How Can I Get Rid of Him

In fact, I lied to Pei Hao. I never planned to go to the follow-up appointment with him on the weekend. On the island I kept thinking about things after returning home. I found a house I could live in for a while. I made an appointment with a friend in city Y to pick me up the next day. I also emailed the company to ask for leave and apply for a transfer back to city X. If the company disagreed, I would resign.

I didn’t tell him about these things. First, I didn’t think they had anything to do with him. I had already told him face-to-face when I broke up with him. From then on, nothing I did would concern him anymore. Second, Pei Hao seemed to have gotten too involved in the drama recently. My instinct told me that I wouldn’t be able to just leave like that.

Since his feelings for me were less than one-tenth of his feelings for Yan, I thought my stay was not important to him. At most, he would be slightly unaccustomed to my leaving. After all, we had lived together for five years. But over time, his busy life would make him get over it before he could pretend to be sad.

For Pei Hao, I was not an unforgettable person, but one who could gently fade in and out of his existence. So we should omit those parting words and fake regrets altogether.

The friend who came to help me move was called Da Bai. He was one of the few university friends who knew about Pei Hao and me. Da Bai was also gay, with a tough-love road and a rich love history. During the five years Pei Hao and I were together, he might have had as many as seven or eight boyfriends. The story was so exciting that one could have published several books on the topic.

Early in the morning, Pei Hao went to work, and Da Bai came over at 9 am. He was afraid that my luggage would not fit, so he borrowed a big car. Who knew that all my belongings could be packed in two hours. I was sitting on the bed giving instructions to Da Bai, who was helping me pack. Pei Hao bought most of the things at home, so I didn’t need to bring any kitchen utensils with me. I only had two boxes: one for clothes and one for random items. After living for more than a year in this place, in the end, there was only this much I could take with me.

A pot of food was still simmering on the stove in the kitchen. It seems that Pei Hao had made bone soup for me. It was bubbling, and the resulting heat engulfed the entire kitchen. At noon, Pei Hao sent me a WeChat message. “There is boiled bone broth on the stove. It will turn off automatically when it’s done. Eat it when you’re hungry, and be careful when you wake up.”

I replied, “Ok.”

“Did you cook the soup for me? It looks delicious,” said Da Bai with a smile while packing.

“How can I cook soup when I have to pack my luggage?”

“Then who made it? Pei Hao?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

Da Bai tsked a few times and said, “You people in the city know how to play. Boil soup as a parting gift when breaking up, eh?”

I blinked at him and didn’t answer.

“Wait, he doesn’t know you’re leaving today?” Da Bai showed surprise in his eyes.

I nodded.

Da Bai widened his eyes and gave me a thumbs up. “I really admire you!”

After a while, he came over and asked me, “So you really broke up this time? Don’t let me work hard for no reason. If in a few days you two reconcile, I’ll be furious.”

My tone was very firm. “It’s true. I’ve applied to the company for transfer back to city X.”

“Ok, it’s good if you split. I’ll introduce you to some good guys in a few days.” Da Bai saw that I was determined, patted me on the shoulder, and went on to pick up more things.

Da Bai took out a few photo albums and asked me, “Shall I take these albums?” I took them and flipped through a few of them. They were photos of Pei Hao and me over the past five years, all taken by me. Even though we live in a digital age, I still believe paper memories are precious, so every time I traveled with him or had some activities in common, I would take photos that were worth remembering.

“No need.” I handed him the photo albums. “Help me put them back.”

I no longer wanted this person and this relationship, so what would I need these photos for?

I still had plenty of clothes and shoes in the closet, all bought by Pei Hao, but I didn’t want to bring them along. I was afraid that seeing them would make me remember him. After all, I used to love him. He could either throw them away, burn them, or forget about them.

There was also an SLR camera and lens in the bedroom. Pei Hao knew I enjoyed taking photos, so he gave it to me on my birthday two years ago. I used to take photos with it constantly, and more than half of them were of Pei Hao. I looked at some of them. I had taken them all either secretly or openly: Pei Hao sleeping, Pei Hao cooking, and Pei Hao playing games. There were over 2000 photos in total. I didn’t know how to delete all the images at once, so being lazy to do them one by one, I just let them be. Who knows, maybe on a lazy afternoon or a late night while chatting after dinner, he would find them and then sigh to his lover or child that there had been once a person who had really loved him before.

Da Bai said I was foolish. What he gave me was mine to keep. Whether he remembered or not, I should take away all the expensive things. He was so mad at him. Besides, Pei Hao was not short of money.

But I didn’t want to touch anything related to him anymore. I just wanted to lock them away in a box, put them in an invisible place and keep them in my memory.

“Only these?” Da Bai took my two suitcases, tapped them and said, “Very few things.”

“That’s right.” I nodded and said, pointing to the bone broth still cooking in the kitchen. “Turn it off and let’s go. If you want to eat, eat a bowl of soup first.”

Da Bai shook his head. “I can’t eat. Think about it. You silently broke up with him and didn’t take anything he gave you. It’s pretty awesome. When he’s back, he will see that you ate his bone broth. After leaving, the final image of you left in his heart will no longer be aloof, got it?”

I lowered my head and said, “I’ve never been aloof in his heart.”

“That’s right. Otherwise, how could you have suffered in anger for so many years?” Da Bai comforted me. “But it’s good to start over.”

Da Bai sent me to my new house. We settled down at 5 pm, and then we ordered takeaway. While helping me clean up my new home, he asked dubiously, “Can you live here alone? What if you fall? How can you clean the room? How can you eat?”

In fact, I had thought about everything he mentioned, but I didn’t have a particularly good way to do it on my own.

Me, “What’s with the thousand whys? I can eat takeaway, and I can walk after a while. The doctor said that my fracture is not serious, and it will heal quickly.”

Da Bai, “It’s not that I’m afraid something will happen to you if you’re alone and no one will take care of you. It’s just that when your sister finds out, she will kill me.”

Me, “My sister will kill Pei Hao, not you. What else can happen?”

Da Bai, “Why don’t you come live with me or tell your sister to take you home?”

I quickly shook my head like a rattle, “No, don’t tell my sister I have a broken leg.”

Otherwise, based on my sister’s character, she would immediately ask my brother-in-law to take time off and take me to her house, and she would ask to help me every day and treat me like an ancestor. My sister is a doctor. She is busy working overtime every day at the ER. She spends several hours in surgery and hardly sleeps. I didn’t want to trouble her and my brother-in-law unnecessarily.

I also didn’t want to live with Da Bai. I didn’t know his new boyfriend. Besides, he also had his own things to deal with. I couldn’t trouble others.

Da Bai felt slightly helpless. He knew he couldn’t persuade me, so he sighed and said, “Then there’s nothing we can do. I’ll come to see you often.”

While Da Bai was organizing my temporary room, I sat on the sofa, deleting my Moments and Weibo. I had recorded all the happy moments from the time I had a crush on Pei Hao until falling into the water on the island. There were many personal group photos and love words that had been set to be visible only to myself. I once thought that one day, when we were old, I would show them to him one by one and tell him my attentive thoughts of my youth. I just never expected that during such an everyday moment, I would delete all those carefully recorded bits and pieces, and Pei Hao would never get to see them.

That’s why I used to insist on developing paper photos. Many things you thought were precious could be gone at the press of the Delete button. A single wipe would leave no traces.

I deleted over 1000 items. By the end, my hands were slightly trembling. I looked at my empty Moments and Weibo and felt relieved. I said softly in my head, “Pei Hao, goodbye, never see you again.”

[1st floor] Ken_Chuang: I felt the same way while watching Xiao Xi delete his Moments one by one. I don’t know whether it’s a pain or relief to feel being empty of all the memories of one person at once.”

[2nd floor] Xu Mi Xuan: Two years ago, I was also sitting in a McDonald’s, deleting the memories of that person and me one by one. Every time I pressed the Delete button, my heart seemed to be scratched, and it hurt. I kept deleting until midnight. By then, there were hardly any people at McDonald’s. A waiter came over with a tissue and asked me if I was ok and why I was crying like this. I took the tissue, thanked him, and then went out. It was freezing outside, and when the wind blew over and hit my face, I reminded myself over and over again, “This person is no longer yours. You are about to start a new life.”

[3rd floor] An indecent king of appetite: How are you upstairs now?

[4th floor] Xu Mi Xuan: I’m very good now, and I can watch the past without a burden.

…

[11th floor] Dreamme: I’m glad Xiao Xi has finally moved out (applause.jpg)

[12th floor] Ah Diu’s shoe covers: I feel happy when I think of Pei Hao going home and looking at the empty house!

[13th floor] Liu Li Ying.Ya.Fen Xi Yue: I think Xiao Xi’s friend is very good, and Xiao Xi’s sister must spoil him too!

…

[20th floor] 8Voooo: I don’t know everyone. I hope the OP and everyone upstairs are happy.

[21st floor]: the fish fell in love with meow: It’s so warm upstairs.