In The Seven Deadly Sins With A System

Blap Blap SHINNN

"JOE TURN YOUR F.U.C.K.I.N.G VOLUME DOWN!!!"

screeched mum.

"Jeez mum, you don't even understand me"

I replied being super deep as usual.

Sorry about that guys, hey my names Joe and I'm a 27 year old and i live in my mums bas.e.m.e.nt. It's a good life. My mum seems to slowly be growing impatient but hey, who cares right?

I'm a very unusual person, while yes I do watch anime a lot. I only watch one anime, Seven Deadly Sins. It is a master piece. Currently I am half ways through season one... for the 967th time.

I also read a lot of web novels, mainly those about being isekaied by Truck-kun or maybe even Knife-chan. Like many people I watch these as a form of self insertion. Oh, speaking of insertion... I am also a v.i.r.g.i.n. To be honest I go to the bar around the corner sometimes and talk to women, but they seem disgusted when I tell them that I have watched most videos on hanime.tv and am also a top commenter. I thought my honest would make them interested but they seem repulsed. 'Who cares 2D girls are better right' I think while a single tear drops down my cheek.

Due to my shamelessness I am overly confident for no good reason at all. Some call me a psychopath but even The Joker has Harlequin. I am more of an Umpa-Lumpa. A fat, orange Umpa-Lumpa. A fat, orange Umpa-Lumpa that laughs and dances at fat boys getting s.u.c.k.e.d up chocolate pipes. But then again the Umpa-Lumpas have each other. So I guess I'm not that either. Alright never mind we are getting off topic.

I think about suicide a lot. Not because I am depressed but more because I want to get reincarnated. Probably been tainted by all of those isekai novels. I'm sure others are like this too. Hoping Truck-kun will come for them next. It's sad but I have lost interest in reality.

You know what... F.U.C.K IT! LETS JUMP OF A BUILDING!!! Ooooo okay which building...hmmm?

The empire state building of course! As a bonus I can go to New York as well. Have a little shopping spree to make sure I look hot as f.u.c.k for my death. Ok it's a plan.

Click click ... Click?

ahh okay plane leaves in an hour, let's go!

"Bye mum! Going to New York!"

I say excited and ignoring the fact I used my mum's credit card to buy the ticket.

Mum shouts but I can't hear her over my happy suicide song:

" daaah dah dah de cant wait to kill me

daaah dah dah dum falling from the building will be so fun! X10"

I skip towards the airport getting looked at strangely by many people, but who cares I'll be dead soon tehe~

I made my way through the airport very quickly as all i am bringing is my wallet. I also got touched by the security guy, it felt nice to have some human interaction for once. I smiled at him but he suddenly backed off and said something into his radio. Ahh who cares!

I booked first class because I'll be dead soon so I might as well go all out. I sat next to this pretty business woman. I started speaking.

"Hello, what are your plans in New York~"

"Business."

she replied coldly.

I said gleefully.

She froze and looked a bit, just a bit concerned.

"Don't."

she said coldly... again.

"haha"

I laughed it off and went to sleep.

Poke poke

I awoke to poking in my arm. The lady was poking me saying

"Leave now."

"Sorry sorry~"

I said my farewells and headed towards the Empire State Building. Again I skipped because why not?

When I got there I paid and headed towards the elevator.

Ding ding

I had reached the top floor.

"Brrrrr, pretty cold up here"

I say to myself as my teeth chatter.

Well no point waiting any longer.

I stood on the edge when i noticed a gathering of people near the bottom, looking up at me.

With that, the lady from the plane exited the elevator and looked at me.

"Don't."

She said, as coldly as the weather.

"I want to~"

I said. She started taking steps towards me.

"Don't."

she said again.

A tear left my eye.

Huh... why am i crying?

she said again but climbed on the ledge along side me and gave me a hug. She's crying too huh...

I hug her back and we start crying.

Crazy crat crat (Obviously helicopter noises)

I look left and see a news helicopter. I'm confused.

Foooooo foooooo

Suddenly, the wind starts blowing and the woman loses her footing. She slips and starts to fall. I leap, still holding the fence bar and catch her hand.

I've always been a strong boy but this was something else. The people on the helicopter looked shocked. They came in closer to film in detail.

I summon the majority of my strength and fling the girl over the fence. I hear cheers from bellow. The biting cold nibbles at my hand, I'm still hanging from the fence. The helicopter closed in and tried to reach my hand. The camera man says

"Lower. Lowerrr... Lower... STOP!"

The helicopter lowered just a bit to far, causing me to get caught in the blades. My head is severed cleanly and flung into the air.

'This is strange... I can still see?'

I looked at the businesswoman and hear hear lose her cool.

"No!"

My severed head just winks and stares in horror at the sight of my body being ripped apart by the Helicopter-kun. My head starts to plummet towards the ground. And like a melon being hit with a baseball bat, i smashed.

———————EXTRA STORY———————

"Miss Grande! Miss Grande! Are you ok?!"

I come to and look at my surroundings.

'A hospital?'

Oh yes I was going to meet my lawyer and there was that cute guy on the plane who said he was going to jump off the Empire State Building. So i cancelled my meeting and went to stop him. As i left the lawyer building there was a flock of reporters asking questions. The usual stuff like:

"Miss Ariana when is your next song coming out"

or

"Is it true that you kissed Justin?"

I just walked past and ignored them. I go in my car and said To drive the the ESB. I started talking to the guy again. I gave him a hug but...

"I slipped and fell?"

she said out loud.

"Yes Miss Grande, luckily you were caught."

the doctor said happily.

"Where is the guy who-"

Another memory flashed into my mind, that of rotor blades and blood.

"Oh god..."

He died? No. No. NO! no...

God why am I so useless. Tears fall from my eyes as I remembered the wink he gave before his plummet. I started crying loudly.

"Miss Grande..."

The doctor left me alone with my thoughts.

"But he was so cute..."