Paranoid Love Affair

‘Are you looking at me as a woman?’

‘Oh, that’s not it. I’m sorry.’

‘What? You don’t see me as a girl?

‘Stop teasing Yoon-woo and let’s go.’

Who’s making fun of him? Why isn’t Yoon-woo answering? Why are you looking apologetic? I asked you if you looked at me as a woman, don’t you see me as a woman?

There is no word in this world as empty as the word ‘cute’.

You can say that word to dogs, cats, goldfish, or even snails and worms.

Ji-eun has felt the emptiness of that word for countless of times over the past 20 years.

Beautiful, mature and sexy. Ji-eun wanted to live hearing such words.

However, living with envy for what you don’t have is just heartbreaking.

It is important to know when to give up. The sooner you give up, the better.

Even if someone teased her about her small, feeble physique, she would only become sensitive. And, if she got angry and cried, they would only say things like ‘It’s because you’re cute. Why would you…….’, ‘I didn’t mean anything bad.….’.

Ji-eun quickly learned how to get along with people. She learned to stand on the same side as those who teased her.

She thought of herself as a dog or a cat, and made fun of her physical complex.

Then people seemed to think that Ji-eun was a very pleasant person.

But I didn’t really want to hear it. That word. Cute. Even if they meant it sincerely.

If it is really a word that accompanies sincere kindness, these compliments have always been light and meaningless to me.

Even though I used to be excited about being called ‘cute’, I ended up being disappointed.

Because there was no man who truly loved her and asked her out.

There were men who openly said that Ji-eun’s height was only 148 centimeters when measured after becoming an adult, and that a little girl like her could not be seen as a woman to them.

People’s compliments filled with words like cute for Ji-eun had always seemed akin to indifference to her.

With Ji-eun’s appearance, it seemed too difficult to make the opposite sex have feelings for her.

If she wants to be in a relationship, maybe……. Shouldn’t she try a different approach?

All sorts of favors and attention were poured at some women.

A constant stream of questions, jokes, support from a black knight whom they didn’t even ask to drink, hangover drinks, ice cream, etc. She didn’t want to be treated like that either.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t a good feeling when she realized that when a girl like that was right next to her, she would soon become invisible.

Ever since Hye-rim joined the club, I have felt that way whenever she participated in drinking.

In particular, I felt betrayed when I saw a constant stream of male seniors and juniors talk about movies with Hye-rim endlessly when she joined the club.

The men thought that they were people who liked movies that matched their tastes, but they didn’t care about the movie and were busy glancing at her breasts.

Pixar’s touching stories are worse than a woman’s breasts?

I once complained to Hye-rim after I got close to her.

Then Hye-rim said,

“All men are like that.”

Wrong. All men don’t usually do that to anyone.

It’s only towards Hye-rim or rather it’s not only her but towards girls like her.

“…You did that to Yoon-woo? What kind of bulldozer are you?”

It was Thursday morning, the day after Hye-rim and Ji-eun talked over Bong Cho-su dumplings.

She heard over the phone what Hye-rim did to Yoon-woo.

I was a little nervous about Hye-rim’s serious face, but I didn’t know she would go that far.

[But it’s good that we can see each other at every meal, right? So come to my house for lunch later!]

“Huh? Can I come?”

[What are you talking about? We’re having lunch together today, right?]

It was meaningless for Ji-eun to lament the ecology of the club’s men after Hye-rim came.

It was not Hye-rim’s fault that she looked pretty and had a great body.

Body shape didn’t exist when she was young. It is only the result of her efforts.

So it is unfair to envy Hye-rim, who is humble and kind.

And I didn’t really want to be in her situation.

Hye-rim suffered in her own way.

It was just unpleasant to see the sudden change in the behavior of the men around her when Hye-rim was present.

I don’t even feel like I want anything now.

So I decided to just drink and live comfortably.

I didn’t mean to, but as my drinking capacity increased, I became more conscious of myself.

“Ji-eun, are you really okay? Can you eat like that? Unnie! You’re going to go grab a drink again today, right?”

“You two will be creating a romantic atmosphere in the room, and it would be odd if I join you two for a meal.”

[You want me to leave unnie who always eats with me? I can’t do that. And it’s……how can I even create that kind of situation, also I don’t think Yoon-woo will do anything like that. He’s still looking for a chance to run away.]

“Really? He’s pretty cool, too. Maybe he’s an eunuch?”

[Hmm… Is that so……? Maybe. What should I do? How can I beat around the bush to make him see a urologist?]

“Hye-rim? I’m kidding.….”

When Hye-rim said she had met an elementary school classmate who resembles Haku by fate in college, I thought Hye-rim had a strange preferance because she had never been in a relationship.

Well, I guess that’s what she’s saying because he looks pretty good.

I was curious because I thought any man would be happy as long as Hye-rim took interest in him.

But, Yoon-woo, whom I met in real life, was so attractive that he was no different from Hye-rim’s description.

A pretty face, slim figure, hard muscles that are visible here and there, polite speech, and……. A pretty soft voice.

It seemed difficult to hide the nursery rhymes when I heard the voice.

So I ordered alcohol in a hurry.

I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to Yoon-woo, but it is foolish and shameful to sit next to Hye-rim and form such a crush.

In addition, Hye-rim has been missing Yoon-woo for ten years.

So I just had to drink.

Like a person who is not interested in anything other than alcohol and hobbies.

But as I drank more and more, I realized that Yoon-woo’s attitude was strange.

If it were other men, their eyes would naturally gravitate towards Hye-rim, especially her body parts, as if an apple were falling on the floor, but Yoon-woo’s eyes basically avoided people.

If left alone, his head would slowly fall down, and when Hye-rim or I talked to him, his head would jerk up in a suprise.

He had no strength in his expression and didn’t think of raising the corners of his mouth no matter what we said.

He seemed like a depressed puppy being scolded by Hye-rim and me.

So I felt sorry for him and felt like I had to feed him and take care of him.

It is understandable that Hye-rim pushed like a bulldozer.

[But what if it’s really like that? If he can’t give birth to children or something…….]

“No, don’t worry about that already……if you’re so worried, you should check it out at lunch to see if it works well. I’ll eat separately.”

I know Hye-rim wouldn’t do that, but I shouldn’t have said that.

No matter how I feel inside, my thoughts naturally pop out like playful tones or jokes from my mouth.

Therefore, the darkness in my mind was hard for others to recognize.

[Unnie!!]

“It’s not impossible, is it? If we’re in a small room together…….”

[Even in his dorm room, he didn’t even look at me even though I talked for a long time.]

“Can a man really do that to you? What if there’s a real problem?”

[Ha…That’s what I’m saying.…. Anyway, come later at lunch. I’ve prepared the meal for you, too.]

“Oh, what’s on the menu?”

[Fried chicken breast curry and salad.]

“…As expected, you guys just eat by yourself.”

[Unnie, are you going to be like this? I prepared something for you.]

“Why are you doing this to me? I told you I didn’t want to eat salad!”

[You have to eat all the vegetables to grow taller!]

“Heights are all hereditary! How much green juice and milk did I drink when I was in high school? I gave up now. I’ve given up, so I’m going to eat what I want!”

[Unnie, you will get constipation if you don’t eat vegetables. Even your baby soft skin would get rough quickly when you don’t have proper diet.]

“I don’t care. It’s time to stop baby skin and get adult skin. Constipation? Constipation gets better when you drink.”

[What if Yoon-woo thinks you didn’t come because of him?]

“Tell him I’m not coming not because of him, but because of salad.”

[Ha…Then… What do you want to eat for lunch?]

“It’s been a while since I’ve had a snack. I like gimbap. But I’m too lazy to go. Shall we get delivery?”

[Then, will you come if I make you tuna mayo rice balls?]

“Oh, that’s great. That’s great.”

[I’ll make it for you.]

“Do you have time to make it?”

[I have rice ready, so I can make it. So, come quickly.]

“Then I’ll eat and sleep in your bed. Hehe.”

When I was young, my mom asked me to cook with her on weekends.

There were easy things for children to make while playing, such as gimbap and rice balls.

But I was proud to think that I made it myself, and it was good to put only the ingredients I liked.

Among them, Ji-eun’s favorite ingredient was tuna mayo.

Even after becoming an adult, people around me know that I like tuna mayo because I only bought triangle gimbap with tuna mayo.

I thought if I got sick of tuna mayo while eating numerous times, I wouldn’t think of my dead mother hanging herself from a tree, but I guess I still have to eat it for more years.

“……That’s why I made rice balls, so you should eat it too, Yoon-woo.”

“Yes…… you’ve had a hard time. Thank you. I’ll enjoy it.”

“Hye-rim, this rice ball is so good.”

After lunch, Yoon-woo stayed at Hye-rim’s house amidst a lot of tension, but seeing Ji-eun rolling around on the bed made him feel relieved.

Hye-rim’s house was quite spacious even though it was a one-room apartment.

The folding desk was spread out on the floor, and Hye-rim was baking rice balls.

“You really don’t eat salad?”

Hye-rim ordered a salad with Yoon-woo last night.

But she also said she would order enough and make sure to feed Ji-eun.

“I’ll also order food for Ji-eun.”

She was determined to improve Ji-eun’s eating habits.

“I don’t want to.”

“Unnie… Are you going to eat only meat and rice balls.You are so mean.”

“Yes.”

It was like a mother soothing a picky child.

Even though Ji-eun is a year older than Yoon-woo and Hye-rim, her way of speaking and behavior seemed very young.

Ji-eun seems the most mature when she drinks.

“Unnie, I worked really hard making rice balls, can you eat me some salad?”

“If you feed me, I’ll eat it. Ah~”

“Ha… Really, do you think you can’t do it if you tell me to? Now..open…what? Why did you shut your mouth?”

“I’ll only eat it if Yoon-woo feeds me, not you.”

“Unnie, you’re so……Yoon-woo? She wants you to feed her. Do it quickly.”

“Huh?!”

Yoon-woo, who was quietly eating chicken breast next to them, was dragged quickly into their conversation.

Hye-rim had ordered chicken breast, but Yoon-woo was able to purchase it at a very low price by applying all kinds of discounts for the first order event and some membership event he didn’t even know about.

I was admiring it because it wasn’t dry and delicious when frying with curry powder.

“Yoon-woo? Hurry up and feed her.”

“Uh…… Are you serious?!“

“Hye-rim… I’m kidding.”

“Yoon-woo, why aren’t you doing it?”

“Yoon-woo? You know I was joking, right? You’re not going to do it, are you?”

I will feed her? This l will obviously offend Ji-eun.

I was embarrassed to do such a thing, but Hye-rim is scarier than Ji-eun.

Have you ever been able to oppose Hye-rim’s words? Have you ever objected to her idea? I can’t help it.

If you can’t rebel, then the answer is to obey quickly and not provoke her for nothing.

Yoon-woo, who thought so, picked up the salad with Ji-eun’s chopsticks and took it to her mouth.

“I’m sorry noona……she, uh……. Ah…… would you like to try?”

“Hey, crazy, you crazy man.”

“Unnie? You said you will eat if Yoon-woo feeds you. Aren’t you going to eat it?”

“Oh, oh… No, not this one. I’ll just eat it with my own hands…….”

As she tried to open her mouth slightly, Ji-eun finally gave up and started eating salad with her hands.

“Uh…… it’s not delicious.”

“It’s good. It’ll taste good as you eat it slowly. I’ve ordered salad for you, so let’s eat lots whenever you come.”

“Every time I come? You want me to eat this? ……Can I not come here now?”

“Then Yoon-woo will be upset. Right, Yoon-woo?”

“Huh? Yeah… That’s right.”

“Hey, Lee Yoon-woo, you’re such a jerk! Did Hye-rim find out some of your weaknesses? Why are you listening to her?”

“But Hye-rim is right. You have to eat vegetables.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel uncomfortable because he left the food expenses to Hye-rim, but he thought Hye-rim was not wrong on this.

Yoon-woo ate less than his body size, so his body immediately showed abnormalities when he was picky.

My head would feel weird, body would swell, skin cells would wither and outer skin would become rough. No one would care if such a thing would happen to me, but it would be a waste if Ji-eun’s soft and pretty face, which is popular with many people, turned rough.

“Hye-rim, don’t just read my face. Look at me! We’re in the same department, aren’t we? If you’re majoring in economics,at least one of the three subjects overlaps with me, right?”

“I’m taking three majors, and I don’t think they overlap.”

“What majors are you taking?”

“Korean economics, mathematics and classical economics.”

“Look! Classical economics overlaps.”

“Oh, really? I’ve never seen you before.”

“Really? That’s weird. I’ve been out once. Ah, I think it’s because it’s classical economics. I never attend it..”

“Noona…… there are credits…what are you going to do……?”

“I don’t go to classes without attendance scores, so it’s okay. You know, on the test paper, there’s a lot of mercantilism, Adam Smith, Ricardo, and whatever, you’ll get a headache if you memorize it one by one. But, I memorized it really hard in another class last semester.”

[T/n: Mercantilism: an economic practice by which governments used their economies to augment state power at the expense of other countries ]

“Noona, are you talking about classical economics class? But, that has nothing to do with classical economics.”

“Huh? Then what class is that?”

“The government’s economic policy, Aristotle’s thoughts on economics, things like that.”

“What, then what is Guan Zhaung? A pessimistic?”

“You know, Guan Zhaung from that old saying, how close friends will always stick together. That guy.”

“Uh? I thought Bao Shuya was a good guy and Guan Zhaung was trash, isn’t that the case?”

[T/n: Ji-eun is talking to herself in these three sentences ]

“It wasn’t.”

“You didn’t look at the syllabus? It’s all written down, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t even look at the rest of the pages because my attendance score was zero based on the evaluation criteria…….I’ll see it now and cover it from textbook.”

“Noona, I don’t think you have that class or textbook.….”

“Lee Yoon-woo, junior……please show me your notes……I’ll buy you a drink…….”

“No, it’s okay. I’ve had some notes from last time.…but you still have to take a class to understand it, will it be okay?”

“Isn’t that class on Friday from 9 to 12? How can I listen to it after drinking on Thursday?”

“Unnie? You don’t have to drink on Thursday, do you?”

“No, how fun is Thursdays? Yoon-woo, I’ll buy you a drink every week, so can you hand over your notes every week? I don’t know how you will do it, but if you memorize it and write it down, it’s okay and I won’t get chewed up.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll just send it to you as soon as I organize my notes.”

“Yay!”

“Yoon-woo, how can you accept all of that? I’m already trying to stop Unnie from drinking… Just don’t give the notes to her if she doesn’t come to class.”

“Yoon-woo? You’re not going to, are you?” You’re gonna help me, right? I might be able to help you with other subjects, right? I’m a senior afterall.”

“Uh…… um…… Uh…….”

Hye-rim was trying to cut down on Ji-eun’s drinking, but wouldn’t Yoon-woo’s help encourage her?

I thought so, but I was in a dilemma because I thought it was a great opportunity to pay back the debt for the movie and drinks she bought for me.

“Hey, you’re being insensitive to Hye-rim. Okay, sometimes I’ll go in and sleep. If a little girl like me sits down behind Yoon-woo’s back, the professor won’t be able to see me, right?”

“No, I’m not asking you to attend class like that, and also don’t drink, Unnie.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“If I don’t get caught, it’s the same as you not knowing. How do you know where and what I’m doing on Thursday night? Hehe.”

“Unnie, I’m going to sleep at your house on Thursday. I’ll come today.”

“Huh?! No, I have an appointment today…… Really.”

Looking at them like that, Yoon-woo thought they were like sisters.

Although the older Ji-eun looked like a younger sister.

In fact, the two of them had similar voices but the way they talk is completely different.

For a friend, I thought Hye-rim’s nosiness was too much, but Ji-eun didn’t seem to dislike it at all.

All she did was pout her lips and grumble like a sulky child.

With that in mind, Yoon-woo finished washing the dishes.

“Well, I have a fifth class, so I’ll be on my way now. Thanks to you, I enjoyed my lunch.”

“Okay, see you in the evening, Yoon-woo. What are you going to do, Unnie?”

“I’m sleepy. I’m just gonna take a nap here.”

“Unnie? The 5th period is Korean economic history.….”

“What about it?”

“I heard you were listening earlier.”

“It’s okay because there’s a textbook. Bye~ Yoon-woo.”

And so, Ji-eun, who lay on Hye-rim’s bed, covered her neck with a blanket and began to pose well.

But… Hye-rim, who came to her side, roughly snatched the blanket and took it away from Ji-eun.

“What? Hye-rim? It’s cold. Give me the blanket.”

“Get out now. And, go to class.”

“I’m telling you, this feels really good. I’m sleepy because I’m full.…Give me a blanket……No? You don’t think I can sleep without a blanket?”

With that said, Ji-eun covered her body with Hye-rim’s clothes next to her like a blanket. Hye-rim then lifted Ji-eun from her bed and put her on the floor.

Hye-rim could easily lift 100lbs in deadlift so it was not a problem for her to lift a light person like Ji-eun.

“Oh, Hye-rim, you…….”

“Hurry up and go.”

In the end, Ji-eun, who could no longer withstand Hye-rim’s pressure, had no choice but to follow Yoon-woo to the lecture room.

“This class has textbooks……I don’t even want to attend……humph…….”

It took less than five minutes to get to the lecture room, but Ji-eun grumbled the whole way.

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