Paranoid Love Affair

Paranoid Love Affair

Episode 39

– Hyerim-ah, I think I should skip the gym today.

-Why? What’s going on?

– Did I mention I have insomnia? In fact, I barely slept last night, so I think I should get some more sleep. Sorry.

– No, it’s more important to control your condition! Shall I also rest today? … .

Hearing the alarm at 7 in the morning, Yoon-woo, who sent a message to Hye-rim, fell down on the desk again.

I have a basic economics class at 10:30, so I have to get up and shower at least at 9:30.

Still, I could sleep better than two and a half hours.

Before Ji-eun woke me at 2 in the morning, I talked to Hye-eun on the phone and fell asleep around 11 at night, so I slept for about 5 hours in total… … .

Just because I slept for two and a half hours combined, it didn’t seem like the fatigue I had with Ji-eun at dawn would go away.

Fortunately, it was comforting to be able to sleep in a chair in the 5th class of modern business administration today.

Yoon-woo turned his head and glanced at Ji-eun.

Because I was worried about what would happen if she woke up again soon.

Ji-eun turned her body around in her deep sleep.

It was lucky that Ji-eun was turning to the wall.

Otherwise, if she had lied straight in the middle of that bed and then turned to the opposite side, she would have immediately fallen off the bed.

When he first started living on his own, Yoon-woo also woke up quite often by falling out of bed or banging his head against the wall.

In fact, since Yoon-woo was tall, there was a high possibility to fall out of bed even if he slept near the wall.

Isn’t it a privilege for Ji-eun, who is small in stature, to be able to sleep on that bed?

The blanket that Yoon-woo had covered earlier was folded and crumpled and held by Ji-eun.

It seems that sleeping while holding something is really Ji-eun’s sleeping habit.

Wouldn’t it be cold over that side?

Yoon-woo looked at Ji-eun and carefully thought that when he went to class today, he should be careful not to turn off the boiler habitually.

Then, before I fell back to sleep… … .

My eyes caught the sight of Ji-eun’s hair biting into her mouth.

Feeling sorry for sleeping while eating his own hair, Yoon-woo wiped the hair from Ji-eun’s face with his little finger and pulled the hair out of her mouth.

Then, Ji-eun’s small and clean face is revealed… … .

But to Yoon-woo’s eyes, Ji-eun’s sleeping face looked very unfamiliar.

Come to think of it, Ji-eun has never been this expressionless.

She was always talking loudly and smiling or had a playful expression on her face.

But it was only a few hours ago that he found out that Ji-eun wasn’t always happy and excited.

Maybe it was because of the revelation, Ji-eun’s sullen face looked really lonely and sad.

What Hye-eun said was correct.

He really didn’t know anything about the people around him.

That was something that he also admitted.

But his fault was that he thought he didn’t need to know them properly.

Now he realized that he needed to know a little about Ji-eun.

If he had, he might have been able to prevent something like today.

The question about Ji-eun continued to linger in his head as he lay down on his desk again and tried to fall asleep.

Why the hell did Ji-eun do such a thing?

Was it really my words that made Ji-eun drink alcohol to such a level?

If so, why did Ji-eun, who has nothing to regret, take my words so seriously?

The words that Ji-eun had said before flashed past Yoon-woo’s mind, who was lying face down on the desk.
Then, there was a point to point out.

‘If it were Hye-rim, not me, here… … . Maybe, will you choose something different?’

‘Me and Hye-rim… … . We’re totally different… … .’

Strangely, the drunken Ji-eun continued to mention Hye-rim, who was not even here.

Hye-rim and Ji-eun are completely different?

It didn’t seem like that to him.

Even if the two have different personalities or appearances, he has thought that their values ​​at the core are similar.

‘You are the only one in this world. So you are a very valuable person to me.’

They’ll have many opportunities in life to meet people who say this kind of thing.

They probably have never even learned an economics liberal arts book properly surrounded by those kinds of people.

Just because there is only one in the world doesn’t mean it’s valuable.

Is there a place in the world where there is no one that is unique, the “only one”?

Even if you pick up a stone from the side of the road, it is the only stone in that place in the world. There is no such thing in the world exactly like it.

The only stone, the only bug, the only garbage… … Are they all valuable?

Even though there is only one Yoon-woo in the world, for Yoon-woo to have value, there must be a lot of demand for Yoon-woo.

There should be people who offer a price saying, ‘I can bid up to xx if I can have Yoon-woo.’

However, there was no such person for Yoon-woo until Hye-eun appeared.

Can human value be measured by the logic of supply and demand?

Are all human beings worth high prices?

There are people who have seizures and foam in their mouths at the slightest smell of money and in the words of evaluating human life with it.

There are those who cry out that economic logic cannot be applied to human life.

That’s what people like to say with their mouths and hear with their ears.

But in fact, we are already pricing our lives with the logic of supply and demand.

Labor takes up most of the time of human life.

When most people get a job, they spend more than 80% of their waking hours working, and even the rest of their time is tied to work sometimes.

But can we think of work as a separate thing from human life?

Work is, in fact, human life itself.

But how is the price of that work determined?

Isn’t it determined by supply and demand?

Don’t we cut our lives into pieces and put them on the market, and put up quality assurance certificates and various promotional texts to ask the other people to buy them at a slightly higher price?

In order to prove that I am a human worth a salary of 4,000, do I not advertise by listing all kinds of careers that I have worked and many certificates from schools?

Perhaps before starting work, even during the school days or even in our childhood, we do not know if work is dominated starting from that time.

From the market’s point of view, the whole process is just a way to prove your worth as a worker.

Then, at some point, even the memories, sadness, and joy of one’s childhood are condensed into a few public sales to prove their worth, and even though they are unique and special to oneself, some cannot enter the eyes of labor consumer or buyer, who set the price for them since there are so many of them. And, just like that, even the experiences of life are reduced to factory-made machine parts that are not unique everywhere.

Economist Karl Polanyi says that after the Industrial Revolution, people began to incorporate things that cannot be incorporated into market logic, such as land and work.
( T/N: You can search Karl Polanyi on wiki to know more about him.
Link:
Polanyi)

Work is life itself, and land is our nature and living ground. How can we treat it as a mere factor of production and set a price based on market logic?

He was wary of market logic expanding endlessly and eating up all areas of life.

But in Yoon-woo’s mind, the world was originally a market version.

The market that Polanyi refers to is a market where money and goods come and go, but in fact, the human mind is also traded similarly to the market.

How much more would you pay to win someone’s heart? People who line up in turn offer large and small prices, and the person who offers the highest price wins.

For example, something like this

‘What should I do to have lunch with you? Of course, I will buy you lunch, and after that, I will drive you home, and I will tell you a lot of funny stories that I have prepared, and I will always treat you with kindness and consideration.’

‘Well? The 33rd buyer of my can buy me a more expensive lunch, drive a better car, talk more witty, and be kinder than you. The 32rd customer eliminated, and the next 34th consumer, please suggest a price.’

In fact, aren’t all human encounters a process like this?

Mostly, I think so. I think that the more important issues such as being a lover or getting married, rather than having a lunch date, are more likely to follow this logic.

In his life, as he already knew, Hye-eun is the only exception.

Since there is no competitor, it is enough to offer a very low price for his heart, but she didn’t.

If you look at it that way, Hye-rim and Ji-eun are people with a huge number of queuing buyers.

Those buyers quarrel with each other by offering a huge price for each little thought that Hye-rim and Ji-eun shed.

If Yoon-woo’s heart is a cheap product that a subway janitor sells at a low price to his friends, Ji-eun or Hye-rim’s heart is the highest-priced luxury that is secretly shown only to the highest-ranking VIP members of the luxury store.

But, how can such a person feel inferior to someone else?

For Yoon-woo, it was absurd.

But it wasn’t something I didn’t understand at all.

For example, many people call Dongseo University, Yonsei University, and Konkuk University together as the top-ranking universities in Korea, but the students are not always filled with the confidence that ‘I am an elite attending the top-ranked universities in Korea!’

Yoon-woo has always lived with a feeling of inferiority that he did not pass the junior college, but surprisingly, he was not the only one who had such a heart.

This is because, in the required liberal arts class in the second semester of the first year, there were a few students who disappeared without a word even though there were names in the attendance list to prepare for the junior high school class.

According to the professor, there are just a few people like that every year.

‘I don’t know why Konkuk is such a good university, dear. Heh heh heh… … ‘

Yoon-woo seemed to know why.

Because he wanted to do the same like them.

The reason he doesn’t do that is because he has already paid for the tuition fees at that time.

It’s because his parents don’t approve of his luck. And, he also didn’t want to delay his graduation year, that is, the deadline to die.

In front of your eyes, the colorful fruit was glimmering but you couldn’t reach it… … .

Then, if you keep reaching out for that shimmering fruit, and you can’t get it in the end, so you just stare at it in disbelief… … .

Everything else in your hands often feels futile and worthless in front of this fruit.

Maybe Ji-eun is like that?

A lot of people other than Hye-rim find Ji-eun, befriends her and her cell phone constantly rings. When she is bored and lonely, she has a happy life with someone to meet her at any time, but those things have already become too natural to her, so it will become boring for her.

And, after staring blankly at Hye-rim shining brilliantly next to her, she stopped noticing the value of what she had.

The things she didn’t have were shining so bright before her eyes that she had forgotten everything she had.

In Yoon-woo’s mind, it was too much of a waste.

He would not have decided to die if he had one-tenth of people that were looking for Ji-eun.

She would have been able to live with herself as a woman who looked as cute as she was.

But why does such a person feel inferior by looking at Hye-rim?

For Yoon-woo, it was difficult to say who was a superior person between Hye-rim and Ji-eun.

Hye-rim has her Hye-rim charm, and her Ji-eun has her Ji-eun charm.

Some people like Ji-eun more, and some people like Hye-rim more.

And, to be honest, I was more comfortable with Ji-eun than Hye-rim.

I thought that Hyerim is a beautiful and wonderful person, but I didn’t like it when I got people’s attention just by walking with her.

I also thought that it was rather burdensome for me that she was constantly trying to buy something or do this and that, and it was difficult for me to keep talking to her.

On the other hand, Ji-eun is a person who always makes the person comfortable with whomever she is with.

She didn’t even talk much.

She laughed and talked to herself, because all she did was joke around in moderation.

She also buys lamb skewers for us in exchange for using my notes.

In fact, I thought that she lived according to her own will, but considering what happened earlier, it seems that she puts a lot of effort in the ways to be considerate of others.

She harbored such a sense of inferiority inside and treated Hye-rim and me with a smile, even though she was grieving…

She asked me if I really had an earring that suits her, she asked me if she could give it to her.

In fact, on Ji-eun’s doll-like face, there must be a lot of earrings that match her.

‘I hate it… … . I don’t do it because it doesn’t suit me.’

Yoon-woo seemed to understand now why Ji-eun was friendly and took good care of him.

She is just wrong and mistaken.

As she continued to live with Hye-rim, she lost her confidence and could not see her own worth with her objective eyes.

Maybe she’s thinking, ‘A little boy like Yoon-woo is perfect for playing with me.’

So, she couldn’t take Yoon-woo’s words lightly.

Even thinking about it, he could not sleep peacefully.

He couldn’t stand it, thinking that the favor or consideration by Ji-eun to him was caused by Ji-eun’s misunderstanding of her own worth.

If such a relationship continues, Yoon-woo may one day hope that Ji-eun does not realize her original value since there will always be someone beside him.

If not, he may see the cold eyes of Ji-eun who regained her consciousness and may experience misery, which he should not have felt originally.

Yoon-woo only needs Hye-eun.

He does not want to be disappointed after setting new expectations on anyone other than Hye-eun. He doesn’t even want the favors from Ji-eun who has been having her own misunderstanding.

So, Ji-eun, she needs to know who she is.

‘Because I only slept for five hours… … . I’m going to sleep in the 5th class later… … .’

The ‘UST’ accessory shop was open at 10 am.

After a series of thoughts, Yoon-woo concluded that Ji-eun was simply just drunk and should act upon her request immediately.

I was thinking of giving the earring I saw at the collaboration product section yesterday.

Anyway, I didn’t even spend half of the money I was originally going to spend on Hyerim, so I had room for my budget.

The problem was what to say to Ji-eun while giving it to her.

If it goes wrong, she may be offended or remember her drunken mistake, causing her to feel embarrassed.

And, sadly, Ji-eun is in a state where her confidence is so low that she is hurt by his words.

After thinking about it for a while, Yoon-woo grabbed his cell phone from his desk and pressed Ji-eun’s profile.

And he thought hard about what to say.

It seemed presumptuous and cocky for Yoon-woo to say whatever he thought, but it was something he had to say now.

Ji-eun woke up from her sleep at 11 am, four hours after that.

‘Hah, what should I do… … . Now, how should I face Yoon-woo?’

‘Ah, if you’ve been drinking, you’ll sleep at home, so why the hell are you crawling out? And, even if you crawl out, why are you here? If I had gone to Hye-rim’s house, she would have listened to my nagging…’

The clothes Ji-eun was wearing and the socks she was wearing belonged to Yoon-woo.

I thought I was going to die because I caused his coat to smell like alcohol, but on top of that…

As I was about to take off his socks, I remembered last night when I held out my feet to Yoon-woo to put them on.

‘Ah…! Yoo Ji-eun, are you sane?You are definitely crazy… How the hell do you fix this now? How will he see you? Shall I just take a leave of absence and quietly disappear? Or shall I just die? I’m crazy really…’

But now was not the time to reflect on her own actions like that.

I have to apologize to Yoon-woo right now.

It’s best to do it over the phone, but he’s probably in class right now… … . First, send a message and then call him after class… … .

With that thought in mind, Ji-eun looked for her cell phone and saw a small gift package lying on the desk.

The beautifully wrapped box was placed right next to Ji-eun’s cell phone.

‘What is this? . … Did Yoon-woo have a girlfriend? So I’m saying that to a boy who has a girlfriend? Ah… … . A leave of absence or suicide? … .’

It was Ji-eun who thought that she should first apologize and seriously consider taking a leave of absence.

However, when she opened the Kakao Talk app, I noticed that there were several long KakaoTalk messages from Yoon-woo.

‘… … What? What else did I do wrong? Why are you sending such a long message… … .’

Swallowing her fearful heart, Ji-eun slowly read Yoon-woo’s message down.

– Noona, the situation may be a misunderstanding to you, but I didn’t do anything strange to you drunken self. really.

‘Even if you don’t say it, I know. Only I must have done something weird… … .’

Judging from her last memory, it was clear that Yoon-woo moved her by himself to his room and put her to sleep.

-The password for my room’s door lock is xxxx, the password for the entrance is xxxx, and the address is Anam-dong, Seongbuk-gu… So, if you wake up after lunchtime or if Hye-rim can’t come home because of the class, you can order something to eat, or go out and eat something and take a good rest. My class ends today after 3pm.

-Oh, and I bought noona’s favorite chocolate milk in the refrigerator, so if you want to drink it with cool water, it’s on the door of the refrigerator… …

‘Ah… … . Why are you doing this for me? Now I feel even more guilty’

– And, noona, this might be presumptuous and cocky for me to talk about… … .

‘What? What else is left? Are you trying to tell me to drink a little more carefully? Ah… … . Scrolling down is scary.’

Still, it was impossible not to confirm.

With her trembling heart, Ji-eun moved her finger to read the message until the end, and she reread the message again and again, wondering if she had read it wrong.

After that, Ji-eun looked at the gift package and thought that she was lucky that Yoon-woo was not here.

It was because it seemed that she could not hide her feelings in front of Yoon-woo; they were running wild like a torrent.

– I’m not going to say who’s pretty or who isn’t, but I think noona is very pretty.

-You’re pretty, you have a good personality, you drink well, you also made jokes while talking with others, so I’ve always been envious of you. So I didn’t know noona would take my words that way. Sorry for saying it without thinking.

-But I have no idea why noona thinks that you are inferior to Hye-rim.

– As there are people who like Hye-rim more than noona, there must also be people who like you more than Hye-rim. As much as the things Hye-rim is better than noona, there are many things that noona is better than Hyerim.

-And I also thought it was convenient to talk to noona more. I’m not very talkative, so it’s burdensome and difficult to talk to people, but talking to noona wasn’t like that… … . Maybe it’s because noona cares about me that much?