No Moral

“I still don’t like it.” Sehun didn’t respond that way to make Yoonshin feel bad on purpose. He truly looked and sounded like he was being disturbed on a personal level. Before, Yoonshin was fine when Sehun was cold to him, but now he felt a bit hurt. He felt upset even though he knew that Sehun was merely being honest. Yoonshin was rarely hurt by people, so this was new for him.

Yoonshin’s confidence to continue the conversation was depleted. Right before silence settled in the car, Sehun added, sounding somewhat restrained, “You’re tolerable.”

Yoonshin’s shoulders jumped up. This didn’t simply mean that Yoonshin was the only exception. Sehun’s life was still rolling on as usual, but it meant that now, Yoonshin was a part of it. Sehun permitted this deviation to happen. Yoonshin had heard that one couldn’t react when one was too surprised, and this was exactly how he felt right now. Sehun must have known as well; he continued in an even and low voice, “I know what light you see me in. You think I excel at measuring, nitpicking, and hurting others, and that may as well all be true. But the moment I decide on something, I won’t renege on my words. We’ve already gone beyond the boundaries of coworkers. Regardless of what you think of me, I know that this is what I wanted to do.”

Entranced, Yoonshin stared at Sehun’s side profile. When Sehun looked like he was about to turn his head around, Yoonshin quickly looked down at his knees. He glared lasers at the swell of his kneecaps, jutting out from under his pants. When the older man’s eyes turned back to the road, he resumed stealing glances at Sehun’s profile. The older man felt his gaze and calmly said, “I’m not used to having a significant other in my life. I’ve never been with another person. The first time anyone asked me to stay by their side was at a funeral when a certain someone asked me.”

This was surely about Yoonshin. Yoonshin wavered to jump in, and in that moment of hesitation, Sehun said, “You’re standing at a transition point right now. If you continue to stand there, you’ll probably also be swept away by the storm with me.”

It sounded like a warning that Sehun might hurt Yoonshin, and both might get exhausted with one another. It also doubled as advice, telling Yoonshin to turn back now if he wasn’t confident.

Was he telling Yoonshin long-windedly that he wasn’t good at creating significant relationships because he was a lawyer, or because he was scared on the inside?

Perhaps, as Yoonshin had guessed, Sehun could also be a coward.

Yoonshin said, “We didn’t even start anything, and you’re trying to scare me off. But I’m different from you.”

“You’re right. In your life, you probably always had someone around. If you prefer to be with me rather than other people this time as well, I think you’re tolerable, so you can interrupt my time.”

“…”

“Ask away if you’re still curious.”

It sounded like a sign that he would answer any question as sincerely and honestly as possible. Sehun had suddenly set up the situation in favor of Yoonshin so unexpectedly that Yoonshin’s head turned blank—he wasn’t sure what to ask first. He breathed in deeply, then he warily asked, “This is a date, right? You came to pick me up when I didn’t even ask you to. Am I right?”

“The one who discussed their after-work schedule first should be the one who knows best,” Sehun replied.

“You can only answer yes or no.”

Instead of a retort, Sehun chuckled. His grin was so refreshing that it was hard to associate it with Sehun. This was the same man as yesterday, yet he was slightly different. He looked like he was enjoying spending time with Yoonshin—enough so that Yoonshin could be certain of his convictions.