Payback

I admit that the madman was a person I needed. Maybe he was the most crucial person, just as he said. So I should have been thankful that he said he would fall for it if I seduced him but I developed a defiant attitude towards that guy first. Why did I become so agitated whenever I was with him? 

The next day I headed to the office and it was thoughts about him rather than immediate concerns that filled my head. The reason I wasn’t worried about the manager or Hansoo was that the manager didn’t seem much different from usual when I arrived. The only strange thing was that he was looking for small roles or commercials that I could appear in. The manager had previously said that I was not good enough, so he would have liked me to learn more acting before I do some actual work. That is, as much as possible within the company’s conditions. As I sat in front of the manager who was diligently making calls here and there, I could tell that the deadline for the roles were over.

Was this also the result of Myeongshin’s meddling? After thinking about it, I started reading the script that I secretly brought in yesterday. I was a little curious about the last work of the director, whose movies had failed twice and wanted to see how good the script was for him to choose this as his last work.

But as I turned through the first few pages, a question “Huh?” popped into my head. Some of the contents were strangely similar to my current situation. It was a bit eerie for it to be a coincidence, so I couldn’t take my eyes off of it easily.

I checked the contents again while tuning out the manager’s voice on the phone, but at some point I realized that the surroundings had become quiet. When I raised my eyes, I saw the manager with a serious face and bowed head. He seemed to be looking for the next person to call, flipping through the phone numbers he had written on the back and forth in his old notebook. He seemed to be concentrating, and as I shifted my eyes back to the script, I heard a question from him. 

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

He didn’t take his eyes off the notebook and added after a while,

“If you want to extend your contract, the company wants you to show some tangible results.”

Flutter, flutter~ He turned through several pages to see if there was a suitable number to contact, making a ‘hmm’ sound, and then closed his lips for a moment. His thick fingers flickered between the numbers on the paper. The hesitant fingertips stopped at the scribbled number.

“Is it okay if the work is a little underwhelming?”

“It’s okay.”

He raised his eyes without taking his finger off the number.

“Alright, you’ll do well at anything.” 

He smiled and praised me, but his smile didn’t meet my eyes. Because his smile wasn’t very genuine. It was like his lips were curved habitually. Was it also because of Hansoo? The manager called the number he decided on and started talking in a friendly tone.

“…Yes, I’m working at Dream these days. There’s a rookie I have and he’s great. Good at anything… Hm? No, he’s not a singer. He’s an actor… I know you don’t need a rookie actor whose face you don’t know. But just take a look at him. Hm? We haven’t known each other for a year or two… Ah, of course his face is amazing! His visuals in photos are no joke. Do you know Photographer Lee? Sigh~ Photographer Lee had been chasing me to meet up with him to take some pictures.”

The manager spat out compliments about me in a confident tone to the person on the phone. The manager’s voice gradually rose to see as if there was a small hope from the other side, but my mood dropped coldly. Something was strange. After the call was over, seeing him happily telling me what to do, the strange feeling became clear. Except for what I felt in his awkward smile, he seemed a bit too alright.

“CEO Choi is in charge of a lot of events here and there. The only thing you can do right now is at the level of a regular part-time job, is that okay?” 

“Yes.”

“As simple as it is, it is not burdensome and won’t be difficult. Like supporting a stage event at a shopping mall to get people’s attention. In some cases people are hired in advance and planted to pretend to be an applicant. That’s what you do. The date is…”

“Manager.”

When I stopped him, he raised his eyes as he was writing something in his notebook. 

“What about Hansoo?”

“…”

“Isn’t Hansoo coming today?”

“He’s not coming.” 

He straightened his upper body and added bluntly.

“He’s not going to come anymore. He wants to quit this job.”

Was my guess wrong? The thought that the manager would give up on me without Hansoo turned into confusion at the manager’s calm reaction. Maybe the manager was a person who was not as swayed by emotions as I had thought? Perhaps all he had to do was to find another actor to replace Hansoo and make his dream come true. However, even if I tried to think simply, discomfort still remained. The situation of the manager who will collapse with Hansoo when he collapses was thought to be easier to deal with. This situation should have been a good thing from my point of view, but I couldn’t find the reason why it was uncomfortable.

It must have been because of this that I couldn’t keep Hansoo out of my head. Fortunately, there was nothing to worry about in class. Instead of the sharp-looking guy and the ugly guy, a few new trainees joined the class. Yellow haired and the good-looking one didn’t attend because they apparently had to go to some audition. It seemed that they had definitely got something by being Myeongshin’s lackeys. Because there were no annoying guys, I left the class I could hardly remember and headed to another place instead of Alice’s Labyrinth that I always went to. 

I’ve been to college a few times. When I applied to another area and worked as a courier, I had to deliver to a university in that area. However, the clearer university landscape in my memory was earlier. When I was working at the loan company, there was a time when I had to collect money from a college student. The school he attended was quite famous as it was a university I knew.

The so-called prestigious university student was of the same age as me. It was probably because of his past that he studied hard (unlike me) but I was more tenacious in chasing him for money. Perhaps it was because I wanted to assert my authority and say, ‘Look, you may be studying hard like a regular person but you still had to yield to me’. I had used violence, so even after he later repaid the money, he was so embarrassed that he couldn’t go to school.

I didn’t feel guilty about it then. It was his fault that he borrowed money in the first place, and he met me because he was unlucky. A world where divine punishment did not exist, but retribution did. Even a small mistake could have consequences if you make the wrong decision. Sometimes the consequences might be too large to handle.

Now I knew very well what I didn’t know at the time when my head was filled with pride and self-indulgence. So even if it seemed as if I was walking on a similar path that reminded me of the university incident, it seemed that I was emotionless. Just as the college student met the detrimental consequences of his mistakes, I just have to accept the consequences of my mistakes. I don’t know when or how I would even it out. I must pay the price for what I have done. I made a great sacrifice realizing this simple fact. 

The funny thing was that even after attaining that epiphany, I didn’t change. I knew I wouldn’t stop taking revenge at any cost. I would use the people I needed, and create traps. But why was I here now, wasting my time in vain? I was skeptical, but I pushed it aside, thinking of meeting Hansoo. Let’s find Hansoo first.

It was already dark because I went to the theater to find him for the first time and heard that he would stay up all night at school for the event. When I entered the building with a small signboard called the College of Arts in the spacious campus, I was able to easily find the office of the department where Hansoo attended. Several voices were heard inside along with bright lights as if there really was some sort of event happening.

The door was half open, so I pushed and entered. The eyes of those who stopped talking to the appearance of strangers turned to me. I looked inside without saying a word, looking for Hansoo with my eyes. Then one of the students asked me first.

“Who are you?” 

“Where is Lee Hansoo?”

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“Qtbrf cjwf rtbeiv P ulnf tlw?” 

“… Off Tbbtjc.”

P tfjgv j wegweg jr P mibrfv atf vbbg yftlcv ws yjmx.

“Glv rbwfatlcu tjqqfc ab Ljcrbb? Lf kfca ab yes jimbtbi yfmjerf tf revvfcis rjlv tf kjcafv ab vglcx…”

How should I express it? It was an unpleasantly quiet and dark atmosphere. The ghost-like stillness was different from the university during the day which was always lively. The large buildings and parks where students left seemed to emphasize that this was just a temporary place. An ownerless space where people in need come in and out like low tide. Maybe I felt this way because I didn’t belong to a university. What a lonely place this was. And as someone else who shouldn’t be here, I sat on the bench feeling uncomfortable as if I were wearing the wrong shoes. 

However, Hansoo, who was supposed to be back soon, did not come out even after more than two hours. I thought about visiting the office again, but I didn’t go there on purpose. It wasn’t because I was afraid I would see Hansoo there but I didn’t want to visit him again because he didn’t seem to want to meet me. Was it funnier to keep waiting for a guy who didn’t want to come out? It was when I decided to stand up with a blank mind 30 minutes later that I heard footsteps stopping nearby. I could see Hansoo with a frown on his face under the dim streetlight.

“Why are you still here?”

I got up from my seat looking at Hansoo standing at a distance.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” 

“Why? Isn’t it obvious that I didn’t want to meet you since I didn’t come? You should’ve just left. Or try calling me.”

“I don’t know your phone number.”

“…”

In an instant, Hansoo’s face changed as if he was dumbfounded. 

“You don’t know my phone number? Ha… Then again. You didn’t seem interested in me anyway.”

He muttered to himself, and asked in an annoyed voice.

“Why did you come all the way here?”

It was completely different from the usual him who always smiled and acted intimate, but I was more comfortable dealing with this kind of rejection. He must have been a little awkward because he wanted to get close with me. When I realized it, I couldn’t understand more about myself right now. 

“I heard you quit. Is that true?”

I asked after a short pause and Hansoo’s expression hardened.

“Yes. Are you here to confirm it?”

“Why are you quitting?” 

It’s not the first time he’s got camera phobia, he had been preparing to be an actor for several years. I was going to add those obvious words, but he opened his mouth coldly.

“It has nothing to do with Lee Yoohan.”

“…”

“If that’s what you came here for, I’m going in now.” 

“Myeongshin.”

I was hesitant to bring out these words so I kept my mouth shut for a moment. However, seeing Hansoo’s expressionless stare, I continued my words.

“Myeongshin did it. He deliberately called the camera to be brought to the theater to sabotage you.”

“So?” 

“…”

“Yeah, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a fool. Even if a fool like me had divine luck, I no longer want to do this anymore. Or do you want me to get revenge like you?”

His retort left me silent. To be honest, I thought that he would be angry that I brought up Myeongshin. But when I saw Hansoo’s unsmiling face, I realized that I didn’t know anything about him. No, I thought I knew. Not only Hansoo, but everyone else whom I thought I could lead in the direction I need to go.

“I’m a fool so I can’t take revenge. I don’t even have the ability to do that. So please stop worrying about it and mind your own business and work hard. We weren’t even that close, were we?” 

Hansoo’s last words were heard particularly clearly. Ah, right. We weren’t close. I hadn’t even thought of that. I didn’t know Hansoo particularly well.

“Goodbye.”

Hansoo mumbled, turned his back and disappeared. The conversation ended in less than a minute after waiting for two hours, but it was not in vain. I looked around again and realized that there was no one around.

I saw Hansoo as the consequences of what I had done. If I hadn’t decided to take revenge, he might not have been so detested by Myeongshin and would not have broken down like this. Even if that was the result that would have happened anyway, it was certain that it came about more quickly because of me. 

The reason why I felt so responsible and concerned about this was because… Right, he was ‘Hansoo’. I remembered the unpleasant feeling I had that followed me when he introduced himself on the first day we met. I guess I am pretty sentimental too.

After a day or two of absence, I visited Alice’s Labyrinth and the manager guided me to the boss’s office first. I had a hunch that he was going to call for me, so I was preparing myself in advance. It was obvious that he was going to tell me to give it a shot with the madman.

Anyway, I had something to ask the madman so I planned to end the conversation with the boss quickly. But I was at a loss for words from his unexpected first greeting.

“You came from working at the gas station today too.” 

“…”

“Huhu, no need to be so surprised by my deduction skills all the time. That aside, do you have a good plan?”

What plan? He immediately noticed the question that appeared on my face.

“Ah, I’m talking about revenge, revenge! You have to bring that punk down right now!” 

The boss waved his clenched fists.

“So when are you going to bring him down?”

“… After all preparations are complete.”

The truth is, there was still a long way to go before I could bring Myeongshin down. Fortunately, the overexcitement faded from his face. 

“Preparation? Hmm, making Dream’s Director… Yoon a sponsor? Hey… Baekwon doesn’t know who Director Yoon is, do you?”

When I affirmed, he said, ‘Of course’ with a strange expression on his face. Why was he reacting strangely whenever we talked about Director Yoon? Moreover, with those restless eyes.

“Do you have anything to say about Director Yoon?”

When I asked, he coughed in vain to hide his embarrassment. 

“Hmmm, no, I don’t have anything to say…”

So there was something he really wanted to say. This time I narrowed my eyes and stared at him, and he secretly avoided his gaze and changed the subject.

“A-Ask Jay about the Director Yoon. Well, if you want to approach Director Yoon, it would be better to get to know Jay. No, no one else but Jay.”

He said the same thing as the madman. These two were quite close, weren’t they? 

“Are the two of you old friends?”

“… Something similar?”

“Similar? Are you relatives?”

“Not relatives.” 

He let out a suspicious voice as I watched him crinkle his face as if he was uncomfortable.

“Are you two close?”

“That’s right! It’s like we’re one flesh!”

The boss raised his voice with excitement, but soon lowered his voice with a cough. 

“Hmmm, well, close to that extent.”

“…”

“Ah, it’s true?”

I guessed he was hiding something from his squeaky voice. I nodded my head to say I understood. 

“Is the boss also close with Director Yoon?”

“Of course we’re close. Director Yoon is…”

Is…? I wanted to hear the next word, but the president swallowed the word and changed the topic.

“You’ll find out later, why didn’t you come yesterday?” 

It’s not enough to get an attendance check from the madman, and now I had to get it from the boss too. I sighed and replied that I had something going on. Then he replied that it wasn’t a big deal.

“Is that so? Sounds like someone you know is going through something and you’ve been told to mind your own business.”

“…”

“More importantly, today…” 

“How did you know?”

I subconsciously blurted out a stern question. Frankly, it was creepy. His casually spewing words stabbed all the points where I was uncomfortable. However, the president still spoke casually.

“You said you had something going on. From Baekwon’s personality, you don’t seem like you particularly care about anyone. So since you couldn’t have said kind words to the other person, the result is obvious. The other person must have cut you off and told you to mind your own business in a bad mood.”

He added indifferently, explaining quickly as if tired. 

“It’s not something unexpected so it’s no big deal right? Let’s focus on our Jay more than that.”

Then he held out a business card.

“Go there, Jay is waiting for you. Can you hold your liquor? Jay is rather innocent so he’s a lightweight. I think there’s a party over here, so go and have a drink instead. It’s a chance to get to know each other a little while holding each other’s hands and hugging each other so that the other guys can’t even touch him, hm?”

I couldn’t perceive the smiling face of the boss, who spoke nonsense innocently. Even though I knew that this person was not that formidable, I was surprised yet again. It was also true that it hit the nail on the head unexpectedly, but this time, one more thing surprised me. Or rather, It would be more correct to say that I realized it. 

The boss was moved to tears by my story, but the most important person to him was the madman. Someone I should pay more attention to, according to him. But why would he be willing to set me up with that man without any hesitation? I was only now stupidly asking a simple question that I should have thought of first.

“Why are you trying to set me up with Jay whom you adore so much?”

The president who was grinning with his imagination running wild then slowly turned solemn. If he had answered, “I want to help you,” I might have been offended and stood up. Fortunately, I got an honest answer.

“Because you’re the one Jay is interested in.” 

“You mean it doesn’t matter if it’s a man?”

“It’s the first time in five years that he’s shown an interest in someone,even if it’s a rotten opportunity, shouldn’t I grab onto it?”

… So I’m the rotten opportunity.

“Normally, if anyone approaches him, he either buries him cleanly or crushes him to the point where they can’t get out of the house. Baekwon is the first person he cherished enough to bring into his place of work.” 

Confusion came the second time I heard the word ‘cherished’. Maybe I was misunderstanding what that word meant?

“Besides, after hearing Lee Baekwon’s story, I couldn’t help but help you. It’s not that I was touched or anything like that.”

He hardened his face, but the corners of his eyes were already moist.

“Fortunately, I also liked Baekwon’s personality.” 

“How many times have you seen me?”

“Huhu, that’s what I like about you.”

“…”

“In normal circumstances, if someone says they would help, one would see it as a good opportunity and take advantage of it, but you ask why. You’re so honest that the other person might even take their offer of help back because they were offended.” 

“Nothing is free in the world. So I couldn’t completely understand it.”

The boss smiled again. But it was a smile that felt different from before. This time, I was sure that the smile was similar to that of the madman.

“Lee Baekwon.”

I heard a kind and soft voice, but I only trusted the eyes of the other person who wasn’t smiling. Questions that entered my ears were filtered like sand and spread inside. 

“Do you believe that people can change?”

“No.”

I answered without hesitation. Then, a satisfied smile spread in the eyes of the boss.

“I think so too. People don’t change. That’s why even if you were shitty in the past, no matter how much you improved, your nature hasn’t changed, that’s why you’re getting revenge. If you’ve really changed, you shouldn’t want to avenge yourself.” 

“What does that have to do with my question?”

“That is the reason. I believe that people don’t change, so it doesn’t matter if you’re a man as long as Jay shows interest in you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you think I haven’t changed, shouldn’t you want to keep me farther away…”

“I think you’re mistaken, but you’re not the one whom I believe hasn’t changed.” 

For a moment, I felt like I had been hit by cold water. The boss realized what I had realized and let out a bitter laugh.

“Because I want Jay to be able to genuinely smile like he used to.”