My CEO Harem Cultivation System

A Panda's Guide To Dealing With Immortals

1. You fucking don't

2. Never give your full name to the Fey, Vampires, and other Creatures of Old and make no promises

3. Never offend the gods unless you're prepared for the heaven's outlash

4. Do not disturb old and peaceful forests—and no, don't eat that juicy fruit!

5. When in doubt, run all the way to the south

6. If some perverted and lecherous god is out to get you, mentally prepare spending the remaining years of your existence as a plant or animal

Here was the thing—every place had their own problematic spirits and creatures not usually privy to a man. If you landed in a desert, found a beautiful lamp and gave it a little rub? You were better off shoving it up your arse than dealing with a trickster djinn who'd made your wishes come true.

The Fey and Witches liked collecting first borns for a reason… and Bao was not going to delve into why. But they left nasty Changelings in place and one needed to avoid trespassing into their territories.

Vampires were charmers, hypnotics gazes and sometimes had a thing for playing with their prey. At least the one who found Li Yang seemed to enjoy evoking the ancient pacts and oaths of old, where stories and legends were told—argh!

"We're getting the hell out of here." Bao jabbed a paw at Li Yang and thankfully the man didn't seem to resent it at all for suggesting it. Instead there was actually a relieved look on his face and Bao did not want to imagine what kind of nonsense the man blabbered before it got here.

Begrudgingly though, Bao was impressed.

One wrong rhyme and right before you knew it, you were out of time. His life had been practically on the line.

"He is the one who trespassed into my domain." Lady Elizabeth clasped her hands together with a small frown. The tendrils of shadows around her, her aura manifested in shadows and thankfully not blood (although both were deadly), suddenly flared and covered the entire world around them. "I'd like to think that you've also done the same."

"Here's the thing—it was an accident and we'll get out of your hair now," Bao said and then felt a shudder run down its spine. Not out fear but out of surprise. Why the heck was it the one intervening for the two of them to leave? It was up to Li Yang to do it as he was the star of the show.

"Is there anything we can do for you to let us go?" Li Yang asked at last. It was impossible to leave without one party losing something and with the other obtaining a gain. That wasn't actually difficult to explain.

"How about you stay with me until tomorrow?"

"No." Li Yang made a promise to meet with Ying Yue He and he dared not break it now. He wanted to be a man of his word and even this little travel was just something he needed to overcome.

"...Fine." Lady Elizabeth Hawthorne huffed. "Give me some of your blood to taste, and then the two of you are free to leave this place."

Li Yang frowned at the words that seemed almost easy enough to comply with—it was almost like giving a blood donation to someone in need. And it seemed like the legends were true that blood was what Vampires desired to fulfill their unending yearning to feed.

"You're not going to turn me into one of you or use my blood to control me, will you?" Li Yang asked and crossed his arms.

The Vampire's pale skin suddenly heated up and she looked quite abashed. "Er… that didn't quite cross my mind?"

"...Sure." 

All three of them were aware that it was a complete lie.

Lady Elizabeth Hawthorne coughed and averted her gaze. "It is a shame that you are familiar with the olden ways. I could have made you stay here with me and you'll be fit enough to feed me until the end of days."

"I don't have the time for that unfortunately," Li Yang answered and then corrected himself lest she get the wrong idea about his words. "And neither would I have liked the thought of that."

Similar to what Li Yang already encountered before when Mitsuko and him did a blood oath to even the Goddess back in the Underworld, these beings preferred to adopt a more indirect manner to obtain power and influence.

While perhaps some individuals he encountered simply did it straightforwardly by punching and showcasing their strength to get their way, moments like this one required more tact. A certain sense of wariness and for him to be continually on guard. 

The Vampire tilted her head and stared at him more closely. 

She no longer looked at him as some kind of toy to obtain or something that was below her food chain. Elizabeth's gaze sharpened lightly around the man's figure and that of the 'panda' and she found something interesting. 

"Ah, now I finally see… you have made quite a contract with the universe in exchange for something that most people would kill to obtain and yet there's far more to it than your little friend here is willing to explain."

Bao crossed its arms and glared daggers at the creature of the night, whereas Li Yang felt his entire attention called forth when he realized that she figured it out without him even having to say a single thing.

"How are you able to tell that?" he demanded.

"The world around us communicates far more than what you can currently assume it does, it goes and whispers your name and says it's quite a shame." The Vampire stared harder at him and as the shadows around him conflated with hers. "You've paid for this with something more precious than blood. Heaven's little experimental play."

"..." 

"Oh, your lips are twitching slightly." Lady Elizabeth placed a hand on her mouth. "I may have struck quite a nerve… isn't that absurd?"

Li Yang rested his wrist against his brow and shook his head for a moment. She knew and she acknowledged it. Disbelief and relief was present in that moment as he couldn't help but give the Vampire in front of him a smile. 

"On the contrary, I'd say that I'm at a loss for words. Thank you."

… and it was a smile that worked a better job at casting Charm than a Vampire's.

—-—-

Author's Note: I suppose most people seek in this world is someone who can understand them? I mean, yeah, we'll probably throw in a line or two about how "Nobody really gets me" and maybe it's fun being edgy and thinking about how the entire world is out to get you... but the times when you do connect to someone intimately? That can feel like salvation sometimes. Ahem. Too touchy feely? That's just me thinking about my terrible update schedule and those who still buy Privilege despite that. Thanks for reading!