Hate You, Love You.

They say that dead men tell no tales, only the living get to breathe and experience what it's like to feel alive. As I drag my feet into school, I ponder over those words and realize that my worst fear is actually a reality. I feel like a dead man walking. 

I had a sinking feeling in my gut, but I ignored it. I tried to be positive, I really did, but how much hope is one person supposed to have till you realize that everything is crumbling before your eyes?

''Where were you?'' I slam my locker shut and take deep breaths. I have zero fucks to give today.

''I don't know what you're talking about, Theo.'' The morning bell is yet to ring and students are still filing into the double doors. I'm early today, no surprise there, and life is seemingly back to normal. 

Like nothing ever happened.

''Would you at least face me, please?'' I sigh. ''Can't really have a conversation with your back.''

I spin around to face him and his accusatory tone softens. He looks at me with concern while I try to keep the tears at bay.

Yes, I had been crying. Truth be told, I barely got a wink of sleep once Jason dropped me off. I'm a very good actress, I believe I deserve an Oscar, because something was definitely off yesterday but he didn't notice it and I didn't let him notice it. I played the role of the supportive 'date' and congratulated him once he beat Gerald Tollido.

''Have you been crying?''

I shake my head but who am I kidding? It's so fucking obvious. I'm fucking obvious.

''I've known you for a while now, Mel. You are. What happened?''

''Nothing.'' I compose myself. ''Nothing's wrong. You were asking me something.''

His eyebrows scrunch up. ''Never mind that. Why are you crying?''

''I said it's nothing.''

''Is it that time of the month again?''

''Drop it.''

He is taken aback by my tone, but says nothing, instead he mutters 'women' and hangs around my locker, looking at the students filing in. There's a solid twenty minutes till school starts and Paris isn't here yet. She's always early too but I guess today is an exception.

''You didn't go to the dance.''

I narrow my eyes. ''I told you I wasn't going so I didn't.'' 

''You didn't.'' He turns to me and raises a brow. ''Where were you then?''

I give nothing away. If he expects me to tell him I was with Jason then he'd wait till all eternity. Things are still strained between the two of us and once the Jason topic is brought to the table, things never end well. Besides, I can't tell him that I went to an illegal street race. He's a cop for fucks sake and it'll solidify his suspicions. 

''At home.''

''Where you really,'' his gaze pins me. ''home?''

''Theo, if you have something to say, please say it.'' I have no patience for an inquiry from hell and I'm definitely pissy right now.

''I was at the dance, you know.'' Paris must have been real convincing. ''And I happened to see Jason. He asked Paris about you but she said you weren't coming.''

What's the point of this?

''Then he left and never came back.'' 

I narrow my eyes. ''I don't know what that has to do with me for God's sake! Okay, he didn't see me. He left. What am I supposed to do about that? I was home or what do you want me to do, send you photographic evidence that I was bunched up in a blanket with a bag of popcorn watching Dead to Me?"

He eyes me suspiciously. "You're being a little too defensive for someone who was home throughout."

You're annoying me.

"Sue me," I snap.

His tone is surprisingly calm considering I just snapped at him. He doesn't say anything for a hot minute and we just stand side by side. ''Alright,'' he says finally. ''If you say so.''

''I can't believe you don't trust me.''

''I can't trust you if you continue harbouring feelings for that boy.''

Here we go again.

''Mel, I'm only looking out for you. He's no good for you.''

I turn sharply to him. ''And you know what's good for me?''

He nods. ''I do. And it's certainly not him.'' 

Apparently, our tone hasn't been silent because I notice a bunch of people watching us. At this point, I could care less. Since high school has become a gossip centre for bored and jobless teenagers they might as well stay and watch the two 'famous siblings' fight it out in the hallway.

I'd be out of here soon anyway.

''I'm not having this conversation with you.'' Certainly not with this many people watching.

''As long as you continue to see him, we're going to have problems.'' He declares. ''I won't let you make a big mistake and fuck up everything you worked hard for. I told you this before and I'd say it again, when shit hits the fan, you don't want to be caught up in that."

''I guess the battle lines have been drawn then.''

I turn the locker combination, give him one last look and walk towards the direction of the entrance as a number of eyes follow me. They have no idea who we're arguing about anyway so they can go ahead and run the story like a fucking marathon. Before I get to the door, I turn to the nosy teenagers. ''Don't you guys have better things to do than poke your noses into shit that doesn't concern you?'' I know how I must look right now-a mess. A red eyed, untamed hair, wild looking bloody mess. ''Get to class or something.''

I don't want to fight with Theo. Fighting with him is the last thing I want to do but if he's going to keep bringing up Jason in every single conversation then we're going to have problems-like he said. Jason isn't the hero in this story, he told me himself, but he certainly isn't the villain. He's just Jason. I wish he knew who Jason really was, the Jason that I see and not the criminal he thinks he is. 

Jason is nice. I know we're just getting to know each other but he has been nothing but sweet. He's definitely not the same person I met last year. He has changed, probably had the second most dramatic change after Mariah. He has opened up to me and told me things he has never told anyone. He has showed me his world, he's ripping the band-aid and showing me his true, unapologetic self and that's one thing I'd forever hold in high esteem.

He's being honest which is something I can't say about a certain ex of mine.

Checking the time on my watch, I relax in the back seat of my car and close my eyes, trying to control myself and my breathing. If I'm going to spend the rest of the day in school, I need to stop crying.

...…

Theo and I barely speak for the rest of the day. He told me that Detective Anderson needed his attention so he had to leave for a while but he'd be at Fiona's World and escort me home at night. Without so much as a protest, I let him go. Paris noticed the friction between the two of us but we denied it. When she realized that none of us were going to give her a straight answer, she dropped it and we swept it under the rug.

''Hey.'' 

Jason's tanned flesh fades into view. He's clad in his Adelaide tracksuit as he settles down next to me on the bleachers. School has been over for the past thirty minutes but I decided to stay back. I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to drive just yet. A lot has happened in the span of twenty-four hours.

''Hey.''

''Are you okay?''

No.

''Yes.'' I don't meet his eyes. ''I'm fine.''

''Look at me then.''

I fumble with my tote back and look at everything but him. I look at the empty football field, I look at the empty rows between us, I look at Adelaide's mission statement waved on high on a fucking billboard. 

His fingers raise my chin up skilfully and I'm forced to look at him. My browns meet his aquas and we lock gazes. It's so funny how I think he's looking at the windows of my soul through my eyes. It doesn't make any sense but then, what does? 

''You're crying.''

His thumbs pad my face. ''Why?''

''Because everything is fucking wrong,'' I sniff. ''I feel like I have shit under control but I don't. When did my life become so complicated?''

I feel a tear slip from my eye lids to my cheeks and I try to wipe it off but he does it for me. ''I hate seeing you cry.''

I hate seeing me cry too.

''I'm human, you know? I'm allowed to cry.'' 

Especially when I get a message in form of a note that my ex-boyfriend who is missing is dead.

The thought of that sends waterworks through my system and I'm in hysterics now. He pulls me closer to him and I hug him, pulling him close like my favourite yellow blanket. His broad chest provides a haven for me as I mutter incoherent words in between tears. His attire is probably ruined by now but he doesn't seem to mind because he pats my back lovingly.

''It's okay. I'm here,'' he whispers in my ear. ''I'm always here.''

I cry for me. I cry for Theo. I cry for Bob.

''He's dead,'' I whisper back. ''He's really dead.''

Yesterday was no mere coincidence. I stopped believing in coincidences the night of September 7th. It was a clear message.

The one whom you seek is dead.