How to Avoid Debut

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༺ How To Avoid Debut – 30 ༻

 

  “Shall I take you?”

 

  “No.”

 

  It felt like the season for colds was approaching. I swept my arm several times due to the chilling temperature that hinted snow might fall soon. As expected, he decisively showed his intent to decline.

 

  “The idea you mentioned earlier, senior, I think it’s good. I’m considering which cup to use.”

 

  Everyone was throwing out suggestions, so I just gave it a shot. Apparently, it resonated with him. His soft eyes, which always maintained a consistent size, became tenderly curved. Jigu smiled brighter than I expected, a smile that could uplift anyone watching.

 

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  “It’s cold. You should head in quickly.”

 

  Jigu, with a light smile and nodding courteously, turned and started walking. The way he shoved his hands into his pockets and trudged along made it clear that it would have been awkward to accompany him to his door.

 

  I hurriedly moved but stopped under a streetlight. An old face flashed before my eyes.

 

  Jung Inchull and I differed in even the most trivial preferences. Even our personalities were polar opposites, which explained our inability to become close friends. Apart from dancing, we had nothing in common. Even that one shared interest was something neither of us wished to discuss together.

 

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  “Sigh…”

 

  My breath wasn’t forming visible clouds yet. It didn’t seem like deep winter. I thought about going home and aimlessly swiped a lamppost with my forefinger, killing time.

 

  The college entrance exams were imminent. A time I was deeply distressed about. Not wanting to ponder on it any further, I immediately resumed walking. Upon arriving home, without a second’s delay, I went straight to sleep. Waking up early the next day, I turned on my laptop to search for a suitable filming location.

 

  Jeju Island was too far, and I needed a place accessible by car. While I was scrolling through pages, my phone began to vibrate insistently, probably an incoming call.

 

  Considering the people I met through programs usually communicated via messaging apps, there were only two potential callers. Either my older brother or my uncle. The former was obviously at work at this time, so the likelihood of the latter calling was over 90%.

 

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  [Mother]

 

  Without a second thought, I was about to pick up the phone, but an unexpected name appeared on the screen. When did she arrive in Korea? It wasn’t an international call.

 

  “Yes.”

 

-Are you preparing to become an idol?

 

  Without a hello or asking how I was, she jumped straight to the point. Such a motherly way of speaking, I decided to greet her in kind.

 

  “Have you been well?”

 

-What could be wrong with me? But some guy messed up a culture experiment I was overseeing.

  

  She didn’t sound fine at all. My mother went on ranting about the person who ruined her experiment for over five minutes. By the time the call reached 5 minutes and 30 seconds, I felt so exhausted that I decided to change the subject. I had hoped for some casual chat, but this wasn’t what I had in mind.

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  “How did you know I was preparing to become an idol?”

 

-Oh, right. Why didn’t you tell me about it?

 

  Mother, you hardly ever pick up the phone… Communicating with her was challenging, almost as if she didn’t own a mobile phone. She would turn it off daily, saying it disturbed her research. I wanted to explain, but I kept quiet.

 

-I was at a cafe after arriving at the airport, and I saw your face on TV. I thought I was seeing wrong. I even asked the barista who you were.

 

  “You might not have believed it, but asking someone for the name of your own son is a bit too much.”

 

-Why would you go on such a show without informing me? Have you gone mad?

 

  Her voice escalated abruptly. I pulled the phone slightly away from my ear, maintaining a safe distance, and cautiously spoke again.

 

  “I’m sorry. I never expected I’d be on such a program.”

 

  It was a sudden opportunity to be on that show, and I hadn’t thought to discuss it with anyone. I never anticipated that my initial plan of being quickly eliminated would turn out this way. I should’ve informed my parents, but I wasn’t thoughtful enough.

 

  After a brief moment of self-reflection, I took a deep breath and a thought struck me. Wait, wasn’t it mother who didn’t give me a chance to tell her? Wasn’t it a mutual oversight?

 

-Did you hang up? Why aren’t you saying anything?

 

  “Well, it’s a bit sudden… but I’m going to work hard on it.”

 

  In that brief interval, I had become so accustomed to dancing that returning to my laptop felt challenging. The times when I struggled, believing I’d never debut, seemed distant. Now, I was genuinely giving it my all. They say a person’s heart is like a reed; the saying couldn’t be truer.

 

-Are you really doing this?

 

  Hearing my mother’s voice, words suddenly escaped me. When I had announced my decision to quit dancing and lead a quiet life, both my parents were abroad. They had dedicated their entire lives to this, yet didn’t oppose their disheartened son’s decision, even over the phone. But suddenly becoming an idol? I felt embarrassed, imagining how absurd they might find it, and my head hung low.

 

-When something like this happens, it’s only natural for the family to gather. I’ll contact your father and Sanghyun. Let’s meet tonight.

 

  “Wait, what?”

 

-I know your taste for instant food. Just show up, don’t worry about anything else.

 

  Mother quickly wrapped up the conversation and hung up. Staring at the end call screen, I blinked in disbelief before letting out a hollow laugh. Why was our family so… cool?

 

  By evening, a text from mother arrived with only an address. The place was quite a distance from home, so I left early. It took me 10 minutes just to locate the store in the secluded alley.

 

  “Have you arrived?”

 

  By the time I found the private room, the rest of the family was already seated. The ambiance of the place was understated yet chic, and what they sold was… hamburgers. I was genuinely surprised at my mother’s choice of such an upscale burger joint with private rooms.

 

  “Now that you’re here, sit down and let’s talk. When did you start that program?”

 

  Mother patted the seat next to her, indicating I should sit. I carefully settled into the chair. Across the table, two stern faces stared back. Anyone could tell that the atmosphere was tense. My brother, in particular, looked as if he had left his soul at home.

 

  “The first shooting starts in the fall.”

 

  “What’s the name of the program?”

 

  “It’s ‘SurvivalID’.”

 

  I tried to diligently answer each of mother’s questions when my brother interrupted.

 

  “It’s really a famous show these days. It has high viewership ratings.”

 

  My brother, who seemed momentarily absent-minded, began to chime in, making things increasingly noisy. Even my usually stern father started asking various questions, and I found myself unsure whose inquiry to address.

 

  “How about we take it one question at a time?”

 

  “Alright.”

 

  As soon as the commotion was calmed, father was the first to ask.

 

  “Why did you join that program?”

 

  “Uncle Seokho asked me to…”

 

  “That Seokho!”

 

  “Of course, that was the initial reason, but now I’m genuinely committed and have a clear goal.”

 

  Father clicked his tongue, and I hurriedly defended Uncle Seokho, fearing he might get bad-mouthed. To be honest, if I hadn’t clarified that, I felt my father might have shaken me by the collar, questioning if I was doing this against my will.

 

  “So, if you work hard in that program, they’ll let you debut?”

 

  “It’s not just about working hard, it’s also about getting votes from the viewers.”

 

  “They even have voting? Like live text voting?”

 

  Explaining the show’s format to my parents, who rarely watched TV, took a considerable amount of time. My brother tried to assist in making them understand, but it wasn’t very effective.

 

  “So it’s like a popularity vote. The person with the most votes gets to debut?”

 

  “Oh, is that it? They choose the ones with appeal?”

 

  “Basically, yes. The viewers vote for the person they like. They might like someone who speaks well, or someone who is playful and charming.”

 

  My brother, relieved that our parents finally seemed to understand, fervently nodded his head. Amidst this, a plate with hamburgers was placed on the table. My mother, while picking up a neatly sliced piece, looked at me.

 

  “Then it won’t work for Hahyun. The only thing he knows is dancing.”

 

  “You can’t just debut as an idol just because you want to.”

 

  Mom and Dad took turns delivering these blunt remarks. I couldn’t refute their observations, so I awkwardly stuffed my mouth with the burger. Amid this, my brother casually mentioned, “Well, he’s quite popular. Some of my peers really like him.”

 

  Saying this, he chugged his cola as if it was scalding hot. As my know-it-all brother continued to speak, mother and father kept throwing incredulous looks my way.

 

  “There must be a reason people like him.”

 

  “Well, Hahyun does dance well.”

 

  After discussing for a while, my parents concluded that my popularity might be due to my dancing skills, and then they fell silent. We all quietly started eating our burgers, and the conversation halted for quite some time.

 

  “But Hahyun, do you know what being a celebrity entails? It’s harder than just dancing.”

 

  Mother, having finished her plate, broke the silence. Meeting her worried eyes, I quietly set down my fork and continued chewing my burger without replying.

 

  Honestly, I couldn’t be certain about the path ahead. I hadn’t dreamt much about becoming an idol, so I wasn’t sure what awaited. I knew the challenges, given my fondness for reading novels. There would be numerous rumors, controversies, and every little action would be under scrutiny.

 

  “Still, I plan to give it my all.”

 

  Life doesn’t always go as planned. Having once easily given up on dancing, now that I had an opportunity to showcase it again, shouldn’t I try my best regardless of the challenges? If one gave up just because something was a bit tough, then no one in the world would ever hold down a job.

 

  “If you say so, then so be it.”

 

  Mother said that and picked up her cellphone. Then she started searching for the show’s title that my brother had mentioned earlier, asking various questions about it.

 

  “Is this you?” She pointed at a gif where my face was enhanced with makeup and filters, and naturally, the conversation resumed when she inquired if that was truly me.

 

  “So, you need to shoot a teaser this time?”

 

  “Have you given it thought?”

 

  “Yes, I’m currently looking for a place that looks somewhat like an open field.”

 

  I couldn’t go all the way to Jeju Island. While sipping on my cola, contemplating the need to find a location once back home, my mother clapped her hands in realization.

 

  “There’s that place. The land your grandfather owns.”

 

  “Ah.”

 

  I recalled the memories from my childhood visits to that place and decided to call my grandfather once I got home. Luckily, it wasn’t too far away. As I browsed through my contacts to find my grandfather’s number, the family got ready to leave.

 

  “Make sure to call him. Your father and I need to leave the country the day after tomorrow.”

 

  “Again?”

 

  “We just came to breathe in some Korean air for a short while. Honey, should we drop by Gyeongbokgung Palace?”

 

  In front of me, my parents cheerfully discussed their plans for the next day. Their love for that palace seemed everlasting. Seeing my brother chuckling and shaking his head, I also couldn’t help but mimic him a little.

 

  “Do your best. I’m heading out.”

 

  It seemed my brother was eager to get home as soon as possible. He swiftly pocketed his phone and promptly stood up from his seat. Despite his quick departure from a rare family gathering, our parents seemed indifferent.

 

  “I’ll be going too.”

 

  “But are you sure about this? It’s not just an impulsive decision, right?”

 

  It was funny how she casually promised to buy a few of my albums once I debuted but now suddenly showed concern. I almost laughed out loud. So, I just brushed my bangs back and assured her.

 

  “I’ve made up my mind.”

 

  “Alright.”

 

  I had resolved to become as sturdy as a deeply rooted reed. It was as if my brother, who had been concerned just moments ago, suddenly wore a glum expression and left the place. After waiting a little longer, I picked up the bill that lay on the table and headed out too.

 

  * * *

 

  “Are you ready? We won’t have many opportunities to shoot.”

 

  “Yes.”

 

  The camera pointed towards me. It wasn’t even the actual debut teaser, but the equipment looked professional, which made me unexpectedly nervous. I wasn’t the only one being filmed, but I was somehow more jittery. As I swallowed hard, I unintentionally looked up to see a clear sky.

 

  From above, the field looked lush, exuding the vibes of summer, and I stood alone in its midst. If not for the unexpected chill I felt throughout my body, one might mistake it for summer.

 

  “Alright, here we go.”

 

  As I began to run, my body felt unusually light. Though I was sure my feet were touching the ground in a rhythmic pattern, it felt as if I were flying. I felt good, but the coldness made me stop immediately once I heard the director shout, “Cut!”

 

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