Ferocious Dog of Old

Tao Huainan was always frank and open, daring to say anything he felt; even when someone peeled his trousers open and ran cold water over him for ten minutes, he didn’t feel embarrassed. But now he only said a vague “there” to refer to that place.

Chi Cheng took two seconds to figure it out. He sat down and switched the light on.

“What happened?” Chi Cheng watched as Tao Huainan lay down, hiding his face behind his arm. “How did it get hurt?”

“It was scalded…” Tao Huainan bent his legs, his voice very low. “When the soup spilled over it.”

“Why didn’t you say?” Chi Cheng pulled the covers open, reaching out to tug at his trousers. He frowned, clearly a little angry. “Why didn’t you say when I was running water over it?”

“It didn’t hurt that much at the time…” Tao Huainan held his waistband and stopped him with a “hey”, not letting him pull it. “Help me get the ointment, I’ll put it on myself.”

“Move,” Chi Cheng said, taking his hand away. “Don’t talk rubbish. Let me see.”

When Tao Huainan’s trousers were peeled off, he only felt an instant of slight embarrassment at first. Afterwards, when they really were removed, he didn’t care anymore. If he was looking, let him look; there was nothing else he could do. It was his xiao-ge anyway—god knows how many times he’d seen it ever since they were little. When they were in primary school, his little cock was inflamed once, and Chi Cheng helped him apply ointment on it with a cotton swab every day, applying it for a whole week.

There was a reddened patch in front. Chi Cheng used his fingers to pull it up and look on the other side, then got down, saying as he did, “I’ll get the burn cream. Wait.”

In this state, what dignity did Tao Huainan have left? He stopped hiding his face, nakedly spreading his legs and lying there, waiting for Chi Cheng to come back and apply ointment for him.

The moment Chi Cheng came back, Tao Huainan said, “Close the door…”

Chi Cheng reached back and closed it. “If ge sees, I’ll be even more embarrassed,” said Tao Huainan.

“There’s something wrong with you. You scalded yourself and you didn’t say anything?” Anger flared inside Chi Cheng. He chucked the burn cream and cotton swab onto the bed. “Your scalding must be light. If you scalded off your hair and skin, you wouldn’t be so embarrassed.”

“All you do is scold me…” Tao Huainan mumbled. “It hurts.”

“It should,” Chi Cheng retorted, annoyed.

–

If this was back when they were little, Tao Huainan would have pouted and grown angry. But after so many years, any minor ill temper had been worn away. One of them had been worn down over the years till he softened and softened, while the other had been fired over the years till his temper grew and grew.

Tao Huainan was held by Chi Cheng as a thick layer of cream was applied to him, hissing and gasping the whole time. Before Chi Cheng was done, he pushed his hand away. “It’s fine, it’s fine.”

The cotton swab in Chi Cheng’s hand dropped when he nudged it; before Chi Cheng could speak, Tao Huainan had turned, yanking the blanket over to cover himself. “Done, it’s applied, turn the lights off.”

Chi Cheng gave him a look. Unusually, he didn’t flare up at him nor admonish him. He went out to wash his hands, then came back and turned off the light.

Tao Huainan lay down by himself, facing the wall. Chi Cheng asked, “Does it hurt now?”

“It hurts.” Tao Huainan’s voice was dull. “Annoying.”

Chi Cheng had calmed down now. He ran his fingers over the boy’s neck, saying, “It won’t hurt once you’re asleep.”

“But I can’t sleep, can I…” Tao Huainan rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, sounding quite put upon. “It keeps hurting, so I can’t sleep.”

After Chi Cheng stroked his neck and head for a while, Tao Huainan became well-behaved. He no longer fidgeted, and his breathing became steady too.

Chi Cheng asked, “Are you sleepy?”

Tao Huainan said, “A little now.”

After a while, Tao Huainan turned around of his own accord, slowly edging over to lean against Chi Cheng. Chi Cheng stretched an arm and placed it casually across his body. Tao Huainan grabbed Chi Cheng’s pyjamas, slowly massaging for a moment. Not long after, he stopped moving.

The child slept with his breaths steady, his tummy rising and falling, quiet and obedient.

–

So this day of embarrassing events went by. He really did find himself in all sorts of situations.

When Tao Huainan woke up the next morning, he tried to feel it before he put his trousers on. It didn’t seem to hurt that much anymore, but there was still a little bit of pain.

Chi Cheng asked, “Does it still hurt?”

With the sun up, the sense of shame had returned as well. Tao Huainan reached out and covered his mouth. “It doesn’t, it doesn’t. Don’t ask.”

Tao Xiaodong came out of his room too, yawning. Thinking that they were talking about the leg-scalding incident the night before, he jumped in, asking, “It still hurts?”

Tao Huainan was about to break down. He said as he walked, “Argh, stop asking! My brothers!”

“What’s this?” Tao Xiaodong was stunned by his irritation. He stood there and stared at Chi Cheng. “Did he get up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“No, it’s nothing.” Chi Cheng shook his head and said, “Ge, don’t mind him.”

Tao Xiaodong thought to himself, this child really has changed now that he’s grown up, getting annoyed first thing in the morning.

–

The spoilt little Tao Huainan hurt for three or four days. When night fell and the sky turned dark, his shame immediately retreated; he wasn’t embarrassed even when he nakedly allowed Chi Cheng to apply cream for him. But the moment the sun came up, he couldn’t bear it; with the sky bright, the child was ashamed, and didn’t allow it.

In the morning, when Tao Huainan pushed Chi Cheng’s hand away again and didn’t let him touch him, Chi Cheng was annoyed at him and called him fussy.

Tao Huainan laughed with a hehe. “It’s embarrassing by day.”

“Does your sense of shame have working hours?” Chi Cheng raised an eyebrow. “Getting off work and leaving at night.”

Tao Huainan found that funny too. He chuckled to himself for ages.

–

Time was tight in the third year of junior high. Every day was packed with lessons. The advanced class that Chi Cheng attended became night classes, starting from the third month. Regular students went home at night after school; they had two more hours of classes after eating.

Tao Huainan went with Chi Cheng every day. The people around them were all studying. Tao Huainan sat there too, touching his book. Smartphones were too convenient. Braille books were actually rare; Tao Huainan’s reference books were all purchased from the blind school by his brother—it was impossible to get them outside. Other books weren’t that easy to buy either; they were expensive and hard to get. 

Now that he had audiobook software, Tao Huainan could download and listen to a lot of books he needed, as well as convert them into braille and print them out. It was much better than before.

He was always an external member of the advanced class, with a fixed spot for himself in the lecture theatre. Now, when the teacher lectured, he even managed to understand some of it.

Night classes only finished at eight-fifty. They came out at six in the morning and got home past nine at night. High school students had a hard life.

–

Ge was away on business lately. Every year, he would go away a few times, sometimes for work, sometimes for other things. Ge lived very individualistically. He had a heart for money-grubbing, but he didn’t love money that much; every year, he would spend a lot of money doing things he found useful.

“Ge went away again?” After a whole day, they finally finished school. Tao Huainan was slowly led home by Chi Cheng. The street lights dragged their shadows long, but Tao Huainan couldn’t see this.

“Probably.” Chi Cheng pinched his fingertips. There was a pit in front of them. Chi Cheng pulled Tao Huainan to the left before they reached it. Tao Huainan walked around it with a tacit understanding.

He had walked with Chi Cheng for almost eight years. The mark of these eight years was that as long as the two of them were together, Chi Cheng didn’t need to say a word; simply given a direction and a bit of force, Tao Huainan could avoid any hidden obstacle.

“Where did ge go?” asked Tao Huainan. “Qinghai? Guizhou?”

“He didn’t say.”

Chi Cheng looked at their shadows. Tao Huainan was a little shorter than he was, and his clothes were very loose. The hand that wasn’t holding his was swinging and swinging on his other side.

When Tao Huainan was in a good mood, he would make small movements as he walked, like the way he was swinging his sleeve now. He would also pull his hand into his sleeve and stick his chin into the circle of his cuff.

“Ge’s too good.” Tao Huainan’s chin was in his cuff now. “Isn’t he?” he said.

Chi Cheng mhm-ed.

–

Actually, Tao Huainan understood that a lot of things ge did were because of him. His eyes were bad, so his brother went to help those whose eyes were bad, or those with other forms of disabilities.

Children with older brothers were the luckiest. That’s what Tao Huainan had always thought.

Later on, he had a xiao-ge. Children with two brothers were even more incomparably fortunate, little monarchs at home.

They were old enough now. Even when ge wasn’t home, they didn’t need someone to come over and take care of them. Now, it was fine even if ge went away for half a month.

When they got home at night, it was already ten by the time they were done showering and tidying up. Tao Huainan slept early. Chi Cheng would sometimes be studying.

People were still chatting in the class QQ chat. Tao Huainan closed QQ and lay in bed listening to his audiobook. Chi Cheng studied in the room, his pen never stopping as he solved problems. Occasionally, he would flip a page, or cough. These bits and pieces of continuous sound made Tao Huainan feel very secure.

–

Summer went on till autumn, and autumn went on till winter.

After Chi Cheng’s birthday, it was winter. On his birthday, Chi Cheng called his grandmother.

The old lady was quite opposed to him. After living such a difficult life, she felt like everyone in the Chi family was crazy. This was also because of what Chi Cheng did in those two short months he had been back that year. His paranoia and stubbornness were inherited from the Chi family line; the old woman detested him more than she missed him.

Chi Zhide had returned south, and Chi Cheng stayed in the city, never returning. Only when she lived alone did the old woman feel at peace. Chi Cheng called her two, three times a year, barely saying a few words before hanging up. Chi Cheng was not one for talking, and the old woman had nothing to say to him either.

It was different when it came to Tao Huainan. Other people had nothing to say to Chi Cheng, but he had plenty; he was a live chatterbox. If Chi Cheng let him, he could sit next to him and talk all day.

Chi Cheng was seventeen now. Tao Huainan was finally the same age as him for a few months, but now he was left behind again.

Sometimes, Tao Huainan felt as if he was chasing him, chasing hard year after year; he would catch up for a period of time, then be left behind for another short period. For that short period, it seemed as if Chi Cheng was standing in place waiting for him, waiting for him to catch up before continuing to walk on again, just like Chi Cheng’s fierce and quiet tenderness towards him all these years.

–

The day Chi Cheng turned seventeen, the moment Tao Huainan reached school that morning, he heard all the girls in class whispering. Surrounded by a crowd of murmurs and mutters, he felt somewhat confused.

He asked Chi Cheng, “What’s going on?”

Chi Cheng said, nothing.

So Tao Huainan turned to ask Qi Xuan, who sat behind them, “What are you all talking about?”

The girls didn’t deceive him, giggling as they leaned into his ear and said in a small voice, “Someone put a present on your xiao-ge’s desk, and a letter too.”

Tao Huainan blinked. “Really?”

“Why would we lie to you? Feel for yourself.”

Tao Huainan turned back, reached towards the desk, and felt about. The box and letter had been thrust under the desk by Chi Cheng, so Tao Huainan felt about for ages without touching anything.

“Is there a letter?” Tao Huainan asked.

Chi Cheng said, “Don’t mind it.”

Tao Huainan said in a small voice, “Who put it there?”

Chi Cheng pushed him back over. “Memorise your problems, don’t snoop.”

–

Chi Cheng wouldn’t tell him, and Tao Huainan couldn’t see for himself either. If the letter wasn’t in braille, he couldn’t read it by touch anyway.

At this point, it was as if he and Chi Cheng were separated into two different worlds. These two worlds were connected by sight, but Tao Huainan had none.

Chi Cheng was too excellent, both intelligent and good. Whether he was handsome or not, Tao Huainan didn’t know; to Tao Huainan, he was handsome, because his voice was nice.

It didn’t surprise him that anyone would like such an excellent boy. Who wouldn’t like him?