I Love You Since 1892

1892 was the year the Kaptipunan 1 was established. It was also the year Dr. Jose Rizal 2 was captured and exiled to Dapitan 3.

Our most boring professor is teaching. I’ve been so bored since earlier I thought I was going to die. “Read and pass.” The person who was next to me whispers. I unraveled the paper and read it.

House party @James tonight, 8 p.m. – Shae

I sighed. James Gilbert was a vain and shameless famewhore. He and Shae were the same. I looked back at Shae and raised my eyebrow as I ripped the paper up and threw it to the ground.       

“What’s your problem?!” The way she angrily hissed at me was the reason why Professor Hermios, our Philippine History teacher, looked at us. Shae looked like she wanted to grab and pull my hair, but she couldn’t continue as Professor Hermios spoke. This woman was extremely angry towards me. The feeling was mutual.

“Quiet. If you want to grab each other’s hair continue it at the Discipline’s Office.” Professor Hermios seriously says, looking at the both of us.

I stood up and grabbed my bag as I glared at Shae, who looked like a witch4 that wanted to skin me alive. And because I wanted to piss her off, I took the bubblegum I had been chewing since earlier and stuck it on her desk.   

“I will kill you, b*tch!” Shae shouts. She was about to grab my bag, but luckily, our classmates stopped her. I know that Shae and James just wanted to see me jealous at James’ party later tonight. I just smiled at Shae and walked towards the exit.

“Where do you think you’re going, Ms. Isabella?” I heard the professor call me. I stopped and answered, too lazy to turn around, “Discipline’s Office, sir.” 

“CARMELA! Where have you been?” Questioned my dad as I entered the house. It was already 11 p.m. at night. Dad’s face was serious as he crossed his arms. I looked around, the house was messy, and there was luggage everywhere.

“It was Shae’s birthday and she was celebrating so… Yeah,” I said as I smiled and, of course, hugged dad so he would calm down. Shae was the only friend of mine back then that my dad knew about, so she was the first person who came to my mind to use as an excuse. I didn’t actually go to James’ house party. I went to a concert.

Dad looked at me carefully as if he wanted to check if I was telling the truth, so I immediately changed the subject. “Dad, What’s going on here?” I asked, then walked in. I laid my bag on the sofa. Jenny, lying on the sofa watching a movie on her Ipad, looked at me. She’s sixteen and an avid fan of K-pop.

Emily, too busy reading the book, didn’t look at me. She’s twelve and a bookworm. “I thought you and Shae were no longer friends?” Dad asked in surprise. I didn’t look at him as I sat down next to Jenny and pretended to watch the movie she was watching.

“Mrs. Falcon called earlier, according to her, you and Shae interrupted your Philippine History class.”     

“Dad, you know, it’s just a simple petty fight.”

There was a momentary silence. Jenny and Emily looked at each other, but they didn’t speak for fear of dad noticing them. “How are your grades, Carmela?” dad continued as he sat down next to Emily.

“I saw your grades.” He sighed heavily. “Why are your grades all twos 5 ? Haven’t you—” dad hadn’t finished what he was going to say, but I got up and walked up the stairs. I know him. He’s said it a million times before: Why can’t you be like your cousins? Look at them now, they’re all successful, and you’ve been left behind.

“Okay. Fine.” I say as I close the door of my bedroom. It gets tiring when you’re always compared to other people. Even if I say that Business Management isn’t for me, nothing will change because dad will still insist on what he wants.

I threw my bag to the floor and jumped on the bed. If mom was here, I think everything would be different.

I didn’t realize that my eyes were slowly closing. I dreamed of the last day my mother was still alive.

She was cooking in the kitchen. I was eight years old, Jenny was four, and Mom was pregnant. Dad had just finished dressing for work, and he was an executive manager in a five-star hotel. Mom was a teacher until she met dad, and they got married.  

Dad kissed Mom on the cheek. “Breakfast is ready,” Called Mommy, Jenny and I immediately raced to the dining table. I wanted to sit next to Mommy, and Jenny was the same, so we always competed for that spot.

“Carmela, let your sister have it. You are the bigger sister, right?” Mommy would always remind me, so I couldn’t do anything. I just sat next to dad.

“You’re as beautiful as a blooming flower, my dear.” Dad says affectionately as he hugs mommy. They both laughed. Jenny and I looked at each other. We couldn’t understand what was funny. We also frowned when they called each other dear.

“Dear, I think Johnny will be with us soon.” Mommy said as she rubbed her belly. We didn’t know if mommy was carrying a girl or a boy because they didn’t want to know. They wanted it to be a surprise. Dad smiled. Dad looked very different then compared to now that he’s always busy with work.

While I was eating, mommy suddenly held my hand. “Carmela,” she called.

“You will understand all of this, maybe not now, but someday you will.” I just nodded. Maybe mommy noticed that I was upset because I would always give way to Jenny. After all, I’m the eldest.

“Mommy, I want more cereal!” Jenny said, she was a messy eater. Mommy handed over the cereal, but we were all taken aback when she suddenly let go of the cereal box and had to balance herself on the table.

“I think I’m about to give birth.” mommy said. Our eyes widened when suddenly water flowed down her thigh. Dad was dumbfounded and lifted Mom into the car.

“Carmela, you take care of Jenny.” Dad ordered before he closed the car door. Jenny and I were shocked as we stood in the doorway. Our old nanny immediately came out of the kitchen and closed the gate so that Jenny and I would not chase after them.

That was my last memory of Mommy. She was sweating heavily like she was having a hard time. I didn’t know at that time, but I was more nervous than excited because our family would have another member. But all that excitement, joy, and hope disappeared when daddy came home hugging a baby girl without my mom.       

“Sister, wake up!” I was surprised when someone suddenly tapped me on the cheek. I immediately covered my face with a pillow, but Emily didn’t stop.

“Emily!” I scolded, she immediately ran away while laughing out loud. I knew Emily did something silly to me again because my face was sticky. I got up and realized she had put glue on my face!

I immediately went down and chased her. “Sister, what’s on your face? Facial mask?” Jenny teased. She was lying down on the sofa, and because she teased me too, I turned to face her. I chased after her and smeared glue all over her face. “What the hell?! Dad!” she shouted. I also cornered Emily and smeared glue on her face and hair. 

“Enough already! We need to leave.” dad said, and I followed him with my gaze as he loaded the suitcases into the car. I nearly forgot we were going to Lola * Carmina. My two siblings were still fighting. They flung themselves onto the soft sofa.

“Girls, Come on.” dad called. I was still teasing Jenny and Emily, so I pinned them down.

“Take a bath. You’re all sticky.” dad pointed out. Emily wanted to hug him and smear glue on him, but dad reprimanded her. Jenny and I only stuck our tongue out to Emily. Sometimes I wonder how dad was able to handle the stress of caring for three mischievous girls in his life.

It took us more than an hour to finish bathing and get ready. “Carmela, carry this first,” dad said, handing me his bag. I turned to Jenny and handed her dad’s bag. She was about to complain, but she knew what I was going say: I’m the oldest, so I’m in charge.

She rolled her eyes at me as she handed Emily dad’s bag. Emily is aware of our family’s rules; the older sister will be followed.

It took a few hours to get from Manila to San Alfonso, so my body ached from the long journey. We were in San Alfonso, my mother’s hometown. Mommy’s mother, Lola Carmina, requested that I celebrate my birthday here on Monday, February 29, 2016.

It’s still only Saturday. We still have to put up with being here for two days.

“Wow! Emily commented, “Grandma’s house is freshly painted,” Then she followed dad inside grandmother’s house.

“Does this place have WiFi?” “I was looking at the House when I heard Jenny’s complaint. Lola Carmina’s house was enormous. An old Spanish mansion. This house, according to Mommy, has been here for centuries.

Mommy told us that she attended high school and college in Manila because there was something strange about this house that she couldn’t understand. I understand what mommy is saying because I also have a strange feeling every time I visit grandma’s house.

“Come in my grandchildren!” Excitedly, Lola Carmina, who was standing in front of the door, greeted. She was beaming and seemed overjoyed to see us. She hugged and kissed each of us individually. I haven’t seen Lola Carmina in a long time. We don’t get to go to the countryside very often because dad is always busy.

“You’re all so beautiful,” she said, looking at my siblings. “Emily, Jenny… and Carmela,” she said, pausing for a moment to look at me. She looked at me for about ten seconds. It’s so awkward.

“Mom, we brought you a gift,” dad said, breaking Lola Carmina’s gaze. When Lola Carmina looked at me, it felt strange. She seemed to have something to say. Weird.

Jenny suddenly whispered into my ear. “Sister, I think Grandma is saying you’re ugly.” Jenny teased before sprinting into the house. I couldn’t exact my revenge here right now because we weren’t at home, and we might break grandmother’s things. The items on display are all antiques.

I noticed that the house had recently been renovated. Every room in the house was filled with plates, statues, paintings, and saints. It’s as if I’m in a museum.

Lola Carmina prepared her special Caldereta for us, which we are currently eating at the dining table. Dad was talking a lot, and they were sharing stories about mommy when she was still alive. Emily was excited because she had never met mommy. In my opinion, Jenny and I were fortunate because, unlike Emily, we experienced mommy’s love, albeit for a brief period.

Dad just locked himself in their room the night we found out mommy was dead and a baby girl was in her womb. If the baby was a girl, mommy liked the name Emilia. It’s a good thing dad changed it to Emily. Unlike me, who had an old-fashioned name.

“Everyone should learn to make Caldereta ala Montecarlos.This is our family’s pride,” Lola Carmina said, smiling. Even though Montecarlos was not Lola Carmina’s surname, she always reminded us, especially as children, to remember the Montecarlos family, the origin of our background.

We continued to eat. The specialty was delicious. It’s just lame to hear “Caldereta ala Montecarlos.”

I looked in the mirror at myself. I’m in the room that Grandma set aside for me. We each have our own room in Grandma’s mansion, which has about ten rooms. To be honest, I wanted to share a room with Jenny or Emily, but they can’t find out that I’m scared of this house.

The room’s classic style was beautiful. I thought that maybe ghosts would suddenly appear on the wall and throw me out the window because this is not my room.

I’ve been sitting for half an hour in front of the old antique mirror. Perhaps this mirror is a few hundred years old as well. I also can’t forget Lola Carmina’s strange stares and behavior.

I was startled when someone suddenly knocked on the door. I immediately jumped into bed and covered myself with a blanket that smelled old. The door slowly opened. I even heard the creak of the door like those in the horror movies that were set in old houses.

“Carmela, apo 6 ?” I heard the familiar voice. It was only Lola Carmina; I mistook her for someone else. I got out of bed and pretended nothing had happened.

“Are you still not sleeping?” Do you have trouble sleeping here? “Grandma asked softly, holding a flashlight. I looked at my watch, and it was only 7:30 p.m. Is it already time for me to sleep?

“I’m fine,” I respond, realizing that Lola Carmina’s appearance has changed dramatically over the last few years. Perhaps she was saddened by the death of her only child, mommy. I remember her almost fainting from crying the last time I saw her at mommy’s funeral.

“Hija 7, I’d like to show you something. Please follow me,” she said, and I wanted to ask what it was, but she had already left the room, so I just followed. I smiled to myself. Maybe she’ll take me to a room full of gold that she’d like me to inherit!

“You’re all grown up now. Please forgive me if I don’t contact you often. You know your grandmother is old and doesn’t know the new gadgets these days,” Grandma said, and I smiled. I wasn’t upset with grandma because she still called us, especially around Christmas or someone’s birthday.

We walked into a room filled with old books. I just found out that such a library exists here in the mansion. I can smell every page of the books here.

Grandmother went up to the library’s second floor and took out a black book, but it just tilted and split the bookshelf into two shelves. I blinked twice, wanting to ask grandmother if she was a detective or something, but she had gone inside.

Grandmother turned on the flashlight she was holding and motioned for me to follow her. Behind the bookshelf, there was a narrow staircase. I just smiled again. It was as if I were about to inherit the Montecarlos family fortune.

As we went down the stairwell, the surroundings became darker and darker. I grabbed my grandmother’s shoulder as if she were about to vanish from my sight. “Here we are,” she said as she pressed her hand against a wall, and everything suddenly got brighter.

I blinked in reaction to the sudden brightness. So there was some light in here! What was the purpose of having the light switch downstairs? Perhaps people must still fall down the stairs before they can reach the light switch.

I was still trying to get over the light switch when I was startled by Lola Carmina’s slow turn to me. “Come on Carmela, don’t be shy in your own home,” she said with a creepy smile.

I furrowed my brows at grandmother’s expression, especially what she said. But I came to a halt when I realized where we were. On each side, there were numerous expensive paintings and vases.

I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about the good fortune that was coming my way. I looked over at Grandma, who was also smiling. I’ll admit, Grandma’s smile was a little creepy. But I don’t mind because there’s a lot of expensive stuff here. What would it be worth if I sold all of these? I should have brought a list and a calculator with me so I could start calculating.

“Why did you bring me here, Grandma?” “I asked, “Jenny, Emily, and Dad would be overjoyed if they saw what’s in here,” I continued as I evaluated each of the expensive vases that were still shining brightly.

“I’d like to introduce you to someone,” Lola Carmina said, causing my smile to fade. Grandmother turned around and approached a wall that was covered entirely in a large red curtain. I wasn’t sure why, but my heartbeat seemed to quicken.

I’m worried. My hair began to stand on end. Perhaps she was hiding an old hermit who had been imprisoned in this place for a long time, and grandmother wanted me to be their friend.

She pulled on the curtain, and it fell. Thick dust spread throughout the room, getting into my eyes and causing me to sneeze. I had no idea grandmother would make me snort all the dust here.

“I’m sorry, apo, it’s been a few years since I cleaned this place,” grandmother apologized. The dust here was worse than the pollution from the roads. I was able to open my eyes after the dust had settled and cover my nose with one hand.

“Are we going to clean here today, Grandma?” I asked. It seems that I will not be inheriting anything here. Dust, maybe.

Grandma didn’t answer, and she didn’t look at me either. She just stared at the wall where she had pulled the dusty red curtain. I was curious about what she was looking at and why she appeared to be in a trance.

I stared at the wall. Hanging, there is a large and old painting in which there is a very beautiful young woman wearing a red baro’t saya 8.

My eyes widened when I realized I looked like the woman in the painting!

1 – The Katipunan was a Philippine revolutionary society founded by anti-Spanish colonialism Filipinos in Manila in 1892; its primary goal was to gain independence from Spain through a revolution. 

2 – José Rizal was a Filipino nationalist, writer, and polymath during the tail end of the Spanish colonial period of the Philippines. He is considered the national hero of the Philippines. 

3 – Dapitan is historically significant as the place where José Rizal was exiled by the Spanish colonial authorities for his threat to start revolutionary activities. 

4 – The word was initially mangkukulam. They are Filipino witches who practice black magic and curse you. It can also be translated to bruja, so imagine a woman with messed up hair who is very, very angry. 

5 – According to Wikipedia, getting a two is similar to having a 2.500–2.874 GPA or getting a B- 

6 – Apo means grandchild, but using grandchild seemed kind of awkward sooo 

7 – Hija means daughter in Spanish, but in Tagalog, it’s used on younger girls by the older generation. 

8 – Baro’t saya is traditional clothing in the Philippines during Spanish colonialism. The clothes the girl wore probably looked like this or this. 

* Lola is the Tagalog word for grandmother. It’s used as a term of respect so I thought that it might be awkward to continue with Grandmother Carmina. I’ll use Lola if it’s adjacent to a name but otherwise, I’ll still use Grandmother/Grandma  

T/N: The first chapter is done! I had a hard time translating so this might not be the best translation ever. It isn’t a word-for-word translation, but I hope it still reads well! Also, I got you all the pictures from the book. There are character pictures and a map as well! I already scanned, cleaned, and translated these, so enjoy!