Lady Spring

I fell in love when I was 17.

Thinking of you, who isn’t by my side anymore…

I wonder why I didn’t know then.

Why didn’t I hold on to you?

The thought of you used to brighten my day.

You were 17. A girl that reminded me of flowers.

I was 17. I was an immature boy.  

I like the gentle autumn wind.

The first kiss tasted of the spring sun.

It had been three weeks since Saeun arrived at her parents’ home. She couldn’t even remember how she spent each day during this time. At first, her parents nagged her about why she came to their home. But when she told them she had no money left because she had to give her apartment deposit to Junghoo, they kept their mouths shut. It seemed that they didn’t know what to say. 

Of course they couldn’t say anything. After all, it was her own parents who told her she should give her money to their son, weren’t they? Sniffling and tears rolling down her eyes, Saeun laughed like a mad woman. She resented her parents with all her heart, but she had nowhere else to go. In a way, Saeun thought this was a small revenge on her parents. She wanted them to feel uncomfortable by her presence here.

Saeun had worked all her life to become independent, but her family had always been there to burden her in every way. So now, it was her turn to use them. She was going to stay in her parents’ home for free and not work. She wasn’t going to lift a finger! She had all the right to do this to them!

I like the gentle autumn wind.

The first kiss tasted of the spring sun.

With her eyes closed, Saeun leaned against a living room wall and enjoyed the music. The winter sun shone on her warmly as if it was spring. Having the earphone in her ears, she felt like Wooyoung was whispering to her. 

I love you. I love you. Please marry me. I love you. I love you.

Tell me what I did wrong! I’ll change! Why are you doing this? I’ll die without you!

Saeun didn’t want to remember that day, but she couldn’t get the painful memories out of her head. More tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered Wooyoung on the cement ground crying. 

He had to be okay by now, right? Wooyoung probably had some drunken nights, but he had to be fine now. He probably returned to his old life. Saeun felt miserable at the thought of Wooyoung being fine so quickly, but she didn’t want him to be in pain anymore. It was better for him to move on as quickly as possible. She wished him all the happiness in the world. He…

“Just stop it already.”

Saeun muttered as she banged her head against the wall. She could still hear his voice through the earphones, but the lyrics felt meaningless now. Ever since she left him, something inside her broke beyond repair. The world felt so much colder, and she couldn’t figure out a reason to live anymore. She didn’t want to do anything. She just wanted to lie on a bed and disappear. 

Even her parents, who never seemed to care, seemed uncomfortable and anxious around her. They must’ve felt something went very wrong, because they couldn’t seem to ask her what happened. She thought seeing them so uncomfortable might make her feel a little better, but all she realized was how pathetic they were. Saeun didn’t even feel angry anymore. What would be the point of her getting angry at them?

After all, Wooyoung wasn’t by her side. She lost him forever. He was never going to tell her he loved her. He was never going to hug her and kiss her. Her heart ached so badly, and she almost felt nauseous. Her eyes still closed, Saeun inhaled slowly. She tried to stop herself from throwing up, but in the end, she ran to the washroom. But when she took a few more deep breaths, her stomach calmed down. 

After Junghoo took her money, he stopped calling her. Saeun suspected her mother tried to call him a few times, but it seemed that he wasn’t answering her calls either. It was no wonder, since he got what he came for. But Saeun knew he would show up eventually when he ran out of money. Junghoo was going to demand more money, but this time, she really didn’t have any. So it didn’t matter. 

I love you. I love you. Please marry me. I love you. I love you.

Tell me what I did wrong! I’ll change! Why are you doing this? I’ll die without you!

“I miss him…”

Saeun opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. She knew living with her parents forever was not realistic. Soon, she would have to find another job and a place to live again. When she leaves, she was going to finally end her relationship with her family. She was going to change her phone number, and never tell her parents where she lived or worked. In fact, Saeun planned on never seeing her parents again. She was done with them. 

“I miss you…”

Saeun closed her eyes again. She could see Wooyoung’s face. His smile, his excited look, and his sadness. She could smell his beautiful scent and his taste. Because the memories of him were so fresh, she didn’t want to do anything else other than remember him.