Paranoid Love Affair

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– Bunny, I want to return 50,000 won, but can you give me your account number?

The bunny did not read the message Yoon-woo sent in the morning. Yoon-woo didn’t pay any mind and left the house at 8 in the morning and arrived at Bordeaux Baguette at 8:30.

‘Is it because she’s on the way to Bordeaux Baguette, so she’s not seeing the message, or she’s already blocked my contact information?’

Either way, Yoon-woo has already made up his mind.

On the way home, Yoon-woo stopped by an ATM and deposited 10,000 won into his account linked to Kakao Talk, and with the money he sent a 7,900 won gift card to the rabbit.

It was a set of Byeol Cafe Americano and Cream Cheese Bagel.
[ Bagel- a dense bread roll in the shape of a ring, made by boiling dough and then baking it. ]

On the message card, he wrote ‘Thank you’.

Bunny likes alcohol, so I had to send chicken to go well with it. But, I didn’t have enough money, so I couldn’t send it.

Even after sending the gift card, the bunny still did not confirm the message.

The streets of Anam are always empty on a Sunday morning.

There are no students going to school, and many of the students go home after class on Friday and don’t come to school unless there is a special occasion.

Except for a few diligent students who start club activities from early in the morning, most of the remaining college students in Anam are still sleeping.

Especially if they drank alcohol yesterday, Saturday.

The commercial districts near the University depend on college students for most of their sales.

The residential area is too far from the university area. That’s why there are many shops that open late or don’t open on weekends when there are no students, but only Bordeaux Baguette is open early in the morning.

Yoon-woo bought a glass of Americano that was on discount for 1,000 won and a cheese stick for 600 won.

He had no intention of eating bread, but he was sorry to go to the table with only a cup of coffee and sit down.

He thought he would vomit again if he ate it, so he put a cheese stick on the table and only drank the coffee.

In fact, I was a little sorry that I bought only one cheese stick and took up a seat, but when I got to the table, there were no other customers, and the staff did not even pay attention to me because they were busy with their work. So, I was able to open the book without noticing.

Yoon-woo sat at the window seat, but he did not look out of the window at all and kept his head down.

He was deliberately trying not to raise his head.

He didn’t want to create even the slightest bit of anticipation. He felt that once he looked out the window, he would have a glimmer of hope and looked out the window over and over again.

It was the same when he heard the door open.

Yoon-woo’s eyes were nailed only to the book.

Nevertheless, for several minutes, Yoon-woo’s book did not turn a single page.

About 15 minutes later, someone spoke to Yoon-woo.

“Lee Yun-woo? Yoon-woo Lee, right?”

His chest tightened at his tension. If the bunny really came all the way here and talked to him… … .

But when he looked up, he saw that the person he was talking to was someone he already knew.

Maybe this person is a bunny… … . It couldn’t be.

Bunny is nice, but she doesn’t tell the truth.

Because she kept hiding the real reason she met Yun-woo.

Maybe the bunny saying that she sleeps in the morning and wakes up at night is a lie, and in fact, it is possible that the rabbit is a college student.

However, I think that the gentle nature of the bunny is still real.

So, I don’t think Bunny will lie without a reason.

The reason she hid her intentions from Yoon-woo was because of the good intentions of the bunny. But this person… … .

“Uh… … . Hi. Saebyul.”

“You still remember my name?”

“Huh… … . yes?”

“Then, do you know what my last name is?”

“Uh… … .”

“It’s too much, really. How hard did I say hello and talk to you?… … .”

“Sorry.”

Did you say hello and talk hard?

It is not for Yoon-woo that Saebyul approaches Yoon-woo.

She sympathizes with Yoon-woo, whom no one loves, she wants to make him love himself more and more, whom everyone didn’t pay attention to.Wasn’t it only for her image?

She must know by now that Yoon-woo has no money, no will, or the ability to hang out with people, but what is her intention to keep talking to him?

She said hello to Yoon-woo when there was a meeting. When she decides to go to MT or to a festival, she makes an enthusiastic invitation to go with him.

And if Yoon-woo rejects this, she turns around with a sad expression and goes back to her group.

Then, they will talk among themselves about how low-sociable Yoon-woo is, and how caring and caring for people Saebyul is.

‘You are a flawed human being. You can’t hang out with anyone, do you? No one talks to you but me? But look! Even though so many people like me, I am a kind person who even talks to people like you. So, be grateful.’

In fact, isn’t that what Saebyul wants to say to Yoon-woo?

Isn’t it just to let you know that there is a difference between Saebyul and Yoon-woo as a human being?

Isn’t that what she wants to tell him not to forget their fractions just because they’re in the same room, go to the same school, and go to the same department?

If that’s the case, he wants to tell her.

Yoon-woo knows his foundation really well.

He never thought he was like them.

Until I graduate, I’ll hide away quietly without being noticed, so please just ignore me.

Bunny is not like that. Bunny is really kind.

A bunny’s kindness is not like that. Even if that kindness stems from her misunderstanding about me.

“Mrs Moon. It’s Moon Saebyeol.”

“I see. I’m sorry I didn’t remember.”

“Now, you remember. Sometimes, you pretend that you know first… … . But what are you doing here early? I came to buy breakfast. Shall I just eat here? While talking… … .”

Clearly, Saebyul’s attire was that of someone who came out to buy something for a while.

It was because she was wearing a black cap on her head, short shorts for a long sleep and three-striped slippers.

The usual Saebyul was more colorfully decorated than Jieun or Hyerim.

Her hair, which was dyed light brown, was permed and curled beautifully, and it was noticeable that she was always wearing large earrings.

A lot of college students, like Jieun, are too lazy to think about what to wear, so they wear a gwajam every day.
[ Gwajam- A jumper that is usually worn by members of the same major of South Korean universities ]

She worked hard to change into pretty clothes suitable for the season.

Yoon-woo doesn’t sleep too much, but he wore plain and simple clothes every time for a completely different reason from Saebyul.

It’s because Saebyul is a fashion person, and Yoon-woo doesn’t wear it because he can’t feel a sense of belonging to the university even if he wears colorfully.

Yoon-woo’s fashion is always the same.

He wears a decent mix of white, gray and black shirts with a few pairs of jeans.

“I… … . I have an appointment with someone… … .”

“Is it a senior? if not… … . Is that the person senior Jieun was talking about?”

“Neither of them.”

“But then, is that true? Having a date with the Goddess of the business department… … ”

“… … No.”

“Right? Isn’t it just that senior Ji-eun was joking? What is Goddess… … .”

He wanted to give her a quick answer and send Saebyul away, but he didn’t want to talk about Jieun as if she was a liar to Saebyul, too.

“I sometimes have lunch with a business school girl with her.”

“Ah, really? … … Then, is Jieun senior enough to be called a goddess?”

“Uh… … . She’s pretty, but she’s not dating me.”

“What, but Yoon-woo, you don’t even eat rice with your classmates. You didn’t attend any dinner appointments… … . But you met the goddess of the business department, and you also met senior Jieun… … . Yoon-woo, are you not dating someone with a certain level of face? Jieun is also very pretty. She is just a little small.”

“No, absolutely not. It’s just that the girl I do group assignments with sometimes asks us to eat together, and she is close with Jieun noona… … . That’s how I got to know Jieun noona.”

“A goddess of the business department who is close to Jieun? Maybe Cho Hye-rim?”

“Uh? how… … .”

“Looks like I’m right. Well, if that’s her, she’s a goddess of supremacy… … . By the way, she’s famous for being a tough girl who refuses to eat rice with any boys, but she says she eats with you? Are you sure there isn’t anything between each other?”

“Between each other… … .”

What criteria must be set so that Hyerim and Yoon-woo can be bound by the word ‘between each other’?

Maybe if an alien sees Hyerim and Yoon-woo walking together, it will say, “There are two humans walking with each other.”

“Uh… … . Cho Hyerim and Jieun senior… … . They’re too high level. Even if they talk like that and eat with me, there’s a reason why they can’t even remember my name properly.”

“Ah, I’m really sorry about that.”

“Perhaps… … Is the person you are going to meet here a woman too?”

“Ah… … Huh.”

“Is that person pretty too?”

“That… … .”

I do not know. I don’t know what she looks like, and she may or may not come.

It was difficult to explain the long story in a nutshell, and I didn’t even want to talk about the bunny to Saebyul.

No, not to Saebyul, but to anyone else.

“I’m done. It seems like I just asked something useless. I’ll stop bothering you and go now. Bye.”

“Uh… … . Huh. bye.”

Saebyul did not receive Yoon-woo’s greeting and turned around coldly.

For Saebyul, Yoon-woo was a mine where she could constantly mine self-esteem that she wanted, but she must have been offended because it seemed that part of the mine she had monopolized had passed to Hyerim or Jieun.

Then, from now on, Saebyul may not speak to Yoon-woo. In other words, a good thing

With that in mind, I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 8:56.

Whether it was because he drank the coffee quickly or because of the tension, his hands keep trembling.

I was worried that my clothes would get wet in a cold sweat.

By any chance, if, in one case, the bunny comes to meet Yoo-woo… … .

I shouldn’t show the bunny an ugly figure with my clothes soaked in sweat… … .

In Yoon-woo’s mind, what he had just met with Saebyul had already disappeared.

If Yoon-woo knew how to get along with a girl like Saebyul, or if girls like Saebyul knew just a little bit of what type of person Yoon-woo was, then Yoon-woo in middle school and high school would not have led such an isolated life.

But, it is really difficult for a person to understand another person.

There is a sculpture that looks like an elephant from the front and two giraffes from the side. However, if you look at the sculpture while moving from the front to the side, there is a section where neither an elephant nor a giraffe can be seen.

Perhaps understanding other people is the process of trying to see a sculpture in a section that is neither an elephant nor a giraffe.

In reality, it would be difficult to call the sculpture a giraffe sculpture or an elephant sculpture, but a person has no choice but to stand in one direction and see only the cross section from that direction.

Therefore, the cross-section of Saebyul seen by Yoon-woo and the cross-section of Yoon-woo seen by Saebyul were completely different from their essence.

But neither of them would change the position from which they were looking.

Recognizing the essence of the other person may be impossible for any human being, but I would have been able to walk around the sculpture for at least a few steps… … .

Even walking those few steps was too tiring and difficult, and because there was little to gain compared to the effort. So, both Yoon-woo and Saebyeol just stood still in their seats.

What if the time waiting for the rabbit was used as the time to walk those few steps?

If so, how would Yoon-woo’s life be different?

At least, Yoon-woo’s day today, not meeting the bunny, would not have been so painful.

After 9 o’clock, the promised time, no one entered the Bordeaux Baguette.

Did the bunny not recognize Yun-woo?

That can’t be. Because Yoon-woo was the only person sitting at the table.

I knew this. I already thought you wouldn’t come.

Yoon-woo muttered to himself like that. Perhaps while Yoon-woo was banging his head in a book or talking to Saebyul, she must’ve arrived and looked at the window to see what Yoon-woo looked like and ran away.

He knew… … .

He was ashamed of himself. The fact that, among the fragments of the crumbling heart, there are still fragments of hope that he has not been able to get rid of even though he has removed it before, and that the fragments were bigger and sharper than he thought and were stabbing him like this. He hated that he still couldn’t get up from his seat.

10 minutes passed, 30 minutes passed, and an hour passed from the promised time of 9:00.

At first, I was going to get up as soon as I saw that the bunny wasn’t coming, but at 9:10, I thought that people could be 10 minutes late.

At 9:30, I wondered if the rabbit actually lived far away, not near here, so she might have gotten on the wrong subway.

If she had, she would have contacted him, but Yoon-woo’s cell phone, which he left on the desk, never rang.

She also hasn’t received the gift card yet.

At 10 o’clock, I wondered if she had left her cell phone at home for unavoidable circumstances.

Maybe she left her cell phone in the taxi and got off?

‘I’m here to study, and if I wake up already for only bunny’s visit, the price of coffee is a waste.’

I tried to convince myself like that, but even when I read the book, I couldn’t read the letters.

This was the reason I went to a psychiatrist earlier this year.

I can hear words in the class, but I can’t remember what I just heard.

The text is visible, but the text is not readable at all.

The doctor told me it was because of depression.

Was it really because of psychiatric drugs or exercise that Yoon-woo was able to get out of such a state?

Maybe it’s because there was actually a bunny?

Without the bunny, wouldn’t Yoon-woo’s cognitive function fail again?

When I thought of that, I started to vomit again.

I really have nothing more to vomit now… … .

Before meeting Bunny, didn’t he feel so scared to go to school and meet people?

Will Yoon-woo continue to live in this fear?

He thought he’d rather go home, get some medicine, and lie down, but he didn’t have the strength to get up.

There was no strength in his limbs and he was only trembling.

Yoon-woo was curled up in his seat, with his elbows on the desk, and covering his face with both hands.

The pop song played as the background music in the shop. But, it did not sound like a song to Yoon-woo’s ears.

Thump thump thump thump, only the sound of the drums reached his ears.

That sound was very disturbing.

Thump thump thump, the sound of his father hitting the wall with his fists, the sound of his mother kicking the door, the sound of a grumpy child knocking over Yoon-woo’s desk… … .

The thumping sound got louder and louder, the more Yoon-woo’s breathing became steeper.

Maybe this is why I can’t get over the nausea… … .

When you vomit a disgusting black liquid with the smell of coffee and stomach acid on your desk, the clerk comes up to you and says, ‘Customer? What the hell did you do? Get out of here, you filthy bastard!’ and then Yoon-woo, who got his clothes dirty again, was thrown into the washing machine… … .

“Uh? Yoon-woo? what are you doing here … … What is it? Are you sick?”

Even though he was covering his face with his hands, someone recognized Yoon-woo and talked to him.

Yoon-woo slowly moved his hand away from his face, concentrating on trying to calm his breathing and swallow his nausea.

No one would want to see Yoon-woo convulsing and vomiting.

Maybe it was because he was concentrating on something else, and the thumping sound seemed to have diminished.

But he had a hard time speaking long sentences.

“Huh? Ji-eun noona… … ? just… … . I’m a little tired… … .”

“Do you still have a hangover? It could be. It takes three days for the liver to completely detoxify the alcohol. I also struggled for a few days when I was a freshman.”

“I see.”

“You don’t seem to have any energy… … . I came to eat cream puffs. Do you want to eat Yunwoo too?”

“It’s okay.”

“Oh, have you eaten already? Did you leave one of those cheese sticks after eating?”

“No, I just bought this one.”

“But, don’t you eat more?”

“Huh.”

“Why? That’s delicious… … .”

“Just… … . I have no appetite… … .”

“Ugh… … . Then, shall I eat that? Can I sit in front of you and eat?”

“Okay. You can do that.”

“Then, I’ll also bring you some bread!”

The time is half past ten. Anyway, the possibility of a bunny coming is already gone.

He didn’t like meeting people, but he didn’t want to be alone either.

I was so afraid of being alone. By the way, Jieun is a person who treats Yoon-woo relatively favorably, and doesn’t talk much to Yoon-woo.

And, she’s a good talker by herself, so it might distract Yoon-woo.

Wouldn’t I feel at ease if I watch what Ji-eun is eating?

If I focus on the sound of Ji-eun talking, wouldn’t it be possible not to think about anything else?

As Yoon-woo was thinking like that, Ji-eun immediately put cream puffs on the tray.

However, the number was a bit larger than he expected.

“Park Jun-ho’s bakery above is also good, but still, if you compare cream puffs, this shop has the best taste.”

“… … Eat a lot.”

Eight large cream puffs were placed on the tray.

“When I want to eat, I have to eat this much so I don’t think about it for a while!”

“Lunch?”

If I don’t eat because I’m full because I ate snacks, I’m sure Hyerim will say something… … .

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I can eat it all. Look, did you buy coffee too? Just as if you eat soju on a skewer, it will keep coming in, if you eat bitter coffee on a cream puff, you can keep eating.”

Having said that, Ji-eun really enjoyed the cream puff.

She took a bite of the cream puff with her little mouth, then took a sip of coffee and took another bite of the cream puff… … .

As he continued to watch Ji-eun eating, the feeling that he was about to vomit at any moment subsided a little.

His limbs seemed to have stopped trembling. There is a reason why Witube mukbang is so popular.

However, as she ate while biting the cream puff with her small mouth, Jieun’s lips and coffee cup were full of cream puffs.

“Noona, there are some on your mouth.”

“Uh, huh?”

Yoon-woo reached out his hand and wiped Jieun’s lips with a napkin.

It was a really thoughtless move.

Maybe it was because I was dizzy.

I was going to hand her a napkin, but Ji-eun was holding a cream puff in one hand and a coffee cup in the other.

All I had to do was wait for Jieun to put down her coffee cup, but I didn’t think about it that far.

Yoon-woo realized that he had made a mistake only after seeing Ji-eun’s bewildered expression.

“Oh, sorry. Without thinking… … .”

“Oh, no. Thanks… … . Did I eat a little dirty?”

“No. It was nice to see.”

“Eww… … .Okay.. … .”

After that, Ji-eun quietly bowed her head and ate the cream puffs.

Yoon-woo also felt embarrassed by the mistake he had just made and bowed his head.

What if another thump breaks through this uncomfortable silence?

Yoon-woo thought about it, but the silence between the two did not last that long.

“Yoon-woo… … . Can’t you also just eat one? You’ll be dying of hunger… … .”

“… … .”