Our World, and the universe between us

"Morning!" I look up to see the person talking to me. I still can't recognise her voice but I can make a guess.

"Norah," I smile as I see the girl in the hoodie. We became friends so easily yesterday. I spent almost the whole day with her and I knew she's a nice girl. "Good morning," I take off the earpiece from my ear.

She puts down her plate and takes a seat in front of me. It's the first time for me to eat with someone here. I'm kinda happy about it. Well, lately I've been in a good mood so I welcome this friendly being.

"What is it?" she asks cheerfully for an early morning.

I tilt my head still unsure of what she's asking about. She does that a lot, throwing random questions. "Hmm?"

"What's the song you're listening, Tina? Every time I see you, you always have earphone sticks on your ear," she rolls her eyes acting as if she can't believe I don't get her obvious question. Someone should teach her what obvious question really is.

"Love Song."

She stops munching at her food and keeps staring at me seriously. "I'm still waiting for a title here," she asks with mouth full of food.

This time she's the one who can't get my answer. "That's the title, Norah. It's Adele's." I can't help laughing a little when she nods embarrassingly with her mouth opens slightly. "That's my favourite lately," I add to make her comfortable.

"I haven't heard it. And? What else are you listening to?" she asks after swallowing her mouthful bacon and egg.

Smile appears on my face without invitation. "I just listen to Love Song," I sound like it's an obvious answer and sip my glass of milk.

"Aren't you bored?"

I shake my head. "Nope. I like it, no, I love it a lot."

"That's up to your taste, I guess. So, how's Dr. Miller for you? I heard he's really caring and charming."

After a moment of hesitation, "Pretty good," I say, "How do you get this information anyway? Is he your doctor?"

"You know," she motions closer so I mirror her. "When there's a group of women, there's also gossip. And the nurses here, they're mostly women."

Both of us laugh so hard after she finished her explanation. She's a really interesting person, this Norah. If we met under different circumstances, we'd be best friend. Well, meeting like this doesn't make a big difference I think.

"Say, Norah. Why are you interested in me?"

Suddenly she crosses her hands in front of her chest like she's making a defensive pose. "Whoa! What makes you think I swing that way?"

We laugh hard again understanding she's joking. "You know what I mean," I become serious after my laughter subsided.

"Hahaha, I just wanna say that sentence once," she clears her throat. Probably dry from all of these laughters. "It can't be helped, you know. You never miss your routine and after noticing you for a while, I got curious. And you pretty much never talk with anyone else."

"I guess I do stick to my routine."

"And, even though this is a madhouse, the patients here are pretty normal most of their time. We can absolutely make friends. And we actually look normal, don't we?"

I can't help but giggle at her question. I'm still tired from laughing earlier but she's just funny. One thing I notice about her, she's insightful. And she's absolutely right.

"If you put it that way, we do look normal. It's not like I don't wanna make friend. It's just, I'm too preoccupied with this sudden change and with this experience, I have no time to make friends. Besides, I don't know how to get close with people here."

"Just get close when you wanna get close. There's nothing difficult to it," she says confidently.

"But I don't know what to and not to ask," I reply timidly. So contrast with her attitude. I begin to wonder what could've happened to her. What possibly happened that this beaming girl cut herself.

As far as I know, which is the movies and stories, people with depression tend to hurt themselves. But Norah is far from that description. She's cheerful, lovely, friendly, and easygoing. Seems like she doesn't have any problem at all. If I didn't see her scars, I'd never found a reason why she's here.

"Just show that you care and want to be with them."

"It's just like we normally do," I demand some tips.

"Exactly," she states cutting my sentence. "We're all human, Tina."

Her answer makes me look at her differently. I respect this girl in front of me simply because she opens my mind. It's a plain fact but somehow it leaves deep impression when she says it.

We talk again for a while before we move to the common room. It's not just her. I look at everyone differently after our conversation. I smile more and get more warm smiles.

"I'll pick you in another hour, don't forget, okay," Elle said as friendly as possible.

"Where's Sam?" I asks concerned.

She's supposed to be back. It's her shift already. I feel so selfish because I worry she won't be my appointed nurse more than what exactly happen to her. But that just shows how much I need her.

"Her little daughter's sick so she won't be here for a few days. I hope you don't mind to have me," she smiles a little before leaving me behind.

That's just great. My only oasis in this damn place just left me. I really want her to come back soon and for her daughter to get better. Thanks God I met a new friend.

"Just hang in there. At least your appointed nurse is a good one and she'll be back," Norah cheers me up.

"Yeah, Sam is the greatest."

"You're lucky. Mine isn't that good," she sighs quite hard.

"Why?" I ask instinctively.

She just shrugs her shoulder. "Just like majority of the nurses here."

I know just what she meant.

"At least they are better than the people I know," she adds.

We look at each other and see the same bitter smile on our faces. We can't do anything about other people since we are the minority. In fact, we're seen as the problem here so it gets worse.

Just like Elle and Norah's nurse, I believe they don't mean anything bad. They are trained and it's their job to take care of us. They listen to us. They serve us. They keep us safe. But in the end, they are just human. Their heads might know but sometimes their hearts are just not here. And even their unconscious minds, they have their own thoughts.

They want to help, that I know. But sometimes, they forget that we are also human. Just like I forgot that these people are just human. We might have differences, but even twins aren't exactly the same. They might forget since they have a stronger position in this system so I'm thankful for some who still see us as a person, just like Sam.

We're not even a criminal. But sometimes I can't feel the difference.

"How's your family?" I sincerely want to know. If her family is as bad as mine, that will be another common thing between us.

Norah avoids my eyes and I see her smile's gone without a trace. I immediately know it's a taboo topic.

"I'm just curious. You don't need to answer if you don't wanna." She still doesn't say anything. "Hmm, by the way, what else did you hear about me?"

She looks at me again and I feel a sense of relieve knowing she'll be fine with me. Offending her is the least thing I wanna do.

"That you're the niece of the director?" she says as if she's asking me that fact.

I nod my head once and flash of memories with my uncle attacks my brain. He's the best uncle anyone could ever hope for. He's nice. He cared. Sometimes I wished he's my dad but I never told anyone. So the pain from his action is far worse than my real parents.

"Is that why you got close to me?" I tease Norah, trying to clear my thought at the same time.

"Of course not," she denies immediately although I bet she knew I was just joking. "But why isn't he your doctor? Is it because you're relatives?"

I look down because I don't want her to mention the face I'm making right now. "He's not good enough."

"He's actually my doctor and he's quite good."

"You won't come back if he's really good," I snap and regret immediately. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Maybe you're right," she tries to joke around.

Both of us stay silent for a while. We don't know how to change this terrible atmosphere. At the same time, perhaps we don't want to look like we avoid this topic. We can't run but we don't really know how to face it.

"Guess I take your time listening to your music," she decides to avoid the topic in front of us.

"I memorised the song already. It's all in my head."

Then silence fall once again.

"Listen, we just met and we barely know each other," she hesitates before continuing, "Let's get to know each other first before we start talking about depressing stuff."

Her hazel eyes stare at me. For the first time, she looks like a cute little puppies with those big round eyes looking at me and I agree. I really can't believe anyone is capable to hurt her.

— — —

I'm starting to enjoy my session with you. As stubborn as I am, I still need to accept the fact that you are different from others. I don't know what you think about me or what you think about my situation.

But I'm sure of one thing, you really listen and want to know me. I didn't know how to put it, but after today's talk with Norah, I realise it for the first time. You don't see me as an object or just another patient. Yes, you treat me exactly as a human and that's why I will open up to you.

"It's nice to see you smile. I believe you have a good morning," you smile noticing my good mood.

"I know I'm not that easy to handle, but I just wanna say I appreciate what you do. Listening and everything. I mean it's your job, but… thanks," this good mood is really taking control of me. Blame Norah for being such a good friend. Well, you should thank her.

You stare at me for so long I can't help staring back at you. I see your eyes fluttering in realisation that you almost drill a hole in my face.

"What happened? I'm happy with you being so open suddenly but I can't help but asking what's the cause," you fix your sitting position.

"Nothing really. It's just, I realise that you're different from my uncle. And that's a compliment."

After blinking for a few times, you smile at me. It's a sincere one. I don't see any hidden meaning behind it though I'm not sure I can't see it because I let my guard down or there's really nothing.

"I know we don't have a great start but I'm just saying that I really want the best for you. I want to help you. I mean it."

I nod and you begin your work for today. "So, when did you see his world? Quartian?"

"Well, I hadn't found a way to show him this world so we just settled with him showing me his. It's not that hard for him. I remember it was a weekend. He said he didn't have any plan so I came rather early. But not so early since I didn't want to see him in compromising situation again."

"Compromising?" you cut my story. Really, that's what you're interested in?

I roll my eyes and make it so obvious to you. "Okay. It's nothing. One day I got there before my school start. You know, that's my habit once in a while so there's nothing else on my mind." You nod and signal me to continue. "And," I feel my cheeks getting hot, "He was in the shower. You get the picture," I finish my last sentence quickly.

"Ah, I see," you don't have any other response. So like you. After spending time with you, I think you're also an introvert and maybe that's the reason you're such a good listener.

"Just to be clear, I saw his back and only his back. And I ran downstair that instant," I keep on rambling with cheeks as red as a tomato from image of his back which appear so suddenly.

You chuckle a bit and see me glaring at you so you pretend nothing happens. "That's fine. You don't need to be embarrassed. So, what happened next?"

"Nothing happened!" I shout and I swear I saw you jumped a little bit on your chair.

"I mean, what happened on the weekend?" you try your best not to laugh and I officially hate the smirk on your face.

If my face could get any redder, this is the time. "He just finished his breakfast," I continue my story as I catch my breath.

— — —

"Morning," he said as he saw me walking towards him. "I just finished my breakfast. Sorry I can't offer you anything."

"It's fine. I already ate mine. So, what will you show me today?" I got excited about our plan. He promised he's gonna show me around his neighbourhood.

"Relax. We have all day to ourselves," he stood up from his sitting pose.

"But, you're sure you don't need to see your fiancee?" I just wanted to make sure I didn't disturb the lovebirds. But seemed like he didn't get my message.

"Hmm? Why do I need to see her?" I realised I needed to handle my urge to smack his head whenever I see his expression every time I mentioned his fiancee. He didn't care about her so I hated it even more that he's marrying her.

"Forget it. So where do we start?"

"I couldn't believe I didn't think about it before but let me show you around the house first. So you'll get the picture."

I grinned so big and agreed that it's a great idea. Seeing his house was a must for me. I was curious how the Quartian people's house look like.

He lifted his hand and a hologram of the supposed to be his home appeared. "How did you do that?" I squealed and ran to see it closely.

"I just focus on what I wanna do. So simple, really. What do you use there?" he raised his eyebrow condescending.

Who said there's no perfect crime? I could just strangle him and got away with it. But I calmed myself so I didn't have to enter that dark territory with no return. First of all, I couldn't picture myself being a murderer. And second, he's stronger than me.

"Just show me around!" I yelled at him and that's pretty much how we communicated daily.

He smirked and I forced myself to focus on the hologram. It's the top priority. It's the only priority. It's all my reason to spend time with him. Learning about another planet. Another world.

His kitchen's all white. So clean. So neat. I saw something like a plate on top of the table behind us. I didn't know what he just ate though. I didn't know what he made for himself since there's no trace of cooking.

Let me put it this way, there's no stove. I didn't see any cooking utensils.

I knew it's a kitchen because of the big thing that looked like an oven or microwave. And he told me once about the area. Although I couldn't be sure about that machine. I didn't think it's just a simple oven or microwave.

"What's that?" I pointed to the big thing that I couldn't make of.

"Food processor," he said not looking at me.

"You don't cook?"

He finally looked at me, "The machine does it. That's why it's called food processor."

"How?" I still couldn't accept it. Cooking was not what I called my forte. So I'd kill for a machine like that.

"Just type what you wanna eat, and it'll do the rest. How do you cook there?" he got curious since I made an annoyed face.

"We cook ourselves. From buying the ingredients, prepare them, season them. To be honest, it's a lot of hassle."

"I take it you don't like cooking. Let's move onto another room. What do you wanna see?"

I put my hand on my jawline and got my index finger tapping on my cheek. I wanted to see his bedroom. Not because I wanted to see it, but I needed the ability to picture his master bedroom so he wouldn't just surprise me when I wanted to enjoy my favourite place. And, I could position my chair in a place that's safe for me, and perhaps for both of us.

But moving to his bedroom suddenly seemed a little bit wrong. So I settle with his study. The place we first met.

He's right. There were a lot of books. To be exact, they're tablets since there's no paper whatsoever.

"It's my collection. It's from the older generation," he showed off his library.

"It's your hobby?"

He nodded. "People don't collect this anymore but I like them. They are not as simple as the book nowadays but I just can't explain it," I could see his eyes were twinkling beautifully.

"They're more intimate?" I tried to make a guess.

Our eyes met and I let that last for a while. "Perhaps. I just can't describe it," he said breaking the gaze.

I couldn't let this hard earned chance of teasing him go to waste though I might just dig my own grave. "Never thought you're a sentimental guy."

"What you see is not everything," he said monotonously.

All of the pent up I felt because of him broke my last straw. My wrath boiled inside of me every time he underestimated me. Somehow I desired to be his equal. And after knowing his sentimental side, I got greedy.

"When did I look down on you?" he caught me off guard.

"Even now," I stuttered.

"I am not."

"When we first met," I cut him off.

He studied my face and then let out a long sigh. "Well, you can't blame me for that. You appeared out of nowhere and let's face it, you're inside my house. It's a self defence mechanism. I needed to show you I had the upper hand."

"But you," I failed to cut him off. He's on roll.

"Tina, I never look down on you. I never look down on your world. I, to be honest, am really interested in your world. It feels like it's more exciting than mine."

He finished explaining. "But what's with your attitude?" I felt a bit guilty but I didn't want to back down.

"What attitude?" he seriously had no idea.

"The way you look at me and smirk at me. And how you raise your eyebrow," I pointed every single things that irked me.

With my acquisition, he laughed so hard. The loudest I heard from him.

"I raise my eyebrow when I'm curious. And I guess I smirk because your reaction is funny. Not that I look down on you or made fun of you. The women, no, everyone here is just so different from you. I've never met anyone quite like you. And that's a compliment."

I had a choice not to believe him but it's the longest he spoke. It felt like he's sincere and I just misunderstood him on my own. But I was glad we could put this behind us after this.

"Fine. Let's just say I misunderstood."

"What do you want me to do?"

"You can start smiling more often," I didn't know how that sentence came out of my mouth.

"Sure, I'll try," he did try as he smiled at me and I didn't regret asking that from him.

He looked so much warmer and humane with his smile. It's like we had no difference between us anymore. I even forgot that he's not Earthling. I'd say human but I already knew he's a human without a doubt.

— — —

The clock is ticking loudly when I take a break from telling you a story. You offer me a glass of water which I take instantly.

"So, he's actually a good person," you comment. Eyes still on me like always.

"Yeah. He's just not as expressive as we are. You remind me a bit of him though," I say truthfully.

You chuckle and relax yourself. Well, I did find you charming the first time we met. You have this aura around you that say you're the best. Your looks can compare with those handsome models and actors. You can even be an idol if you want.

You do remind me of Tatum. But don't be mistaken, I know you're not him and you'll never be him. There will only be a doctor and patient relationship between us.

"And that's how your relationship progress?" you already knew about me and him so I don't actually need to answer that. "Well, I hope our relationship will get better as well," you say as you're sure I'm not answering.

— — —

After a tour around the house, Tatum and I decided to take a little walk outside. It's the forest for me, and it's not so different there as I saw it through the hologram. Although it's a different forest, they're both forest.

It's not the first time for me taking a stroll in the forest but walking with an alien sure brought a new feeling. It's like I was seeing the forest with a different light.

"Somehow it doesn't seem fair to me," Tatum suddenly spoke up.

"What's not fair?"

"This," he pointed the hologram. "You can see mine yet I can't see yours."

I thought for a while. That's true. I felt like I was using him and I was looking for a way to make up for it.

"Fine. Tomorrow I'll buy something that probably could let you see my world. I wouldn't know it unless we try though."

"What is it?" he demanded an explanation.

"You'll see tomorrow. You won't know even if I tell you right now."

"You got a point there."

It's a common sense that we must be careful while walking in the forest. I always did until I got my focus somewhere else today. It's not Tatum. It's the hologram and his world. That's why I didn't see the stone in front of my path. And of course he couldn't see it as well.

My eyes still glued to the hologram and how the woods there were different when I stepped on the uneven stone and missed my step. I lost my balance that instant because I didn't expect anything like that.

I fell sideways to my left. Tatum seemed further away in slow motion to my right and then all I could see was the clear blue sky. My brain lost control over my body and I could only wait until I landed on the ground and found my balance again form scratch.

Somehow, in that dire situation, flashes of romance scenes played in the back of my mind. I guess my mind had too much free time since it couldn't connect with my body.

The cliche of all the romance movies was the heroine almost fell and the hero would definitely save her into his embrace. Their eyes locked and the world would be played in blurry image. The time stood still. Or flower petals dancing in the wind.

And that's how their romance would start. Let me underline 'their' in that sentence.

Back to my situation, I fell. Pretty hard. He didn't know. He didn't even realise what happened to me until it was too late to help me. He just watched me fell.

"Are you okay?" he seemed really concerned if that's possible. I regarded him as a cold cold guy so it's unexpected to see his panic expression.

He's panic because of me? That thought made me happier than I thought it would be. Can I interpreted that it meant something special? Maybe I was special for him.

Then he kneeled in front of me. His hologram disappeared and he extended his hand to help me. I was touched. Not because I never received kindness in my life, but because it's from Tatum. The cold alien that always made me crazy upset. He did care.

I put my hand on his offered hand. He grabbed it tight but not hard enough to hurt me. "I'm sorry," he said softly. It reminded me again how angelic he sounded in my ears.

"It's fine. I'm alright. And it's not your fault," I tried to assure him since I didn't feel any pain. It's just a little mishap, not something that'd hurt me.

Then he pulled my hand closer to his face. He grabbed my hand with both of his and placed it in front of his closed eyes.

"I'm sorry," he repeated once again. This time more serious.

He looked worse than me and I knew there's something else. "Hey, Tatum," I freed my hand from his hold and moved it to land on his face. I didn't know why I did that and just followed my instinct. "What's wrong?"

The big boy startled with my action but then relaxed into my touch. He opened his eyes and I saw how moist they were. I couldn't understand why he held back his tears. I couldn't understand why he needed to cry at all. But it got me worried.

His hand covered my hand on his face and he chuckled a bit. I swore I didn't understand this guy at all.

At the same time, I felt like I was being pulled closer to him. Not physically since we both didn't move from our place.

"It's just, you, it was."

I realised he didn't know what to say so I circled my thumb around his cheek softly. I hoped it would calm him down. I just wanted him to know that everything's fine.

He took a few deep breaths and his expression was almost back to his usual distant one. Well, that's not in my plan but I was glad he's fine.

"All of my life, everything's certain. Everything's planned out. There's no surprises. At all. Until you came along," he paused and deepened his gaze into mine. "You're the variable I can't foresee. And I just realised that you also bring a lot of variables that are out of my control. Your world is out of my control. Even this, us? Wether it's a miracle or just a quantum accident. Or even something else. It's out of my control."

He paused again and I almost lost it. Patience's really not my forte.

"I feel so… helpless. It's the first time for me."

His last sentence took all of my hard feelings for him. "You're not helpless. Accident happens. That's normal."

"That's not normal here," he cut me off. "As long as we follow the rules, everything will be fine. Everything is under our control."

I didn't know how his world was like but I knew for sure it's different so I tried to see with his perspective. I cupped his face and forced him to look right at me. "What is it? Tell me what's wrong so I can understand."

"You're almost gone," there's a little crack in his voice. "I can't see your world. And if… If for instance it's a cliff, and I didn't get you in time… you…" he couldn't finish his sentence.

He's sincere and at that time, all of my doubts crumbles. The walls of reasoning. The walls of feelings. They're all gone. I believed him and let him in to be a part of my life. I want him to be a part of my life.

"Thank you," I said as I hugged him tight. It seemed like the right thing to do at that moment. "Thank you for worrying about me," I repeated over and over again.

He hugged me back and we stayed that way for a few minutes.

— — —

"So, you also built your walls around him?" you sense something about me and I guess you're quite sharp.

"Doesn't everyone has walls?" I learnt sarcasm from the best that I sound so much convincing now. But you're getting used to my tone so it won't help me avoiding your question.

"Do you build your walls around everyone too?" you tried to dig deeper yet I look away, not interested in the destination of this conversation. "Well, you don't need to answer now if you don't wanna," you give up with your question and focus on making me comfortable. "So, what is it about quantum accident?"

"Well, that's what we came up with. We both are not a scientific person. Obviously you can see that I'm not. Anyway, once, when we talked about what happened to us, I remembered reading about String Theory and he had something similar."

"Really?" you mutter and tilt your head trying to listen more.

"Yeah, really. We are no expert but we could make theory of our own. We don't need to prove what's right or wrong. It's just a way for us to make sense of thing."

"Hod do you make sense of it?"

I sigh before continuing. "You heard about String Theory, right?" you nod immediately. "I can't explain it since I'm not learning about that. But one of the things I know about it is that there are a lot of dimensions, a lot of universes, and ours is just one of them. Tatum's is probably just another one. And after I tried to learn about the theory and discussed it with him, we came to a conclusion."

You fix your position and I can see your body is moving forward to get a better hearing. This will effect your judgement greatly, I just know that.

"You know there's an explanation that the world is always expanding. The universe is stretching but not everything has the same speed and some area might stop. That's why there's a bubble created in between. And when bubbles collide, it sends a shockwave across the universe. That's one kind of a quantum event.

"You also know that in this universe, everything consists of energy wave. And we thought that there must be a shockwave that connected this area of the universe with his. To be precise, connect my energy with his and that's how this happened. Don't ask me why it's connecting us, because for that matter, I just believe in fate."

"Well, you really did your study," you sound like a proud parent. "So, you're saying that you're connected even though he's in another dimension?"

"Like I said before, we have no way to prove our theory. I can't be sure if it's just another dimension or not. I don't know how to define wether his is another dimension or just a planet in a far away galaxy. Do we call it another dimension as well?"

"I don't know as well. That's not my expertise," you answer easily.

"I don't expect to get an answer. Because honestly, I don't care anymore. Wether he's from another planet, galaxy, world, universe, or even dimension, I don't give a damn. As long as I see him, hear him, touch him, he's real for me. And because you can't see or hear him, it doesn't mean he's less real."

"But that's how it usually works, if no one else can see or hear him."

I sit up straightly. I'm not upset with you. You're just doing your job. "Dr. Miller, there are a lot of things that science still can't explain or prove. This might be one of them. And those who believe in ghost, who admit that they can see a ghost, a medium that can communicate with the dead, no one else hear or see it, but people don't seem to have a problem with it."

"But it's different."

"I know it's different. I'm telling you I'm not crazy. I know how the society works. I know they fear something that's different. That they fear something they can't and don't want to accept. But he's real. Tatum is real."

"But there's also a possibility he's just a hallucination. It's an old house and perhaps there's fungus or mushrooms that could effect you."

That's also what my uncle said before. I guess it's what you read on my file and I'm really trying to be understanding here. I tried to understand everyone's betrayal and disbelief as best as I could.

"My uncle already did a blood test. You know there's nothing wrong. There's also nothing wrong with my brain. You got my file, didn't you?"

"I did. But we just can't rule out the possibility of him being not real."

"He's real. It's just like," I try to find a comparison that helps. "A tiny crack on a road. Not everyone could see it. Perhaps no one could see it. But it doesn't mean it's not there."

"Well, I won't throw away the possibility that he's real. But I also ask you not to ignore the possibility he's not real. How's that?"

"He's real!"