Love Doesn't Matter

Chapter 79 – If I Leave You Alone, Will You Return?

Charlotte kept checking on her older sister throughout their trip back home. It would have been better if her sister scolded her, but it choked Charlotte that her sister said nothing at all.

“Sorry. I just want Sister and the Young Master… to reconcile….”

“I know, Charlotte.”

The older sister’s reply was only cold.

She was confident when she said she would go and find the cat. In the darkness, her sister was always looking at the Young Master, and likewise the Young Master to her sister. But now, Charlotte was caught in their meeting for the first time. Was I too obsessed with fairy tales? As Mitch had said, is reality that different?

Charlotte felt her eyes getting hot. She thought she shouldn’t cry, but she couldn’t help a sob escaping. Emilia felt her heart weaken again as she looked at her younger sister.

“I know how you felt. I am not blaming you.”

Charlotte gripped her sister’s hand tightly.

“I still don’t understand. Why all of a sudden… why all of a sudden you came to hate Young Master that much? I think Young Master… likes Sister.”

“No Charlotte, it wasn’t like that. That person…. It wasn’t ‘like’ for him. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he really liked me…. No matter how much I think about it, I don’t feel that way.”

“Why?”

Emilia thought for a moment. “Because he doesn’t respect me.”

“What is respect?”

The cold voice that echoed inside the carriage hesitated once more. Emilia hissed the answer with her breath held back.

“… To treat them preciously, not treat them harshly.”

Charlotte nodded her head once again, as she did whenever her sister taught her the meaning of a new word.

“But did the Young Master treat Sister harshly?”

“Hmm.”

“When? How?”

“When you are not there….”

How should I continue speaking? That he threatened me and took my body? Or that I was foolishly deceived and gave myself up to that man?

Somewhere above the child’s head, a series of events collectively referred to as ‘bad happenings’ came to mind one by one. She closed her eyes as her stomach churned. No matter how she interpreted the incidents, one thing was clear – she never wanted to tell anyone about that matter. She would rather think of him as a twisted man with a sudden whim….

“I just hate him, Charlotte. I am so sick of everything that I don’t even want to explain to you – everything related to Young Master Meyer.”

The chill in her soft tone made Charlotte flinch and confused her at the same time. If what she said was right, then it meant that the Young Master Meyer treated her with respect only in front of her family and treated her badly behind their backs. Why would he do that?

“Don’t be angry and listen. I still… think that the Young Master really likes Sister. It was so magical that my heart… hurts here….”

Charlotte pressed her hand to her chest.

“I feel weird even when I am with the Young Master. Look, I came out to the world in a carriage. I even talked with a kid named Pip. The boy thinks of me as a monster. He pretended not to, but I thought that he just felt disgusted by me. Yet I didn’t hide away.”

Charlotte realized it as she spoke – the fact that she was somehow connected to Young Master Meyer in a very strange way. She knew her sister would laugh at it, but that was a certainty.

“I feel a little weird when I am with the Young Master. I feel strangely confident, and I feel like a completely different person.”

Emilia smiled reluctantly as she stroked her sister’s hair.

“Yes, I am glad that he at least seems to have a good influence on you. But Charlotte, your sister is the exact opposite. Your sister only feels fear when I am with that person.”

“What are you afraid of?”

What am I afraid of? Emilia didn’t answer quickly and pondered again.

[ ‘The Duchess of Meyer, my wife.’]

Emilia looked down at her trembling body – a Duchess wearing a dress and waving a fan. If it wasn’t for the past five years; if she was still a child who knew nothing and heard something like that…. She might have thought of it ecstatically in an immature way. But it was the opposite now.

She couldn’t imagine a beautiful love story or fairy tale scene at all. A Duchess with commoner origins would be surrounded by numerous Cavendish. No, even if not that much, but she will live every day feeling like she was swallowing grains of sand in the midst of her love and marriage being separate.

What about her family and children? They will hear Young Master and My Lady on the surface, but they will end up as the target of all sneers and pointing fingers behind the scenes. Emilia got angry when she heard someone say Charlotte was a ‘b*st*rd child,’ so angry she could not sleep at night. If she heard the same thing directed to her child… they will crush her children’s world.

Emilia didn’t live by begging. She wasn’t greedy about the world in the first place. Above all, ‘Meyer’ stood behind Hadius, and it provoked the fear beyond her. When his mother finds out… what will happen? The mere thought made her body tremble.

I don’t want to be a ‘camellia girl’.

(T/N: Camellia Girl refers to the character of the manga/anime/live adaptation ‘Shojo Tsubaki [The Camellia Girl]’. It is a story about the 12-year-old girl who came from a penniless family and started selling camellias on the streets. She then met a stranger and was forced to act in a revue play. Later on, she became a subject of abuse by different people. If you want to know more, Mr. Google will never leave your questions unanswered ^^)

Emilia hugged Charlotte’s shoulder. Unlike the gentle stroke of her hands, her eyes were cold and dry as she stared into the distance.

“Remember, Charlotte? ‘The Gift of God’ I sang for you?”

Charlotte nodded her head.

“The future with the Young Master will never be happy. I won’t be able to bear it, and I don’t want to.”

“You just don’t like it? Can’t you think of it as a good thing?”

“Yes.”

Charlotte gave up on her last hope in the face of her sister’s resolute answer.

“You know what the worst is? Young Master Meyer knows that fact better. He wouldn’t have made things worse if Young Master had respected me. That’s why it was even worse. He really… knew everything, but without even any consideration, he still….”

He is so self-centered that he cannot empathize with the suffering of others. If he really wanted her to become Duchess Meyer, then he wouldn’t have left the past five years so bleak. The events in the past were a tragedy caused by gunfire and lust.

When the fiancée he was planning to discard caught his eye, he just became obsessed with her because he was unable to attain her as easily as he had thought. He was more attracted to things he couldn’t have easily. Hadius Meyer only shines when seen from afar, but up close he was a monster who burns himself out of control. He will burn her precious family as well if she stays close to him.

Emilia put her and Charlotte’s hands together as if praying.

“Sister is very precious to me, so I don’t want to see you hurt in the slightest.”

The strange pounding of her heart she felt in front of Reina was once again happening to her.

“I don’t want to live in fear. I don’t want to be swayed nor to be dragged around. I don’t want to think of someone and sharpen the knife of revenge. I just… I just want to live joyfully and happily. In such a world with those people who are willing to acknowledge me and welcome me.”

The carriage continued for a long time and finally reached the entrance of the forest. The tree cave, which used to be full of greenery, was shedding its fresh clothes and entering the path of reddish maturity.

* * *

“Young Master!”

Pip’s voice echoed through the quiet villa. Hadius silently looked through his lattice window at the boots running frantically. Pip ran like an arrow and stood in front of his master.

“The feeder is empty! Very empty!”

Hadius shook his head lightly.

“What can it do when it feels hungry? It doesn’t care about its dignity and eats first. It seems that letting it wander around the garden worked. I guess it should live according to nature, whether it is a stray cat or human.”

Pip’s face hardened for an instant as he approached with a smile. Because there was a bottle of wine on the table.

“… As you directed, I sent a letter to Miss Bern’s younger sister. I told her that the cat eats and lives here very well.”

“Yeah, good job.”

Hadius poured more wine. Watching him empty the glass in one draught, Pip barely held back the nagging on the tip of his tongue.

He had to return to Nowak in two days. Because it was empty for a month, his Young Master’s schedule was tight. He had a meeting right now with the working staff of Meyer Steel. He had to check the invitations and visit cards that piled up in the Basilion House and stop by Krambitz to meet Madam Meyer. Above all else, he had to finally meet with Lady Bianca Reinen. Mr. Grozhang had sent another request.

He needed to monitor his Young Master’s condition over the weekend. But he couldn’t believe he was just emptying the bottle of wine while being hit by such a cold wind.

“Young Master, the weather is quite chilly. Please stop now….”

“Pip.”

Suddenly, a friendly voice called out in response to his nagging voice.

“Tell me what you think.”

“Yes?”

“If I let them live freely, will they really come back?”

Confused, Pip realized that his master was talking about the cat.

“Of course, that’s exactly how it should live. All we have to do is to take good care of its food. Animals never forget those who feed them.”

A faint smile was hanging on his lips as he brought the glass nearer. It was such an empty smile that even the one looking would think he is lonely.

“Then what if they can find food on their own? From then on, they won’t be looking for anyone to feed them anymore. What should I do then?”

Aha, to make such a stupid mistake. Pip thought…. His master wasn’t talking about the cat now. His eyes were clearly thinking of something other than the cat.

“After hearing what Young Master said, I think you were right. If it was something like Young Master, then you can leave them behind. In fact, only those people who don’t have anything to eat will wait. Aren’t you a man who has everything? It doesn’t matter even if you go back and have it.”

“You’re talking the same thing as that person.”

“Who do you mean?”

“My grandfather.”

Pip was somewhat flattered that he had said the same thing as his predecessor Meyer.

“Anyway, leave him to me. That ungrateful kitten, I will tame it very well and let it crawl inside the villa with its own feet. So that one-eyed… no, so I can invite Miss Bern’s younger sister again.”

Hadius laughed again. Pip could see that his master was very drunk. A cold wind blew in, chilling Pip’s body.

“It’s cold, Master. How about coming in?”

“Alright.”

His gaze turned back to the sky again as he said so. Pip realized that his master wanted to be alone. He had no choice but to quietly leave the terrace again.

After he was left alone, Hadius drained the remaining liquor from the bottle. He felt like he was drowning in it with the tumbling of the amber liquid. The sky seemed to be collapsing in his dizzy view. Was it just the sky?

His brain, heart and his internal organs seemed to melt away. How many days had it been that he had been drunk? At the same time, he poured the remaining liquid in his cup at once. That way, he could get his eyes closed even for a moment. That way, he thought that he could shake off his thoughts about that woman who had occupied his head without leaving for a moment. He dared not allow his anxiety to overcome him and put the words ‘Duchess Meyer’ in his mouth. With such haste and impatience – to the topic of what to do with his mother.

[‘I will hate you more. I will hate you forever that only a blank spot will remain.’]

Regret wasn’t in his dictionary, so it didn’t matter what she said. But why am I so anxious and afraid? What else should I do to possess you from now on? How wicked do I have to be to deceive and torment you?

“If I leave you alone… will you come back?”

His low voice couldn’t even reach the air and was swept away by the darkness.