I'd Give Up The World For You

That wasn't true. Daisy had no idea how tempting it had been to forget his plans and stay on the farm with her forever. But Rukelion knew that the thought of what he left behind would torture him even more if he had. He had known some peace with her—more than he ever expected to have again—but then something would remind him of his loss all over again and the fury would consume him. 

"I do!" he insisted. "You have no idea how hard that is. I wouldn't even know where to start."

"But can you try? For me? I don't want to see you spiral, Rukelion. I love you too much for that. Seeing you go down the road Juliet saw for you would kill me."

Try? What was he supposed to try? He had already been trying to forget the horrors of his past as much as possible but it didn't always work. The more he thought about home, the more unstable he felt and he had been doing that a lot lately. 

He hadn't wanted to keep quiet about his home and family for so long. Doing so dishonored them but he had known it wouldn't be safe plus the pain was too fresh. He told himself he would wait until he had accomplished his revenge so that was exactly what he did. 

The problem was that after not talking about them for so long, doing it casually always broke his heart. Would doing it more often make things better or worse?

Some things required acclimation. Like calluses that helped him better grip his sword. They really, really hurt at first though. 

Was that the sort of thing she meant? Talking about painful things until they didn't hurt anymore? He didn't see how that would help him forget the horrors of his past enough to let go of his hatred but it was the only idea he had. 

"That won't happen," Rukelion insisted. "I'll never go that far as long as I have you."

Daisy sighed and tiredly leaned her head against the back of the sofa, turning away from him. "And what would happen if you didn't have me? If, heaven forbid, I die before you do. I am older."

He didn't even want to imagine something so horrible. If she was gone he would have absolutely nothing to live for. 

The only things keeping him going all this time were his desires for revenge and to have a future with her. Having already fulfilled his revenge as much as he could considering the limitations on him, she was all he had left. 

"Don't talk like that!" he said in a panic. 

Daisy turned back to look at him, her expression deadly serious. "I mean it, Rukelion. If something happens to me are you going to be able to hold it together for our kids? Or will you become what Juliet predicted for you and do what the king of Mirea did?"

Rukelion shuddered at the reminder. He had gone mad and killed his own wife and child. Doing something so horrible...he would never! 

"Do you think so little of me?"

"No but I'm scared. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Neither did he. All he could do right now was gather her up in his arms and hold her tightly. Even if she didn't want him to touch her right now he needed the reassurance that she was still here. 

Daisy sighed and her initial resistance melted away as she sank into his arms. She snuggled closer and didn't say anything for a while. 

Rukelion wasn't sure how long they stayed like that before she spoke up. "You should probably go do those interrogations now. I think I'm going to go look for the kids in the library after I clean myself up. Go easy on Nico and Demetria, okay?"

He nodded. Upsetting her further was not on the agenda today. Those two could potentially be given lighter sentences involving prison time rather than death. 

"And Juliet?"

Daisy let out a heavy sigh. "Do what you must."

Juliet had committed high treason. She had to know that involved the death penalty. What she did must have truly devastated Daisy for her not to care whether her former friend lived or died. That made him feel even worse if that was possible. 

She was upset at Juliet but she was also upset at him because of this mess. He wished she had never met that horrible woman!

He also wished that things were different. That his family was alive. That Daisy believed in promises. That they could simply be happy together the way both of them so desperately wanted. 

They went to the bathroom together to try and rid any traces of their tears and when they were done he caressed her face and planted a light kiss on her lips. "I love you, Daisy."

"I know you do," she said quietly. "I just wish it was enough to make a difference."

Daisy left the bathroom and went down the hall toward the library. Two guards and a maid joined her and he saw her sigh at the sight of them. Not much longer. Things wouldn't be like this for that much longer!

Soon the baby would be born and her focus would be on it rather than the things Juliet said and this ridiculous botched assassination attempt. Maybe having Ira around would help cheer her up too. It would be nice if he was here for the birth of the baby so he didn't have to wait until summer to meet it. 

She would like that, wouldn't she? Would that be enough to make her feel better and put this whole incident behind her? 

Rukelion hated seeing her upset. It had been happening more and more since she moved into the castle. Would she truly be happy here with him knowing he was much closer to what Juliet thought he was than she originally suspected? 

She didn't seem very happy as his queen. But it wasn't like he could abandon the throne. He didn't care much for Mirea but there wasn't anybody else capable of doing the job in this country now that much of the higher nobility had been replaced with commoners. They wouldn't know how to rule.

If he left to make Daisy happy there would be a serious power vacuum. To avoid dealing with the fallout of that they would have to flee the country and go somewhere else. She probably wouldn't like that either since she would miss her friends here in the capital. 

No matter what he did he wouldn't be able to make her happy, would he? They couldn't go back to the relatively carefree days they spent together on the farm. Too much had happened. 

Besides, Rukelion couldn't leave. If he wasn't in a position of power no one would ever remember Katalya. He couldn't let everyone's loss go unnoticed in the grand scheme of things. He had to make sure people remembered his culture and his nation's long and proud history before it came to a halt.

Katalya was only gone if he was as the last man standing. He couldn't let it be forgotten. He just couldn't. 

Daisy's accusations that he cared more about the past than the future stung. Of course he cared about the future! That didn't mean he could forget everything he knew for more than half of his life so easily. 

He hated that she thought she wasn't as important to him as his revenge but he couldn't deny he could see why she would think that way. First, he left her for years. Then he kept a bunch of secrets and she had to find out he took over the kingdom from someone else. To top it all off, she hated living in the castle and having her freedoms restricted. 

From Daisy's perspective it would very easily seem like he cared more about his revenge than he cared about her. He wanted to refute it but he had put a lot of things off regarding her in order to make it happen. 

She spent so many years lonely then uprooted herself not once but twice for him. One of those times was even before she was in love with him because he had been her only real friend. 

And what had he done to show he cared about her? Small gestures meant nothing when he kept making mistakes and breaking promises. No wonder she didn't believe in them anymore. After having them broken so many times they would become meaningless. 

Rukelion sighed. What was he supposed to do? 

He wanted to move forward but didn't that involve coming to terms with his past as well? He would never know peace without finding a way to honor his lost countrymen. He would be able to put it behind him once he had accomplished that; he was certain of it. The problem was that he didn't know how long it would take and he wasn't sure how much patience Daisy had left for him. 

She had been so hot and cold lately but he supposed that was partly because she was pregnant and partly because she was already so unhappy with all of the life changes she was dealing with. He really needed to do more to help her. But what? 

What could he do to make an independent woman like her enjoy being waited on? How could he make someone whose biggest dream was space to be free and do what she wanted be happy in what she viewed as a beautiful cage? Her personality was very ill-suited to the lifestyle he had grown up with. He realized that now. 

Daisy wasn't fit to be queen but she was one anyway. That was his fault. He hadn't accounted for her preferences in his plans at all or even warned her what he was doing.. No wonder she was having such a hard time.