Monochrome Stories

If there really was a God, then why is this happening? Some people say it's a way of testing us, but what if I don't wanna be tested anymore? Why is he even testing me in the first place? Have I done something wrong? Was I made differently from other people? Why?

Why did this have to happen to me? Is it because I look different? Is it because I have average grades? Is it because I don't live a posh lifestyle? There are so many people in this world, so why is this happening to me?

The strong winds are the only thing keeping me company on this cold night. Being high up here makes me feel like I could fly. I know that I'd fall, but what's so bad about it? I never asked to be in this situation in the first place. I never asked for any of this to happen... All I'm asking now is to kill me and this unborn child of mine...

I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to you... But I'd rather take you with me than have you grow up without a mother. I'd rather take you with me than have you live with that awful man. I'd rather kill the both of us now than live with the guilt of loathing you for every single second you live.

I wonder what you'd look like if you were born? Would you like just like me? Or would you look like that horrible man? I wonder, would you be a boy or a girl? Would you be a nerdy kid, or would you be athletic? I'm sorry for not giving you a choice. I'm sorry for not letting you see the light of day. I'm sorry that you'll never know what it feels like to live...

I take a step forward...

And fall slowly to my inevitable death.

The fear and worry that I feel are the only things keeping me sane and making me feel alive... But I don't have to worry about that... In a few seconds, I won't be here anymore. I should've taken that man with me before I did this. I should've killed him when I had the chance. I should've had him arrested for every single time he violated me... But fear is such a strong emotion. I could never do it no matter how much I wanted to.

I feel sick down to my very core. I'm doing such a horrible thing. Not only am I ending my own life... I'm taking somebody else with me too. It's not like I wanna die this young either. I have so many more things I want to do. I still want to grow up and be a successful dancer. Is it too late to take this back? It must be... I just hope I'll die quickly. I don't wanna feel any pain.

My body finally hits the water and my vision starts to blur.

I guess this is it... Goodbye cruel world... I'm sorry Lilac...

I slowly open my eyes and I hear muffled voices around me.

"No we aren't! She's gonna live!"

"We can save her! Don't panic!"

Don't save me. I don't deserve it. Just let me die.

Shit. I feel my eyes closing again. I'm so tired...

I wake up again, but everything is clearer this time. I look around and I think I'm in a hospital room.

I lived? Shit, I lived...

"Ah. I see you're awake now." A voice says as the door to my room opens. An oddly tall woman in a doctor's coat walks in. "How are you feeling?" She asks as she writes on the paper on her clipboard.

"Why... Why did you save me?!" I exclaim. "You should've just left me to die! I didn't ask for this!"

"Somebody had seen you jump from the bridge and immediately called the authorities. The caller asked to remain anonymous so I can't tell you any more details about them." She explains as she moves closer and hands me a pill. "Take this. It should help with the headache."

"Have you calmed down a bit now?" She asks.

"Y-yeah. I'm sorry..." I reply.

"We called your mother and she's on her way right now." She says as she writes more.

"You did?! Why?! No no no! She wasn't supposed to know about this!"

"I'm sorry young lady, but we needed to call your guardian... And I didn't think your father would be the best choice..." She says as she hands over my phone. "He had left some... Questionable voicemails. I'd like to bring him to the proper authorities if it were alright with you."

"It's... Fine... There's no need for that. He's the only one earning money for the whole family. My mom and I would die if he was gone..."

"We can provide your family the help that you need! Your father needs to face the consequences for his actions! He shouldn't be left alone after what he did to you!"

"Please... Just don't do anything... I'll be okay..."

She sighs and shakes her head. "Alright... But there is one more thing that you need to know..."

"We've discovered that you were pregnant and... Well..."

No... No....!

"The baby didn't make it..."

Shit! No no no this can't be happening!

"I apologize for your loss, but there was nothing we could do."

Everything went mute for me at that moment. I could feel all of the tears I've kept years and years inside of me come out. I just killed my baby, and somehow I'm still alive. Why? How is that fair?! Is this my karma for trying to kill somebody who didn't have a choice?! Do I have to suffer more now with the fact that I killed my own blood?! My own child!

"Doctor... Please... Kill me..." I beg.

"W-what?! I can't do that!" The doctor exclaims.

"Hospitals have this thing called euthanasia, right?"

"Then it shouldn't be a problem. I'm giving you permission to end my life. Right here, right now."

"Chartreuse!" A voice exclaims as the door to my room busts open. The doctor and I look over and see Lilac with her face full of tears.

"Lilac??" I ask. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll leave you two ladies to talk. If you'll excuse me." The doctor excuses herself.

The door to the room closes and the room itself fills with awkward silence. Lilac pulls me into a tight hug and I hear her sniffling.

"Why'd you have to do it??" She asks, hugging me tighter. "Didn't we say we'd grow old and die together?"

"I... I'm sorry..." I reply as I cry too and return her hug. "But Lilac, the baby's dead... She died!"

"What?! Chartreuse, I'm so sorry to hear that..."

"Lilac... Go home... I just wanna be alone for tonight..." I say as I let go of her.

"Just go. Please."

She lets go of me as well and walks away, but stops as she grabs hold of the doorknob. "I'll leave him." She says. "I'll leave him if it means that you won't ever do this again."

She'll... She'll leave him... I want her to, but I know she doesn't want to. I know that she's still in love with him... But that's exactly why I want her to leave him...

"You will?" I ask.

"Yes. I'll leave him once you get out of the hospital. I want you to see. I don't want you to doubt me anymore."

She walks out and closes the door.