Episode 60 – There’s No Way I’m Shedding Tears

[So I want you to …… not turn away from people’s kindness and favors. So I don’t want you to end up like me…]

When I got home, I remembered what Aigou san had told me.

Turning away from people’s kindness…….

It was something I wasn’t even aware of.

It’s true that I have been turning my eyes away from people and my ears from their words.

I thought there was no one to worry about me, no one to like me, and so Aigou san’s words affected me deeply.

If I stay in my own shell, I will never be hurt by anyone, or hurting anyone. All I have to do is love anything that I have accepted in my own world.

But now that my family circumstances have changed, my living circumstances have changed, and my relationships with other people have changed, I may not be able to continue to deny everything but my own world…….

If I continue to run away from others and remain in my shell, I’ll eventually become lonely. it’s not like I was satisfied by that.

Being alone is painful, it’s scary.

I think Aigou san has taught me the meaning of that word. Then I wonder what I can do to change now.

I haven’t tried to learn about my step sister’s sudden change in her attitude, my childhood friend’s sudden moody attitude, Idol sama’s sudden confession, or my wife who broke up with me.

If I don’t try to see, I won’t get hurt like I did back then. But if I don’t try to know, I don’t know what people are thinking.

Then I need the courage to face them without fear……

They’re the readers and I am the author.

They are just looking at my surface.

Readers can say what they want to say. But they don’t respond to what they don’t want to see. And if I stop trying because I’m afraid to write, the readers will leave.

Just like that, they only see me as someone who has been avoiding people.

If I don’t make a sincere effort to face them, then I will never know their true intentions.

…… Facing ……huh.

While staring at the ceiling, I think back on Aigou san’s words.

Then I heard a knock on the door.

“Yes……”

“……Dinner is ready, okay?”

My step sister came to call me with a voice that sounded like it was fading away.

I moved to the entrance of the room, opened the door and looked at my step sister.

She was standing in front of the room with her face down.

For some reason the sight of her made me burst into laughter and so I laughed.

She was startled by the sound of my laughter, then she raised her head and looked at me.

“……What?”

“Fufu….no, it’s nothing.”

She stared at my face without understanding what it meant when I laughed at her.

At that moment, our eyes meet,……and a moment of silence passes in the quiet room where there’s only two people.

“…..As always, thank you..”

Suddenly, I thanked my step sister.

Even though I said as always, it hasn’t even been a week since we made up.

However, for a short period of time,  she has been trying to fill the gap that existed between us.

When I thought that I hadn’t thanked her in any way for that, something suddenly came over me.

And it was that one word…..

Then my step sister’s face turned bright red and she turned away.

“Y-you don’t have to say thank you ! ! I’m just doing it on my own……. Look, it’ll get cold ! !”

I laughed again as I looked at her back as she walked downstairs with a flustered look on her face.

She doesn’t know how to keep up her appearance and can’t be honest…….

When I think about it, it makes a little more sense about her past attitude.

I would call it optimistic, but it was the first thing I understood when I looked her in the eye and talked to her.

You can’t keep denying others just because you don’t understand.

I should try to understand her, a little at a time.

With this in mind, I followed my step sister down the stairs.

In the dining room, a scene familiar to me these days spread out.

I take my seat while looking at the food that lined up on the dining table and my step sister sitting across the table.

“….. looks delicious as well today.

My step sister blushes as she casually mutters and desperately tries to maintain her expression.

We may not be able to laugh together sincerely.

But even so, we can still be a little bit closer as a family……

As usual, we thanked the food before eating, and started eating.

Her cooking is as good as ever.

I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to have a conversation with my step sister, but she glanced at my face as she silently proceeded to eat with her chopsticks at the table and opened her mouth.

 “…… Hey, you look kind of refreshed, what happened?”

“Is that so? well, it’s nothing…”

…… Until yesterday?

That’s right, until yesterday I was depressed because of my internet wife thing. But I certainly felt somewhat refreshed now.

“Yeah…. I was feeling down because of other things that happened to me. However, when I met the editor and listened to her story, it made me feel better about a lot of things.”

My step sister makes a gloomy face as I tell her the reason while eating.

“….. Does that have anything to do with me?”

“It’s about me, so don’t worry about it.. ……No, I feel like I’ve been causing trouble for Sora too.”

“Eh? what do you mean?”

My step sister’s face was confused by my sudden confession.

“Until now, I was afraid to face people, and I didn’t listen to other people. I think that’s why I made you feel uncomfortable.”

Hearing my words, my step sister looked down with her mouth hanging.

“But even though I’m like that, you make up with me and even make me dinner like this. But all I could think about was running away from facing people and …… you. ….Sorry.”

Lack of communication. I think of Aigou san who admonished me without blaming me for what I lacked.

“……Hey, What changed you?”

“Eh?”

“What is it that changed you so much?”

My step sister asked me a question. I couldn’t  immediately answer her question.

To me, Aigou san is my editor-in-charge.

I admire her as an adult and as a woman.

But what is this feeling?

By the time I realized that, I was already crying.