Monster no Goshujin-sama
03. Deep Sinus in Your Heart
Three.
The forest is full of danger.
If it's a place you've never been, it's a shame.
There are a lot of things to be careful about, even just moving around. Don't forget. That this is not the realm of man.
... I should have known that, but it is human beings that fail not to be zero.
"Whoa!?
The leg I put out a step ago slipped.
I lost my grip on my soles because of tiredness or my vision, and because of the thriving grass.
As soon as I did, I lost my balance.
The hand that protruded out in haste did not reach the branch of the tree of purpose slightly, and I was unnecessarily soaked - soaked?
"It's dangerous. Beware, Lord."
"... bad"
Gabella, who immediately turned around, held me in her arms.
He was on guard around, and he was watching about me. It was a quick response.
As a result, my back of the head was half buried in her rich chest, but Gabella doesn't look like she cared about it either. A neat face upside down looked worried about me from behind.
"Are you all right?
"You put a lot of work into it."
"I don't care about this much."
With that said, Gabella made sure I put my feet on the ground properly.
……
And he held my head so that he could press it against his chest once, and then let go of my hand.
……
"Hey, of something?
And when I looked back, I looked with my eyes, and Gabella said with a rubbed voice.
The chisels and spider legs were making noise. Apparently this one of hers, it's like a habit.
"Beh, I don't think concubines are useful."
"There's a saying that falls to talk, you know what I mean?
"Hey, somehow."
…… Fair enough. "
I couldn't help blaming him too much, so I decided to cut him up around there and resumed my exploration.
Looking relieved, Gabella also begins to move through the woods.
This time I was crushing, walking in the woods with care.
"... this is trouble"
It stinks to think about this, but Gabella seems to have a clear crush on me.
I was not so blunt as to be openly favored to this point and not realize how she felt.
After a while, if I were you, I might have suspected you were just complacent about the favor that was directed at you by her...
I'm not a particularly popular type of man of the opposite sex.
It's not that it's scrupulous, but it's not as good as it looks. If you dare, you look only mediocre, with a serious impression.
It's not funny to be with you, I realize you're a boring man to talk to.
There's no way a man like me can favor you because of his attractive opposite sex.
If Gabella hadn't been my opponent, there was a great chance that I would have thought so.
But he didn't forgive Gabella for being upright about those 'runaways'.
I was honestly delighted with the favor that was directed at me.
... I don't know how a normal boy feels about being favored by her, whose lower body is a spider.
Do you think I'm happy?
Don't you even find it disgusting?
From such a human being, I would be merely an anomaly.
So what is it?
Now I'm not going to worry about other people's eyes.
I like her as a companion.
There was also no great psychological resistance to advancing that in the company of men and women.
But I've already accepted Lily's favor.
As the natural sensibility of a man born and raised in Japan, the feeling that one woman should be loved as a man goes hand in hand.
As one man, I can't live up to Gabella's favor.
In my values, it was an dishonest act, a betrayal that should not have been.
I think so.... At least if the other person is a human woman, I would have stopped thinking there.
But at the same time, I couldn't help but realize that this place is not modern Japan and that I am in this other world.
I am the Lord of their families.
As special to me as they are to me, even to them, I know that being me is special.
That was enough to know that the night I survived my life and death.
My relationship with them does not exist in the original world.
Naturally, we shouldn't have brought in the values of those days, and it was obvious that that would make it impossible.
We have to reconsider from a good point of view.
About your relationship with them.
... It's called the relationship between Gabella and Rose, I have a lot to think about and I'm going to have a headache.
But Cotto is important to me about them. You have to think seriously, and most importantly, I want to.
I guess I should be glad that I could afford to worry about this.
"Trouble is what are you talking about?
She heard me talking to herself, and Gabella looked back forward.
I can't honestly answer that I'm worried about my future relationship with her. I smiled vaguely.
"I don't think it's easy to find a family monster."
It was a dialogue I spoke of to deceive, but this was now, in fact, a troubled situation.
Three days have already passed since we both began our quest.
Though I have been brave enough to continue my quest for the past three days, I have not been able to find a new family.
It's not like there was no harvest.
In the lower body of the garbera, in the plump abdomen of the spider, a monster known as the artillery crawl is recovered in the colony. This is a monster with the appearance of a spreading plant wrapped around a tree that flies seeds from flowers like lilies like scatterbullets.
Giving this to Lily makes her stronger.
Gerbera also accumulates magic by defeating monsters, although it may be slighter now. That is by no means meaningless.
The search itself is going well.
But that wasn't the 'result' I was looking for.
In the first place, why did I intend to explore immediately?
Sometimes I couldn't live up to the time I didn't do anything myself, but more than that, it's because our situation has changed.
The battle against the white Arakune was spectacular, but as a result of our combined efforts to survive the crisis, we were able to gain strong allies.
Our situation changed dramatically that night on the border.
Compared to before, the lead is bright.
Now garbera's name, the white Arakune is one of the strongest monsters in this forest. The fact that she and the other monsters can do each other and other things that aren't has proven the opposite of Lily and Rose's struggle.
Just because you don't normally have to be frightened of monster threats, your freedom of movement increases dramatically.
Besides, monsters more than rare are subject to my cheat abilities, so they are not a threat.
If you dare, as far as high monsters like Gabella are concerned, as they were at her time, there may be dangers to contact... but this won't be the kind of thing you can meet after.
In the interests of safety, we have had to act with caution until now, but not from now on. They are able to act bolder to bring their families together.
For example, the current state of affairs, which involves only Gabella and exploring the forest, would be one of them.
Even in situations where Lily can't move, I'm still being explored.
It is unfortunate that there is no result there.
"I think we should change the way we do this a little bit."
It's not accompanied by results simply because I'm not doing it the way I am.
Even the current method of exploration is by no means bad in terms of the efficient use of time.
Not bad, but that doesn't change anything from before.
More efficient methods needed to be taken in order to increase efficiency.
It will be necessary to change the place of exploration first.
The reason why the search has not been successful is, above all, that we have not been able to perform a number of encounters with monsters.
Eight bodies in three days.
Never a bad number in this short period of time, but I can tell you that there are no monsters in this that will make you family.
In order to do the numbers, I needed to go away a little bit.
This neighborhood is still due to the impact of the hunting the expedition was doing. A little further away from here, you'll be able to come across more monsters.
"The main hall?
……
I look at Gabella looking strangely at me for being silent.
In order for her to be trusted by Rose, she must also deliver results.
"I need to talk to Gabella."
I renewed my resolve, and opened my mouth against the two red eyes that stared at me.
And when I found the open place of the woods, I sat down, and told Gabella, with a strange face, my thoughts.
"In short, are you telling me to take you away to your concubine?
"Well, that's generally okay with understanding. If there are many monsters nearby, that's fine."
Gabella wrinkled between her eyebrows.
"Mm-hmm. Right. Then I have one idea."
"Is that true? I'd love to be able to take a day trip as far as possible."
If he couldn't make the day trip, there was a chance Rose would disagree.
"Hmm. It's one of several springs around here, but many creatures use it as living water, so it's hard to encounter monsters there."
"Oh. That's good."
This is the kind of information I wanted.
"Okay. Let's go there today"
"Okay. Leave it to me."
Are you happy to help, Gabella's voice was playing.
"Well, let's pack the details now. I'm sorry, but I need you to talk to me."
"You got a concubine?
But as soon as I took the consultation, Gabella stood back.
"Trouble?
"Yes, no. It's not like that!
Garbera waved her hands in front of her chest in a panic.
"I'm just trying to figure out who else is more appropriate."
"Even if they say so."
I scratched my head.
"There's only Gabella here."
"Ugh, um. Yes, but... you see, I don't suppose it's okay to go home once today"
"Mm-hmm. Even so."
"What?"
"Lily, for example, but to be honest, I don't really want to strain her,"
I want her to focus on her health care. I seem to be recovering to the point where it's not a problem to move around, but still, I didn't want to bother you with much leisure time.
"I can't talk to Rose. You know that."
"Mm-hmm. That's right..."
Gabella showed a slight sinking. She also knows that if you talk to Rose, she's likely to disagree.
"But still, isn't concubine inappropriate? The concubine is the woman who has left everything to the power. It's not good to use your head."
"I don't think so."
I didn't think Gabella was smarter than the rest of her family, which I've been interacting with her for days now. She's simply young in heart, clumsy, and on top of that, she's just a bad patrol, never a fool.
But she doesn't seem that way herself.
"There will still be others to consult. For example... what, Kato or something, how about that horrible little girl?
In Gabella, Kato's ratings were a lot scattered.
It's also a strange story that Gabella, who is overwhelmingly strong among my companions, is afraid of Kato, who has the least skill, but that would mean that she's enjoying that evening of interaction.
"That girl is a big deal. From concubines and so on, it's better for each of these consultations."
It is true that if Mr Kato is consulted, there is a possibility that he will be given some suggestion.
She has something that just makes her hope so.
Gabella's suggestion was not inherently so bad.
But I had to shake my head to the side.
"You don't talk to Kato about what you say."
"What's the difference?
"What..."
I was bewildered by the fact that I was asked questions here.
Because if I had ever dealt with Lily or Rose, this would have been the only thing that convinced me.
"Mr. Kato is not a family member. A human being."
"Aren't you supposed to be human?
Increasingly, Gabella looked strange.
I can't really talk about it, like that.
"Because you're human, I don't know if you're one of them. But the night the concubine made her mistake, she was with Lord Lily and Lord Rose to help her with the Lord."
"It's..."
I tried to disprove Gabella's allegations, and no more words went on.
Because Gabella was right.
Mr. Kato is human, but he fought for me.
I didn't have a weapon in my hand, but she put up her body for me in her own way. You risked your life for me.
So... no. Wait. The story is rolling in a strange direction.
This feels bad. I don't know what's wrong, but this conversation is not convenient for me to say...
I felt that way.
Gabella continued to ask, unaware of my wolf.
"After all, I thought he was one of the Lord's people. But then, what is Lord Kato to the Lord?
When I heard Gabella's question, I was reminded of Futokato's modest smile.
- I'm glad you're okay, seniors.
- My husband, a senior, trusted, trusted, devoted, loved... that would be very happy, wouldn't it?
- I did. That's settled.
……
Actually, I had one thing that bothered me about Kato.
Hi. I think she's been under a different impression since that night.
I'm talking, and I don't really have the anxiety I used to feel - but would it tell?
I also thought it might be because of the mental demodulation, but that didn't stick anywhere either.
Indeed, she started talking more than before, and the result was more smiles.
This is nothing more than change.
But that's not so dramatic.
Kato still doesn't have a bright, somewhat faceless, dark impression of the base. I have more and more eyes, and the occasional smile I show is just enough to flatter my mouth, and there is no shadow anywhere.
She's not that different from before.
But there was something different in my eyes.
... No, wait.
Is this, isn't it?
I noticed my mistake when I thought about it.
Kato himself is' nothing changes'. Yet it 'looks different'.
Does that mean that it is more natural to think that this is' changing the way I look '?
That night, Kato put himself in danger to help me get caught by White Arakune.
I was helped by her.
That's why my eyes on her changed slightly. Isn't that what this is all about?
In retrospect, I've been suspicious of Kato ever since I met her.
I was looking at her with the sight that she must betray me.
If you look over a distorted lens, any view looks distorted and natural.
And now I can finally see her with my unbiased eyes.
Maybe that's what this is all about.
Now that I know that, what should I do to fulfill it?
Earlier Gabella asked me what Mr. Kato was to me.
She is a protector to me.
It was nothing more or less.
With that in mind, I had never been able to build a relationship with her.
But, but.
For the first time now, I may have been at the starting point of building a relationship with her.
If so...
Shouldn't I at least give back my trust for her, who even risked her life to help me?
……
In a former colony, my familiar classmate nearly killed me.
Humans are dirty.
It's not what I found out when I'd betray you. It is a value in me that remains unchanged.
But only to Kato, you're unlikely to betray me.
Until such a man risked his life, he couldn't have tried to help me.
Think logically, that's not going to be much to think about.
Reasonably speaking, it's a strange story that I doubt her.
Above all, my sensibility tells me I can trust her.
So, again, maybe you can just believe about her.
It may be too late.
Now it's time to believe her...
Yes. Trust me...
"Ugh..."
Suddenly I turned away from the scene in nausea.
"Oh Lord!?
I heard Gabella's hasty voice from behind, but I can't stand it.
And I spat out all that was in my stomach at its root, when I brought it to a tree that was nearby.
In my head - looking down at me, eyes, eyes, eyes!
Pain to resuscitate. Pain. Sadness. A messy heart. How could I? You guys. The back of my shoe was on my forehead, kicked in, and there was a noise from the abrasive. Ouch. Ouch. Scary. And eye to eye. Lost light eyes. Corpse eyes. You look just like me and you already know the face that was killed. I killed him, too, I know him. I don't want to die. I don't want to believe it.
If you think so and shake it, you have a grin that's drawn to you.
Laugh. Laugh. Laughter.
"Ah, but... ugh"
"So, are you okay, Lord!?
Gabella, who was following me right behind her, put her hand on my shoulder and let go immediately, as if she had touched something hot.
At that moment, emotions that flow in through the path, feelings that worry about me. You care about me, Gabella's heart. Confusion that I don't know what to do. And moan.
All of her feelings for "Me, the Lord" in "She Who Is a Family Member".
"... ahh?
Finally, I can remember that this place is not a collapsing colony.
Aware of who I am, it will be my spiritual world to the real world, the edge to rely on.
My vision was all over me.
When I noticed, tears were spilling over my cheeks.
"Habe, et al?
"My lord! Have you noticed?
It would be easier if you even rubbed it on my back, but I hear Gabella, a monster, didn't know what to do. I heard him crying.
"Ah, Lord. Has the concubine said anything wrong...?
"That's... ugh, eh"
I vomited again, trying to speak to the grated gabella.
"Oh, oh... Lord!
"It's... it's okay, just calm down a little"
Apparently, Gabella's presence aroused my awareness that I was her Lord. He was acting like a tranquilizer.
Spit and discard the spit of the diarrhea mixture.
All right. My lips are shaking, but now it's just a little easier to talk.
I wiped my mouth and turned back to Gabella.
"I'm just a little tired. It's no big deal."
"Is that true? She's bluish."
"No problem. Rest a little and it will heal quickly. You have no idea, but human beings are delicate creatures."
Words spoken for deception, but I wasn't joking about it for the second half.
Oh, shit. How unusual.
"... I'm sorry, can you bring me a water bottle? I feel sick in my mouth."
My water bottle was rolling where I was resting until just now.
Even walking that far now was a hundred million robberies.
"Ooh. Aye, okay. Wait for me."
Running over to the water bottle, like a beeball with a gabella played.
With a blurred look at its back, I peered into the deep sinus in my heart and was stunned.
I didn't even think I was pathological to this point.
My distrust of humans had apparently taken root on a physiological level.
And what I hadn't noticed before was that it would be a sign that the symptoms were severe.
I remember the word PTSD.
I remembered the word Paranoia at the same time, but didn't know much about it.
PTSD is a kind of mental illness caused by a heart wound engraved by a tragic experience that is dying.
Because the human mind is so brittle, it crushes easily at times, in front of the greatest fear of death. Alternatively, it is said that it can also develop with regard to situations that would result in a loss of human dignity.
'Evasive action' on the trauma causing event, and its related matters, or 'flashback' and panic about the event, or 'ill health'.
In my case, it's easy to understand. "That my classmates betrayed me and nearly killed me".
This is the first time I have experienced panic symptoms... but I felt so bad that I got there.
Although I could have held it back because my family, Gabella, was nearby, I might have even fainted otherwise.
I was aware of my own problems, and at the same time had to acknowledge another fact.
It was, "I can't trust Kato with all my heart."
... for example, talking about.
Can I let Kato carry a weapon?
Will I be able to keep my back with her?
Whether it was actually necessary to do so was not an issue at this time.
That's what I mean by trusting others, and that I'm unlikely to be able to do either of those things, which was a big problem.
"Ah, Lord! I brought you some water!
"... thanks"
I thanked him and received a water bottle from Gabella.
I rinsed my mouth and drank a little water and it calmed me down.
I just didn't have the strength to stand up.
And I sat down from the roots of the trees scattered with diarrhea.
In doing so, what I was remembering was Kato's "eyes".
I saw it when we met, and I showed it once in a while, about that gaze.
I got a bottom invisible obsession...... no. That too, 'no'. No, it's not.
From my eyes right now, that looks different.
Those were just eyes, staring at a human being named me.
If you open the lid, there's nothing complicated. Her intentions were clear.
Kato had no one to rely on but me in this other world.
It's only natural that she should try to rely on me like that. That's true for the intended part, but if I tried to make her look terrible, it must have been in the emotional sense that I wanted to rely on others.
Even though it was so easy, I couldn't understand her feelings then.
I didn't understand it, so I thought it was creepy.... No. I was making up my mind. 'You must be up to something,' he said.
As a result, I could not return what was only directed at me by her.
And I can't give it back.
I knew so much, and yet my body and mind rejected her as a 'human'.
It was all too untrue for her to have saved her life.
Most importantly, a girl by the name of Mana Kato was too pathetic.
I can imagine her loneliness. I knew how she felt because I used to be.
I know, but I can't do anything about it.
"… what is' If you want someone to believe you have to build up that much '?"
"The main hall...?
That's what I told Gabella a a few days ago when she called me worried.
Over time, the words were stuck in my heart.
What a deception.
That dialogue was something I shouldn't have said.
Because Kato did all that for me, and he can't earn my trust.
"The main hall..."
Gabella has been trying to grate for a while.
He didn't know what to do at a time like this. I had no choice. Even I don't know what to do with me.
Eventually she sat beside me softly.
Sitting next to her, she will be able to turn her naturally folded spider legs.
I was drawn to the spider leg really lightly.
White hair feels good. It's the worm's verse foot I'm touching, but I didn't think it was disgusting. I was rather comfortable.
It was then that Auntie and Gabella spoke.
I'm sorry, Lord.
"Yeah?"
"My concubine's inadvertent words made me like this"
I couldn't seem to be deluded by my ill health on the boulder.
You feel guilty, Gabella's voice was dark.
"The concubine doesn't know how the Lord feels. I don't understand anything between the Lord and Kato. The concubine was perhaps too late to see the Lord..."
Gabella doesn't share bad feelings about me.
Because she is a family member who gained some healing of my heart.
What I'm dealing with is a deep wound that I still couldn't heal.
Gabella can't do anything about it. She accidentally touched it with her bare hands.
"... no"
But I waved for the first time.
I have to thank you.
"Huh...?
"If Gabella hadn't been here, I'd still be unaware of my mistakes"
With Lily and Rose, this would not have happened.
They understand the emotions I have towards humans, and that's why I care too much.
Of course, it was never the intention of Gabella to depress me. It would be a failure if you tried it on her.
But this is a worthwhile failure.
"Sorry, can you let me stay like this for a while?
When I asked for it, Gabella nodded uncomfortably.
"Thanks"
I closed my eyes.
Keep it that way, think.
I was wrong about Kato.
I was making her lonely because of that. Yet she even risked her life to fight for me.
Then I must respond to her.
Will I be able to overcome this wound of my own and return to her all that Kato has left of me?
It will take time. Maybe I can't do it for a second. Still, efforts should be made to do so. Because that would be the responsibility I owe her.
By now, how is Kato, who should be lonely? When I thought about it, the heartache didn't quite hold me up.
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