How to Avoid Debut

༺ How To Avoid Debut – 16 ༻

 

  The personal fancam was uploaded on the official website at midnight. I didn’t really want to see it, but I felt I needed to check how it turned out, so I logged in as a guest to watch the video. 

 

  I did my best acting out my expressions, but I was worried about how I would react when I actually watched it. But I couldn’t ignore the video that had already been posted. It was a sort of compulsive habit to review the videos I had shot, pinpointing the shortcomings and minor mistakes. 

 

 “…….”

 

  Why won’t it connect? I tried refreshing the page for a while, tried reconnecting several times, but it was still down. After about 3 minutes, the screen finally started working properly, and after waiting another 2 minutes, I was finally able to face the video. 

 

  Last time, they put it on page 5, but this time it was not far off. I found my face among the videos arranged in alphabetical order and clicked play. 

 

  I was very satisfied that there were no mistakes in the choreography. To be honest, my singing was so poor that I was glad it was drowned out by the other parts. I lowered the volume a bit, but the timing and choreography details were fine. 

 

  What kept coming to mind after watching the video was the familiar back of a head that appeared throughout. Judging by the striped shirt and sturdy back, the owner of that head that covered my lower body by bouncing around was definitely my uncle. 

 

  After the performance ended, he gave a thumbs up, not because he did well, but apparently because of this. It was both pathetic and funny at the same time, so I pushed my phone far away, buried my face in the blanket and laughed for a long time. 

 

  What was that, was it too hard to edit the fancam so you made a footcam by running around? My uncle’s words about grinding his soul for the final overall edit must have been true. Just the thought of my uncle, who hates exercise and barely walks, diligently pacing throughout the performance made me laugh so much that I couldn’t help but call him. 

 

-Did you call after watching the fancam?- 

 

  “Ah, Uncle. Really… wait a moment. Let me laugh a bit.” 

 

-You should have called after you were done laughing. How’s the quality of my hair? 

 

  “It kept opening up every time you jumped.” 

 

-I was a bit surprised when I saw it too, didn’t know it was that bad. 

 

“Was the thumbs up at the end of the performance because of that too?” 

 

-No, that was genuine admiration. I was watching from the front row. You were good enough to debut right away. You just watched it too, didn’t you perform well? 

 

  I didn’t know the combination of the broadcasting station’s camera and makeup could alter a person’s appearance so much. I often recorded videos while dancing, but it was the first time I had a close-up shot of my face, and I wasn’t used to it. 

 

  I might have hesitantly turned off the screen out of embarrassment if it hadn’t been for the high-definition image showing my exact facial expressions, and my uncle’s head bouncing in front of my eyes. Of course, I was embarrassed, but to be honest, it was also exciting to an unusual extent. 

 

  “I honestly was satisfied.” 

 

-Right? When you debut, you can create such legendary stages every day. 

 

  “It’s different to say it was a good experience to try once and to make it a profession.” 

 

  My not-so-bad reaction seemed to give my uncle hope, his voice sounded excited, so I let him down gently. 

 

  The feeling of dancing was indescribable, but if I were to choose this field as a profession again, I’d prefer being a backup dancer rather than an idol. But appearing on this program let me rediscover the joy of being on stage, so it wasn’t a bad experience. 

 

  “Still, after doing it after a long time, I definitely liked this side better. I guess it didn’t quite fit me after all.” 

 

-In my opinion, you were really good. Actually, the number of votes you’re getting right now is….. 

 

  KakaoTalk. At that moment, the notification sound of KakaoTalk rang from my cell phone. 

 

  “Just a moment.” 

 

  There’s no one to send a message to. Curious about the sender, I soon thought it must be from Jun who tends to get bored. We’ve been communicating quite actively with Jun compared to the lack of contact since the last “Goodbye, Jigu. Yes.” 

 

  Jun typed fast and a lot, as if he was a chatterbox in real life. He often sent me questions like, “I just came to a convenience store, what should I eat?” which were nutrition-less, useless, but I could answer better than anyone else 

 

  “Huh?”

 

  [www.surviverID.com/movie2/51319842]

 

  Surprisingly, the sender was Jigu, with whom I had never properly exchanged a single message. Moreover, the content of the KakaoTalk message was extremely simple. No, there was nothing that could be called content. Only one video had arrived. The fancam of me with my uncle’s head moving around, which was posted on the official website a while ago. 

 

  “……What?” 

 

-What? What’s happening? 

 

  “No, nothing.”

 

  I wondered why they sent this to me. Was it a notification that it had been posted? As I had no experience of having a proper chat with Jigu, I chose the most friendly-looking emoticon instead of replying with thanks. 

 

  [(Laughing)] 

 

  But I chose the wrong emoticon. I sent the one that was laughing in circles, and suddenly, it stretched out its finger with a sound of ‘heh.’ 

 

  Ah, shit. Seeing the cunning face of the emoticon, I couldn’t help but swear. My uncle asked, startled, as if the sincere curse had been transmitted beyond my cell phone. 

 

-Why are you so angry? 

 

  “Ah. Please hang up, uncle.” 

 

-I haven’t finished what I have to say yet? You just got into the top 20 minutes ago 

 

  Given the situation, I interrupted my uncle’s words and pressed the call end button. The check mark disappeared so quickly. I looked for words to add to appear cool, but I decided to clear up the misunderstanding quickly. 

 

  [Sorry, I sent the wrong emoticon] 

 

  [But why did you send the video?] 

 

  I threw my phone to the corner of the bed, trying not to check the reply.  

 

  [Oh] 

 

  [I’m sorry, it seems I pressed it by mistake] 

 

  [I’m sorry..] 

 

  About 30 minutes later, when I was about to drift off to sleep, a reply arrived. I squinted at the three-line KakaoTalk message that seemed flustered.30 

 

  From the start, they must have hit share on my video on the homepage, whether by mistake or not. I was about to ask where they were trying to share my video, maybe to their friends or whatnot, but I found the two dots attached after ‘I’m sorry’ a little cute and decided to let it slide. 

 

  I hit backspace and typed a more mild response. 

 

  [No, it’s okay. It happens haha] 

 

  The ‘1’ had disappeared, so they must have seen my message, but no more messages came. Assuming they must be sleeping, I turned off my phone screen and lay straight in bed.1 

 

  When I woke up and checked the message from my uncle, he confirmed that our appearance on the music show had been finalized. The only difference from what my uncle told me was that the stage that was supposed to go into the main broadcast had changed to pre-recording. 

 

  He said it was a consideration because we were not officially debuted and there were so many of us. A fair number of audience members would be invited through a draw after a form submission, and he said I should watch out since I had quite a few fans too.

 

  Of course, I vehemently denied that. Why would anyone come to see me? I had seen a lot of fans on the internet, but I couldn’t imagine them actually showing up. 

 

  We received a notice that we only needed to practice until the fifth episode was aired and the rankings were announced. The set, which I had mindlessly arrived at upon seeing the message to practice autonomously since the practice room was open 24 hours, was full of participants. 

 

  I hadn’t expected everyone to come and practice right away after receiving the notice, but it seemed the tension was high since it was the first stage in front of fans. 

 

  “Our team leader is here! We were just monitoring our fancams together.” 

 

  Moreover, all our team members had already arrived. I thought I came early, but it turned out I was late. The team members who were huddled in front of a laptop, seemingly provided by the staff, waved at me while watching the fancams uploaded at midnight. 

 

  Doing the monitoring together, weren’t they embarrassed? I didn’t particularly want to watch, but there was a vacant seat in the middle as if they had saved it for me. And to the left of that seat, Jigu was sitting, tormenting an innocent water bottle. 

 

  After squeezing the plastic body filled with water about halfway, they now placed it on the ground and pressed it with their palm. As I watched intently, their gaze slowly turned to me. 

 

  “I’m sorry about last night, I really sent it by mistake.” 

 

  While the other team members were deciding whose fancam to watch first around Gaon, Jigu quietly started to speak. It seemed to weigh on their mind even though I had no intention of probing further. I could see the pressure on the water bottle increase. I almost laughed watching the water inside ripple like waves under their palm. I had already reassured them that it was fine. It was both funny and cute how they desperately tried to explain such a trivial matter. 

 

  “I told you it was fine yesterday.” 

 

  I briefly looked at the laptop in front of me. Gaon’s fancam was playing first, they must have decided the order. As I watched Gaon’s professional-like expression, I asked what I’d unconsciously wanted to know. 

 

  “Where were you trying to send it to, if not to me?” 

 

  “Huh?” 

 

  “You said you sent it by mistake. There must be a place you originally wanted to send it. Where were you trying to share my video, not even yours?” 

 

  While adding more specific questions, I kept my gaze on Gaon’s face on the screen. I purposefully asked without looking at them so they wouldn’t torment the innocent water bottle, but I heard the sound of the plastic bottle crumpling next to me. 

 

  While we were having this conversation without paying attention to the video, the other team members didn’t seem to care at all. No, rather than not caring, they were all engrossed in watching the fancams. 

 

  “Uh, I wasn’t trying to send it somewhere else.” 

 

  “Not somewhere else?” 

 

  “I was trying to share it with myself, but my finger slipped.” 

 

  Jigu lowered their head and cautiously put forward a plausible excuse. But this was even stranger, and I couldn’t see any effect of the explanation. Sharing it with themselves, what kind of talk was that? It was the first time I saw Jigu, who was always calm and spoke precisely, being self-conscious. 

 

  “Why did you do that?” 

 

  While I asked without much thought, Gaon’s fancam was nearing its end. I had no curiosity about the next video, but Hwiyoung, who had been quietly looking at the laptop in the corner, tapped my arm with his finger and kindly informed me, “The next video is yours, team leader. 

 

  In the brief moment, Jigu answered my question.

 

  “It’s for backup.” 

 

  Backup what? I couldn’t understand and wanted to ask again, but Gaon grabbed my shoulders, urging me to watch the video quickly, so in the end, I didn’t get to ask. 

 

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