Refusing to Serve Me? Then Off With Your Head!

Chapter 9 – Who Is Whose Calamity

That youth got closer and closer, his neat brows and bright eyes all seen very clearly. At last, he was under the tree. Raising his head, he gave the glass palace lantern a glance.  There was a breath of cold laughter, containing endless cynicism.  With impatience on his face, he raised his voice and shouted: “An Yi, is this your treacherous scheme? Since you’ve already called me here, why shrink back, not daring to show your face?”

Xiao Huang always has an imperial servant attending at his side.  Coming here, to this empty and quiet place, naturally he’d realize that it was me.

Step by step, I slowly strode out from within the tree’s shadow, lowering my head and standing before him.  I was momentarily short of breath, and could only feel ashamed of my inferiority while standing next to this jade-like youth. My heart nearly jumped out from its cavity.

The youth before me however, would never think of my perspective. He sneered slightly: “An Yi, since you’ve called me here, there must be some kind of matter?”

I shook my head, quickly raising it for a peek.  Really, the frosty ice that filled his eyes made one hate not being able to scoop one’s heart out, offering it before him, hoping to melt away that coldness within his eyes.

“Since there is nothing, I will leave!” Once said, he directly turned his body, intending to leave.

I became anxious.  Having racked my brain to come up with this scheme and deceive him into coming here, how could I give up this beautiful scenery. Once anxious, I instantly forgot the rules that he had established, reaching out my hand to firmly grasp his sleeve.  I stammered: “The peach blossoms….bloomed very beautifully.  I thought to….I thought to call you here and appreciate the flowers…….”

“It is the middle of the night.  Who could make out whether or not they bloomed beautifully?  Your mind is truly unfathomable, huh?” His one cold sentence stifled the bellyful of words I had still wanted to say.

With a boom, my face heated up……Carefully considering everything a thousand times, I had unexpectedly forgotten to think about how flowers could be appreciated at nighttime?  How could it still be possible to see this forest’s bright-brocade-and-red-cloud appearance?

Before I could think it through clearly, my leg felt a sudden pain. Immediately afterwards, my body flew up, and with a putong sound, fell into the lake beside the peach blossom forest.  A word, a sentence, in an extremely refined voice, that youth at the lakeside said: “An Yi, have you indeed forgotten the rule I established? I don’t mind helping you sober up in the lake!” Once said, he turned around and left, his spotlessly white garments bringing out the deathly paleness and icy coldness of the moonlight.

–Losing my head over lust, I would frequently make mistakes in front of him.  In a moment of desperation, fearing that he would leave, I had forgotten that ever since he grew physically taller, his martial arts had also reached heights beyond me. Soon afterwards, he strictly prohibited me from pulling or clinging onto him. Even if it was just a corner of his clothes, I would still suffer a beating.

Although it was the end of spring, the lake’s water was extremely cold. Shivering uncontrollably, I crawled out from the lake.  For a moment, I just sat there, dazedly, on the lake shore,  feeling my entire body soak in the unbearable coldness of the night. Looking around, not a single person was seen, so I let my hair down, wringing out the water. Untying my outer robe and inner garments, I wrung them out too.  As I was about to drape them back over myself, I heard someone give a low laugh from inside the peach blossom forest. An extremely magnetic male voice spoke: “Xiao Tian, at first, I had thought  that the younger generation of great Chen’s nobility were fond of playing with homosexuality.  Unexpectedly however, it is the beautiful infatuation of a tender beauty ah. This Yan youth really doesn’t know how to be caring towards the fairer sex!”

I quickly draped my clothes over my body, at the same time shouting: “Audacious! Where did this lecher come from, that he is wandering around the imperial gardens in the middle of the night?” As I spoke, my teeth chattered uncontrollably, making it seem as though I was short of breath.

From within the peach blossom forest, a pair of master and servant appeared. The male who was first approaching had a vigorously tall figure, an upright bearing, deep facial features, and a pair of phoenix eyes full of ridicule. Step by step, he came closer, inspecting me from head to toe as I continued to put my clothes on in a fluster.  Speaking to the servant at his side, he said: “Xiao Tian, I had wondered which family’s sheltered daughter could be so bold.  So it turns out that it’s generalAn’s “only son”, the youth An ah!”

He especially emphasized those two words, “only son”, clearly full of malicious intent.

I was at once ashamed and angry.  Having been a woman who dressed as a man for some ten plus years, I have unexpectedly been seen through by this strange man. If word was to spread, not only would father fall into the crime of deceiving a monarch, the entire family, from servants to the elderly, would have a bad end.

With great difficulty, I put my clothes back on. Giving the man a glare, I hesitantly asked: “Your distinguished self is his highness, the crown prince of great Qi?”

There has never been a man from outside who has made it into the palace, and as long as it was someone who was allowed to enter the palace, it was definitely someone that I would recognize. It is rumored that great Qi’s men are of a tall figure, and there happens to be a banquet tonight to entertain great Qi’s envoy. Besides that honored guest, the great Qi crown prince, I could not think of any other.

He advanced a step, enveloping me entirely beneath his shadow. Slightly smiling, he exposed his mouth of white teeth and said: “This humble one is Feng Zhao Wen, the great Qi crown prince.”

Many years afterwards, I would be deeply ashamed of my then cowardly self. The first time Feng Zhao Wen appeared before me, when he was using his advantage in height as intimidation, I had taken a big step back.  The result of that one step was that, in the many battles I havehad with him in years after, I was always at a disadvantage, rarely having an opportunity to win.

In the sereneness of the night, I slightly shifted my body between the tree fork. The crisp crunch of a peach blossom branch rang into the air, and a slender branch that I had snapped fell to the ground.  As I was holding onto the tree fork, I thought of a critical problem—A beast, one that is refined in front of others while only turning into a beast at midnight. That was Feng Zhao Wen’s beast-style, and he has always been consistent on maintaining it. Today, he had been ruthlessly kicked by me into the bath, and it was currently time for him to make his midnight morph again. I….where should I stay tonight?

At that time, from the shadows of a lakeside tree, someone charged over, shouting in a stern voice: “Who is it? Come down” Ching, the sound of a long sword being unsheathed.

I promptly tried to clear up the situation, saying: “I’m someone you know, someone you know…..” At the same time, I unhurriedly climbed down from the tree.

I took a look as I came down. Oh joy. Sigh.  It is indeed someone that I know ah!

The person that had been standing in quiet solitude within the shadows of the lakeside trees was actually Yan Ping. Seeing that it was me, he acted as though he were looking upon his majesty the emperor himself, and did not give me a hard time. His voice was also much more at ease as he said: “An Yi, it is the middle of the night, how did you end up here?”

I looked at the face in front of me, which had changed greatly in these intervening years, and recalled the youth who had once treated me with ice and frost. Demons and gods at work, I answered with a single sentence: “I was thinking back to that year when you kicked me into this lake.” Mainly, I was recalling my first unrestrained meeting with Feng Zhao Wen, and regretting my weakness, that’s all. What I deeply regret even more, is that after so many years, I still can’t straighten my waist in front of Feng Zhao Wen.  Not only that, judging from the current circumstances, it is highly probable that I will now have to bend at the waist and knee in front of him for life.  Just the thought of it is depressing.

Not sure if it’s because three years have passed by so my eyes are a bit blurry or some other reason, but if I’m not mistaken, my one sentence caused the person before my eyes to wear an appearance of complicated awkwardness for just a split second. He said: “At that time, I was too young…..and handled matters too extremely…..”

Does this count as an apology?

Unexpectedly, while still living, I am able to hear something like an apology come from Yan Ping’s mouth.  Does this mean that I can die in peace now?

I was rather touched, wishing to death that I had the literary skills to wax poetic about this moment, to express how deeply moving the ever changing affairs of life and unfathomableness of a person’s mind was. A pity, that in these three years, I’ve only wielded a plow.  With regards to the composition of poetry, that kind of noble and elegant thing, I’ve long become unfamiliar. So to drop the subject, I took two steps forward, patting him on the shoulder while sympathetically comforting: “Don’t worry general Yan.  I understand.  I understand it all!”

It was now his turn to be confused. He gazed at me with his gentle eyes and a bit of bewilderment, or maybe it was just a pretense of naivety. Father has once said, those who play around with politics are all experts at hiding their lucidity while acting muddled. And the thing I liked most, the thing that nothing could surpass, was exposing their secret, making it so that no one could pretend to be muddled.

I sounded a deep sigh.  Sorrowfully, I said: “General Yan is here at the lakeside, longing for the beauty, coping with the fact that she is a flower with an owner. I know.  I know it all.”

In a flash, his eyes emitted a sparkle of astonishment. Staring at me fixedly, as though he were dreaming, he said: “You knew?”

To think of it, when Bo Ya met Zhong Zi Qi, I would presume that his excitement was also on this level.

I repeatedly nodded, saying: “To say it straight, Feng Zhao Wen’s actions in this matter are really too unconscientious.  Clearly knowing that you and Qin Yu Zheng are mutually in love, he still insists on being the stick that beats apart the mandarin ducks…..Although I’m very sympathetic towards your bitter experience, general Yan, but reality would have it that, despite how much I sympathize, I can be of no help ah!”

–Hehe, even if I can help, I will not. Watching you two, monarch and subject, fighting over a single woman is a thrill I rarely get to enjoy.

Yan Ping gave me a depressed look, and seeing it, I thought of the pain he must suffer from not receiving that which he beseeched. Again, that chronic illness of mine flared up, and I was filled with a magnanimousness  and generosity that completely disregarded past events. I probingly asked: “How about…general Yan Ping write a letter of confession.  I will secretly deliver it to Yu Xupalace on your behalf.”  It just so happens that I had imperial concubine Yu into a tearful retreat today. It can be presumed then, that if she were to receive a letter of confession, she’d feel a lot better.

This way, the next time she bumps into me, I can bully her all I want without having to feel guilty or softhearted, right?

Yan Ping laughed at my words.  Since young, I’ve grown accustomed to his cold face. Although he would speak and laugh warmly with others, in front of me, he has never curved his eyes and brow in mirth. Now, seeing his sudden laughter, like the moon appearing from behind clouds, I couldn’t help but stare at him with astonishment. Feeling however, that it was inappropriate for me to do so, I feared that I had violated those restrictions of his, and was soon going to be kicked into the lake again. Truly, my losses would not make up for my gains in such a case, so I quickly turned my head, looking instead at the peach blossoms that were blooming in the night.

He wasn’t angry yet.

Or maybe he was angry, but I never saw.

In the past, I had once put every bit of my energy into paying attention to his feelings of happiness, anger, sorrow, and joy. I’d secretly make conjectures about them while tossing and turning in bed, sleeping with difficulty. Now, I believe in harmony. The conflict between great Chen and great Qihas come to an end, and the common people now live in peace and prosperity. Likewise, the old matter that once existed between me and Yan Ping should also scatter like ashes and disperse like smoke, not leaving a single mark behind.

Realizing this, I was immediately moved by my own lofty righteousness. Turning to him again, I repeatedly urged him: “It’s not early anymore, if general Yan wants me to pass on a letter, you should quickly write one? Or if you have a personal artifact that you’d like me to pass on instead,  I’d be more than willing to run the errand.”

Any later and Feng Zhao Wen’s evening meal will be cleared away. I really can’t stand to have my stomach hungry.

The smile froze on his face, his expression becoming a bit complicated. It was not my right to worry about his feelings however; this is the man who is mutually in love with Qin Yu Zheng, so it’s best that I let them worry about themselves.

I shook my head.  It was probably because he didn’t trust me enough anyways.

I can understand.  Within the palace, having an affair with an imperial concubine is a major offense.  Placing such incriminating information and evidence into my hands, I fear that Yan Pingwould experience many sleepless nights.

“Since general Yan does not require me to run such an errand, I will head back for some rest. The air by the lakeside is very cold, general should also return.” He gave a faint smile. I added: “Longing for someone, whether it be in the peach blossom forest or buried in the warmth of a blanket, one can be just as desirous.

Waving my hand, I walked with brisk footsteps towards Zhong Hua palace.

“An Yi, in the past….did you also once long for someone like this?” Yan Ping’s voice sounded from behind me.

I halted my steps and shook my head, replying: “Regarding matters of the past, I’ve already forgotten it all.  I don’t remember a single thing.”