How to Avoid Debut

༺ How To Avoid Debut – 18 ༻

 

  “Why are you just getting here! The break started quite a while ago!” 

 

  Uncle seemed quite anxious as he paced back and forth on the first floor of the building. I arrived later than anticipated and Uncle, after rushing me onto the elevator, pushed me into the dressing room where for the first time, I was touched by multiple hands at once. 

 

  Thanks to that, my makeup finished much faster, and Uncle, clapping as if relieved, pushed me onto the set with only a minute left of the break. 

 

  “You’re really late, aren’t you? They’re already up to the 11th.” 

 

  “We’re going to start filming again, get ready.” 

 

  While looking for a seat, Jun waved to me from afar, his bright greeting cut off by the PD’s voice. I had arrived without even knowing how; I was completely out of it. 

 

  Staring blankly at the lighting, I felt the camera moving in and out of my field of vision. During the last rank announcement, aside from when I made my statement, the camera hadn’t come my way, so I awkwardly smiled at the lens once. It’s amazing how that heavy thing could hang in the air. 

 

  Whether it was because the number of people had decreased by seven since last time, it seemed that the names were announced much faster. Perhaps because I was late, the single-digit numbers were announced quickly, and the vote count was already skyrocketing. The popularity of the program these days was not a joke, and Uncle’s excitement about it was not at all exaggerated. 

 

  “Leader.” 

 

  As I was dazedly counting the number of digits in the 10th place vote count, someone tapped my arm. Wondering who could possibly be calling me in this tense moment, I looked down to see Hwiyoung beside me. I must have been so out of it that I didn’t even realize he was right next to me. There were no survival stickers anywhere on his neatly dressed clothes. 

 

  “Has your name not been called yet?” 

 

  “Obviously. But I’m glad I made it this far.” 

 

  Hwiyoung, seeming quite content, showed a plain smile and dusted off his sleeve for no apparent reason. There was a tinge of bitterness in his laughter. Just as I was about to console him with words I had prepared since the last broadcast. 

 

  “The 9th place is… Cheon Hwiyoung!” 

 

  There was no need to find out who had called. The only person who could call out names so loudly at this moment was the MC. 

 

  “Was that… my name just now?” 

 

  “…Me?” 

 

  Hwiyoung, too, seemed taken aback, poking himself with a finger and questioning in a puzzled tone. The MC, with a bright smile, urged him to come down. His wide eyes and stiff walk were evidence enough of his surprise. 

 

  Everyone seemed taken aback at Hwiyoung’s sudden rise in rank from the 20s. Hwiyoung, not quite adapted to the buzz around him, glanced around a few times.  

 

  I had somewhat anticipated this. Episode 4 had captured quite a lot of Hwiyoung’s diligent practice, and even Uncle praised him for his diligence. 

 

  “Congratulations. You’ve become the icon of reversal.” 

 

  Upon hearing the MC’s congratulatory words, Hwiyoung started shedding tears. Worried about smudging his makeup, he tried to hold it back, pressing his eyelids a few times as he walked in front of the camera, and I quietly clapped for him. 

 

  “I thought this would be the end… Thank you so much for voting for me.” 

 

  Hwiyoung, forcing out words of gratitude through a choked voice, looked happier than anyone else in the world. I didn’t realize that it would feel so good to see a team member survive. Somehow, holding my racing heart, Hwiyoung came running excitedly over to me. This time, he had a survival sticker on his chest. 

 

  I was about to congratulate him, but I decided not to, seeing that he already seemed overwhelmed enough. The ranks announced thereafter didn’t change much. It was calm, without any big changes, except for Jun moving up two steps and Hwiyoung’s case. The whispers among the participants grew louder momentarily when the person who was previously ranked 2nd was called for 6th place, then subsided. 

 

  “Now we’re onto the debut team. Wow, the vote count is really sky-high.” 

 

  The MC continued with the rank announcement, mechanically spewing out exclamations. My name hadn’t come up until after the 4th place was announced. 

 

  ‘I’m going insane.’ 

 

  My heart was steadily tightening. More than the last time when I was praying not to go up any further, I felt much more nervous now. 

 

  Jigu also maintained his rank, receiving the same 3rd place as before. 

 

  As soon as Jigu returned to his seat with a satisfied face, Seongwon and my faces appeared side by side on the large screen. Next to it, on a small screen, were numbers that appeared to be our vote counts, displayed starkly without any names. 

 

  Even a quick glance revealed they were quite large. I wondered how many votes those were. Seeing the immense number of votes with my own eyes, it really hit me. I realized how much attention I had received and how high my votes were, despite my efforts to ignore them and wish for my elimination.  

 

  “We’ll adjust the camera and then you two come up on stage.” 

 

  As soon as the producer’s instructions came, participants grouped together just like before. This time, everyone was grouped by teams. The atmosphere was filled with those who were confirmed to be eliminated sobbing, and those with survival stickers comforting them apologetically. However, the expressions of our team members coming towards us were all bright. 

 

  “Our team all made it! I’m excited.” 

 

  Gaon, who was frantically celebrating with his survival sticker, stopped after three seconds, noticing the atmosphere around other teams. Jigu, who looked thoughtless, quietly approached and patted Hwiyoung’s shoulder a few times, while Seongwon, incongruous with the heartwarming scene, was sitting leisurely on the floor, playing with his phone. 

 

  Seongwon, who seemed to sense my gaze after only a few seconds, slowly raised his head and smiled as our eyes met. 

 

  “Congratulations. Your ranking went up.” 

 

  With an unfailingly clear face, Seongwon laughed, ‘ha ha,’ and offered his hand. I couldn’t refuse his hand, which seemed free of ill feelings, so I lightly shook it.

 

  “I saw on the last episode that your screen time increased a bit. The ranking really goes up when you get more screen time.” 

 

  “Screen time does matter. So, why didn’t you come yesterday?” 

 

  While facing his spinning, smiling face and holding his hand, words that I had only thought to myself accidentally slipped out. 

 

  “Huh? Ah, didn’t you see the KakaoTalk message?” 

 

  “I saw it, but it was so brief that it was hard to understand your situation.” 

 

  Even though I thought it was silly to scratch my nerves right before the ranking announcement, my mouth, which was beyond my control, kept babbling. 

 

  Caught off guard by my question, Seongwon added an explanation with a crooked smile. 

 

  “I couldn’t tell you in detail, but something really urgent came up. At home….” 

 

  “You shouldn’t slack off on your practice if you’re going to be an idol. I hope you will definitely join us after today.” 

 

  “Ah…. Sure. I am prepared for today.” 

 

  My eyes narrowed over my awkward smile. I raised my head, feeling a subtle strength in the hand I still hadn’t released. From now on, I had decided to give it my best shot as well. 

 

  “I hope it goes well.” 

 

  Our joined hands shook a couple of times in the air. His grip was really strong. That was all I felt during our brief encounter. 

 

  As soon as we let go of our hands, the break time ended quickly. Without wasting time, I climbed onto the stage and was given the number 2. Seongwon, standing proud as an ever-burning flame, wore the same ‘1st place’ tag as last time and descended. 

 

  Watching his retreating back, I was strongly curious about how such irresponsibility had never been shown on screen. 

 

  Was he diligent during his trainee days? In the 5th episode, all the practices that Seongwon didn’t attend were cut out, so I couldn’t even know he was absent. 

 

  “The numbers are sparkling. It seems unusually bigger than the other ranks?” 

 

  Gaon, who was the first to rush forward, started a pointless comparison, noting that the size of his sticker and my sticker were slightly different. Jigu handed me the familiar bottle of water. 

 

  He must only drink this, I haven’t even seen it in the vending machine. Does he have a habit of offering water when he has nothing to say? As I thanked him while receiving the rather frequently offered bottle of water, he gave a slight nod. Whether it was due to the number 3 hung on his chest, he seemed to be in a strangely good mood today. 

 

  With the honorable title of full team survival, we all entered the practice room again and focused our efforts on preparing for tomorrow’s music show practice. Seongwon, who had been expressing his hostility towards me by squeezing my hand earlier, quietly checked the choreography, seemingly not wanting to mess up the practice atmosphere. 

 

  However, whenever we had break time, he would always go outside. I could slightly see that he seemed to be hanging out in the practice room of Team 2, where his close friends were gathered. 

 

  “What do you think the third mission will be? Will it be a team again?” 

 

  “We’ve already done a team mission, so I don’t think we’ll do another one.” 

 

  The team members, who were exhausted to the point that their legs lost strength from the repeated melody practice for the fifth time in a row, gathered in a circle and began a conversation about the third mission. While Hwiyoung stretched his aching body, he asked what everyone would like to do, and after a while of pondering, Gaon abruptly raised his hand and pounded the floor. At that loud sound, a member playing a game in the corner was startled and dropped his phone, and Jigu, who was lying down listening to music, took out his earphones. 

 

  “I’d like to try rapping. Like, hey, everyone, shut up! Something like that.” 

 

  Gaon’s mind was as spontaneous as a child holding a crayon and drawing on a blank canvas according to the flow of consciousness. It was intriguing to observe him each time, as his mental world seemed somewhat unique, yet so pure that it was impossible to dislike. But I didn’t know he wanted to try such a rap. 

 

  “… I think just singing would be better.” 

 

  “Not good? Or maybe something like emotional rap. We have Yejun in Team 3, right? He’s really good at rapping. I asked him to teach me when he has time!” 

 

  “His lessons are really expensive.” 

 

  Gaon was talking as if he had already become a student, his face full of satisfaction, when the silent Jigu suddenly chimed in. That reminded me, he did say he was a rapper. The things Yejun had said to encourage me had helped me gather my thoughts… come to think of it, I felt grateful. 

 

  I should buy him a Jetty later. As I decided on the gift, without considering Yejun’s taste and based on my very subjective thoughts, Gaon lay flat on the floor. 

 

  “He charges tuition? He didn’t mention that to me.” 

 

  “He used to take a box of macarons each time. And only from his regular macaron shop 30 minutes away.” 

 

  “That’s a cute way to take tuition.” 

 

  I thought a small box of macarons and a happy eater would go well with Jetty. I had already imagined buying about five cans of Jetty when Gaon suddenly raised a question. 

 

  “But you sing, right? Why did you learn to rap? Is it a hobby?” 

 

  “No.” 

 

  “Well, those who are good at singing usually rap well too.” 

 

  Gaon didn’t seem to be curious about the exact reason, as he didn’t ask any further. We had a cheerful conversation about rapping and then resumed our practice. 

 

  Before long, Seongwon returned, and although he was seen frequently using his phone during breaks, the cameras were mostly off because it was a practice for a music show, which wasn’t directly related to the broadcast.

 

  Regretting that fact, we neatly finished the final practice and, upon Gaon’s suggestion that we should probably head out, we all left together. 

 

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