Our Bonds

"You idiot! Why are you trying to take your own life?!" (Shiratsuyu)

"N-no. That was..." (Shigure)

The other ten of the Shiratsuyu sisters, Shigure-chan included, gathered at the infirmary. I managed to find the master key and opened my bathroom door. I rushed in to find the place flooded with warm water and a n.a.k.e.d Shigure unconscious and submerged in the bath tub. She just tried to drown herself, or so I thought. She woke up shortly after I pulled her out of the tub. She doesn't seem to have swallowed any water. Just to be safe, I brought her to Rei and Akashi for a check up. Her face was flushed and her body was warm when I found her, and remained like this even now.

"I just wanted to bath but I felt giddy... and that... happened..." (Shigure)

"Do you really think we would believe that?" (Murasame)

*beep*

Rei took Shigure's temperature with an infra-red thermometer,

"38.5 degrees. She has a high fever." (Rei)

"So she really fainted in the bath?" (Umikaze)

"Most probably. What were you doing before you lost consciousness?" (Rei)

"I was... filling up the bathtub. Then I... was thinking that... it will be nice to go out to sea again... I just sat in the tub, waiting for the water to fill. The I felt giddy... That's all I remember." (Shigure)

So that's why the place was flooded. Supposedly, she lost consciousness while waiting for the tub to fill. But we can't rule out her attempt to take her own life yet.

"Even then, why were you sitting in the bathtub and waiting for it to fill? You could have waited outside." (Kawakaze)

"That's right poi! Admiral-san brought out the Kotatsu poi. You could join him first poi." (Yuudachi)

The sisters are getting riled up. I understand their anger and concern, but any more might be too much for Shigure's fragile mind. The poor girl is on the verge of tears.

I clapped my hands to get their attention,

"Alright, everyone calm down. You can continue to scold Shigure later. Let her rest for now."

"Admiral, are you okay with this? Shigure just tried to kill herself. I'm surprised you can still be calm." (Shiratsuyu)

"Of course not. It's taking a lot to remain calm. But grilling her now won't help much. Let me talk to her first. All of you return back to your duties and whatever you were doing. This is an order."

The ten girls reluctantly left the infirmary. Shigure was facing down, her hands tightly gripping the sheets.

"Shigure, let's talk."

I sat down on the bed beside her,

"Are you sure you weren't trying to drown yourself?"

"It's true! I wouldn't do such a thing!" (Shigure)

"Then let's leave it that."

As much as I want to have a talk with her, Shigure is sick. She needs rest.

"Commander Rei, can she take some medicine now?"

"Yeah. Here." (Rei)

Rei handled Shigure a glass of water and two red and white tablets. Shigure tossed the tablets into her mouth and swallowed it with the water.

"Lie down. Get some sleep."

"Admiral, I really didn't try to drown myself. I wouldn't dare do such a thing." (Shigure)

She gripped my sleeves tightly. I pet her head as I slowly tucked her in,

"I know. I believe you. Just rest for now. I will be here with you."

"Really. I didn't try to-"

"Shh~ There there. I believe you, Shigure. Sleep for a bit, okay?"

I held onto Shigure's hand as she laid on the bed. I waited till she fell asleep. I can tell because her grip on my hand had loosened and relaxed. Her pained expression from before had completely disappeared as well.

"Rei, you thoughts?"

"We can't rule out that she wasn't trying to commit sui-" (Rei)

"Not that. I'm talking about how should we help her. Right now, her mind is going through a lot."

"Should we call for a counsellor? Maybe they are more knowledgeable about these things. Back in JSDF, I had to call the counsellors for some recruits with adjustment issues and other mental issues. Most of them felt better after a few sessions. And besides, we are not experts in this field. It's better to leave it to the experts. Though, I'm not sure if they are willing to help shipgirls."

"That's what I thought as well. It won't hurt to try, I guess."

I got lucky with Zuihou the other time. This time, it's different.

"No..." (Shigure)

Shigure started to toss about. She stretched out her arms, as if reaching for something. Her eyes were still closed while doing all these. A pained expression formed on her sleeping face. Another nightmare, but this is different.

"No... Please... Give it back... I can't live without it... I'm useless if it's gone... Please... Don't take it from me... I still want to be useful... I still... want to be by his side... I don't want to be left alone... Please... Don't..." (Shigure)

I caught her hand as they flailed about. I used my free hand to pet her head,

"There there. I'm here. You are not alone. Relax. I'm here for you. You're not useless. Calm down."

Shigure tightly grasped my hand. Her arms start to relax as she pulled my hand close to her chest. She turned towards my direction. The pained expression slowly disappeared from her face as her breathing returned to normal.

"It's alright. I'm here."

"Admiral..." (Shigure)

I looked at Rei,

"You can put that syringe down now."

Rei was holding onto a large syringe, filled with a translucent liquid, and stood at Shigure's bed front. I can only assume that was an anesthetic.

"You have a knack for this." (Rei)

Rei squirt out the anesthetic from the syringe into the sink,

"Like I always say, spend enough time with them, you will learn how to handle with them."

This is a different nightmare from what she usually experiences. Ordinarily it will be the Nishimura Tradegy. She was saying things like 'useless' and 'still be by his side's and other things. Is this because she feels useless because she can't fight at the frontlines anymore? And that her only value is fighting? I taking potshots here I feel like that's what this is all about. I need to confirm this myself and handle this accordingly.

"On second thought, I think I should be the one to handle this."

"Yeah I think so too. Look at her. This is the first time in a while I have seen her this happy while sleeping." (Rei)

Shigure was smiling. Her hands still tightly clutching mine against her chest. Looks like I will be stuck here for a while. At least, it's worth it.