I'd Give Up The World For You

Rukelion wanted to take back his earlier statement. Being with Daisy but not being able to kiss her or tell her how much he loved her WAS going to kill him.

He was only able to touch her when she initiated it first except when they went to sleep. She didn't seem to mind being held then but the only other time she would allow it was when they were watching TV. 

He desperately missed the frequent casual touches and kisses that he had grown used to during the course of their marriage. Seeing her but not being able to do that hurt. He missed her so much even though she was right there in front of him.

It wasn't the same. He could enjoy her enthusiasm, bright smile, and kind heart but couldn't enjoy her love. 

How long was it going to take? When was she going to marry him again? He needed that reassurance that he would truly have her for the rest of his life this time. Desperately. Knowing he was little more than nothing to her drove him crazy when she was everything to him!

Daisy had to care about him in some small capacity…otherwise she wouldn't let him stay here or comfort him when he cried. Then again, that could simply be because she was a nice person. Which would be even worse.

Rukelion tried not to let that thought drive him mad. He had to focus on what he could do right now. That was working toward their future together and trying to improve their relationship at the same time.

He had already started filling out tons of online applications to various community colleges throughout the city. Beginning classes in the summer shouldn't be a problem. 

That took care of one major concern. He also wanted to buy himself a car but he could wait until he had more money for that. He wouldn't need one until he started classes anyway since he would have to head to school directly after work. 

That would cut into the time he could see Daisy, which was concerning on multiple levels. If he couldn't see her he couldn't work on getting her to fall in love with him OR keep his sanity intact. 

Rukelion had already decided to do all of his homework at home rather than stay late on campus when the time came but that wouldn't change the fact that his classes would cut into the time he could see her. That was the last thing he wanted but if it was for the sake of their future…

He wanted his wife to accomplish her dream. To be able to grow vegetables and flowers and live peacefully with their family.

His dreams weren't possible anymore so it was better to focus on hers. He would find a way to learn to live with it. He would have to. They were what had drove them apart in the first place so he tried telling himself it was for the best. 

It didn't always work. He felt horrible about abandoning his responsibility to Katalya, his family, and his former comrades in the military but his responsibility to Daisy and himself had been more important.

Rukelion's happiness hinged on her well-being. He knew that now. He never should have let anything get in the way. 

Now his wife had forgotten him and he didn't even know if she LIKED him let alone loved him. Honestly, it was hard to tell with her. She treated him much like she had back when they were first getting to know each other so many years ago and weren't friends yet for the most part. 

He tagged along with Daisy pretty much everywhere she went and occasionally she specifically suggested activities for them to do together out and about. In the month since he moved in with her they had gone bowling and to a museum. 

That had been interesting. They didn't have museums in his world; there had only been the royal archive. Which had been destroyed when the castle was.

He enjoyed looking around at the various things people here thought were worthy of putting on display but the best part was that when he took Daisy's hand when they first arrived she didn't pull away. He was able to walk around with his hand in hers the way things were supposed to be. 

That was about the extent of the affection she allowed aside from the occasional forehead kiss and hugging her when sleeping or watching movies. He tried telling himself anything was better than nothing but it always left him wanting more. 

"We're going to the botanical gardens today!" Daisy announced as she emerged from the bathroom with her bedhead tamed wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a striped sweater. 

Rukelion smiled. She had been looking forward to this for weeks. The flowers were finally beginning to bloom again so she wanted to go immediately. Her eyes were shining with anticipation. 

Never one to dampen her enthusiasm, he got off the couch and went to go get changed himself. He put on some jeans and a Cincinnati Reds sweatshirt that belonged to his wife but he had laid claim to a week ago because his only hoodie had been dirty. 

It was one size too large for her so it fit him perfectly. She had rolled her eyes and told him to take it. She only had it in the first place because it had been a gift. He was willing to bet it was from one of her former foster parents who was a baseball fan. That would explain why she wasn't the slightest bit reluctant to part with it. 

He didn't know anything about baseball that he hadn't read online but he loved the sweatshirt because it smelled like Daisy. Back in his world she usually carried the scent of the outdoors or whatever she was cooking. 

Things were different here. She still smelled vaguely like plants and dirt at times because she had so many in her apartment but she also wore perfume and had scented shampoo and conditioner. 

Rukelion had thought he knew the scent of her hair by heart but that was with a different head of hair. Nowadays she smelled like flowers all the time instead of only when she was wearing flower crowns. He couldn't quite figure out which flowers but it was an undeniably comforting scent.

Wearing her sweatshirt felt almost like she was hugging him. That was what he liked about it most. 

"Let's go!" Daisy urged excitedly, taking him by the hand and pulling him toward the elevator. He blissfully let her pull him along as he savored the contact. 

She might not love him right now but at least she would hold his hand and show him things that made her happy like always. He needed that sunny enthusiasm in his life now more than ever since things were fairly bleak overall.

She was so happy inside the botanical garden that she actually laughed and held her arms out to spin around in a circle. Her hair fanned out around her head and her brightest smile made his heart skip a beat as usual. He wanted to kiss her so badly it hurt. 

"Look at all the petunias! I love petunias! Especially these headliner dark violet picotee ones. Aren't the purple centers extra vibrant against the white?" Daisy asked with shining eyes.

Rukelion was very familiar with this level of enthusiasm about plants and he smiled warmly at her. "Yeah, they look great."

"Follow me! I want to find the tulip display. That's one of the best parts of the botanical garden this time of year. Someday if I can afford it I'd love to go to Holland. I've heard the tulips there are spectacular."

He had no idea where Holland was but immediately added it to his mental list of places to take her. He knew that tulips were her fourth favorite flower. It made sense that she would want to see them in abundance. He needed to look up tulips in Holland on his phone when he got the chance. 

Daisy snapped pictures of flowers with her phone's camera almost every time they passed something, gushing facts about each plant as she went. It seemed she was used to doing this and not having her picture taken herself because she was surprised when he offered to take one of her in front of some tulips. 

She sat on the ground cross-legged so there would be a better view of them behind her and gestured to them with her brightest smile on her face. He took the picture from a crouching position to make sure he got the best shot.

Rukelion loved the picture so much that he quickly sent it to himself with the intention of making it his phone's background. He had explored the settings enough to know how to do that ages ago.

He wanted to be able to see Daisy's brightest smile every time he opened his phone.. If that couldn't remind him why he was bothering with any of this, nothing could.