Paranoid Love Affair

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“Wow… … Yoon-woo, how can you live here with you being that tall?”

“Let’s move your refrigerator’s contents right away,” said Hye-rim, who stormed into Yoon-woo’s room.

I didn’t want to let her in my room because I knew she’d say something like that……

“It’s really hard for two people to get in.Just stretching out your hand a little touches the ceiling. I didn’t even have to straighten my elbows… … .”

“It’s small,right? Then why don’t you wait outside? I’ll get everything and meet you out.”

“No, I would like to help you move your things around.”

When Hye-rim entered Yoon-woo’s cramped room, it was difficult for her to move.

I don’t know what you’re looking for in this room.

Overcoats hanging haphazardly on chairs, books cluttered on the desk, garbage bags half full, and laundry baskets in the corner of the room.

You could look at everything in the room in about 10 seconds.

Still, Hye-rim looked around his room for a long while, making him wonder what she was looking for.

Except for the bed in Yoon-woo’s room, there was only one place where it was possible to sit. But, even that was difficult for one person to sit in, let alone lie down.

Two people came in such a place and walked around in front of the refrigerator, and each time they moved, their bodies would frequently rub against each other.

Every time Hye-rim’s long hair ruffled in the narrow room, the smell of the shampoo she used spread in the room, and her subtle body odor mixed with the smell of meat stimulated him.

Yoon-woo thought that it would be better if she would just go out and wait.

After all, she is a woman who should not come into a man’s room recklessly.

This space was too narrow to be called a room and too wide to be called a coffin. It had neither sunlight nor proper ventilation.

Yoon-woo was ashamed of the musty smell and wallpaper in the room which was discolored.

He tried hard to block her gaze so that she would not notice the laundry basket in the corner, but he couldn’t stop feeling ashamed.

Because this room, where he lives, reflected on what kind of person he was.

“There is only salad in the refrigerator… … But what is this in the freezer?”

“Pork thighs. I bought a lot at once and kept it, but I thaw it occasionally and eat it.”

That’s true, but after the semester started, I was so busy with activities that I got tired whenever I got home so it was annoying to cook it which is why I just ate tuna.

“By the way, why are tuna cans in the box?”

“It’s cheaper to buy in a box. I thought it would be like snacks but unfortunately once its lid is opened it has to be eaten completely or be frozen, so I just keep the unopened ones in the box.”

“Oh my God… … How can you live like this? …I know, I can’t… … .”

Hye-rim muttered with a worried tone.

“I like tuna, so it’s okay.”

“No! Still, this isn’t it. You open a can at every meal and eat it, what kind of cat are you? I heard that if you eat canned tuna too often, mercury builds up in your body… … . I will use this tuna somehow by making rice balls or whatever. Do not eat these for a while. You’ll eat something else.”

For him, who was about to die in three years, he didn’t really care whether the mercury concentration in his body was high or low.

“Still, Hye-rim. I’ve limited expenses. And it’s not like you will be helping me financially, right?”

“Then don’t buy those tuna cans anymore. Let’s use that money to buy other types of food. You said you were comfortable exchanging money like this, right?”

“Uh… … That tuna is 1,200 won per piece? I’ll have to eat it this month anyway. So, I’ll do what you say from next month.”

“Then I will take those pork legs and tuna for this month. I will take care of the diet.”

“You don’t need to do that… … .”

“Yoon-woo, even if I eat these food items, my calorie intake might be controlled, but eating a variety of foods is just as important. As I said before, if two people make a large amount and share it, they can eat a variety of meals at the same cost.”

However, doing so will increase Yoon-woo’s dependence on Hye-rim for life.

And Hye-rim won’t be able to eat whatever she wants.

Such a life cannot last long.

Obviously, Hye-rim will get tired of it and quit on the way, and Yoon-woo will only feel a sense of disappointment.

“Then, you won’t be able to eat what you want because of me, right? I love to eat everything that isn’t expensive. I don’t care because I usually eat very little. Let’s stop now. The way we eat and live is so different.”

“Yoon-woo, will you please stop talking like that?”

“Uh? Huh… … .”

I don’t know why Hye-rim’s voice sounds so terrifying today.

“You know that I’m really going to get mad if you decline one more time,right? You don’t have to say anything now. How will you plan your meal, you just have to think about it. Do you understand?”

“Huh… … . okay.”

Having said that, Yoon-woo could no longer refuse.

You’re going to be really angry, even now, your voice is terrifying, but I don’t know what you’re trying to do here.

The situation has become very bleak.

It’s strange to keep going to Hye-rim’s house to eat, but it was clear that he had to leave the food expenses to Hye-rim, making a lot of trouble for her even if his financial debt didn’t increase.

I don’t know how the hell am I supposed to pay for this.

“Oh, I almost forgot this. When is your lunch break on Tuesday and Thursday? Also, is Friday a public class?”

“Lunch time is the same every day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, classes continue until 6:30 after lunch, and on Fridays, two-and-a-half hour lessons are held in the morning and afternoon.”

“Then all mealtimes are with me. Thank God… … . Huh? But wait. Isn’t something strange?”

“Huh? what?”

“Yoon-woo, are you taking 19 credits?”

“Yeah, because I’ve been taking two courses worth 2 credits of the first-year compulsory liberal arts.”

“Then, isn’t this the same as me as you take two courses on Mondays and Wednesdays with me, 6 credits for 2 courses,and 6 credits for 2 courses on Fridays, and 7 credits from lunch to dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

“Right.”

“Didn’t you tell me earlier that you have the first period tomorrow? According to that timetable, there is no class tomorrow morning?”

“Ugh… … .”

I didn’t know that she was sharp enough to calculate the timetable and grades in her head with the information I accidentally spilled.

“Ugh, did you just lie to me again?”

“No, that… …It’s because of that expensive wine… … I’m sorry, Hye-rim.”

“Yoon-woo is really…..until the end… … . I’m going to forget it this time, but from now on don’t lie to me, Understand?”

“Okay. I’ll promise.”

“Pinky promise.”

“… … Hun? It’s embarrassing… … .”

“Finger. Give it to me. Quickly.”

“Huh… … .”

In the end, Yoon-woo, who even reached his pinky finger, was so embarrassed that his neck was red.

I never did anything like this when I was a kid… … Yoon-woo, who didn’t want to show himself like that to her, quickly took the salad and tuna cans from the refrigerator and hurried out of the bedroom.

“Yoon-woo, then, will you call me at lunch tomorrow?”

It was in front of Hye-rim’s house.

The luggage brought from Yoon-woo’s house was piled up in front of Hye-rim’s door.

Libertas Studio, where she lived, was built last year and had a clean and sophisticated feel.

It is a place where a college student like her would live.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I put everything in the refrigerator and go?”

“No. For now just go back… … I can’t show you the room.”

“Ah… … . I see. The room must be near. I’m so sorry that you have to move by yourself, but what should I do?”

“No, it’s okay, so come to lunch tomorrow, Yoon-woo.”

Perhaps the reason why she didn’t open the door was because her room was in a similar situation to Ji-eun’s room on the day he went to see a movie.

Even if you want to move your luggage, in this case it will be more problematic to keep wandering around here.

“Huh… … . See you tomorrow.”

His heart fluttered several times at Hye-rim’s angry face all day today, but at the end of the day, he came back to her smiling face so he was able to put his heart at ease.

Besides, she said that in the future, she would not do him a favor that would involve a financial burden.

Still, he cannot forget what he has already received.

Yoon-woo returned to his room, thinking that he would have to think about how to pay off the debt for the 38,000 won steak that he ate at Tour De Gusto, the coffee and the macarons when the money comes in next month.

[Now, really, you won’t deny that that girl has feelings for you, right?]

“Well… … Isn’t that just the feeling of helping a friend in need?”

[Wow… … crazy guy… … ]

“Bunny, did you drink today?”

[I didn’t drink because of you but I’m craving for alcohol.]

“That noona who is close to Hye-rim drinks a lot of alcohol like you, so she takes care of her every day. I would do the same to you.”

[Why don’t you expect something? Don’t you feel anything for her? Maybe that girl is too bad?]

“No? She’s a very pretty girl.”

[Uh, is she that pretty? And still, you don’t want to do anything with her?]

“Why should I go on a track that has no future. I’m going to die after three years with you anyway.”

[What if she really likes you? If you get along well with her, you can live happily with her without dying, right?]

“Uh? Why… … . are you saying that?”

[Huh? What?]

“Don’t you want to die with me?”

[I do.]

“Then why are you talking about having a good life with that girl? Perhaps… … . Now you don’t want to die with me?”

[Huh?! NO! There’s no way I don’t want to die with you, okay?]

“Then why do you keep talking about these other girls? She’s got nothing to do with us, right? But, you keep saying that that girl has a heart for me, and you keep saying things like that.. … .”

[Uh… … Well… … That’s not it… … .I really want you to resolve that you want to die with me of your own will.]

“Huh? What does that mean? Right now, am I not resolved enough to die with you of my own free will?”

[No. Like now, if you deny relationships possibilities other than dying with me and ignore all relationships with other people, can we really say that you chose me of your own will? Maybe it’s just because you don’t know other possibilities? There are other possibilities that I can think of, but if I leave you who don’t know any of them, it means I’ve kept you from seeing other people, right? I really want you to choose me by your own will, because you really have to die to love me.]

“No, there’s no other possibility. There is not even one. I’ll pick you no matter what.”

[To paraphrase it, Tofu seems to be trapped in a forest where only apples are seen. You don’t know any other fruits besides apples. That’s why you think apples are the best without knowing there are other fruits. I want you to tell me that apples are the best, after coming across many other fruits in the forest.]

“So, you are an apple?”

[Right. So don’t just look at me, and get along with the people who are approaching you. And then if you think I’m the best choice for you, tell me.That’s what I want.]

“I think your analogy is wrong. I don’t think I’m in a position to choose anyone, am I? Rather, I am worried that I will not be chosen by you.”

[Why are you worried about that again? I only have you.]

“Actually… I kept thinking. You’re the only one I have, and according to your analogy, I’ve been living alone in the apple tree forest. What if Bunny hates me? I live alone in an apple tree forest, and if an apple turns a blind eye to me…….”

[I won’t do that.]

“Why can’t you do that? You haven’t even met me. What if you’re disappointed when you meet me?”

[ I can say the same to you too, can’t I? You’ve also not met me. ]

“I know that you are a considerate and sweet person. No matter what I look like when you meet me, your attitude will never change.”

[Thank you for looking at me like that. I’d have to agree with you. The way I treat you won’t change.]

“But if you meet me in person and say no because you don’t like my appearance or behavior…….”

[You are doing this again. I won’t do that. Never. I believe you, but why can’t you believe me?]

“…I’ve been very relieved to have you. I feel very different after meeting you. I can fall asleep talking to you at night, thinking I’m not alone even when I die. Before that, I thought someone would find me if I died in a small room alone. Even after death, the maggots would decay my body so badly that the people would not be able to get close to the body because it is nauseating. But wouldn’t it be different if I could be with you? Wouldn’t it be okay if there were two rotten bodies together? I was able to live a little comfortably with that thought. But… I’m so nervous these days.”

[What’s there to be nervous about?]

“After three years, I meet you in a street with briquettes, and you look at me and say, ‘I’ve been wasting my time contacting this kind of guy.’ What if you feel disappointed and leave? With how much I’ve relied on you, I’ll be much more miserable than when I decided to die alone. Then can I light the briquettes alone? Without you, I will hate to do things that I’ve done with you.Maybe you’ll take a different approach. I sometimes dream like that these days. Feeling miserable, I went deep into the mountains and looked for the right tree.….”

[Stop! Stop it, you idiot. If that’s what you think, why don’t we just meet now? Why don’t we meet and make sure I’m not disappointed in you?]

“Huh? Now? It’s 10 p.m.”

[I’m not saying to meet right now.How about this Sunday morning?]

“Uh…… that is fine. But I’m still scared.”

[I’m going to meet you and fix your mind! Then I’ll see you at 9 a.m. on Sunday at Bordeaux Baguette in front of Anam Station.]

TL/n: [ Bordeaux: Baguette brand / Baguette: a long, narrow French loaf. ]

“Huh? How did you know that I live near Anam Station? I haven’t said anything”.

[Tofu goes to an archaeological college, right?]

“Yes…… I didn’t say that either.….”

[I heard you said the rerun of Inside Out on Sunday.]

“I did. Why?”

[I searched and found that there was only one rerun theater near Shun University. There are two women’s universities nearby, but you wouldn’t go there, would you?]

“Oh…… I see.”

[Instead, you said it doesn’t matter what I look like, so I’m going to cover my face. I will wear a mask and sunglasses. Anyway, I just have to let you know that I’m not disappointed to see you, right?]

“Yes…. Do it. By the way,aren’t you coming too far? We have three years left and we don’t have to meet so soon…….”

[It’s okay. I actually live near there.]

“Oh, really? What a coincidence.”

[Right? Isn’t it amazing? Then go to bed now.]

“Yeah, I got it. Bunny, good night.”

Yoon-woo closed his eyes quietly and thought about his day without taking his usual medicine.

As expected, Bunny is a good person.

Come to think of it, Bunny accepted Yoon-woo’s voice as nothing.

Really, wouldn’t she be disappointed with Yoon-woo even if she met him in person?

I still didn’t feel love for Bunny, but even if I involuntary has feelings for her, I don’t need kiss or sex like other men anyway.

What Bunny said before is right.

If there is someone standing next to you who is ready to die as soon as you die, someone next to you when you are on a deathbed and looking back on a bitter and lonely life… That is love.

Death is love.

The love of a living person has an expiration date.

If Romeo and Juliet were married without dying, they might have become a couple who would have thought about seperating one day.

Bunny repeatedly told him to get along with Hye-rim, but if she treats him the same way even after meeting Yoon-woo in person, other possibilities are good.

Let’s say Hye-rim really has a crush on Yoon-woo, as Bunny said.

What does that mean? For Yoon-woo, love is a desperate thing.

If he cannot dampen his dry throat, he would die drinking salty seawater.

On the other hand, Hye-rim is a person who can choose anything.

Even if she chooses Yoon-woo out of all the love given to her on a whim, she will slowly get bored and deny Yoon-woo’s habits and personality one by one.

Then, Yoon-woo will be in pain for a long time, like a person who is dying from dehydration after drinking seawater, and then begs for love that does not have much left.….

Yoon-woo didn’t want to be like that.

If you’re going to die anyway, it’s better to jump into the sea neatly than to die after drinking sea water.

If you keep enduring your thirst in your mind, you can die faster and more comfortably.

Yoon-woo, who was heartbroken when he thought deeply, eventually swallowed the sleeping pills and soon fell asleep.

In the dream, Yoon-woo hung himself on a branch of an apple tree and he was happy.