Savage Divinity

Ping Ping was the first to fall.

Alone and exposed, the big girl lets loose with a heartrending squeak as she’s dragged into the depths. The sound cuts off abruptly and her massive form disappears into nothingness, leaving behind a surface so calm and still it’s as if she never existed at all. Roaring in fury, Guan Suo dives in after her without a second thought, plunging into the unknown to –

Do nothing, it would seem.

There is no clash of fists or exchange of blows, no shadowy figures darting back and forth or staggering explosions of power. There is only stillness and tranquility as I peer into the waters and see nothing but my reflection peering back. Wearing a mirrored look of fear and incredulity, my reflection is so lifelike it makes me wonder if I’m still inside my Natal Palace. Did I not only craft another Baledagh, but a second world for him to live in? Have I finally lost my grip on reality, and now my two worlds are colliding? Which parts of my life are real and which are imagined? How can I tell the difference? Have I been living in an illusion all this while, and now the dream is finally unravelling? What will I find when I fall through the looking glass? Will I be lying in bed back home, safe beneath my warm covers with my dog sleeping beside me, or will I wake just in time to catch a boot to the ribs, ready to go back to work in the mines after a single night’s delusional reprieve?

I suppose I’ll find out soon enough.

Rising on all sides, the waters of the Azure Sea block out the sun as they close around us like the jaws of a ravenous beast, devouring the Runic Barge and all its inhabitants with a single bite. Thrown from the ship’s surface, I take a deep breath before my world is engulfed in cold and darkness, unable to tell up from down or left from right as I tumble about the watery void. Clutching the mouth of my hip pouch, I pray the treated leather keeps the water out and holds enough air to keep poor Blackjack from drowning, and a part of me wonders if I should free the tiny black hare and hope he or she makes it out of this alive. I’m sorry for getting you into this mess little buddy, and same goes to Mama Bun. If I had stayed in my yurt and slept in with all my floofs, then we wouldn’t be in this mess.

Choking back my helpless despair, I hold Unity at the ready as I face the void, unsure if I’m still tumbling about or have come to a standstill. The pitch black darkness does more than obscure my sight, hindering my other senses along with it. Complete nothingness is the only way to describe it, this unnatural murkiness suppressing the feeling in my fingers and even the sound of my beating heart, leaving me only with the sensation of cold isolation in this weightless imprisonment.

It’s so... Peaceful. There is no fear or anxiety, only tired acceptance as I welcome Death’s embrace. No longer will I need to struggle and suffer in this hellish existence, for my time has come. Finally, I can lay my weary head to rest and let go of everything weighing me down, to shuffle off this mortal coil before I fuck up and ruin what little good I still have left in this life. It’s not a bad time to go, truth be told, so soon after securing my place as Number One Talent in the Empire. This way, my family can remember me fondly as the little foundling they rescued, instead of as an imposter who deceived them with his stolen body and memories.

It’s only a matter of time before they discover the truth.

Knowing this, it’s as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulders, because in these last few moments of life, I no longer have to hide who I truly am. How many times have I frozen in fear because I thought I accidentally revealed my deepest, darkest secret? How many nightmares have I awoken from where I was discovered for the fraud I really am? How many days have I spent in self-loathing because I know I’m living a lie and don’t deserve anything I have?

Too many to count, and for good reason.

My loving family? They took me in and cared for me, but would they have done the same, been as patient and loving, open and accepting, if I didn’t have the body of a child? I doubt it, and I wouldn’t blame them for it either. Pragmatism is vital to survival in this world, and a broken and battered adult is far less likely to recover and much more susceptible to Spectres than a child. Case in point, me. After all this time and all the love and care I’ve received, I still can’t let go of the past and adapt to my new surroundings, a stubborn, set in my ways outsider who never gets anything right.

Number One Talent in the Empire? An utter joke. I’m a grown-ass man competing with children, so of course I’m gonna excel. Sure, the argument could be made I started training later than most of my so-called peers, but it's silly to take pride in learning faster than developing children. Take an average twelve-year-old and fully developed adult, then have them study a topic brand new to both, and it’s a given the adult will master it sooner. If you take pride in being smarter than sixth grader, then maybe you should set higher personal goals for yourself.

How would Lin and Mila feel if they learned they were betrothed to someone more than twice their age? Disgust and revulsion is my best guess, because that’s what I feel when I’m honest with myself. I’ve known them both since they were little girls, but now I’m eagerly counting the days before I marry them. Without a doubt, I am a rotten, lowdown scumbag, a detestable pervert preying on young impressionable women. Forced into marriage by Akanai? What a joke. I was thrilled beyond belief when she brought it up, and if not for Bekhai tradition keeping me at bay, I would have brought Mila to bed without question and used her to fulfill all my base desires, without ever considering if I truly love her and want to marry her. With Lin, it’s even worse because when I look at her, I see both the adorable, pig-tailed little girl she used to be and the beautiful, enchanting young woman she’s grown into, giving rise to conflict between basic decency and primal urges.

And with every passing day, basic decency loses a little more ground.

In time, my secret will get out and ruin everything, so maybe it’s better I die now before things go too far. My family will grieve, but they’re strong and will make it through this, even sweet Tali and Tate. Mila and Lin are both young and... mostly untouched, they’ll have no trouble falling in love with someone else, someone far more deserving. This is the best ending I could expect. For a long time now, I’ve known this life was not for me. I knew it when Vivek Daatei’s Demon showed me thousands of lives, thousands of possibilities which didn’t even remotely feel right. I knew it back in Sanshu, while pretending Baledagh’s dreams were not my own, dreams of being a normal child without all my mental baggage and hang ups. I don’t belong in this body or this world, and regardless of what cosmic twist of fate brought me here, it was undoubtedly an accident of epic proportions. In a way, my death will be a correction of sorts, a balancing of scales in the universe, removing what never should have happened in the first place. I only hope Taduk, Mama Bun, Ping Ping, and the others make it out okay, but it looks like poor little Blackjack is destined to share my fate.

Sorry little buddy. We haven’t known each other for long and we had a rough start considering you ate my finger, but I love you all the same.

Warmth and affection floods through my mind as I reflect on my time with Blackjack, of nuzzling the skittish hare and stroking those small, chubby cheeks. My thoughts turn to my other floofs and my time spent with them, of riding roosequins and cuddling bunnies, hugging bears and wrangling wildcats. Even though they’re only instinctive, unthinking animals, their unwavering trust means more than they will ever know, because those short moments are the only times when I can forget all my fears and insecurities and just be me. My floofs don’t care about who I am or who I’m pretending to be, they only know I love and feed them. They don’t care about my morality and I don’t have to wonder what would happen if they found out who I really am, because in their eyes, I treat them well and that’s all that matters.

No wonder why I like animals more than people. Animals don’t judge.

I wish I could say the same for my family. I know they love me, care deeply for me, but it’s all based on a lie. I am not who they thought I was, not the defenceless child they took me for, and even though I didn’t set out to trick them, even though they’ve shown me nothing but patience and acceptance, how do I know things won’t change if I told them the truth? No, it’s worse than that. I know things will change if I told them the truth, and not for the better. Overcoming my fears has always been my greatest challenge, but for good reason. I have a genuine reason to be afraid, because I am not Falling Rain of the Bekhai, nineteen year old Warrant Officer of the Empire.

I’m plain old Rayne, coward and pretender.

My end is well deserved, but Blackjack is too young to die. Pulling the pouch free from my belt, I release it to the void and hope against all hope there’s enough air trapped inside and it’ll float to the surface, escaping the attentions of whatever calamity I’ve brought upon us and bringing Blackjack to safety. Having done everything I can, I muster up what little Chi I have left and reach out with Aura, because if Blackjack doesn’t make it out alive, then at least the little hare will know I love him or her to pieces.

So young, we don’t even know your gender. Live little Blackjack, then go find Tawny One who will hopefully be the appropriate gender for you to woo and start a family with, assuming hares and rabbits can reproduce, although there’s no evidence to back it up.

Rage and indignation well up from within my chest, a curious change of pace considering I hold no anger at my passing, or the lack of rabbit/hare crossbreeds. In some ways, death comes as a relief, so why am I so angry all of a sudden? Parsing through the emotion, I realize this rage is both unfamiliar and peculiar, not the final struggles of a dying man, but something far more... alien. Underneath the anger is a core of exhaustion tinged with disappointment and frustration, rejecting the love and affection I tried to convey to Blackjack. It’s an anger which stems from distress and indignation, an instinctive reaction to hide the grief of betrayal, so raw and visceral my heart aches with empathy.

And just like that, I’m struck by an epiphany. This is not my anger, nor is the despair entirely my own. Whatever is out there, whatever powerful monstrosity responded to my call, also knows how to use Aura to convey emotion. What’s more, it’s weaponized it, using an Aura of sorrow and dejection to bring its foes down without a fight.

Putting aside my amazement, I channel everything I have into my Aura and impart the same feeling of home and safety I projected before, knowing whatever is out there responded to this first. My efforts are met with fury and disbelief, outrage I would try and use the same trick twice. Redoubling my efforts, I open myself up to this unknown creature and release a torrent of emotions in hopes it understands I meant it no harm, that it learns who I really am, or most likely, is so overwhelmed by my crippling depression it swims away to kill itself.

You think depression is your ally? You merely adapted to despair, but I was born to it, moulded by it.

Haha, humour. I laugh, but inside, I cry.

The darkness lifts as I open my eyes and find my companions suspended around me in the crystal clear waters, though I see no sign of our all-powerful assailant. Limp and listless, my Teacher and the cadre of Experts look fast asleep as they float about the watery depths, all save for sweet Mama Bun who’s flailing for all she’s worth in a futile attempt to stay afloat. Thankful for my compulsive overthinking, I kick my bare feet and swim over to rescue her, snagging Blackjack’s slowly rising pouch along the way. Wondering how I’m supposed to save the others all by myself, my worries are for naught as I notice their bodies floating towards the surface, saving me a world of trouble even though it’s only a handful of meters to swim.

The bottom of the upended Runic barge and the floating scraps of our skiff is the only evidence that remains of our dangerous encounter, so with little other choice, I head towards Ping Ping’s unmoving but floating body and climb atop her shell for safety. After making sure Mama Bun and Blackjack are both alive and well, I leave them to go back for Taduk, swimming past Lei Gong and Guard Leader to get him. Flipping him onto his back, I check for a pulse and cry out in sheer joy, thankful I didn’t kill my Teacher with my impulsive and poorly thought out plan. There will be no more excursions out into the bay, much less out of it. I’m putting my foot down, because forget about Spiritual Plants or Blobby, it’s not worth the risk.

Forget a droplet, I’d trade an entire Ocean of Heavenly Water to keep Taduk safe. Even though Baatar, Sarnai, Alsantset and Charok adopted me into their family, it’s only because Taduk is barely capable of caring for himself, much less Lin, and adding me into the mix would have only made things worse. He’s not the most responsible person around, but he’s never treated me like the broken person I am, never worried I might turn Defiled and Taint him or Lin. Hell, he barely even batted an eye when I told him how close I came to losing myself to the Spectres, just patted my cheek and said “Well now you know better,”. He believes in me more than anyone else, and for that, I will always be grateful.

Hauling my teacher out of the water, I carefully lay him on his side in a recovery position and head back to rescue the others. Keeping an eye out for dangerous monsters and the like, I find nothing but empty water in all directions, which is not reassuring in the least. Why did the creature just up and leave? Was it overwhelmed by my Aura? No, impossible. It’s strong enough to muscle five Peak Experts into submission, how could my paltry Aura powered by my drained reserves be enough to scare it off?

Tired and confused, I set about rescuing the comatose Experts one by one, a task made far more difficult without Chi to Reinforce my body. Saving the Tyrant and Guard Leader is simple enough, as even though they’re both Martial Warriors, they’re still women with somewhat delicate frames. Carefully keeping my hands from straying to inappropriate places, I’m tempted to take a peek under Guard Leader’s veil, but after a moment’s thought I respect her right to privacy and leave it covering her face. I do, however, take a moment to ogle their tantalizing bodies, prominently displayed since their clothes are soaking wet and plastered to their supple bodies. The way I see it, even though I got them into this mess, I also saved them from it, so I deserve to look from afar for a second or two.

...I knew it. The Tyrant totally has nipple piercings, which is super hot until you consider they’re Runic Nipple Rings which probably fire lasers or something. Still, I’d put em in my mouth. Assuming she consents, of course. I may be perverted, but I’m no molester or rapist.

Storing the mental image for later use, I move on to the unpleasant task of saving the men. Lei Gong and Guan Suo will undoubtedly wake with a few bumps and bruises, but in my defence, one is a rotund, burly bastard who reeks of wine, while the other is a deceptively heavy half-red panda, so heavy I can’t actually lift him. After multiple attempts each ending in failure, I make do with draping Guan Suo over Ping Ping’s shoulder, hoping the big girl doesn’t come to with a start and the grumpy old man doesn’t freeze to death. Though lightheaded and feeling the onset of hypothermia, I head back into the water one last time to grab my cooking pot. Dragging it back onto Ping Ping’s shell, I peer in and find Sir Inky curled up in a ball, unharmed and untouched throughout this endeavour. Sighing with relief, I poke the octopus to make sure he’s still alive, and Sir Inky responds by slapping my hands away, his eyes still screwed shut in fear.

Well, I don’t blame the poor guy.

Ready to collapse where I stand, I take one last look around to make sure nothing is awry, though I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I could do about it if there was. Finding nothing amiss in the waters, it’s Mama Bun’s thumping paws which draw my attention. Unusually spirited considering she just almost drowned, the tangled mess of soggy fur darts back and forth along Ping Ping’s shell, leaving poor Blackjack to shiver alone in the cold. Wondering if it’s her way of dealing with near-death experiences, I tuck Blackjack into my shirt to share warmth as I head over to calm the poor Mama Bun down.

“Silly rabbit,” I call, crouching down with arms open. “Come here. It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

My words go unnoticed as the crazed rabbit lunges forward with a crazed look in her eyes, sliding to a stop before turning around to try again. Following her line of sight, I notice a tiny, oval stone sitting on Ping Ping’s shell, no larger than a pocket watch and covered in green, grassy moss. As luck would have it, we’ve somehow found a second stone covered in Spiritual Algae, and driven wild by the tempting treat, Mama Bun is so excited she can’t even walk up and eat it, failing to approach her stationary target time and time again.

No wait. She’s not missing, there’s something keeping her away, a gentle force leading her away. Is the stone Deflecting her? Or is that the work of the Algae? Holy shit, is this all the work of an intelligent plant? My god, the implications of -

A head pops out of the stone and the world makes sense once more. Not a stone, but a shell, with a tiny, adorable turtle hidden inside. Not a jagged, armoured dinosaur like Ping Ping, but a round-shelled, smooth-skinned regular turtle with the most adorable little eyes, yellow lines running down its neck, and so much moss on its head it almost looks like it has hair. Craning its neck, the tiny turtle blinks once and its Aura surges out, enveloping me in a familiar sensation of warmth, safety, love, and acceptance, tinged with a hint of hope and shrouded in plenty of hesitance.

‘Home?’ it asks, using its Aura to communicate. ‘Is it safe here?’

Catching Mama Bun on her next pass, I hold her close and lie down with my cheek next to the turtle, too drained and tired to use my Aura to respond. Instead, I pray my actions are enough and slowly place my hand over the tiny, but powerful creature. Gently stroking it between its eye ridges, I scrape the moss away and whisper, “I don’t know what you’re running from, and I can’t promise to keep you safe, but I’ll do what I can, okay?”

I’m not sure if it understands my words, but the turtle presses its head against my finger and closes its eyes, a sure sign of trust as I’ve ever seen. Withdrawing its Aura, the turtle ambles into the palm of my hand and retreats into its shell once more. Since it doesn’t seem to mind losing the Spiritual Algae, I feed what little I’ve scraped off to Mama Bun while stroking the turtle’s shell with my thumb to collect more, marvelling once more at the trust and affection of animals. I offered safety, and this little turtle came looking, simple as that. Sure, we had a little disagreement when he thought I was lying, but we settled it easily enough, and that’s that.

Oh, I hope he’s a boy, then he can fall in love and have babies with Ping Ping. True, they’re not the same size or even the same species of turtle, but true love overcomes all.

Welcome to the family Pong Pong. Sorry about your silly name, but it’s too adorable to pass up on.

Chapter Meme

- End of Volume 20 -