Lady Spring

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13.3

Suddenly, Saeun heard the front door open. But she didn’t move. Her earphones still in her ears, she didn’t even turn to see who it was. It had to be one or both of her parents coming to pick something up or eat a late lunch. 

To her surprise, Saeun felt someone yanking out her earphones. It was her mother, who announced,

“Saeun. We need to talk.”

Saeun opened her eyes and frowned at her mother. Sitting across from her with a serious look, her mother asked, 

“Why are you acting like this? How long are you going to be here?”

“What are you talking about?”

Saeun looked at her mother in confusion. Did she want Saeun to leave because there was no room here? Well, Saeun was ready to leave if necessary. She could probably stay in some cheap motel for a while until she finds a job. She still had a little bit of her emergency savings left.

“I’m asking why you’re just staying home and wasting your time! You’ve never behaved like this before. You’re a smart girl who always found her way. Could it be… that you’re pregnant?”

Saeun stared at her mother a few seconds before bursting into laughter. She had been living like a dead body for the past three weeks, so when Saeun laughed so loudly, her mother became confused. She asked,

“Saeun, are you okay? Saeun?!”

“Haha… Pregnant? Just where did you get such a ridiculous idea?”

Saeun stopped laughing and with a blank expression, she turned to look at her mother again. Her mother seemed uncomfortable by Saeun’s strange mood changes because she looked away. In a smaller voice, her mother murmured, 

“Well, Junghoo told me you had a man…”

“So you talked to that jerk, huh? I thought you said you couldn’t get a hold of him.”

Saeun’s mother looked frustrated as she explained, 

“Saeun, he’s your brother no matter what. I know he hasn’t had much luck in his career, but we must respect him, don’t we? Junghoo is angry at you because you have always looked down on him.”

Saeun just leaned against a wall and stared at her mother quietly. Becoming even more uncomfortable, her mother frowned and demanded, 

“We need to talk about you now. Are you angry at me because I told you to give your money to Junghoo? Is that why you’re doing this? Fine, I’ll admit that we have asked a lot from you over the years, but you’re the only one with a proper job in our family, aren’t you? So you’re the only one who can help Junghoo. Your dad and I are barely making a living right now, so we can’t do anything for your brother. If we had another option, we would’ve taken it. So I understand you might be a little upset, but do you really have to act this childish? And you really can’t stay here, Saeun. What would the neighbors think? Our unmarried daughter is just staying home and not working…”

Saeun just continued to stare at her mother. She saw embarrassment, anger, and tiredness on her mother’s face. After studying her mother’s wrinkled face for a while, Saeun finally opened her mouth. 

“There was a guy I liked.”

It seemed that her mother suspected something like this. Before her mother could say anything, Saeun continued, 

“He said he loved me too. He said he couldn’t live without me, but in the end, I couldn’t do this to him. I knew that if I dragged him into my life, it would ruin him. All of the burdens I must carry will suffocate him, so I… couldn’t do that to him. He was begging for me to stay with him, but I ran away. If he knew what my life was like, I’m sure he would feel grateful that I left.”

Her mother looked rigid as she remained silent. Tilting her head, Saeun added,

“I know I did the right thing, but I don’t feel good about it. My life will continue to suck, but I at least gave him a chance to become happy. But now, I wish I just hung onto him. I think I would’ve felt better if I dragged him down to hell with me. I was so happy when I was with him. I wouldn’t care where I am as long as he’s by my side. But of course, I’m deathly afraid of him becoming resentful of me.”

Her eyes unfocused, Saeun smiled bitterly and whispered, 

“I feel like… I’m living a nightmare.”

“Are we that much of a burden to you?”

Her mother’s voice trembled as she asked. Saeun slowly looked at her mother and replied in a clear voice,

“Yes.”

Her mother became speechless before laughing sadly. The mother and daughter have never spoken much in the past, but there also has never been this much silence between them either. Her mother whispered, 

“And what do you want from us? What should we do for you? What do you think we need to do to make you happy?”

Saeun’s lips twisted into an ugly grin as she answered, 

“I will become happy only when Yun Junghoo dies. My life would be so much better when that happens, but life isn’t that fair, is it?”

Her mother gasped and stared in astonishment, but all Saeun did was look away and put the earphones back in her ears. 

***