I Love You Since 1892

I turned to look at my grandmother. Is this her birthday present for me? A painting of a self-portrait in a traditional style.

“Her name is Carmelita Montecarlos, and she is the youngest child of Don Alejandro and Doa Soledad Montecarlos,” Lola 1 Carmina explained as she gazed at the old painting. My gaze shifted away from her and toward the painting.

“Grandma, you mean… that’s a different person?” ” I questioned, and she nodded, still staring at the painting. Was what Dad previously said right? Is grandmother going insane? Has her mind been infected by the dramas she’s been watching at noon and night?            

I couldn’t help but return my attention to the painting. I couldn’t say anything. I have a striking resemblance to the woman in the painting. From her face shape, eyes, nose, red lips, long black hair, and pale skin. Her hair was tied behind her head, and she was dressed in a red baro’t saya. Her eyes were fixed in front of her as if she was looking at me.

“She was the youngest sister of Josefina Montecarlos, who became a nun, and Maria Montecarlos, who was my grandmother,” Lola Carmina explained. When I looked at Grandma, I realized that she was serious and her face showed a deep sadness. I looked at her again, and she didn’t appear to be trying to trick me.

Her words compelled me to think. Maria Montecarlos seems to be my ancestor, but why do I resemble her sister Carmelita? She was not my great-grandmother.  

“Grandma, why do we have such a striking resemblance?” ” I queried, planning to simply agree with whatever grandmother said. Maybe she’s getting senile, and her memories of reality and the dramas she likes to watch are getting mixed up.

“Because she is a family member.” Grandmother explains, “The blood of our blood, the flesh of our flesh.” In high school, I studied genetics. Our DNA and genes were indeed related, but how did I end up looking so much like her?

“She died when you were your age,” grandmother says. My pupils dilated. Why did she die so young? I knew I shouldn’t take grandma’s words seriously, but it still shocked me.

“What? Why? What happened? ” I queried, I didn’t know why, but I felt compelled to find out who she was and what had happened to her.

“She was so blinded by love that she threw everything away for it,” grandma replied as she looked at me. I was terrified that her shape would change into the woman in the painting. What would I have done if I had come across an ancient woman who looked exactly like me? Perhaps we would have fought over who was more beautiful.

Lola Carmina urged me to sit on a chair and sat next to me. The old painting was now in front of us.                 

“Destiny waited a hundred and twenty-four years for this to happen. Are you ready to learn the story behind this painting?”  my grandmother asked, her eyes staring into my eyes and her hand gripping my hand. I rolled my eyes. So, now we’re going to start telling stories?

“Can we call Jenny and Emily? I’m sure they’d also love to hear your story.” I suggested but Lola Carmina shook her head.                 

“It is not possible. No one else can know this except the eldest child in our family,” Lola Carmina replied, her face solemn. It looks like I won’t be able to share this with others.

I was incapable of doing anything but nodding. It’s not like I can refuse and leave, the girl in the painting could become resentful and haunt me for the rest of my life.      

“Carmelita’s life was quiet, happy, and peaceful with her entire family, who was the wealthiest in the town of San Alfonso. Don Alejandro and Dona Soledad Montecarlos agreed to marry Carmelita to Juanito Alfonos, the second son of Don Mariano and Juanita Alfonso. The Alfonso family was the most influential family and has been leading for several hundred years throughout San Alfonso province,” grandmother explained, it seemed as if she was there at the time because of her vivid words.

“It didn’t take long for Carmelita and Juanito to fall in love with each other, so it wasn’t difficult for them to agree to marry, but everything changed when Juanito died on the day of their wedding. Nobody knew why he had been killed. Carmelita committed suicide a week later, drowning herself in the Lake of Tears in their hacienda 2 ,” grandmother continued. What happened to them was heartbreaking.

“Did you know, apo 3 , when I first saw you, I mistook you for Carmelita, my grandmother’s youngest sister in this painting?” I recall the first time my Lola Maria told me the tragic story of her sister. Lola Carmina added, “We were also here in this exact room, in front of this exact painting.” I have been speculating that maybe Lola Carmina didn’t tell Mommy about Carmelita and Juanito’s love story because Mommy grew up mostly in Manila.

“It’s possible that it is not a coincidence that Carmelita and you look similar because you were born on the same day. She was born on February 29, 1872, and died a week after Juanito was murdered,” grandmother explained. I was born on February 19, 1996.

What a coincidence. Lola Carmina then handed me an old diary she had taken from a nearby chest. “This was Carmelita’s diary; read it so you can better comprehend their story,” I took the diary from her. It was old, thick and dusty.

“Lola Maria gave that diary to her daughter, Carmen, who she named after Carmelita. Carmen is my mother’s name, my full name is Carmina, and I named your mother Carmenia. You are Carmela,” grandmother explained, standing up and returning her gaze to the painting.

“Maria Montecarlos insisted that every first-born daughter throughout our line take Carmelita’s name. But not one of us were born on the day that only came once every four years.” Did she mean February 29th? Only once every four years did the 29th of February or the leap day come.

Lola Carmen.

Lola Carmina.

Mommy Carmenia

And me, Carmela.

Lola Maria wanted to connect us all to her sister Carmelita. She wasn’t disappointed because now I’m here, Carmela Isabella, a member of the Montecarlos family who was born on February 29, 1996.

Now I understand why they named me Carmela. I’m extremely girly 4 , but why was my name, Carmela? It was completely old and outdated.

I sighed as I lay down on the bed. It was 8:20 p.m. already. Aside from being unable to sleep due to my grandmother’s stories, I was also disturbed by the diary she gave me. On the front page, it was written, “Our love will be rewritten on the day of the fourth chance

There were so many riddles in this diary. Such things are difficult for me to understand. I was also afraid of opening it for fear that ghosts would suddenly appear. Moreover, I was too lazy to read it. I’m not a big fan of reading books.

I was caught off guard when I felt something vibrate on my back. It seems that I accidentally laid down on my phone. James sent a text message.

Where are you?

Maybe he couldn’t bother anyone else, so he chose to harass me. He texted me again.

I miss you.

I just laid in bed and scrolled through Instagram. Shae’s post appeared right away in my notifications. She and James were currently together. They were attending a concert. He obviously missed me! And because I’m a kind person, I liked their picture.

I tried to close my eyes, but all I could see was Shae’s annoying face in the picture, as if she was trying to tell me that her weekend wasn’t boring. While I was here, sulking in the room of a deceased girl who looked exactly like me, inside an old house full of strange and ancient stories.

I checked the time, and it was still early. I crept out of the room and looked around at Dad’s, Jenny’s, Emily’s, and Grandmother’s rooms. They appeared to be doing their own thing. As I ran back into the room, I smiled. It’s time to party!

“One vodka, please.” I said to the bartender. It wasn’t difficult to sneak out of the house because there was no one guarding grandmother’s house in the first place. I only struggled with the tall fence that was hard to climb.

I also had no trouble finding this bar; all it took was one click of the Google Maps and the assistance of a manong 5 tricycle 6 driver. It’s just a little strange because the bars in the province all seem to be videoke 7 bars.

“We don’t sell anything like that,” he replied, “we only sell these,” he added, pointing to the heavy beers and lambanog 8 behind him. I pointed to the beer I drink every once in a while.

“Do you have any nice glasses?” I inquired, the boy standing at the counter thought about it for a moment before he went inside and took a cup that I’m pretty sure he took from his grandmother’s display cabinet, where they would display the pretty china that was used when there were visitors.

I smelled the cup first before pouring the beer. I posted a photo of the beer inside the wine glass on Instagram. I needed Shae to know that I, too, was partying and that my weekend was not boring.

“Could you please change the music, Kuya? 9 ” I inquired, feeling as if I was about to go deaf from the manong singing Beer by Itchyworms out of tune. His friends were also joining him because they were 

“Will you be singing as well, Ma’am?” ” questioned the boy behind the counter. I shook my head. I finished the beer I bought. I only came here to take a few photos to post on Instagram.

Before I had realized it had been a few hours. I ordered another two bottles. I was irritated with James and Shae. I was irritated by the course that I didn’t want to take. I was irritated that I was here while my other blockmates 10 were out partying this weekend.

I stood up and placed the payment on the table. I walked away. I looked for the tricycle driver, whom I’d also hired to take me back to my house. With my eyes, I looked around; there were no tricycles outside. I was also feeling dizzy. I didn’t drink nearly enough to be this tipsy.

My vision became blurry, and everything seemed to be spinning. I was holding on to the pole next to me when I was suddenly grabbed by someone. Everything seemed to slow down, and I felt myself falling to the floor.

1 – Lola is the Tagalog word for grandmother. It’s used as a term of respect so I thought that it might be awkward to continue with Grandmother Carmina. I’ll use Lola if it’s adjacent to a name but otherwise, I’ll still use Grandmother/Grandma 

2 – A hacienda , in the colonies of the Spanish Empire, is an estate. Some haciendas were plantations, mines or factories. Many haciendas combined these activities. 

3 – Apo means grandchild, but using grandchild seemed kind of awkward. 

4 – The orignal text used kikay which means a girl or woman who is interested in beauty products and fashion. 

5 – Manong is similar to mister in English, however it’s more respectful and provincial in definition. 

6 – A tricycle is a type of public transport in the Philippines. A motorcycle is attached to a sidecar that has two wheels hence the name tricycle. It looks like this. 

7 – Videoke is a very popular form of entertainment in the Philippines. An entertainment in which novice singers or just anybody who wants to consider singing, sing alongside with recorded new music utilizing a microphone. Basically the Filipino version of karaoke. 

8 – Lambanóg is a traditional Filipino distilled palm liquor made from coconut or nipa palm sap. 

9 – Kuya means big brother. It’s used to address your big brother, other male relatives and even the little brother who dropped his toy in front of you! 

10 – Blockmates mean classmates. 

T/N: This chapter will be cut in half so I won’t be as overwhelmed. Maybe future chapters will be too, we’ll see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Also I don’t have a schedule yet because I don’t like schedules however I probably will be posting every week. I just haven’t figured out how many times a week (⊙_⊙;)