Ch19 - Harsh Break Up

That was the last half month they were together.

Shu Jin was absent from class. He took a long vacation and stayed with Sheng Xinghe everyday. 

Shu Jin didn’t dare to look at Sheng Xinghe’s eyes.

When they looked at each other, he would look away, and he dared not put his gaze on his face when speaking, as if there’s a treasure on the ground, he kept his head down all the time.

He was in a trance all day, and Sheng Xinghe tried to communicate with him several times and took him to do something he was interested in, but he was in a state of self-imposed isolation. However, if Sheng Xinghe gets angry and anxious, he could not wait to stick to him, acknowledging his mistake and acting like a baby.

“Brother. If your eyes are good, would you still like me?” 

One night, he suddenly asked this.

Sheng Xinghe was dealing with his work, after hearing his words, he put his laptop aside and looked down at the person on the pillow: “Why do you ask that?”

Shu Jin said: “Just hypothetical.”

Sheng Xinghe said: “This assumption is not valid. Whether I like you or not, what does it have to do with my eyes?”

Shu Jin buried half of his face in the quilt and said nothing.

Sheng Xinghe then also lay down. He hooked his arm around Shu Jin’s waist, and said with a sigh: “What’s going on lately? Didn’t we agree not to think about Uncle’s side anymore?” He paused, then continued, “However, if not for my eyes, I probably wouldn’t have been sponsored by uncle, and then we wouldn’t have met.”

The quilt was very warm.

And the body temperature of the two people makes one greedy. 

Shu Jin closed his eyes and actively kissed Sheng Xinghe’s lips. Both of them hid under the covers, making small and prolonged sounds.

Shu Jin felt pain. They have not done it many times, and it can be counted clearly with one hand.

He would fool around whenever he felt pain, Sheng Xinghe wanted him to adapt well, so he often let him get away with it. Even if both of them were on the edge of their arrows, they endured and did not fire. During that half a month, they did it more than half of the time they were together. Shu Jin cried and was in pain, but still didn’t want to let him go.

Shu Jin did not go back to school, nor did he answer Shu Zhaoyuan’s phone calls. 

He had seriously thought about it, as if he still knew nothing, and he was willing to shamelessly ignore his conscience and pretend that Shu Zhaoyuan’s conversation with him had not happened.

But the world is really so small.

During his final days of running away from the truth, he was forced to come to his senses.

Everything seems to be predestined so that the person who should have been punished can no longer escape the guilt. 

——They unexpectedly met that family in this city, by chance.

It was a very ordinary restaurant. Shu Jin felt better and joined Sheng Xinghe to taste the famous barbecue here.

When the waiter came to set up the grill for them, he was visibly stunned and spoke: “What, what a coincidence, you’re here to eat.”

It was a young man around twenty years old. 

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

His age is similar to them.

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Sheng Xinghe did not speak either.

Then the young man finally said: “…the meat is ready when it starts to bulge, be careful not to burn it. It will be delicious if you dip it in the saucepan on the left, you can try it.”

Shu Jin said “thank you” and the young man left. 

When he left, Shu Jin asked who it was.

Sheng Xinghe poured him a drink, the original relaxed expression on his face disappeared, and he couldn’t hear any emotions in his voice: “The family across the street from my house, the one who moved away to study, it turns out he was already working.”

Su Jin suddenly remembered something, and sat there blankly.

The sound of Shu Zhaoyuan’s voice when he spoke to him half a month ago rang in his ears again, and Shu Jin fell to his own cycle again. No matter how much he deceives himself and avoids it, the truth is like a circle waiting for him to face it over and over again. 

Later, the waiter was changed, and the young man never came to serve them again.

Shu Jin remembered what Sheng Xinghe once said, “That person is afraid to see me, every time he meets me from afar, he will walk away”.

Because of guilt, he did not know how to face the victim. That’s why even if he met Sheng Xinghe again after more than ten years, and saw Sheng Xinghe’s gray eye again, he would choose to avoid him.

The appearance of that person was just a gust of wind, not even an episode. 

However, Shu Jin could no longer feel at ease, whitewashing peace.

After they left the restaurant, Shu Jin went back there again alone.

The owner said that the young man was in the back kitchen, and when he was led in, the young man was cleaning the kitchen. In early winter, the young man wore plastic boot pants, holding a cleaning tool that Shu Jin had never touched and didn’t know what it was for, and the back of his hands were already breaking out from the frostbite.

Shu Jin returned to school without telling Sheng Xinghe. 

He turned off his phone, then went to Lingjiang alone, and found Shu Zhaoyuan.

When Sheng Xinghe was finally able to get through to him, he cried.

“Let’s break up.” He said, “I’m the one who hurt your eye.”

Sheng Xinghe’s tone was calmer than he had expected. 

A long time later when Shu Jin thought about it, he only felt that the time had passed in a blur, probably before that phone call, Sheng Xinghe already knew. He was so smart, how could he not notice the clues under Shu Jin’s abnormal behavior.

Sheng Xinghe said: “No need to break up.”

Shu Jin was crying.

Sheng Xinghe’s voice also became distant: “Whoever it was that hurt me, you don’t have to break up with me.” 

“Shu Jin, give me some time.”

“Okay?”

Shu Jin couldn’t remember whether he agreed.

It was more than a month later when they had contact again. 

Shu Jin made the call. He didn’t ask what Sheng Xinghe had thought, nor did he ask what Sheng Xinghe knew about these times. He didn’t even feel that the time had passed so quickly, it had been a month already.

He just told Sheng Xinghe: “I’m sorry.”

He said, “I can’t be with you anymore.”

He said, “Brother, let’s break up.” 

When he thought about how good Sheng Xinghe was to him and the love he gave him, the shackles on him became heavier and heavier. So even though Sheng Xinghe kept saying on the phone, “Wait until I get back”, asking him “Where are you”, “I don’t agree”. He still insisted on making the decision.

“You have a long life ahead of you, and I don’t deserve you.” He sat at the window, and Puffs crouched beside him, licking his tears.

He cried in a mess.

At night, Sheng Xinghe appeared at his house. 

Shu Zhaoyuan was not there, and the aunt was not there. The locks had been changed at home, and Shu Jin did not hear the dog barking.

“I don’t agree to break up.” Sheng Xinghe was carrying the chill from outside, and he was more haggard than before, and his gray eyes were full of sadness.

He pinched Shu Jin’s chin, and his eyes were red.

“Although it is difficult, we can overcome it!” 

Shu Jin’s eyes were swollen, and he lost a lot of weight in just a short period of time, and the dazzling look he used to have was all gone. No matter how Sheng Xinghe look at him, he still stated the truth without any room for maneuvering: “It can’t be overcome.”

“You still don’t get it.”

“In the future, every time I see you, I will remember that your eye became like this because of me.”

“I’m the one who caused you to be like this, and I’m the one who should be avoiding you! Not anyone else! I can’t lose an eye to you and I don’t want you to ever see me again!” 

“Even if we are together again, my love for you will only be replaced by guilt in the future.”

“I can’t love you anymore.”

Shu Jin had never seen such an expression on Sheng Xinghe’s face before, and he never knew that his gray, broken eye could also shed hot tears.

“How do you know if you don’t try?” Sheng Xinghe asked, “Do you remember the future we talked about? How do you know you’ll change if you don’t try?!” 

Shu Jin broke away from him and retreated to the corner as Puffs called out around him.

“Actually, in fact, I don’t want it anymore.” He shrunk into a small ball and said, “You go and start your life.”

“I don’t want to waste anymore time.”

Seemingly stung by these words, Sheng Xinghe’s words were also harsh: “If I go to carry out my life, then you are not in my life plan, Shu Jin.” 

There will be no more buying a one-bedroom house together, cooking together, or raising a dog together.

In the future, the person who accompanies Sheng Xinghe will become another him or her. Shu Jin does not know, in any case, that person will no longer be him.

He said to Sheng Xinghe: “Okay.”

At the end of the day, Sheng Xinghe asked him, “Have you ever loved me?” 

He did not give an answer.

…

On the phone, Shu Jin remained silent for a long time.

Sheng Xinghe said that “there is no next five years”, and he was silent for a long time. It wasn’t until Shu Jin thought that he had hung up the phone that he heard him let out a long breath and asked: “Where are you?” 

Shu Jin seemed to come to life, and his tears burst out of his eyes. He bit his finger to prevent himself from crying, and said in a calm tone as much as possible: “You don’t need to come over now.”

He didn’t want Sheng Xinghe to see his forehead injury.

He then found an excuse of fearing Shu Zhaoyuan’s anger, “It’s inconvenient.”

“Good.” Sheng Xinghe said, “Then I’ll wait for you here, and call me anytime if you need me.” 

Shu Jin immediately said: “No, you gave me your coat again when it’s so cold, you go back first.”

Sheng Xinghe changed his tone and appeared to laugh lightly: “What, my clothes are so good to wear, you still don’t want to return them to me?”

Shu Jin: “…”

Sheng Xinghe probably planned to wait for him, and did not want to leave him here alone to go back by himself. 

Before hanging up the phone, Shu Jin called him: “Brother!”

Shu Jin hesitated for a few seconds, his heart was very confused and chaotic.

Not knowing what to say, he could only barely manage to squeeze out some panicked words, “I didn’t.”

These three words were vague and extremely irresponsible. Even he himself did not understand what exactly he wanted to express. 

But Sheng Xinghe listened and simply responded: “En.”