I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

The geezer was dying. 

Or rather, he was dying to come along. 

He was also dying, in every sense of the word. 

"He never improved?" 

I hadn't seen the geezer yesterday, all day. I was so concerned about my shit, that I forgot to even check on him, though the guy ended up this way, frankly, because of me. 

"We hospitalized him," Grandma said. "The venom seems to be from a primal vampire at the very least. So, unless he just rests, he'll end up dead. But he snuck out and when he finally made it here, collapsed."

The guy was on the couch, just grinning and sweating. He looked terrible. "I'm fine. Just carry me, and it's all good."

I went closer to him, sat down. "But you'll have to get better first. Think about it, it'll mean a lot to me if you were there, but- but if something happens to you, how will I forgive myself? I don't know you geezer, and you don't know me. We've barely known each other for half a week. But we're related by blood. I don't know, really, about how much you care about me or how much I mean to you: It's impossible to tell, really. After all, we're all different and who knows what goes on people's heads. But honestly, I'd have a really bad day if something happens to you. So can you please just stay in the hospital till you get better?"

His grin disappeared. "Who the hell taught him that monologue?" He glared at mom and grandma. 

Both of them were just grinning. 

No one said anything. 

"Besides, we'll have a party here anyway. So, you better get better before that," I said. 

As for the monologue itself, I had no idea what came over me. I spoke without even thinking. And after saying it, felt embarrassed. 

He clicked his tongue. The guy had a very bad fever. "Fine." But he could be reasoned with. 

We called the hospital and the geezer was escorted out.

He didn't look good. 

I had this weird feeling. This weird feeling that maybe- maybe I should have allowed him to come along. 

What if-

"Don't worry. That guy doesn't know when to quit," Grandma said. "He'll be fine."

"I sure hope so."

"Well, we better get going," Mom said. She was done with everything. Her dress was similar to Elsa's but just with purple color. 

The four of us; mom, Elsa, me, and grandma would go to the wedding. 

"How are we going to get there, again?"

Last I checked, they didn't really say much about plane tickets. 

"Private jet?" Grandma asked. 

Private jets?

The very two words put my mind on an endless spiral of doom.

"You can't be serious-" my eyes twitched.

I sighed, my palm on my face. 

I knew where this was going, and I did not like that. 

We still got out of the house; the bunny maid stayed behind. 

Once we got out, though-

'Oh wow, it is a jet!'

A black jet, with four engines. 

A fighter jet no less. 

***

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

A thunderous roar of what seemed like two enormous sheets of paper being folded in two echoed far and wide, as we blitzed off into the horizon. 

Fast!

This damn plane was fast!

"YAHOOO!" and whenever it dived a little, Elsa flailed her arms and started screaming.

As if the bone-crushing gravity of this damn thing wasn't enough!

There were only three seats, so we were packed tight. 

I didn't know who the hell was piloting this damn thing, but the guy was often chuckling and I could hear him!

And when Elsa screamed in joy, the guy just spun the damn plane ever more. 

The hell!

Why the hell did I think this was a good idea!

Arghhh!

***

Pant! Pant!

Huff!

Puff!

I was fighting for my life. 

Sweat here.

Groans there.

Tears everywhere. 

It was a twenty-seven-minute flight. 

And I could count every frigging second. 

The sliding doors above us opened. 

And I jumped out, rolled on the grass. 

"Oh, sweet, sweet grass."

My sweats were still there, this suit was already ruined, so who cared!

It was a miracle, I didn't puke. 

'I'm never getting back on that thing again!'

Even the plane pretenders were better than this thing. At least they had the decency to make the flight a bit nicer. 

"Ahem!" Someone cleared her throat behind me. "Let's try to be a bit civil?" It was mom. 

Speaking of mom and the rest, they were fine. Elsa in particular was exhilarated. 

'The hell is wrong with this family?'

Anyway, we'd arrived at the large fields of Melheim's domain. I couldn't see his house anywhere. 

But I could see a rather peculiar building in the distance. 

It looked like a haunted mansion; a tall, wooden, black two-story building. It looked like anything but a church. 

Just the ominous color was rubbing me the wrong way. 

"We didn't come to the wrong place?" 

Because there was no frigging way this pilot and this damn plane were going to get us to the right place. 

Besides, there was no one outside of the haunted building thing. No decorations, no nothing. 

And the damn thing could break apart any moment- or so I got the feeling. 

"This is the place." Mom led the pack.

And to my horror, I found myself walking alongside them. 

The grass here was large- pretty much reaching up to my shin. They weren't cared for much, I guess. 

There were two, maybe three lemon trees near the house. Those were rather old trees. 

The house meanwhile, was worn out and didn't have much if any structural integrity. 

"It would hold, right?" 

If the damn thing decided to collapse on us, that'd be a major shame. And I hadn't even bought my saber either. 

So, barriers were out of the picture. 

"Oh, it'll be fine." Grandma chuckled. "Probably."

Yeah, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. 

Just outside the door, I paused. The footing creaked way too much. 

Weirdly I was breathless. Not from the almost dying experience of the jet, but instead, from the nervousness. 

'I'm getting married!'

IT was exciting but now, it was scary. Just moments later half of my freedom would cease to be. I'd be forever bound to her and I'd take care of her as she'd take care of me. 

'I'm getting married…'

I didn't get to knock. 

Instead, the door opened- or rather fell inside. 

Marg's mother dodged and with a smile, welcomed us in. 

Sufficed to say, the inside wasn't better than the outside. 

'Seriously, would this place really hold?'

Needless to say, my nervousness of marriage was replaced by my undying wish to just get this over with and get out of this house.