Payback

After class, I was about to pack my bags and leave, when the guy with a nice appearance called me. 

“It would be better for you to be careful of Hyungseok.”

He smiled faintly as I put my bag over my shoulder expressionlessly.

“It seems like Hyungseok got someone’s order and was digging around. You might already know this.”

“Yes, I know.” 

I was going to tell him If he didn’t have anything else to say, I would go, when he grabbed my arm.

“I always thought that I could never get a role with just my acting skills. So after 4 years, I might have to play the role of a male prostitute, so I started sneaking around here and there.”

“Your situation is none of my business.”

He relaxed his hand on my arm and turned to look at the sharp-looking man talking to the instructor from afar.

“As far as I know, that person hated the idea of sponsors and chose the side of influential people. Meaning he knew he couldn’t be successful in this field just by his acting skills. What I’m trying to say is, don’t be discouraged. Looking at you today, I think Lee Taemin-ssi has a surprisingly innocent side. This is not the place you think it is.”

After he had finished speaking, he released my arm and didn’t forget the advice once more to be careful.

———

I get advice from everyone I meet. Did I look so helpless? I wanted to ask the manager, but he had other things in mind because he was so excited about something. 

“Hansoo got an interview for the role! Well, he’s not over his camera phobia yet, but he got a call after they looked at his performance…”

The manager expected me to receive the acting prize, so I was glad to see him happy. We didn’t talk much about it and moved on. It wasn’t planned, but I had a feeling it was going to be a good day.

There were no rumors of the boxing incident at all, and I didn’t have to see the two that bothered me that day. I wondered if my luck would continue like this, but I had to meet a person I didn’t want to meet at Alice’s Labyrinth, where I had to go to work every day just like what the yellow-haired said. As if it were some sort of routine, the manager took me to the front door of the madman’s office and he spoke in a polite tone before opening the door.

“He’s waiting inside.” 

In an instant, the madman came to mind and I asked, narrowing my eyes subconsciously.

“Is the owner of the room here?”

“No.”

Then? Before I could ask, he gave me some strange advice. 

“He is very sharp, but he is very affectionate.”

So who? I didn’t get the chance to ask this time either. He opened the door first, smiling like a robot. The ‘very sharp but very affectionate’ person greeted me from the middle of the room.

“Why are you 4 minutes later than usual today?”

Like last time, the boss put his hand on his waist and let out a strong voice like an instructor. As soon as I realized who the other party was, I let out a big sigh subconsciously. He was not really a problematic person, but the type of person who makes you nervous in a strange way. I stared at him quietly in front of the door and opened my mouth. 

“The bus came late.”

He narrowed his eyes and looked me up and down before asking.

“You’re late because of some other reason?”

“It’s because of the bus.” 

I emphasized it again in case there was another strange misunderstanding.

“… You’re too firm. There must be another reason! You can’t fool my eyes!”

I just brought about more misunderstandings. We exchanged only a few words, but tiredness washed over me, as if we had talked for hours.

I thought that he was a great person in some sense, and I thought I should give up regardless of what he said, but I couldn’t ignore the next words. 

“Did you have problems with your part-time job?”

“Ujga-alwf pby?”

“P xcbk fnfgsatlcu. Tbe jikjsr mbwf ragjluta ogbw sbeg qjga-alwf pby.”

“… Qtb lr?” 

“Qtb? Yo mbegrf la’r sbe, Off Djfxkbc. Cgf sbe jrtjwfv bo yflcu mjeuta? Lete, yea sbe’ii tjnf ab ufa erfv ab la cbk. Ktfgf’r cb erf tlvlcu jcs rfmgfar ogbw wf.”

Lf kjgcfv lc j uibbws nblmf ilxf tf kjr atf olcji ybrr. P mbeivc’a tfiq yea atlcx yjmx ab atf defralbc P tjv ktfc P olgra wfa tlw. Qjr tf mgjhs? Lbkfnfg, tf kjr jirb j obgwlvjyif qfgrbc ktbw P rtbeivc’a ifa ws uejgv vbkc jgbecv. Lf lwwfvljafis cbalmfv ws kbcvfg.

“Aha~ you don’t believe me. But, if you keep making beginner’s mistakes while trying to hide your part-time job, you must take me as a fool.”

“What beginner’s mistake?” 

Then he lifted his finger and pointed to my clothes.

“Clothes. You always wear the same clothes.”

I looked down at the jeans and the black shirt on top. I didn’t have a lot of clothes, but I was too lazy to buy shirts, so I just bought several of the same color and design and wore them. The manager had been nagging at me to develop a sense of fashion. But what does having the same clothes have anything to do with a part-time job? My question was resolved as the boss admired.

“These days, uniforms are very casual. So is the place you work at a gas station?” 

“…”

“It’s good to wear your uniform as it is because you’re busy, but try wearing casual clothes as well. Aren’t you an aspiring celebrity? I want to see you in casual clothes once. Hm? Why’s your expression stiff and not answering me? Ah, that’s it. You’re afraid I’ll be disappointed by Lee Baekwon’s fashion? Haha~ It’s okay. It’s just men’s clothes, all you have to do is cover your balls. And you wouldn’t possibly wear casual clothes without any sense like that uniform, right?”

“…”

“Don’t you think so? Hm?” 

“… Yes.”

After he heard my answer, he joked that he got everything right again and made me sit on the sofa. I didn’t want to sit down and talk with him, but luckily the changed subject caught my attention.

“So why is Chairman Kim’s underling chasing after you like a rat?”

Chairman Kim? Something suddenly came to mind. 

“Is Chairman Kim the sponsor of actor Song Yoohan?”

The boss looked at me silently without answering, and then suddenly curved his lips. Perhaps it was an illusion of the eyes but his smile suddenly reminded me of the madman at first glance. I tried to double check, but his reasoning interrupted my thinking.

“Ahh~ so it was Song Yoohan. Who you are after. So did you get into the entertainment industry you weren’t interested in because of Song Yoohan and seduced Jay? Hm, for what grudge? Did Song Yoohan kill anyone?”

I had thought he was an absurd person. But right now, it was difficult to breathe because I thought that if I showed even a small emotion, everything about me would come out of his mouth. How could I have been so careless? However, efforts to hide it were of no avail. The boss looked at me calmly and asked. 

“Seems like the one who died is a family member?”

Was it because unlucky days follow good days? I couldn’t fall asleep and my eyes were wide open, and the words of the boss that made me worry all night first occupied my head.

‘Either you say it all, or you let me do the background check. Of course I’m not going to let you use Jay regardless of that. Hm, I’ll probably start with banning you from this place. So decide quickly. Whether you tell me who you are or not.’

A voice that was hoarse, yet resolute. The cold air of dawn that permeated the closed room turned into his voice and surrounded me. The fact that I had to talk about myself. Was I the only one who feels this was a request like a freshly sharpened blade? It doesn’t matter if it’s an easy question for others. It was the result of my carelessness. Like an idiot, I lowered my guard around the boss. 

Everyone has a spear. No matter how good-natured one is, the opponent can stab and hurt them. Maybe the reason was simply because we were human. And I knew that better than anyone. I had forgotten about it like a fool because I had gotten used to living casually.

Had I not witnessed it myself, a simple and weak person who was only victimized by a loan shark’s subordinate take out his spear in anger? The blood of my younger brother who dyed the frozen world red. Even now, sometimes the world seems to be covered with red paint.

Was this not enough? The regret that I was careless did not easily disappear from my heart. Now I had to make a decision. Which was more important, Alice’s Labyrinth or my information? I got up from my seat, put my clothes back on, and thought. Alice’s Labyrinth was an important place. And what about me? I had nothing, after all.

I put on all my clothes and looked around the space given to me. A 2 pyeong goshiwon room without windows. The yellow wallpaper in the corner of the wall was like a corpse, and was separated from the gray cement. There was nowhere to turn my eyes away from within the mold and from the breathtakingly narrow field of view. Except for the old bed and desk, the narrow room with only space for two people was like a coffin. 

It felt like I was going to be buried in the ground while being trapped in a small space like this. I sometimes think while holding the doorknob, maybe I was already buried underground and when I open the door, dirt might spill out.

I wasn’t afraid of that. Sometimes, I wish I was actually stuck in a coffin and everything would end. Because it’s easy. Death was the simplest possible ending in life.

However, when I opened the door, the dark and narrow hallway was filled with creepy silence. The reality that I was still alive was disappointing on the one hand, but I still stepped forward.

When I went out into the open air, I realized I was still undecided. What was more important between Alice’s Labyrinth which was needed for revenge and the insignificant me? 

———

Cross, rosary, prayer beads. My manager’s familiar three-piece set greeted me in the company’s office. Of course I still didn’t need them, but they seemed absolutely necessary for Hansoo, who held hands with the manager and prayed to all the gods in the world. Not wanting to disturb the two of them praying hard, I stood by the closed door silently.

Was today the day of Hansoo’s interview, which the manager was excited about yesterday? Unlike usual, Hansoo was dressed up, and his hair was also well styled. The problem was that his face had already turned pale and it was awkward to look at. Looking at the empty shell on the desk, it seemed that he had already eaten the Cheongshimhwan. The problem was that the manager’s face who was giving advice to him was worse.

“I-it’ll be okay! There won’t be cameras, so there’s no problem! Even if the person in charge of the movie is sitting in the audience to see your performance in advance, you won’t be able to see it because it’s in a dark place. Just don’t pay attention to it! You can do it. We’re going to get the role of the main character in one attempt! Just do what you did last night!” 

Seemed like he stayed up until night.

“R-right, boss? Yes. Just think that it’s the same as usual! Oh, I just have to stand on the stage just like any other day. I can win the p-p-protagonist. Just forget in my head that there are eyes watching me from one of the seats to see my acting skills in advance!”

It seemed to be engraved more clearly in Hansoo’s head along with the words. By the way, it was not even an official interview, but if he’s already like that… I looked at the two indifferently and was a little concerned. Maybe I’ll call the shaman next time.

It was a rather noisy morning. It wasn’t even a serious interview, but it was thanks to Hansoo, who was stiff like a piece of wood, and the manager, who uttered strange spells and dialects under the guise of a prayer to relieve tension. 

I didn’t know whether the director of the film was a famous person, but the two of them seemed excited about the director’s name. It seemed that the person in charge was actually coming, so it sounded like a great opportunity even to me who didn’t know anything or have my eyes on the main character role. For now, Hansoo was very good when there were no cameras, so he could show all of his skills.

The problem was that the tension of the other two could not be relieved at all. According to the manager, it was the first opportunity that Hansoo has gotten in years, so they were nervous. Fortunately, the indifferent words I spat out were of some help to the two of them. Thanks to that, I was held captive for several hours by them asking for colder words from me.

When I saw the two of them, there was a movie that immediately came to mind. It was a horror movie I had seen on TV when I was young, and it was about a girl who had a ghost inside her and the priest drove it out. Rather than being scared, I remember watching it thinking it was ‘fascinating’ and then thinking it was dirty during the scene where the girl vomits green liquid. I sympathized with Hansoo, who was extremely nervous to the point of feeling like vomiting despite the manager’s efforts. Next time he definitely needs a shaman.

I left the two behind to attend class, but as I entered class, I started to get a little worried. Could it be possible that Hansoo suddenly got a phobia of officials? Pushing away unnecessary worries, I noticed that the number of people gathered for class was different from yesterday. One more was added. It was not very surprising that the yellow haired showed up and took his seat after a day. The only thing that caught my attention was his expression. He was smiling brightly while talking with the instructor before class. 

I put my bag down and looked at the other two as I walked across the wide floor that looked like a dance studio. Each of them stretched to prepare for class, the same as usual. But why did everything look twisted in my eyes?

After a particularly boring four-hour class, one of the three approached me. I was expecting him to talk to me, so I wasn’t surprised. He was originally the man with a sharp impression who should have spoken to me yesterday. But what he said was unexpected.

“I couldn’t say thank you yesterday.”

“…” 

“Why?”

“You know you have no reason to thank me because I didn’t do it for you.”

He grinned and nodded his head.

“That’s right. It was just a greeting.” 

I straightened up. The greasy feeling I felt before class was definitely dawning. The other person wasn’t a particularly courteous person, and I was also someone who didn’t wish to be treated courteously. But there must be a reason why I was hearing that now. The sharp-looking guy had a funny expression on his face as if he had already noticed that my expression had changed.

“You look regular at first glance, but you know, the more I see you, the different you look? So I was skeptical at first too. I thought you must be an asshole like the other aspiring celebrities. Full of venom and desire to succeed. But no. I was completely wrong.”

“Why are you talking nonsense?”

“Who knows. Take it as a gift.” 

I frowned, but he only shrugged.

“Aren’t I more senior than you? I know more than you. For example, one of the ways to be successful without a sponsor is to befriend a rich kid and get a role thanks to them. Could I tell you this.”

I found the reason why his words felt uncomfortable. His words were like courtesy greetings. Like those given before leaving. I turned my eyes slightly to see the yellow haired and good-looking guy talking as if they were having fun. The sharp-looking guy followed my gaze, averted his eyes and lowered his voice a bit.

“Or with the sponsor, you can wipe someone’s ass to get some lines right away. If you don’t like any of those options, you can fight hard with your skills. However, when you see the reality that you will not even get a single chance to show off your skills after being a trainee for four years, you will realize it later and then use your body.” 

He turned his eyes and met me.

“If you don’t have money, I think those three are the only ways. No, there is. In the end, you have to serve others. But somehow, when I see you… I think you are different. Even if you choose the same method, you will be different.”

“So?”

When I asked the question, he spat it out in a non-trivial tone. 

“Do well. I’m leaving.”

The question that immediately came to mind was ‘why?’. It was a minor role, but it was the prize from yesterday, so he was supposed to start filming this weekend. As if reading my thoughts, he twisted his lips.

“You don’t know yet? The role I received as a prize yesterday was taken by someone else.”

His eyes turned to one person. Today, I heard a particularly loud laughter from the yellow haired. The voice of the sharp-looking guy was mixed with that sound. 

“After all, if there is no tiger, then the fox is the king.”

“…”

“It was something that would never work normally, but thanks to you, that punk got lucky.”

Maybe it was because I got rid of the ugly guy. A loud laugh was heard again. The good-looking guy conversing just had a smile on his face, but the yellow hair laughed as if he heard the funniest story in the world. 

“I’m telling you in advance in case you misunderstand me.”

He spoke after a few seconds, but it felt as if I had heard it after hours. Looking at him again, he opened his mouth with his usual cold expression.

“I’m not leaving because of this. In the one year I’ve been here, I’ve had this happen countless times. Rather, the work this time was nothing much. The day I went to sign the contract, I heard from the PD that the role was gone.”

“Then why are you leaving?” 

I expected him to answer that he was going to rest for a while because there was no ugly guy who had influential backing, but he didn’t open his mouth right away. Instead, he scanned the practice room slowly as if engraving it in his eyes.

“I wasn’t sure. Whether acting was really something I liked. Doing this is possible only if you have a desire to do it no matter how servile you have to be or how dirty it may be.”

“…”

“Don’t lose that spirit of yours.” 

“I never had such a thing in the first place.”

In response to my answer, the guy suddenly burst out laughing out loud, ‘Puha~’. Then he grabbed my shoulder and laughed so that my upper body shook.

“You, you… I really like you.”

The smile caught the attention of the yellow haired and good-looking guy, but the sharp-looking guy continued laughing, and then murmured in the mix of laughter that had faded so that only I could hear it. 

“Unless you change managers, you will probably have to keep bumping into Song Yoohan.”

He suddenly changed the subject and gave me advice. Then, as he held my shoulder, he straightened his back and made eye contact.

“I followed the hospitalized guy around, and sometimes went out with him a few times to the place his father had arranged for him. Two months ago, I had a drink with a very high-ranking person, and at that time he was very drunk and said something like this.”

A small whisper flowed from his thin lips. 

“A monster that will dominate the industry has appeared in Dream. The scary thing was that sooner or later, that monster will devour all of Dream, but no one knows. When he starts wielding his sword, everyone will regret it. The monster is preparing to cut off the rotten roots.”

“Why are you telling me that?”

“Think carefully about who the monster is. That person would be able to deal with Song Yoohan’s great sponsor who can do whatever he wants. It’s unlikely you’ll ever get involved with that person though.”

Taking his hand off me, he took a step back. 

“It’s not a big deal since I’m used to losing a role right in front of my eyes every time, but I’m not used to being pissed off.”

After looking at the yellow haired one last time, he left. I looked down at the floor without moving for a moment among the quiet surroundings. As if waiting for his turn, the sound of footsteps approaching me clearly reached my ears. I saw a pair of shoes that stopped nearby. I slowly raised my head and met his eyes for a moment while the guy with a nice appearance watched from a distance. He turned his eyes away as soon as our eyes met.

“Thanks for a good day off.”

The yellow haired didn’t hide his sarcasm. 

“And as you asked, I told Yoohan hyung that you seem to have a great man as a sponsor. Did I pay off my debt properly?”

“Yes.”

I answered indifferently. The yellow haired guy’s eyes narrowed for a moment, but soon returned to normal. On the contrary, he added a smile.

“Since I paid off the debt, I’ll also pay you interest.” 

And then I couldn’t casually answer what he said next.

“You know right? You’re not the only one Yoohan hyung is after.”

t/n: poor Yoohan T.T