Learn Martial Arts

I couldn't find it because it was a gift. It was nothing more than a squeeze with force. Sarah opens her eyes as she closes her eyes. Baek Hyun was blinded by the distance his nose pressed against his nose.

Once the eyes were so close, Sarah closed her eyes again. I'm not sure what to do with both hands. I've seen a lot of drama and movies, and I've had a lot of thought about what to do if I do it myself later. It's always that way. No matter how hard you think and simulate, you can't actually do it like you think. After all, life is a reality.

The same was true of Baek Hyun, who had no choice. Baek Hyun looks at Sarah directly in front of her eyes, with her hands somewhat above her knees. Sarah's little face didn't come into view at the moment.

It has a strong citrus scent. I also felt a strong touch of tightly pressed lips. Dry, warm...

‘... it's hard...’

My lips are too pressed and crushed. At this point, it seems that the teeth inside each other are hard. At least one of these was certain. Sarah was touched.

And then,

The heart jumps too loud. You want to run like this even when you do. It was a totally different palpitation from the excitement of the fight.

Dropped lips. At that moment, Baek Hyun almost raised his hand and grabbed Sarah. Before doing so, I was startled and stopped my hand. Sarah flinches and looks down at Baek Hyun. What did this feel like?

"Ah."

It's a pity. Baek Hyun swallows a gulp and looks up at Sarah. Sarah's face was red as if it were going to explode right away. The still lingering touch on her lips confused her mind. Sarah retreats and spits like a leap.

“Why, why don't you close your eyes? ”

“Uh...? ”

“Eyes, eyes! Why didn't you close it? Shouldn't you be wrapped up? ”

“Did you really have to close it? ”

“They all do! ”

“Don't you think? I never did it, so I didn't know how to close it. ”

Is that what my voice used to say? Baek Hyun replied with a cough.

“... why didn't you avoid it? ”

“I thought I'd hate it if I avoided it. ”

What kind of symbol is it when you talk like a threat, and you ask like that? Baek Hyun replied, conscious of a strangely burning face. I felt resentful that I couldn't see my own face without a mirror.

“That's it?”

“I don't like you hating me, and that doesn't mean I don't like you. Rather I like you. I've been thinking a lot. Like you, I can't say it's an intense emotion. ”

“You put a rhinoceros in a man's chest for nothing. 'Cause I don't want to lie to you. I had these strange feelings, and I had nothing to do with it. I don't know if it's the old days. I never thought I'd come out of a monastery like this in my life. ”

“Of course you did. You were just a lunatic. ”

“Anyway, so I don't know. I like you, I want to kiss you, well, maybe, uh, more than that. ”

I'd rather not say this. I closed my lips because I thought so late, but there is an imagination in a person. Especially when you don't talk like that, it's natural to imagine the back of it.

“Rice, pervert. ”

With a desperate and desperate imagination, Sarah stutters and spits. It would have been unfair if it had been as usual, but I couldn't do it now, even conscientiously. I shuddered Sarah's eyes as if Baek Hyun were rather embarrassed.

“Uh, anyway. ”

Sarah rushed out.

“I've developed a lot more than I heard before. That's a good thing. ”

“Yes...”

“I don't like vague answers. ”

Sarah grumbles like that and sits down with her chair out across from her.

“You. Anybody else like me? ”

“... people? ”

“If you say something, listen to it properly. A man or a woman! If there's a man, if there's a horse...”

“Not a man. ”

“You mean a girl? You son of a bitch.”

Sarah's eyes are lit with a twinkle. He stabbed Baek Hyun and shrunk his neck. The voice I used to call "Yahwa" rattles my head. Beyond the citrus scent that was still left at the end of my nose, I felt the smell of the wild flower that I was holding in my arms as it collapsed.

“Is that the woman you cried in your arms? ”

“What, what? ”

“You're the Dragon King! I knew it. Was it that good to be beaten by her? Did you fall in love with that moment? ”

I didn't say anything when I met the Dragon King. I can see now that I didn't tell you everything. Sarah raises her hand as she gazes at Baek Hyun with a sad expression.

“If I mess with you here, are you more against me? ”

“Would you?”

“Of course not. ”

Sarah sighs and puts down the hand she heard. Then I squeezed out my lips and stretched out my arms.

“... I mean, I'm so jealous. ”

“I know you don't have to tell me that. ”

“Anyway. I mean, it's too much. When I was a kid, I was a little lacking in affection and a lot of stress. I really, really hate taking mine. ”

I'm shaking my voice.

“... just know that. Because of you, I don't want to nail you. I don't care if the Dragon King is a human or a monster. It doesn't matter if you shake your heart because you're counting so hard that you can't compare with me. I don't care if you fall over there because you're too shaky. I mean.”

After exhaling, Sarah swallowed her big breath. She shuts her mouth for a while and breathes. Baek Hyun waited for Sarah without saying anything. Everything I saw was trembling. No eyes, no lips, no shoulders.

“... even so, don't abandon me. ”

“Stupid.”

I laughed because it was ridiculous. Baek Hyun reaches over the table with his hands still somewhat above his knees. Sarah's hands tremble like a frightened child.

“Why am I throwing you away? Am I crazy?”

Sarah said nothing. Baek Hyun's hand covered Sarah's back. With his hands pressing on the unstoppable vibrations, Baek Hyun continued.

“Under no circumstances will I abandon you. I can promise...”

“I've heard it a few times. ”

The tremor that gave him strength to stop began again. It was stronger than the previous tremor. Baek Hyun raises his eyes and looks at Sarah's face. The ugly white face was pale as if it were a dead body.

“I'll never throw it away. I've heard it a few times. I also heard you promised. No matter what, I've heard a few times and countless times that I'll never throw it away. ”

“Sarah.”

“That's why I'm scared. I've only seen you. It wasn't from the beginning, but you were the only one who knew that one day you would be forced to leave the monastery, continue to meet with you, and go from there to somewhere other than the ship. I can't get on board, but you can. Of course I wasn't supposed to follow you, but the teacher said that you were good, you could follow, you could let go, and I never wanted to go back, so there was hell...”

Sarah continued in a small voice, groaning her lips. It was like a transvestite. The sentence was broken and each time, Sarah's complexion became paler. Baek Hyun couldn't help but wake up. He approaches Sarah's side and holds her trembling shoulders.

Sarah raises her head and looks up at Baek Hyun. Baek Hyun looked straight in Sarah's eyes, who seemed to be crying right away.

“I'm not throwing you away. Never.”

Red eyes filled with tears.

“... because I feel sorry for you? ”

“No, I don't want to throw it away. ”

After all, Sarah cried.

“I really didn't want to say this. ”

Sarah snorts with tears.

“Don't throw it away, it's so miserable. Hearing the answer not to throw it away, believing in it... eventually getting thrown away. I really... hate it. I hate it. I've never been abandoned for saying this. ”

“You never told me this. ”

“... are you sure you won't throw it away? ”

“Yes.”

“You won't even hate me? ”

“Why would I hate you? ”

“You don't know me. ”

“You don't know the old days. You know very well now. ”

How long are you gonna be crying? Baek Hyun smiled and wiped his cheeks with tears. Sarah gazes at Baek Hyun with more red eyes as she weeps.

“... me. ”

It was as if he had been holed up.

If possible, it was something I didn't want to say for the rest of my life. It was an old thing, and it was never to be faced again. This is not Sarah's 17-dimensional proa. A past that can't last a lifetime if you don't think about it. Of course I didn't have to say. If you don't say so, it ends with it.

“So, I killed a lot of people. ”

I was conscious myself that it was wrong. I wanted to be honest and comforted. I wanted comfort on a subject I didn't think I wanted to be sympathetic to. You've had a hard time, haven't you? I wanted to hear that from Baek Hyun. I didn't even say it to the teacher, and I didn't hear it.

“Since I was a kid. ”

For those things, self-hatred was stronger than guilt. Sarah hated herself at the time and couldn't stand it. It is disgusting even if it was a situation that I had no choice. I hated the world and the situation that forced me to. So I wanted to be better understood.

Because I like it. It was because I didn't have a simple mate. I wanted to talk about this terrible self-loathing and hear that it was okay afterwards. I wanted to be comforted and groomed by someone I liked.

I like the idea that you want to get on top of that. Because I want to be compensated for my constant self-loathing. Thank you for telling me that someone you like will never throw it away. Thank you for telling me you don't want to.

I love that look on his face. So I was hollowed out.

“With a knife.”

I had no choice but to say that I was lucky to have not died since I was born. Bloody, red-eyed, pale skin and close to white blonde. Such recruitment was also heterogeneous in Proa. Especially proa was a world where witches polluted and died, and of course there was hatred, fear and hostility towards witches.

Because it was such a world, women of an unusual appearance died in abundance. There were various executions of witch-hunting incitement. Stonewalls, clubs, hatcheries, grocery stores, chieftains, etc.

Sarah must have been lucky to survive in Proa.

Sarah's parents were social workers. They were excited that their child's appearance was not normal, and hoped that their daughter might one day become the incarnation of a saint. They entrusted Sarah, the newborn, to the Church who preached the holy faith to them.

Society worships witches as saints. They believed that the Saint was purifying this corrupt world, and that all living beings in this world had sinned and had to die to wash away their sins. Only those who awakened the worshippers of the saints survived that purification and believed that after the coming of the saints they would enjoy peace in the new kingdom.

The Bishop of the Church showed much interest in red-eyed and platinum-haired newborns like blood. Under the attention of the bishop, Sarah grew up as a young girl in Godnana. Over time, Sarah's eyes became more red, her skin whitened, and her platinum-haired head glowed beautifully.

Throughout Proa, there were churches that worshipped witches. They distinguished themselves and raised girls who thought they were the incarnation of the Saint.

Of course, education was also parallel. I don't know which of the Saint candidates is the real Saint. Perhaps there is no incarnation or awareness of the Saint yet. Then I have no choice but to help myself.

“I said purification. ”

Saints purify the world. It is the Saint's Gardening. That is why the bishop made young Sarah hold the sword. The pagans who doubted her faith were the object of her purification.

Sarah had to die if she didn't kill him. If we can't purify, we can't be Saints.

“The day you killed the first person. I turned the blanket upside down alone at night and cried. I felt like I still had a touch in my hand, and the blood that splashed was hot... so I didn't forget it. ”

It is not just the first time. Since then, several times and every time I kill a person under the Bishop's watch, I turn over the blanket and cry. Sarah was only five years old. Even a knife feels heavy. No matter how much you hold it, screaming that you don't want to die will burst into tears. But I had to. I didn't want to die. I saw how a man died, and I didn't want to die any more. The little boy's swinging knife didn't even go deep, so he could only kill it a few more times and stab it.

“Whenever I cried, Pereha came into my blanket and hugged me. ”

Ferrera was only five years older than Sarah. Sarah still remembered Pereha's eyes. It was mediocre at first glance, but when I looked closely... it seemed like a sparkle of red light in the depths of Pereha's eyes. Especially it looked very well in the dark. Sarah liked Pereha's eyes. It was because it was the same red color as itself, and when you look at it in the dark, it looks like a red star glittering.

Such a pupil made Pereha a saint candidate, just like Sarah. After several years before Sarah, Ferreira carried the sword held by Bishop Ferreira to purify the pagans. It was ferret that Sarah had been carrying her since she crawled on her knees, and she comforted her every time she wept over the blanket and said it was okay.

“Before the church burned, he also brought me out. ”

Sarah wasn't the only one who came out with me. Many of the children, who were not Saint candidates but were carried by the church, fled the church with Pereha. That's how I crawled into the slums to get away from the spotlight. Ferrera grabs her hand with a big lobe that doesn't fit Sarah. There was a time of clay under Pereha's fingernails.

They are children without knowledge. There are many people dying in the slums. However, it was not easy for many girls to save a house that was worth living in. But Ferrera quickly found an empty house and put the children away.

I could tell because of the smell I smelled a few times. The house smelled of pale blood. It smelled lighter than the smell of blood from Pereha who told me I had to leave the church. The ground behind the shack seemed to collapse right away. Every summer, there were worms and weeds.

“Ferrera kept me from going out of the house. ”

It was an appearance that could not be masked. If I floated outside, I would almost be fingered as a witch. Ferreha and the other children have asked for food on Sarah's behalf. In their own way, they always smell different from the smell of blood.

“When I grow older, my genitals and sheep are out of control and I get sick... and I start to die. Ferreira grabbed my hand, told me she would never die. Whenever I did, I said, you can't leave me. ”

I'll never throw it away.

Pereha also answered.

“I mean, I've been a chunk of shit since I left the church. I don't know Ferreira, but the other kids were always complaining. Why am I eating the food they've been saving? They used to get together in the army. Especially in the absence of Pereha, he didn't say anything to me directly or bother me... but he made it all sound noisy. ”

Now you have to listen to the bed and breakfast. Ferrera always laughs, talks to Sarah, weaves pus, wipes it off.

“Of course it must have been hard. Still, you didn't abandon me until it was that mess... because I grew up like a sister when I was a baby? Or does it make you feel different about killing people together since you were a kid? ”

Sarah laughs as she looks at the speechless whip.

“Ferreira said she wouldn't abandon me, but she did. I don't know if it was because you couldn't stand it anymore or... because you couldn't stand the complaints of the other kids. One day, I went out to get something to eat as usual... and never came back. ”

I'm left alone.

I had to eat something to live. There was nothing to eat. Then I have no choice but to go out and get it. I was glad I got sick. His head fell, his body was full of pus, and his torso was no longer white. There was nothing strange about the red-eyed man.

I could even get bread crumbs because of that stubble. Not enough. Even if you try to endure hunger, you have too little to eat. I searched the garbage and there was nothing to eat.

“Then you're forced to take it. ”

I shoved a knife. I tried to kill him in the church. My eyes turned to hunger. I wanted to live somehow. Not all men are big. Weak, I can't help but be gentle with intimidation. If you have to, it's a chance to kill. Fortunately, there were many such targets. The dying, the elderly, the sick.

“This is me. ”

I've stopped.

I felt like crying again. Sarah takes a deep breath and looks at Baek Hyun.

“That's why I don't want to be thrown away. My parents abandoned me when I was born. Pereha abandoned me, too. I said I wouldn't throw it away. ”

I didn't let it flow this time. Sarah raises her hand and wipes her eyes.

“Cleansed and knifed, killing people. Since I was five. Even in the slums, they used to carry knives, they used to stab. I'm starving. Just for that reason. I haven't wanted to die since I was five. I killed a man because I wanted to live, and I did it when my body became an asshole. I...”

Sarah swallowed her big breath.

“I don't like that. In a world like that, I hate being born with a body like this. Not now. This isn't a proa, and I'm... different from when I was a kid. But that's me, too. If you're still trying to remember, you can remember as much as you want. At the monastery, I met the teacher, loved by the teacher... and hated the old me more. ”

“Sarah.”

“Hey, what about you? You heard it all, how I was. Are you sure you don't hate me? You're not gonna abandon me like Ferreha? ”

I asked in a moaning voice. I swiped my tearful eyes and looked at Baek Hyun.

“... what happened to your face? ”

For a moment, I looked at Baek Hyun's face.

Sarah asked me that because she didn't understand. Is the story you just told a story that looks like that?

“... uh, um. ”

Baek Hyun trimmed his trembling face.

“I don't know. ”

“... you don't know what? ”

I don't know how to tell you this.

Baek Hyun pondered for a moment and replied.

“What the hell does that have to do with me abandoning you and hating you? ”

Ends

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