Refusing to Serve Me? Then Off With Your Head!

Chapter 8 – His Majesty The Emperor, Whose Head Is Covered In Green

Imperial Concubine Yu came in as I was holding the rice bowl and pigging out.

She bowed prettily to Feng Zhao Wen, but I didn’t even bother lifting an eyelid to look. With a pick of my chopstick, I captured two pieces of red braised pork.  Using the meat-snatching technique that I practiced in the barracks, surpassing even the men, I unperturbedly  continued to stuff my mouth with meat, following up with a mouthful of rice…..Truly muthafucking delicious ah!

She revealed an expression of repulsion, gazing repeatedly upon the skirt I wore and my table manners.  I have never considered these two things to be greatly related; whether I wear a skirt or men’s shorts, I still have to eat.

I gave her a friendly smile before saying: “Greetings imperial concubine Yu!”

In the peach blossom forest, Xiao Tian said that Feng Zhao Wen had given me permission to not kneel to the imperial concubines within the palace.  Only now did I find merit in this verbal order.  It was simply too wonderful for words.

Heaven knows, the person who I didn’t want to kneel to most is Qin Yu Zhen. That one kneel in the peach blossom forest had simply been to embarrass her.  In the past, she often used this very trick to give me a hard time….I just wanted to see if it was effective or not, that’s all.

Seeing that my waist and back were as straight as a rod, without the slightest desire to kneel, that hibiscus-like face turned a bit menacing.  If she had a whip in hand at this moment, it certainly would have been lashed at me.  Unfortunately, in general, when appearing before the emperor, one cannot have any sharp objects.  As an imperial concubine whose purpose is to share the emperor’s bed, this rule is even more firmly enforced.

She smiled sweetly towards Feng Zhao Wen, saying coyly: “Your majesty, today, in the peach blossom forest, I saw this little sister. This little sister’s appearance is truly graceful and elegant.  Us sisters, your concubines, are lonely within the palace, and rarely does your majesty find another little sister to accompany us. It’s just, I’m unaware of this little sister’s name?”

I choked a few times before I could swallow the mouthful of rice in my throat.

This person’s face-changing technique should be considered the founding of Sichuan opera. Left behind in her dust, I could only gracefully step down.

Feng Zhao Wen stated in a deadpan voice: “She is her father’s only daughter. I’ve never heard of an older or younger sister!”

I laughed crazily within my heart.  Your majesty ah, since entering the emperor’s palace yesterday, I only now  consider the respectable you a good person!

He cast a glance at my face before indifferently asking: “What matter has concubine Yu come here for?”

At that moment, Qin Yu Zheng was still dumbstruck from his earlier comment, frozen in place and forgetting her etiquettes until even I turned to look.  It wasn’t until Feng Zhao Wen, repressing his temper, asked her once more, that she used her silk handkerchief to wipe at the corner of her eyes a few times. I saw that the rim of her eyes immediately turned red, tears dripping down again and again.  Feebly, she sobbed: “This concubine inadvertently offended this miss in the peach blossom forest today.  I heard that she came from your majesty’s palace, so I have especially come to apologize.”

En, I had promptly gone from “little sister” to “miss”.  As expected, Qin Yu Zhen reacts quite quickly.

Based on my understanding of Qin Yu Zheng, this is definitely a lie!  It is true that she came to seek me out, but whether it is to get even or apologize remains to be seen.

If it weren’t for that ruthless line of Feng Zhao Wen earlier, it would have been obvious that she came to tell on me.

Moreover, she, with the identity of an imperial concubine, apologizing to me, a no name or status person, is obviously trying to make Feng Zhao Wen see me as an intolerant and narrow-minded woman……What a pity, I’ve done fouler things before, but have I ever cared for my image in Feng Zhao Wen’s eyes?

I set the bowl down, inquisitively asking: “Imperial concubine Yu, what this common one is even more curious about is, what has the respectable you smeared upon that handkerchief?  Is it wasabi?  How is it possible that, when crying, the tears only dripped for a moment before gushing out?”

She had been crying very vividly and daintily until then……interrupted by my few sentences, how she wished  that she could wring apart the handkerchief in her hand.

I quickly deterred her from doing so: “Imperial concubine, it is not easy for the respectable you to embroider such a handkerchief. I will not snatch it from you and smell it to see what you have smeared onto it, since I don’t want to cry anyways.  The respectable you should not be pressed.  After all,  twisting apart a handkerchief, once you’ve returned, you’ll have to embroider another.  All the effort it will cost you ah!”

If I were that handkerchief, I’d already be wrung into pieces.

“Ahem ahem—“

It was rare that Feng Zhao Wen would smile at a woman.  And here I had thought that he didn’t know how to have protective feelings towards the fairer sex. After all, towards me, if it isn’t biting, it’s gnawing. Not a bit of tenderness in the least.  Now however, fearing that I’d bully his beloved concubine into crying, he repeatedly coughed to curb me.

“An Yi, you slut. Don’t you think to win an inch and want a foot, putting on such an act!”

I gave Feng Zhao Wen an apologetic look.  Your majesty ah, it isn’t that this guilty one doesn’t know how to show consideration towards your beloved concubine, it’s that your beloved concubine absolutely insists on riding upon my head…..how can I endure it again and again?

Beaming, I tilted my head, clapped my hands and admiringly exclaimed: “Imperial concubine Yu, you cursed so well!  You ought to curse this common one in just that way, just like in the past, always fearing that this common one would snatch away your brother Yan Ping.  As long as this common one was within ten steps of your brother Yan Ping, the respectable you would brandish a whip and curse at me.  Now this is the distinctive valiance of us great Chen women—“

Choking on anger, Qin Yu Zhen had difficulty speaking, crying out loudly: “Your majesty, do you hear what An Yi is saying?”

I reacted slowly, plopping down into a kneel before repeatedly kowtowing: “Your majesty is wise, this guilty one spoke wrongly for a moment.  I dare not speak further, dare not say that today, for a moment, I suddenly got into the mood, thinking that the peach blossom forest was just in season, and went to see it, not knowing that I would accidently run into imperial concubine Yu as she was privately meeting with general Yan, standing next to the small stone bridge until nearly becoming the Amah Rock…..”  Quick as lightning, I raised my head to peek at Feng Zhao Wen, and couldn’t help but be astonished.

–Your majesty the emperor ah, was the respectable you too excessively upset by this matter, that you are unexpectedly not as furious as thunder, but can instead smile so joyously?!

Qin Yu Zheng cried as though she were mourning the loss of mother and father, kowtowing incessantly: “Your majesty, the respectable you cannot listen to An Yi’s rubbish.  She is too accustomed to speaking nonsense….”

I repeatedly agreed: “En, this guilty one is truly speaking rubbish, speaking nonsense.  Your majesty, the respectable you does not have to take it seriously!”  Don’t let wearing a green hat upset you too excessively. Your majesty, this smile of yours is way too unsightly!

Using great effort, Feng Zhao Wen suppressed the smiling expression from the corners of his mouth.  Coldly, he said: “Concubine Yu, still not returning to your Yu Xu palace to reflect?!”

……

I clung to the palace hall’s door, reluctantly watching Qin Yu Zheng’s inconsolably heartbroken, slim and graceful silhouette as it moved further away, her face wearing a respectful appearance as she turned to look back at Feng Zhao Wen, who was sitting as upright as a mountain.

Your majesty, your mind is indeed broad.  Towards the imperial concubine who, like the red apricot tree, tried to climb over the garden wall, you are lenient and magnanimous to the point of not being bothered at all, tolerating that which all men cannot tolerate, enduring that which all men cannot endure!  You can even be considered the ideal amongst all the men who wear green hats in this world.

But very quickly, I soon realized that Feng Zhao Wen, this person, was biased.  Towards the person who shared his bed, he was magnanimous and lenient to the point of not being bothered at all, but towards me, this guilty common one, he pursued and struck the matter relentlessly, not giving me the least bit of face.

Is it just because I said your beloved concubine watched another man until nearly becoming the Amah Rock?  Still, the respectable you shouldn’t be this petty, treating me as a palace maid to order about right?

The inside of the bath was full of dense steam.  Feng Zhao Wen, with a bare chest, lazily lying on his stomach at the edge of the pool, ordered me back and forth quite a few times. I was fetching everything, from tea to water. At one moment he wanted to eat melons, at the next, a fruit.  Ever since Qin Yu Zheng rushed back to Yu Xu palace broken-heartedly, I have never had a moment of rest.

Relying on my own brazenness, I distracted myself in being busy here and busy there, not looking upon his impropriety.  Feng Zhao Wen decided to taunt me though.  Not only was he unrepentant, winning an inch, he wanted a foot.  Beckoning me, he said: “An Yi, come here and help scrub this emperor’s back.”

I almost suspected myself of mishearing, and could only blink my eyes.  He raised his voice: “Still not quickly coming over to scrub this emperor’s back?!”

Feng Zhao Wen, whose clothes have been completely stripped off, with half his body soaking in the bath, should have been blushingly ashamed, but instead, not only was he not red, he was filled with an authority that made others cower.  His phoenix eyes stared straight at me, a heavy threat in the dark depths of his pupils.  I rolled up my sleeves, face reddening, and came straight over, all the while muttering: “Just think of it as giving Xiao Huang a bath.”  Picking up the handkerchief and honey locust soap from the edge of the pool, I indicated that he should flip his body, and then began to scrub.

Half of Feng Zhao Wen’s body hung upon the jade pool’s edge. Inky satin hair, honey-hued skin, with a few scars along his expansive back, and muscles that were like iron.  This kind of vibrant and ferocious appearance was practically no different from that of a furless beast.  Hateful beast that he was, after I had scrubbed a couple of times, he had the nerve to whisper: “An Yi, is it that have not been eating your fill within this emperor’s palace?”

As a person under another’s roof, one has no choice but to bow one’s head, so I bore it, increasing my strength.

The beast gave a low laugh, continuing his own words: “An Yi, you and I have been acquainted for six years now, and yet I didn’t realize that you have such an able and virtuous side.”

I was resentful towards this guy for mentioning those awkward affairs of the past.  Seeing the appearance he put on of taking great pleasure in life was more than I could bear.  In a moment of impulse, my foot flew up, giving his majesty, the great Qi emperor, a kick into the jade pool.  With a shake of my sleeves, I left.

No matter what, my acquaintance with Feng Zhao Wen has always been the embarrassing part of my past which I’m too ashamed of to mention to others.

Six years ago, the relationship between great Chen and great Qi could still be considered harmonious and amicable.  Occasionally, there would be a few conflicts, but still, never once did the two countries have a great falling out or vie for each other’s territory.  His majesty, the emperor of great Qi sent an envoy to great Chen to negotiate for peace at the borders.  That envoy was precisely his highness, the crown prince of great Qi at the time, Feng Zhao Wen.

At that time, I was fourteen years old, and had been Xiao Huang’s study companion for a few years. My infatuation for Yan Ping had not changed.  It’s just that in recent years, Yan Ping had trained with all his might.  Rapidly growing in height, he was nearly half a head taller than me.  He was no longer that small boy from childhood who I could drag along.

As he got older, he became increasingly handsome, as refined as jade, treating everyone with modesty and courtesy.  It was only when he saw me that he filled his eyes with ice shards, giving a gaze that, even during the hottest periods of summer, would cause one’s entire body of warm sweat to withdraw.

In the middle of the night, I sat upon a tree fork in the peach blossom forest, holding my head as I very unwillingly remembered all of these things. Nowadays, I could only explain it away as having been young and hot-blooded, not knowing that a youth’s heart is iron hard.

It was also the end of spring like this, at a night feast.  Having accompanied Xiao Huang to the peach blossom forest during the daytime to play, it was impossible that I would not love this forest, whose blossoms are like red clouds and bright brocade. Earnestly, I wished for an opportunity to pass a pleasant night with Yan Ping under these trees. So I slipped out early from the welcoming banquet for his highness, the crown prince of great Qi.  So early in fact, that to me, his highness the crown prince of great Qi’s appearance was indistinct. There, under the peach blossom tree, I sat, foolishly waiting for Yan Ping.

Normally, all of the people who have wandered within the palace for a long time will know how to coax the imperial servants.  I’ve been at Xiao Huang’s side for so long, following the grand tutor’s teachings, but there is only one skill that I’ve always paid particular attention to, and that is how to first strike one blow and then compensate with two red dates. The eunuchs at Xiao Huang’s side have all been viciously oppressed by me, but I’ve always been generous with my allowance from father, so the reward that they receive from my hands has also been very ample.  Towards me, they are quite obedient.

I guessed that Xiao Huang would not stay long at the feast before stealthily sneaking out, so I especially instructed the eunuch at his side. As soon as his highness, the crown prince returned toDong palace, the eunuch was to secretly request the youth surnamed Yan, telling him that his highness, the crown prince, has secretly invited him to the peach blossom forest for a consultation on certain matters.

Xiao Huang has always been greatly dependent on Yan Ping.  Even in front of the Dong palace chamberlains, he would cry out “Brother Yan Ping”, “Brother Yan Ping”. Perhaps, because his majesty’s heir is frail, and because he grew up deep within the palace, he got along well with Yan Ping, who always treated him with gentle refinement.

I didn’t have to worry that Yan Ping would not come, because even if he figured that this was my little scheme, he would still fear the chance of it actually being Xiao Huang.  After all, the person who had invited him was Xiao Huang’s personal imperial servant.

It was only after I had waited by the peach blossom forest for at least an hour that I heard the sound of footsteps coming from the small stone bridge. That youth, upright as a pine tree, step by step, was coming towards me.  At that moment, my heart became frenetic beyond words, longing for him to come a little closer, and yet, scared that he would come and see that it was me, turn around, and leave. Demons and gods at work, I was squeezed behind a big tree in the peach blossom forest, only leaving one glass palace lantern suspended high upon a branch, fuzzily illuminating the youth who was gradually approaching.

Author’s Note: Misses who do not obey, who do not strew flowers, should all be dragged away and given to his majesty, the emperor, to serve!  La la la