Pandora’s Box

I turned the key lightly and opened the apartment door quietly.

It was already late at night, but the lights in the living room were still on.

My heart tightened. I knew that Cheng Yichen was waiting for me.

I used to feel warm and moved by this scene–for a lonely night owl like me who no one would wait for, I was grateful for a lamp to be on for me. However, now there were only goosebumps on my back.

Was he watching me in silence?

Cheng Yichen’s and my eyes met, and his expression was not very good. He frowned at me and said with obvious irritation, “Why didn’t you reply to the message? There was no explanation and you didn’t answer the phone. Do you know how worried we are about you?”

What were you worried about? My safety? Still worried about what I remembered?

As I was internally hosting sarcastic thoughts, I still said, “Sorry, the bar was too noisy. I couldn’t hear you.”

His facial expression cooled down, “You’re older now and I don’t want to control you. As long as you tell us, the family wouldn’t have to worry about you. You know, after that incident, our nerves are more tense…”

I lowered my head and took off my shoes and replied, “Mm.”

Cheng Yichen said again, “Everyone left to look for you. I’ll tell them to come back.”

He started to make a phone call, and I slowly changed my shoes in the hallway, walking quietly to the bedroom door.

When I was about to open the door and enter the room, he stopped me, “Are you hungry? I’ll make you some dinner.”

The nauseous feeling rose again. I quickly grabbed the trash can and vomited out the bile, mostly wine that I drank on an empty stomach this evening.

Cheng Yichen was shocked. Seeing me hug the foul trash can, he hesitated and asked, “You… how much did you drink?”

I didn’t make a sound. He came over and gently stroked my back, attempting to make me feel better. This caused me to vomit again, even staining his trousers.

Cheng Yichen silently handed over a napkin and said, “Go and wash up first. I’ll make you some hangover soup.”

“No need,” I instantly refused, “I’ll just sleep on it.”

I tried my best to put on a smile so he would not be suspicious and weakly stated, “I drank too much so I have a headache.”

My weakness was very real. He sighed and lowered his voice, “Then hurry up and rest, your complexion is very bad. Next time, drink less.”

After a quick wash, I hurried back to the room, closed the door, and isolated myself from this man.

I laid on the bed for a long time. Although my head was dizzy, I didn’t feel sleepy at all. My mind was full of calculations and implications.

I didn’t know how long it took, but there was a faint commotion outside. I heard someone asking, “Where’s Lin Jing?”

Cheng Yichen responded, “I asked Xiao Jing to get some rest first. Aiy, look at you, wait here so I can get you a towel to wipe off.”

Someone asked again, “Is Xiao Jing okay?”

Lu Feng and Zhuo Wenyang were back.

Cheng Yichen asked, “Do you know what happened to Xiao Jing? He suddently went to the bar and drank heavily. It wasn’t like this before.”

The volume of their conversation was lowered, but I could still hear it in the dead of the night.

After a moment of silence, Zhuo Wenyang said, “Yesterday, we went to see a psychiatrist and Xiao Jing said that the result was very good. He optimistically told me that he would be able to sleep well at night, but it turns out that he may still have nightmares.”

“Are the dreams about the car accident? Aiy, it’s been so long ago.”

“It could be. This must have impacted Xiao Jing very much. The nightmares lasted for so long and it’s been a great psychological and physical burden on him.”

Cheng Yichen sighed, “I don’t know when the impacts of the car accident will be cured.”

Zhuo Wenyang said, “There’s no rush. The doctor said Xiao Jing is very cooperative, but psychological treatment is not something that can be resolved overnight. Let’s take it slowly.”

After a while, Cheng Yichen said, “It’s very painful to suffer from depression. He couldn’t sleep everyday. After a while, no one can take it. If Xiao Jing is in a bad mood and loses his temper, you all have to bear it.”

“Mm…”

I listened quietly and it didn’t cause any fluctuating waves in my heart. I even wanted to laugh a bit.

I laid flat on this cold bed with my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling. In this blue-toned room, the crescent-shaped ceiling light above was like a crescent moon rising from the sea, bright and illuminate.

But fake.

I actually fell asleep peacefully that evening. The recurring dreams that haunted me for months on end completely disappeared that night.

This was probably due to the version of myself who refused to let go and was unwilling to forget. However, because he got the response he wanted, he finally regained some peace.

After waking up, I waited for a while and listened to the movements outside. I made sure that I was the only one in the apartment again, and opened the door to go out.

I calmly brushed my teeth and looked at myself in the mirror. The face looked pale, weak, and weary, but I was very relaxed.

Breakfast was prepared for me on the dining table in the living room. It was a plate of Hong Kong-style toast that I used to love, served with a glass of Ovaltine (sugared milk brand). I dumped them into a trash bag, and took them out the door to throw them away. Then, I bought myself a fruit pancake along the way.

When Ke Luo saw me in the company, he was obviously surprised.

“You want to return back to work?”

“Yeah.”

He gave me an up and down look, “Are you still okay? Everyone was worried about you yesterday. Don’t you want to rest up for a few more days?”

“No,” I said with a smile, “I’ve been staying at home and I feel like my condition has gotten worse. Going out to do some activities and getting in touch with people may help me get better.”

“That’s true, you need a change of environment,” he nodded. “But you don’t need to start working. Simple work. If you are interested, take on something easy to mainly adjust and relax.”

“Mm.”

He patted me on the shoulder, “I have two very good coffees in my cabinet that were given to me by a friend. You can take whatever you want to drink.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll go to work first. You sit down and get comfortable,” he said with a smile, “You can play games if you want to.”

I looked at Ke Luo’s back and internally felt vaguely depressed.

He was the only one who didn’t know–those people wouldn’t tell him the horrendous things they had done. He was also the only one who’d always been pure and genuine with me.

When it was time to get off work, my colleagues clocked out and left one after another. However, I remained sitting in front of the computer, typing away on the keyboard, unmoved. After all, thinking of eating at the same table with that family, I felt that it would test my acting skills a bit too much.

Ke Luo asked me, “Aren’t you leaving? Should I drive you back or do you want to wait for Zhuo Wenyang?”

I shook my head, “I have to work overtime.”

“???” Ke Luo said, “I won’t give you a raise even if you work so hard.”

“No problem, I don’t need another raise.”

“Then why aren’t you leaving? You’re not usually enthusiastic about work, there must be a problem with your head.”

“…..” I laughed, “Is that what a boss should say?”

“Speak honestly.”

“I want to get things done. Otherwise, I can’t justify it,” I said, “I’ve been on sick leave for too long and if I don’t go to work after recovering, everyone will see it and make judgements.”

Ke Luo pondered for a while, “Regardless, I’ll join you. It’ll be finished faster.”

“No, you have a date with Lee,” I urged with smile, “Hurry up, you don’t want to be scolded by him.”

I continued to work after Ke Luo left, and then slowly sorted out the files.

As a new employee, the scope of my work was not actually involved with the core of the company.

However, Ke Luo wasn’t guarded against me and I knew his computer habits very well.

While I was busy, I received a message from Zhuo Wenyang.

“Ke Luo says you’re working overtime?”

“Mm, I’m not going back for dinner tonight. The company’s cafeteria is pretty good.”

“Will it be late? I’ll pick you up.”

“No need,” I replied firmly, “I want to focus more on my work so I can distract myself and help adjust my mental state.”

“Well…,” Zhuo Wenyang immediately replied, “I scheduled an appointment with the doctor for a follow up on Sunday. Will you be able to make this time?”

I sent a smiling emoji, “Ok.”

“It’ll get better gradually. It will take some time so don’t be stressed about it.”

“Mm.”

I clicked back and replied to another person’s message.

Heading back to the apartment that evening, Cheng Yichen was still waiting patiently for me even though I returned as late as possible.

This bothered and disgusted me at the same time.

He seemed to look at me a little sadly, “Why are you so late? Since you’re going back to work on the first day, you don’t have to work so hard. It’s okay if you don’t finish.”

“It’s fine, I’m not tired.”

“I cooked some wontons for you-”

I interrupted him, “No, I ate at the company.”

He added, “Then, it’s also good to drink some soup. I’ll make a bowl first, you can try it-”

“I don’t want to drink.”

He stopped talking and the room fell into silence for a moment.

His features were tinged with loneliness. I realized that he sensed my estrangement from him–changes in behavior could not be hidden from those who’d been with me day and night.

Thus, I called him, “Uncle Chen.”

He was taken back for a brief moment, “Huh?”

“Sorry, I’m not in a good mood recently.”

He hurriedly asked, “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s normal to not want to eat when you’re in a bad mood. I just cooked on a whim so don’t take it to heart.”

“Mm,” I said, “I wish I can go to the beach for a walk.”

He opened his eyes wide, “Now?”

I shook my head, “It’s too late now and the sea is far away.”

“Then, tomorrow? The weather seems to be good tomorrow. Go to the beach to relax. The air is good and the atmosphere is good.”

I paused for a while, then asked, “Can you come with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

He displayed a delighted expression, “Okay!” Then, he asked again, “Do you want Wenyang to come with you?”

“No need,” I replied, “Wenyang has work obligations. I don’t want to bother him all the time. He will accompany me for my follow up visitation on Sunday.”

“Mm, mm, then let’s go,” Cheng Yichen looked very happy, “Do you want to eat? I’ll make something to take with us tomorrow morning. We can have a picnic by the ocean.”

I faced him, smiling.