Futile Love

Chapter 62: Chapter 62

She took it down from the wall cautiously. The outline of it remained, but it would fade with time.

“I’m going to return this dress to the Crown Prince.”

In a way, Bipaan might have left it there on purpose in consideration of her, so that she could hug it instead of him at night.

But all this didn’t matter to her at all. She didn’t need his sorry excuse for consideration.

Accompanied by the nanny, she headed for the East Palace.

The image of Bipaan ‘on that night’ came to her mind all of a sudden. For the first time in her life she experienced fear.

Bipaan had been tormenting himself to make himself a man worthy of extreme fear on that night. He was a miserable and lonely man who was so mean and heartless to her.

In no time her fear of Bipaan disappeared.

Today, she felt the East Palace was large. She crossed the gate of the palace and kept walking to his residence, but couldn’t find it.

Was it because it was late, or did she feel heavy?

When she entered the palace, she barely moved as she was tense and nervous.

The silk red robe she was holding was pretty heavy. It was tough for her to carry it all the way to his residence. Finally, she arrived at his room located in the innermost area of the palace. Several eunuchs standing outside his room lowered their heads.

Chief court ladies were standing between his concubines’ rooms.

The eunuchs didn’t open the door for her.

When she looked at them with a curious look, they deeply bowed to her and said, “His Highness Crown Prince is not in the room now.”

“As he is in his study now, let us escort you,” said two eunuchs.

They escorted her down the long hallway and arrived at his study.

She entered his study when they opened the door.

His study was as large as her room. There were lots of bookshelves inside. Bipaan was leaning against them.

Holding a small book, he turned pages with his eyes fixed on the book. Suddenly, he looked up at her through his long eyelids.

His glittering eyes were intense. Though he didn’t say anything, she felt as if her whole body had been squeezed.

She barely breathed in and said, “Long live the Crown Prince! I’m honored to see you.”

She bent her knees a bit to offer formal greetings to him.

He closed the book slowly and put it down on the desk. Leaning against the desk, he raised his head and folded his arms.

“I didn’t expect you would come to see me like this.”

There was no change in his facial expression as usual. Only a closer look into his dark eyes could reveal a subtle change there. That’s why she found it hard to look him in the eye. While looking at her as if he was surprised at her unexpected visit, he quickly cast a glance at the red robe she was holding.

“Why did you bring that here?”

She suddenly came to her senses at his question. Whenever she saw him face to face, her resolve weakened. With a downcast face, she hunched her shoulders.

‘I’ve got to talk to him.’

She felt she should tell him why she brought the robe, and she couldn’t put it off any longer.

Resolving herself, she walked toward him cautiously and presented the silk red robes to him.

With his arms folded, he took a quick look at the robe.

“You left it in my room on our wedding night.”

“Why are you returning it to me now?” She hunched her shoulders. “Oh, you must have some reason. Can’t you tell me the reason?”

As if to make fun of her, he touched his mouth with his hand gently. His sneering voice seemed as if he already knew the reason. If he had smiled at her, she would have blamed him, citing her lonely nights up to now. If he had asked with a sad look, she would have told him about her grievances.

It was really like torture for her to see his blank face directly. It seemed that he, who was always cold and calm, pretended not to know when, in fact, he knew the reason.

She clenched her fists firmly.

As if she screamed, she closed her eyes and shouted, “Because I don’t need this anymore.”

Though she thought she shouted, her actual voice was just audible enough for him to hear her.

She presented the wedding robe to him, but he didn’t take it, so she put it down on the desk. The end of the red and long robe touched the floor.

“You don’t need it anymore,” he said as she turned. “Does it mean you needed it before?”

“Yes, because I needed something in lieu of you.”

“In lieu of me?” he asked in a heavy voice this time.

She couldn’t refuse him. She couldn’t lie. His oppressive presence was already too much for her to deal with.

‘This is torture.’

His questions made her eyes wet with tears. She blushed and her fingertips ached. At last, her pent-up anger burst out into the open when she couldn’t stand it anymore.

“As I felt so cold up to now, I needed something to keep me warm. So, I clung to it. I hung it on the wall and habitually looked at it and stroked it as if it were you and your heart.”

He looked down at the wedding dress coldly, “What and how did that help you?”

“I just wrapped myself in that weightless dress. I was foolish enough to hold it and believe that it would keep me warm.”

“Did you want me to hold you? I don’t think so.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Are you serious?”

Strange enough, his question was long and persistent. She never had a conversation with him this long before. Did she really want him to hold her?

“If you wanted to… because I am your official wife.”

Suddenly, her heart began to beat faster. That was not true.

She didn’t want anybody to hold her, but she once thought if Bipaan wanted to hold her, she had no choice but to follow.

‘No, no, not him.’

When she thought of somebody who could hold her warmly, Ruhae’s face with a soft jawline came to her mind first.

“To be honest, that’s not what I wanted.”

Having heard her reply, Bipaan’s eyes sparkled.

He approached her. She couldn’t move at all. There was no distance between them now. She smelled something like a cool breeze or the scent of a baby.

He extended his hands and put them on her shoulders quietly. Then his hands slowly moved from her shoulders down to her arms. She could feel his hands touching her body.

His hands were warm. He took her wrists with his warm hands.

He didn’t hug her, but he was too close to her when he held her wrists. He looked down at her, but she didn’t look at him. With her gaze fixed, she avoided his sparkling eyes. She ignored his eyes on purpose because she couldn’t feel anything in his eyes.

But his hands were still warm.

‘Why? Why is he holding my wrists with his warm hands like this?’

Kyosul couldn’t understand his behavior at all. And she didn’t know how to respond in this situation.

She didn’t know how long it passed after he held her wrists in an awkward posture, but she felt he let go of her wrists cautiously.

As soon as he took off his hands, she felt a sudden sense of coldness in her wrists.

“I guess you could feel this much warmth from the wedding dress. Were you not satisfied? And that’s why you….” It looked like he suddenly turned his mouth up as if he sneered at her. “So, that’s why you didn’t need it.”

His ambiguous voice was now icy and cold like before.

“So, what you mean by returning it to me is that you have found somebody who can keep you warm, right?”

This time she couldn’t reply. She just shivered with fear.

“I guess it was last month. When I bumped into my brother, he was really worried about you.”

Though Bipaan had several brothers, both he and she knew which brother he had in mind.

She freaked out when Bipaan said that. Without caring at all about her reaction, Bipaan continued to talk casually as if he were talking in passing.

“At that time, I took his words lightly. I was surprised to find you actively went out of your way to defend my brother.”

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She completely forgot about his interrogation of Ruhae.

Though she made desperate efforts to save Ruhae at that time, she completely forgot about Bipaan’s interrogation of him right after Ruhae was freed.

Hosana had been executed, and fortunately, Heyjin and her pregnant baby fully recovered.

Since then the security around the North Palace was tightened.

As a result, even Kyosul couldn’t go and see her.