My Beloved Oppressor

The world was quiet as it came into his view again.

There was no sound of gunfire, no sound of exploding grenades, no screams, no shouts, no dead bodies. Only the blue-white light of incandescent lamps illuminated the hospital.

Annette was recording the number of items, unaware of his presence. His face, severely gaunt and rough, looked remarkably pale under the incandescent light.

Heiner stared at her for a moment, then slowly lowered his gaze. There was no gun in his hand.

However, his fingers were still trembling slightly, and he couldn’t even breathe. It was a symptom that often appeared every time he became psychologically unstable.

Heiner had fought in many wars for operational purposes, but ironically, he had rarely participated as a member of the Padania army….

During his time in the war, Heiner would often see Annette as one of the nurses.

When he was unconscious from a gunshot wound to the shoulder, he mistook the nurse who treated him as her.

After coming to his senses, he laughed at himself, feeling dumb.

There was no way that woman could do such a tough job in a place like this.

‘How could that vain fantasy become a reality?’

Heiner’s eyes traced Annette’s fingers. Her slender fingers counted the items one after another.

When she reached the end of the goods, Annette rechecked the chart. Something about the numbers didn’t add up, and she tilted her head.

Heiner was about ten paces away and looked at her with shaken eyes. Her lips moved slightly as if to say something.

If we …………….

I wonder what would have happened if we had met here.

What if I had met you here for the first time as just an ordinary soldier and nurse?

I came here injured, you treated me, and so we met for the first time. I asked your name and told you mine.

I would try to find out if you had a fiancé or a lover. I will hang around you like a dog with nothing to do to see if there is anything I can help you with.

We may sit side by side in front of the campfire, as soldiers and nurses do on their days off. You and I would laugh as we watched the others dance.

We may even go to the nearest tavern together and have long talks……………

Heiner’s fingers still trembled faintly as they hung powerlessly. His gaze remained fixed on her face.

Maybe, just maybe.

If I were to meet you not in that huge, beautiful Rosenberg mansion, but in this place, full of the smell of blood and screams.

If I met you not in your pretty white dress, but in your old nursing uniform.

Not you in your unreachable distant status, but you as an ordinary woman volunteering to serve in the army.

Maybe I would see you as…

Annette straightened after checking the items. She turned around, rubbing her eyelids, perhaps tired. Her skinny back looked precariously like she was about to collapse.

Heiner clenched his trembling fingers. The thoughts that had begun at home ended without further ado. He had to return to the barracks. Even if the fighting was over, it was wartime now. There was no time to waste here.

He had to go back.

She, too, had to return.

Heiner barely turned his heavy legs. Inside the field hospital, the groans of the soldiers continued unceasingly.

He pulled back the half-closed tent. It seemed darker beyond the tent’s entrance than it was inside. Heiner hesitated for a moment, then moved his legs.

At that moment, he heard something fall with a thud from behind him.

Heiner unconsciously turned his head. But because of the bed and the medical tray, he could not see the floor properly.

“Oh my!”

A passing nurse bent to her knees in surprise. She raised her head and shouted to the others.

“Someone has collapsed!”

***

[Dear Annette.

Cynthia has been cloudy and cold every day. How is it over there? It shouldn’t be so cold.

I have enclosed a scarf with it, but I don’t know if it’s delivered 

properly.

I heard that the letter and the parcel Mrs. Hoss sent to her son were lost on the way or delayed.

(…… omitted—)

If I had known you were going to the frontline, I would have stopped you by any means necessary, but really, Annette is insane! How are you doing?

Are you feeling alright? We are doing fine. Olivia hasn’t started talking yet. When will she start talking?

I can’t wait to hear her voice. I will be sure to teach her Annette’s name as well.

By the time you return, you will be able to hear Olivia calling you.

 (…… omitted—)

We all miss you Annette. When the war is over, please come to my house immediately without thinking about elsewhere. Do you understand?

With love,

13th December, 721

Catherine Grott.]

***

[Dear Annette.

I am writing in the hope that by the time my letter arrives, the situation will have improved. I have just received word that the Montiore front is at a standstill. I understand that operations are being reassigned? Please, I only hope that as many people as possible will return safely.

(…… omitted—)

Oh, perhaps you remember Hans? He is the one who was picking on you for no reason at the fruit stand. He is the brother of a friend of Bruner’s.

I heard that he enlisted too. He’s a new recruit, so it looks like he’s going to the rear. I cried when he said he was going to that battlefield, even though he was just an idiot.

Everyone is living in fear of the war. I go to church every day these days. I always pray for Annette…]

 ***

[To my proud Annette.

Oh, what a happy day!

As soon as I checked the Victory Issue, I almost collapsed. No wonder I couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of hope from your last letter!

Of course we don’t expect the war to end like this, but we are all so relieved.

Internationally, France has been heavily criticized, so is it too much to hope that maybe they will just retreat?

(…… omitted—)

My God, you met your ex-husband? I must confess that I had expected him to visit you.

He called me as soon as he heard the news of your service. How terrifying it was when he was angry…

So, did you listen to my opinion?

(…… omitted—)

Annette, do you plan to stay there longer? We hope you will come back to Cynthia as soon as possible.

I heard that a lot of medical staff as well as soldiers were injured and died.

Of course, I know I have no right to stop Annette. But how about at least moving to a safe rear hospital.

Annette, I know these are boring words, but please take care of yourself until the end.

May the Lord always guide and protect you.

Celebrate your victories and love you,

Catherine Grott]

***

Annette lifted her heavy eyelids.

Her dim vision shuddered open. She felt heavy, as if her whole body was buried in a mound of stone. Her fingers could barely move.

She had just woken up, so the accident had dulled her grasp of the situation. But her head felt clearer than before.

Annette turned her head fuzzily. A dim light was on in the barracks, which appeared to be a simple building. It was an unfamiliar place.

She looked back at her faltering memory. She was sure she was checking on the goods. She had not been feeling well for a while until………

Lately the headaches and dizziness had been getting worse again. Her body had been fine on the frontline, but apparently she was under a lot of mental stress.

Annette got out of bed. She seemed to have slept a lot, judging from her fatigue, but she could not check the time.

Furthermore, she had no idea where she was. It was more like a private room than a treatment center. As far as Annette knew, there was no such place in the field hospital.

‘Is this an empty officer’s room?’

It was just strange. She wasn’t seriously hurt, and at most was dizzy, but they placed her 

on an empty bed.

She shouldn’t have this luxury…

With unnecessary anxiety, Annette hurried out of the room. She grabbed the doorknob and turned it, and the door creaked open.

She looked up through the half-open doorway. Contrary to her expectations, outside the door was not a hallway, but another room.

There was a yellow lamp on a spacious desk in the room. Just as she was about to question her vision, her eyes met those of a man holding papers.

Annette froze involuntarily. A face that was all too sharp and neat and seemingly unreal was facing her.

“…… Ah?”

It was the Commander-in-Chief.

He found Annette and got up from his seat. The scraping sound of the chair being pushed back rang in the silence. Annette stood still until then.

Heiner walked over to her with large strides. A shadow fell on Annette’s frightened deer-like face.

A familiar deep voice landed overhead.

“Are you awake?”