Pandora’s Box

Note: I changed the spelling from Narcissism back to Narcissim to be true to the original version.

I sat frozen for a long time. My limbs were immobilized, but I kept shivering. During my recovery period, many strange images flashed back in my mind. I thought it was just a nightmare or hallucination arose from nothing.

Now I understood.

That was not it. When those fragments were pieced together, they became so real and clear.

That was my lost memory.

The overcast light made the room look dark and cold. The shadows casted by the shelves were distorted and unnatural, making this place look like some weird monster’s lair.

In this dark and damp environment, I slowly remembered more and more things about the past.

Like a group of thin black snakes, they crawled into my body one after another silently.

My back was densely covered with goosebumps. All at once, everything made sense. Everything had found its reason:

Lu Feng’s alienation and vigilance; Zhuo Wenyang’s back and forth secretiveness; Cheng Yichen’s unexplainable, overly concern and enthusiasm for me.

Their behaviors varied but the reasons were the same.

They were all scared of me.

They were scared that one day I would remember what they had done to me.

I sat in the overwhelmingly dark room without lights on, and gradually laughed out loud.

I changed my clothes and left the apartment.

I didn’t know where I wanted to go and where I should go. However, I knew I couldn’t stay in this place any longer.

Every corner of it made my hair stand on ends and teeth tremble, almost suffocating me.

I gritted my teeth and walked briskly out onto the street for a while. I didn’t know how far I went. I knew that the sky was increasingly getting dark, and I was exhausted from walking. The soles of my feet hurt and so, I stopped for a taxi.

The driver asked me where I was heading to, and I leaned back onto the back seat, replying wearily, “Drive anywhere you want, as far as you can.”

Maybe because he saw too many half-dead people like me, the driver didn’t make a fuss and only asked concernedly, “Young man, did you encounter some trouble?”

“…..”

I closed my eyes and didn’t answer. He wisely stopped asking and spoke after a while, “Don’t be too sad. As time goes on, it will be better in the future.”

I couldn’t help but smiled quietly when I heard this.

It wouldn’t.

From now on, it would only be uglier, dirtier, and much more turbulent.

The phone rang and I took it out to take a look. It was a message from Cheng Yichen.

“Xiao Jing, you’re not resting at home. Where did you go? Are you coming back for dinner tonight?”

I didn’t know if it was due to motion sickness, but I felt a little nauseous. In order not to vomit in the car, I had to close my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again, it dawned on me that the scenery outside the car window was familiar.

The driver most likely didn’t dare to drive too far so he could only painstakingly drive around the city center over and over again, which was also hard on him.

I silently looked out for a while before saying, “Stop here.”

The driver stopped the car reactively and told me to cheer up, “Okay, have a few drinks here and everything will be over.”

There were indeed many bars on this road, including Narcissim.

I walked from house to house along the street, and finally stopped at the gate of Narcissim. I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked at the door.

Behind this door was the place where I saw Zhuo Wenyang’s face clearly for the first time.

In fact, he and I had always sat at the same table in high school, but this was the beginning of my interaction with him. It was also the beginning of my immense suffering.

I erased the entire memory of that moment from that car accident last time.

At that time, I tried my best to forget this person and forget everything related to him. I tried to forget that that I had once admired him humbly, piously, and eagerly in those years like a merman that lived in the sea, chasing the light bravely and desperately.

That type of love without self awareness was too stupid.

So what I received in the end was naturally not the prince’s favor, but a slap in the face from him.

He tortured me, humiliated me, and disdained me. He called me a slut.

That was the true voice within his heart.

With his own eyes, he saw the video of Cheng Yichen raping me, but he couldn’t admit that his great and righteous father, who was like his idol, had anything to do with filth. Instead, he chose to pour all that filth onto me.

Of course, this was normal. In his eyes, I was inferior enough so what difference did it make if there was more filth added into the mud?

I thought about it and smiled again.

From a bystander’s perspective, this was very comical.

The three people living under the same roof all had done the same thing to me. It was as if I was the family’s shared trash can.

But no one could’ve imagined that one day this trash can would be cleaned up by relatives and friends, dressed up as a decent tool, and delivered to them, leaving them bewildered.

In order to maintain peace, they could only forcefully eat with this garbage as if nothing ever happened, eating with sincerity and praise.

Wasn’t this a comedy scene straight out of Charlie Chaplin?

In the past few years when I lost my memory, these sanctimonious predators surrounded me and worked together to stage a harmonious performance with hidden, dark intentions.

They were guilty, they were fearful, they had tacit agreement, and they couldn’t sleep at night. Only I was immersed in the false pretense of happiness from beginning to end.

Looking back and savoring those details caused me to laugh.

I laughed for a while, calmed down, and stretched out my hands to push open the bar’s door, as if returning to the original starting point.

Narcissim was already very lively and full of people.

Regardless of money or beauty, you could find your own happiness here as long as you had the right amount of capital. Everything was clearly marked with a price. Who wouldn’t love such a fair place?

No wonder I yearned for this place so much when I was younger. I was obsessed with it. It turned out that I found the true meaning of life early on.

I quietly observed the carefree people here and then spotted that man.

Although I had already discarded the business card he gave me the last time we met, I still remembered his distinct and familiar attitude he took on with me clearly.

As if he had sensed something, his eyes fell on my face accurately.

He then smiled and raised his glass to me.

“I didn’t expect to see you here again,” he commented with a warm smile. “If you’re interested, why didn’t you call me?”

I said, “I’m not interested in you.”

He didn’t believe quite so and smiled again, “You, you are still so prickly.”

“You don’t have to put on this act the entire time, pretending as if you know me very well from before,” I said, “From my memory, we have nothing to do with each other.”

He put down his glass and stared at me, “You remember?”

I was unbothered and say down in front of him.

He asked, “How much do you remember about the past?”

I asked back flatly, “What’s it got to do with you?”

“It has nothing to do with me,” he replied with a smile, “I just know what you have suffered, and I simply care and sympathize with you. If you remember now, you should know that I once admired you. This concern is understandable, right?”

I laughed. I was actually fairly attractive back then. However, it was more appropriate to replace “admiration” with “lust.”

At that time, I was a wild and fragile prey to many people, including Lu Feng.

“I know you don’t trust me very much and you don’t like me,” he smiled affectionately, “but an enemy’s enemy is a friend, isn’t it?”

I looked at him and he pressed on, “You desperately need an ally like me right now because no one else is going to be on your side, right?”

I already thought about this concern when I walked out of that apartment.

It was impossible for Ke Luo to stand against Lu Feng. He was able to swallow his bitterness and resentment for so many years without saying a word. He was willing to follow his father without a name or title to it, and he worked hard without complaints. How could he be shaken up by an outsider?

As for Lee’s choice, there would be no surprise about that. He had always been a man who knew about current affairs. Even my dad and Cheng Yi Chen had far more affection for Cheng Yichen than I did.

At one moment in time, I mistakenly believed that my environment was very bright, and filled with relatives, friends, and brothers. However, once I chose to remember, everything would be gone in an instant and I would be left alone.

I asked, “Why do you think that I must rely on your help?”

He smiled, “Why, don’t you want to take revenge? With your own strength, is it possible for you to handle Lu Feng?”

He read my expression, as if he saw something strange and chuckled lightly, “Could it be that you don’t plan to get revenge on him? I’m sorry. Sorry, I’m too narrow-minded. I thought that most people wouldn’t be able to swallow this. Unexpectedly, you’re not an ordinary person.”

“…..”

I felt those thin, black snakes writhing viciously in my body again.

“You don’t want to just swallow your anger and run away, do you?” He shook his head, “You’re such a coward. No wonder they all spoil you, because there’s no need to pay a price anyway.”

I stood up, “If you want to say that, then we have nothing to talk about. Bye.”

He immediately grabbed my arm and calmly tried to appease me, “Hey, don’t get angry. I just said a few truths. Why are you overreacting?”

I pulled my arm back and snapped, “I’m not overreacting. I just think your assumption is wrong.”

“Oh?”

“If you want to seek revenge on Lu Feng, then you should beg and coax me, not with this attitude.” I patted him on the shoulder with my backhand, “Mr. Sun, are you not mistaken? How could there be no one else on my side?”

He looked at me.

“There are a lot of people who want to bring down Lu Feng, aren’t there?” I asked with a smile, “And how many of them can get close to Lu Feng like me?”

“…..”

“So it’s not like I need you, it’s that you need me.”

He stared at me for a while before smiling again, “Very good. Very good. I really need you.” He added, “I was worried that you’d be too impulsive, unable to hold your breath, and you wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything. Now, it seems like there’s no need. You are so smart.”

I observed him silently and he smiled, “I have the ability to help you, and I have the sincerity to serve you. You can trust me. After all, our goals are the same.”