he wasn’t crying anymore.

He started fumbling around now that he wasn’t crying, the tip of his nose and his mouth first stroking Chi Cheng’s neck before going to kiss Chi Cheng’s chin. He couldn’t see anything—he simply followed his instincts to kiss Chi Cheng’s chin.

And then he slowly kissed his way to the corner of Chi Cheng’s mouth, to his lips.

Again and again, he softly and slowly touched his lips—the two of them were like small animals bumping their noses against each other. 
“Don’t go…” Tao Huainan hoarsely begged, still touching Chi Cheng’s lips. “Xiao-ge, don’t leave me behind.”