Leave A Scar

I thought about Ed a lot, the next morning. We shared a room, but when I rose from my sleep, his bed was messy and unoccupied. I checked the time, squinting at the numbers.

9:42am. So we'd missed the 9am and 9:30am trains. Were we staying here for another day?

I slipped out of the sheets, padding to the suitcase open to the both of us. Changing into my regular clothes, I thought about sunsets and unspoken words. Syllabus I kept inside, kept hidden. A chamber full of monsters.

They both greeted me warmly, when I stepped out into the living area.

"Are we staying here for another day?" I asked. My head tilted to one side, my eyes awake and mind exhausted. Luckily supported by hundreds of walls.

Ed nodded, eyes curved in a smile just as big as his lips. "Yep! We'll do another day of research with the books we have and then get on our way!"

"What..." I was looking for something other than the two books between them, when Al reached down to the space beside and below.

A huge stack slammed onto the table, knocking me out for a moment. Waahh...?

Ed snickered, Al laughed in that way of his. I muffled sounds against my lips, and after a sip of the tea waiting for me thanks to Edward, I sat down and opened my first book.

Immediately, small and closely spaced text greeted me. A picture of an hourglass came as well. I stared, having to pull my head back and squint a little. Why do they made the writing on this so tiny?

"Here." Ed took the text, offering me his. "This one is just explaining the salamander's fire." His forefinger rested against the middle margin of the left page. "It picks up there."

My eyes focused, noticing the text was much bigger. I sighed a little. "Thanks."

He nodded, seeming happy to do it, and I felt my insides die a little. A burden. That's all I was.

The morning passed by in pages and unrelenting researching. Nothing about anything more powerful or parallel to the Stone...

Fantastic.

The stacks we had borrowed were finished, by the time the sun disappeared.

"I think I'll go watch the sunset!" Al chirped, one finger up.

Ed and I both nodded, eyes and lips in a smile. When the door clicked shut, it was quiet.

The clock ticked on, and I thought about seconds. Each one passing by like grains of sand inside an hourglass. Just continuing on, leaving us both to wear away.

I thought about the wounds that were healing, on me. The ones inside stayed damaged, scabs that never closed and scars that never healed over.

Ed closed his book, looking up to give a loud yawn. I blinked, eyes heavy, and looked over to the clock. So it was dinner time already.

"I'll grab a menu," Ed stood, two fingers pressing against the text for momentum, and a moment later he was holding a list of food we could order.

"Stop that." He spoke quietly, gently, as if he really did care.

And I knew the thing he wasn't saying. How he didn't want me to get hurt. And that was a given, every time we went outside and saw one of those things.

My thoughts drifted to him, how he must be feeling with having those creatures after him. He didn't need to be worrying about me, too...

I stopped scratching, trapping my hand in between my crossed thɨġhs, the digit hiding away in an expanse of black created by my skirt.

It was strange, that darkness. I molded it, beginning to create another wall as Ed strolled up to me, still looking at the menu.

He shrugged his arm, hand motioning to what it held. "There's pasta," he remembered, noting my last choice. It had been rich, rich enough to fill me within a few bites. He remembered such a small detail, and it was enough to fill my cheeks with the red of a tomato.

"Y-yeah," I stammered, and I noticed he did nothing but flip over the menu.

"And then there's meat..." For him, I supposed. I softly shook my head, wanting to erase the thought. What else did he eat, if not that?

Everything, I answered, placing my elbow on the table, hand finding the start of my hair.

"Not sure what you want..."

I blinked, staring down and not seeing much. My stomach whɨnėd in protest, but my brain couldn't synchronize. I blinked once more, and my other hand flipped the menu.

Lobster. I remembered Dublith, dining for the first time with Edward. How he'd caught me staring and his sense of detail filled in the rest.

I smiled a little bit, and nostalgia did the rest.

I tapped the base of the menu, right where the "L" began.

"Lobster?" Ed repeated. And then he grinned, eyes curving alongside his smile. "Lobster it is then!"

I leaned back a little bit, stretching sore muscles between my shoulder blades as Ed dialed in our order. The phone returned to its holder, and Ed's hand remained gripping. He seemed like he was thinking about something, faint color tinting his face.

I didn't ask like I should have. I didn't ask if he was okay.

I cleared my throat, putting a hand up to my mouth. I wanted to know...

"W-what?" he asked.

I waved both hands until they blurred. A physical wall, I suppose. "N-nothing! I... I was just wondering who's paying, that's all!"

At my reference to the bill that came just before the meal, Ed's eyes curved. Just at the bottoms, just enough to let me know he was okay.

He grinned. "Think I'll beat you to it this time."

My mouth hooked in a smile, seeing the challenge.

"Not if I beat you to it first."

"More like 'not if you beat me first'." Ed murmured, flopping onto the couch with his legs loosely crossed. "You definitely know your stuff when it comes to fighting, that's for sure."

I felt the tears well in my eyes before I could force them down. Fight them away. No, Ed, the only thing I was good at was lying and running.

Maybe my eyes had gotten red; maybe there was a shimmer that wasn't caused by the sunset's light. Either way, something caught Ed's attention. But the ring of a doorbell interrupted us.

I turned, seeing nothing but hearing footsteps run. DAMMIT!!

"And there you go!" He was already at the door, handing more than enough money to the bellboy.

I was burning with rage, starting my own fires, I was sure.

I survived dinner with small bites and smaller words. Focusing on my food, focusing on eating just enough for them not to notice anything was wrong. I was getting good at it, hiding—so much better than I was before. Smiles were easier to fake, laughs were easier to do. Hiding whatever "pain" I felt behind some wall I had created days if not weeks ago.

The evening passed by in a blur of fruitless research. I wondered how they had survived, what fuse they had to light in order to keep their passages bright. Keep their lines readable and their hearts light.

Look at me, trying to be a poet.

When night swept over the town, I was sitting on my bed, looking at my leg's scar. The only one physically visible to anyone. I traced the side of my calf, feeling the raised skin that was tightly stitched together.

They had done a nice job, fixing it up. But I wanted it to be worse.

I wanted my skin to reflect what I felt inside.

I wanted those scars to be in places people could see, even if they weren't intimate with me.

I nearly laughed at such a hilarious thought.

Ed strolled in, golden eyes glancing my way. And with a small smile, he picked up a book from his suitcase.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow," he promised me. "Get some new clothes."

My eyes went a little wide, hearing that. I wanted to quickly shoot down the idea, say it was a useless thing to do and we certainly didn't need to spend the money, especially not on someone like me!

But my mouth remained silent and my eyes remained down. Only peeking back up when my peripheral vision noticed Ed stop in the doorway. I looked to him, failing to hide a smile as he remained standing, book open between two fingers and a smile on his face. Smiling at me.

I couldn't help but smile back, a blush coming to my face.

I picked the first and closest shop, when Ed asked where I wanted to go. Somewhere local, some place where we could get in and out fast.

He didn't object, just smiled and strolled alongside Al and I.

"How did your military call go?" Al asked.

Ed peeked up at him, and with his hands still in his pockets, he shrugged. "Ah, wasn't too bad. Just checkin' in with the folks. You know how it is."

"Oh, look at that." I tried to remain cheerful, sure I was miserably failing at it. I stopped in front of the door, watching Ed hold it open and present the inside with the widest of grins. "We're already here."

Ed let me go first, and it felt weird walking in, with them behind me. Usually I was either in the middle or the back. So we strolled in, comfortable music greeting us overhead. A shopkeep rose from picking something up off the floor and smiled at me. His stare darted to Edward, and he beamed a grin.

I tried not to be too suspicious of it, resulting it was my own paranoia instead.

I found the pants section fairly quickly, and browsed for a pair of black shorts. It wasn't long before I found one.

I'm pretty sure they were my size. I quickly checked the inner tag, confirming they were the right number. But just seeing the size shot memories into me; a deep pain that broke some part of myself. Some part that was actually foolish enough to try and make "progress".

"You find something?" Ed's grinning voice caught my focus, stealing my attention and moving air back into my lungs.

I slid a foot back, one hand moving to my hair, trying to distract myself with the feeling of something in between the spaces of my fingers as I replied. "Yeah. I think I'll just get these."

I heard him step forward a bit, trying to see what I had picked out. I turned to face him, grinning as I held the shorts out in between my fingers.

"They're great, right?" I said, stretching out the fabric just a little bit in playful bounces. "Cheap and completely practical! Don't need a single thing more!"

Ed stayed quiet, staring at the shorts with his head ċȯċked to one side. Then his eyes grew a bit wider, a blush instantly coming to him along with a small sound of realization.

He looked away, curled hand coming to his mouth. "Uh, yeah, sure," he replied. "If that's what you want..."

His stare turned back to the shorts, brows furrowing in concern. Those eyes looked to mine.

"You sure?"

I nodded, lowering the pants as if they gave me the barrier I hoped they would. "Y-yeah," I replied. "This is all I need."

His stare swept away from me, trailing along higher racks. The more expensive items, probably. Things I didn't think to really take in.

"Yeah, I know," he said, and the space between his brows wrinkled a little more in a concern, "But is there anything you want?"

I almost opened my mouth to tell him that really didn't matter, but Al's voice suddenly cut through our conversation. Bellowing my name and shattering an outer wall.

I whipped around, brushing my hair back and revealing a sight I never wanted to see. A shirt--a frilly, pink shirt with a orange cat on it.

He fluffed it out with two bounces, two tugs on the sides. I cracked a grin, looking the shirt over again. Something I would be incredibly embarrassed to be seen wearing in public. But he seemed so happy with it; I couldn't say no.

"That's adorable, Alphonse!" I said. "I can wear it as a night shirt!"

Al nodded, smiling right back at me. "Okay! I'll pick you out a bigger size then."

As he dug through the rack, Ed shifted his weight to one leg, glancing between the shorts I still held out between my fingers and my face.

"You're positive you don't want anything else? I'm sure there's more than a pair of undershorts and a cat shirt here..."

"Like more cat shirts!" Al called out, and I saw a few shirts fly our way.

Ed caught them with one hand, frowning a little more as he held one out in front of him.

"Al!" he yelled. "This is a poodle!"

He briefly turned his hand around, letting me laugh at the adorably poofy white dog with its pink tongue poking out of the corner of its smiling mouth. His expression stayed mostly in a frown, but I thought I saw his eye twitch upwards in a smile as I laughed.

"So what?" Al replied, searching for more clothes in a different part of the store now. "Poodles are cute!"

Ed sighed, looking back to the shirt. He gestured to it, jerking the fabric to me briefly. "You want this one?"

I grinned a little more, about to say "sure why not" when my smile fell.

"How much is it?" I asked, glancing to the other shirts in his arm. Searching for the tags myself.

Edward shook his head, briefly tossing the shirt up before allowing it to land on his arm, draping it over like a butler. "Don't worry about the cost," he told me, and my stomach fluttered at the sound of my name.

I forced the feeling back, trying to smile as Al's voice filled the store. Filling it enough to rattle the walls with sound.

"AH THIS ONE HAS A DINOSAUR ON IT!"

"Al!" Ed yelled, throwing his head up to the ceiling. By now, I knew he was just kidding around.

"What?" Al returned, tone playfully agitated. Part of the act. He held up a large shirt with a ferret and a rabbit on it, gently waving it. "Do you know how rare it is for us to do anything like this? This is great!"

When Ed turned back around, there was a soft smile on his face. Similar to the one he kept giving me. The Alchemist met my stare again, and I averted my eyes, feeling a slight amount of heat rise to my face. I distracted myself again, stepping to the side a bit and calling to Alphonse with a nervous smile.

"H-how many shirts are you getting again, Al?"

Al stood up, a few shirts on his helmet and shoulders; one of them hanging from the point of the horn on his head. He gently picked this one off, adding it to the large pile in his arms.

"Not too many..." he said quietly.

I laughed behind my hand, catching the sight of Ed grinning before my eyes closed. When I focused back and returned my stare to Al, I held my hands together in front of myself, trying to not be so nervous. I didn't want this to be obvious.

"Just... Maybe pick out a few, okay?"

Al looked down at the heap in his arms. He looked back to me, and then nodded with determination.

"I'll narrow it down!" he smiled. "It'll be hard, but I'm sure I'll be able to pick out the perfect shirts!"

I did my best to smile back.

Ed started passed me, hands in his pockets and head held high. "Let's go find you something else. We're not leaving this place with shorts and a bunch of animal shirts."

His hand left his pocket as he said this, fingers tugging on the shoulder of my sweater. Briefly, gently. I turned just in time to see that smile on his face, golden eyes meeting mine. And then he had walked passed me completely, his hand back in his pocket, and I was turned around completely. I sighed, not loud enough for him to hear. With a glance to Al, who was busying pondering over a brown shirt with a yellow lion on it (its nose and mane shaped in a heart), I had no choice but to follow Ed.

I kept behind, staring mostly at the back of Edward's head. The part where his hair gathered together and began the first braid, the first out of six. We stopped at the adolescent section, Ed's quiet but hopeful words fueling another search.

He looked at a white shirt, and a tiny smile curved onto his lips suddenly. I wondered what thought just flitted through his mind.

I focused back on the shirt he held out, the last one. A fox lying down, bushy tail covering one back leg, one yellow eye open and a sly smile curving its mouth. I looked back to Ed, and gave a nod.

"I like that one," I said quietly.

He flipped the shirt around, smile vanishing as he looked at the design. "I didn't even see what this one was."

And then some grin flashed onto his face as he tossed the shirt up, catching it with his arm again. I smiled a little, feeling a laugh try to bubble behind my lips.

"What're you thinking about?" I asked, only feeling a flash of pain at the intrusion.

Ed met my stare again, slight red tinting his cheeks before he shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "Let's keep searching."

We didn't get much, leading us to pass by a section filled with undėrġȧrmėnts. Things that sent me to another part of myself.

Ed blushed furiously, seeing the mannequins and lace designs.

"Y-you don't..." he tried to ask, and I quickly shook my head.

"N-no. I don't need any..." I finished, feeling my face grow even hotter. I already had enough as it was.

"Cause, y'know"--he grinned, but the expression was perfectly innocent--"If you wanted, we could get it."

We. I eyed him suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

"You're not paying for this, Ed," I told him.

He just grinned a little more.

"Let's just see who gets the bill first."

I sighed, head bowing low. Sure...

I looked up, noticing he had stopped and that we were in a different section. I looked at what he held out. A thin tank top. But I couldn't expose my arms.

I couldn't let him know that, either.

I stared at the garment, asking one of the few questions that came to mind. My brow twitched in time with my heartbeat, as I spoke the words.

"D-do you really think pink would look good on me?"

He nodded, looking around to the upper racks again.

"I think any color would look good on you," he replied quietly, a deeper shade of crimson flushing his face.

W-what?

"Y-you..." the words died at my throat.

We searched in silence after that, small words occasionally breaking the barrier of quietness. I tried not to think about the price, but when it came time to pay, the numbers I was dreading were recited and handled before I could get my wallet.

The employee only focused on Edward, mustache bouncing with every word.

"You want your change back?"

I looked over to Ed, who glanced at me before grinning at the employee.

"Don't worry about it," he said nervously.

"What's he talking about?" I asked, although it didn't really belong to me, the answer...

Ed grinned even wider, and I swear I caught a drop of sweat near his temple. "N-nothing! Just palin' around, you know how guys are!"

The shopkeep blinked once, then with a rather dead face, turned to me.

"He's lucky he's got a lady like you at his side."

I blinked, trying to ignore how my stomach grew a little heavy at those words. "What do you mean?"

The merchant glanced up, my clothes stopping halfway into the bag. His stare shifted in between Ed and I. "You two 're a couple, aren't you?"

My face grew so hot I thought it would melt off, and I instantly heard Ed yell something about how we weren't. I looked over to see his head shaking so fast the redness of his face was blurred.

"N-No, we're just friends! I wouldn't--" he stopped, wide eyes on me. "N-not that you're not really beautiful or anything" His eyes went even wider, and he pushed a hand into his hair as his stare dropped to the floor. He forced a breath through his mouth, trying to continue on, "I-I mean--"

He kept rambling on, constantly tripping and trying to correct himself. My mind was stuck a few seconds in the past. Did he really just say what I think he did? He... Even included my name with that word...

But they didn't sound right; it didn't make sense. I kept trying to connect them together but they were puzzle pieces that didn't work. They were pieces that belonged to completely different pictures.

With his hands on the counter, the employee leaned back a little, expression twisted. "Who goes to all this trouble for a friend?! You curved or somethin', kid?"

Ed relaxed, raising a brow. "'Curved?'" he repeated. Realization knocked into his face. "Oh, I get it; not straight." Then he was FUMING, hand raised in a fist and steam blowing from his nose. "WHAT THE HELL GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?!"

"Oh, I don't know," the employee shouted, their faces close to one another, "Maybe just the braid! I thought you were a girl when you first walked in here!"

I resisted the urge to cough behind my hand, remembering how I had made the same mistake when I saw them back at the station all those weeks ago.

The comment just made Ed even angrier. "Y-You thought I was a GIRL?!" he yelled at the employee. "I THINK THE BRAID LOOKS AWESOME! IT'S NOT GIRLY AT ALL!"

The employee leaned away. "Pfffth. Yeah, okay, Rupunzel."

Ed nearly collapsed onto the counter, held up by his forearm. His voice was muffled, defeat in every word he spoke.

"Let's just go..."

He held out a hand, and the employee slapped a small stack of cash into his palm. The remaining money...

"Thank you." Ed slumped away from the counter, swaying a little as he picked himself back up. His stare dropped to the bag I held in my hands, and a small smile came to him.

He swayed a little, that smile persisting as he looked down at the bag I held in front of myself, holding with both hands. He grinned a little. "So we left with a pair of shorts and a bunch of animal shirts." His head hung, pure defeat radiating off him. "Just as planned..."

I really didn't want him to spend any more money on me. But I hated seeing him like this even more. So I stepped forward, my voice perking his attention.

"What would you like to buy me?"

He paused before a small blush came to him.

"Anything you want," he replied in a murmur.

I smiled. "Ice cream it is, then!"

He blinked, and then the most brilliant of grins came to him. Almost washing away all the pain I felt, uttering such words. Syllabuses that roped me back so far into the past, with me standing in a living room and Ed half-yelling at me from a couch.

A date. I could do a date.