Solitary Toss of Tenderness

But I still really like you

On the airplane, Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan sat side by side. Lian Xuan seemed to be in a good mood, with a smile on her lips and corners of her eyes. She turned her head and looked at Lu Zizheng, who was leaning against the window, and asked with a smile, “I’m sorry, I was on a business trip yesterday and didn’t get to see you. I had a lot of documents and tight schedule. Thank you for your hard work.”

Lu Zizheng turned back and looked at the seat in front of her, calmly replying, “No, it’s all part of the job. You don’t have to be so polite, Manager Lian.”

Lian Xuan noticed that Lu Zizheng had been frowning since they boarded the plane, looking cold and distant. Unable to resist her concern, she asked, “Zizheng, you seem to be not in a very good mood?”

Lu Zizheng furrowed her brows. At this moment, thousands of feet above the ground, she looked at the plane soaring through the clouds. Instead of being scared of heights as she should, her mind was occupied by other thoughts. She had been pondering whether Jiang Huaixi had called her.

Hearing Lian Xuan’s question, Lu Zizheng slightly closed her eyes, giving off an air of unwillingness to engage in conversation, and replied indifferently, “No, Manager Lian, you’re overthinking it.”

Lian Xuan looked at her with a heavy gaze for a moment, sighed softly, and closed her eyes to rest.

In the following three days, Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan’s interactions took on a strictly professional tone. Besides work-related matters, Lu Zizheng didn’t give her any opportunity for further communication. Lian Xuan felt that compared to their previous encounter, Lu Zizheng seemed much colder this time, with the door to her emotional world tightly shut. Lian Xuan could do nothing but accept it. Several invitations to have dinner together were coldly rejected by Lu Zizheng, leaving Lian Xuan silently watching her with a bitter smile as she maintained her composure.

On the fourth afternoon, after a heartfelt discussion between the two parties over the past few days, the contract was finally signed. Lian Xuan visibly breathed a sigh of relief and was in a good mood. The numerous rejections hadn’t dampened her enthusiasm for Lu Zizheng. As they left the hotel, she grabbed Lu Zizheng’s hand and with raised eyebrows and a smiling plea, she said, “Zizheng, let’s have dinner together tonight to celebrate. It’s my way of thanking you for your hard work these past few days.”

Lian Xuan’s face was filled with sincerity, and as she spoke, she unintentionally displayed the familiar coquettishness that Lu Zizheng had once known. If it were before, Lu Zizheng would likely have softened and given in. However, now Lu Zizheng was exhausted and had no energy left to deal with or dote on Lian Xuan.

In these past few days, whenever she encountered something exciting or joyful, she couldn’t help but want to share it with Jiang Huaixi through a text message. At night, when she felt tired or had trouble sleeping, she couldn’t resist the urge to go back and read the message history with Jiang Huaixi. But as she reached for her phone, she would sadly remember that Jiang Huaixi no longer belonged in her world.

Jiang Huaixi had developed a habit of relying on Lu Zizheng over the course of seven years. And how long would it take for her to break this habit? Lu Zizheng despairingly dared not think about it. She couldn’t forget Jiang Huaixi because the inability to possess her caused pain. But if she were to forget Jiang Huaixi, she would still be in pain due to her reluctance.

She was already too preoccupied to care about whether Lian Xuan’s feelings were genuine or fake.

Lu Zizheng lightly shook her head and refused, saying, “Manager Lian, I’m tired. I want to go back and rest.”

Lian Xuan held Lu Zizheng’s hand but gradually let go, forcing a smile and saying, “Alright then, rest well.”

Lu Zizheng returned to the hotel, dealt with the documents at hand, and then wearily slumped onto the table, half-asleep and half-awake, with her eyes closed.

After an unknown amount of time, she faintly heard someone knocking on the door, and she woke up in a daze.

Rubbing her sleepy eyes, Lu Zizheng opened the door and saw Lian Xuan, now dressed in casual attire, with an anxious smile and adorable dimples showing. Lian Xuan gently asked, “Zizheng, I heard that the cherry blossoms are in full bloom on the nearby mountain. I would like to go and see. Would you like to come with me?”

Lu Zizheng pursed her lips and looked at her in silence, the clear gesture of refusal evident.

The smile on Lian Xuan’s face gradually froze, and she awkwardly bit her lip, turning away and saying, “It’s okay, I interrupted you…”

However, unexpectedly, Lu Zizheng’s calm voice suddenly sounded from behind, saying, “Wait for me, let me change my shoes, and we’ll go together.”

Lian Xuan stopped in her tracks, turned around, and looked at Lu Zizheng, who was bending down to change her shoes. In an instant, a joyful smile appeared on Lian Xuan’s face, and she happily replied, “Great.”

Lian Xuan mentioned that the hotel staff told her they could drive halfway up the mountain, so she drove there.

During the journey, Lu Zizheng remained silent, silently gazing at the passing scenery outside the window.

A few years ago, when she was still an intern, the president of the translation agency held high hopes for her and took her on a business trip to Japan. She was busy and dedicated to her work, never sparing a moment to see the renowned cherry blossoms of Japan. Upon returning home, the first thing she did was visit her family and let her mother know she was safe. Then, she brought gifts she bought in Japan and went to Jiang Huaixi’s dormitory at school.

At that time, when Jiang Huaixi opened the door and saw Lu Zizheng, she was visibly surprised because Lu Zizheng had returned a day earlier than the time she had told her.

Lu Zizheng noticed a painting easel set up in the living room. Was Jiang Huaixi painting? She leaned in for a closer look and saw that Jiang Huaixi was painting a vibrant display of blooming cherry blossoms.

Jiang Huaixi looked at the painting and asked Lu Zizheng, “Are the cherry blossoms in Japan beautiful?”

Lu Zizheng was taken aback and stammered with a bitter smile, “I didn’t see them. I was too busy with work, I didn’t have time.”

Jiang Huaixi couldn’t help but curl her lips and teasingly said to Lu Zizheng, “You’re such a dedicated employee, truly a fool…”

The laughter lingered, but everything had changed…

As expected, the car couldn’t go any further after reaching halfway up the mountain, so Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan got out of the car together. After getting out, Lu Zizheng noticed that Lian Xuan was wearing high heels that were at least seven centimeters tall. She followed behind Lian Xuan, watching her trembling steps as they ascended, feeling somewhat worried.

Sure enough, when they were close to the mountaintop, Lian Xuan suddenly exclaimed and stumbled. Lu Zizheng swiftly ran up and supported Lian Xuan.

Lian Xuan, still startled, held onto Lu Zizheng’s hand and took a sharp breath, the pain making it difficult for her to stand straight.

Lu Zizheng furrowed her brow and said, “Is it very painful? Let’s go back.”

However, Lian Xuan shook her head while holding onto her hand, insisting, “It’s okay. We’ve come this far, just a few more steps. It would be a shame not to go up. Let’s go…”

Lu Zizheng looked at Lian Xuan, who had a furrowed brow but a determined expression, and could only support her with both hands as they continued to ascend slowly.

At the mountaintop, their eyes were greeted by a sea of vibrant pink cherry blossoms. Lian Xuan found a large rock and sat down, relieved to rest, while Lu Zizheng took a few steps forward, gazing at the abundance of soft pink around her, lost in thought.

She finally remembered wanting to see cherry blossoms in Japan, but it seemed to bring her even greater sadness.

She took out her phone and took several pictures. In the last photo, as usual, she made a peace sign in front of the camera. Finally, she sent this photo to her mother. It had become her habit over the years, whenever she went on a business trip to a different place, she would send her mother a photo with the peace sign gesture, assuring her that she was fine and not to worry.

After sending the photo, Lu Zizheng still stared at the screen, unwilling to leave. She really wanted to tell that person who used to laugh at her for being a fool, to tell her that this time she got to see cherry blossoms, and she was with her boss, clever, right? But before she could even finish the thought, her phone coincidentally ran out of battery and shut down automatically.

Lu Zizheng looked at the black screen and let out a bitter laugh.

At some point, Lian Xuan had moved behind Lu Zizheng and softly called her, “Zizheng…”

Lu Zizheng turned her head and looked at her with indifference.

Lian Xuan locked her gaze onto Lu Zizheng, her eyes watery and gentle, as she softly said, “Zizheng, it was all my fault back then. I’m sorry. Those words weren’t sincere.”

Lu Zizheng stared at her for a moment, her eyes narrowed slightly, her expression cold. She put away her phone, not responding to Lian Xuan’s apology, and calmly said, “It’s getting dark, and your legs aren’t comfortable. Let’s go down the mountain early.” With that, she reached out to support Lian Xuan.

Lian Xuan looked at Lu Zizheng’s lack of response, her expression somewhat desolate, but she simply nodded in agreement.

Going up the mountain was easy, but going down was difficult. Lian Xuan hobbled along, her expression growing increasingly pained. Seeing her struggling, Lu Zizheng couldn’t bear it any longer. When they reached a slightly flatter section of the path, Lu Zizheng took a deep breath, grabbed Lian Xuan’s hand, squatted down, and calmly said, “Come on, I’ll carry you down.”

Lian Xuan stared blankly at Lu Zizheng’s actions, looking rather surprised. But in the next instant, a smile blossomed on her pale face due to the pain. “Zizheng, thank you.”

Lu Zizheng walked at a steady pace as Lian Xuan clung to her back, her hands wrapped around Lu Zizheng’s neck. Lian Xuan couldn’t contain her smile and after a long silence, she couldn’t help but ask, “Zizheng, did you like me in high school?”

Lu Zizheng’s footsteps faltered slightly, and she let out a soft scoff from her nose before coldly responding, “It was just back then, nothing more.”

But Lian Xuan let out a gentle sigh near her ear and asked her earnestly and softly, “What should we do, Zizheng? But it seems like I still really like you.”

Lu Zizheng’s body visibly stiffened, and she fiercely bit down on her tongue to restrain the urge to throw Lian Xuan off her back.

Many years ago, she had also thought that Lian Xuan’s affection, like her own, valued emotions as something vital. But what was the answer Lian Xuan had given her later?

In their first year of high school, on a day when Lu Zizheng had spent the night unable to sleep, she and Lian Xuan, as usual, went to the small grassy area during their free time. Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan sat down on the grass together, and as she caught a familiar scent from Lian Xuan, Lu Zizheng felt at ease and gradually began to feel drowsy.

Seeing her getting sleepy, Lian Xuan mischievously covered her eyes with both hands and let her lie down on her own legs, gently smiling and saying, “Take a nap. I’ll play the role of the knight for the Sleeping Beauty, so you can have sweet dreams without worries.”

Lu Zizheng lay down on Lian Xuan’s legs, lightly closing her eyes as she gazed at Lian Xuan’s tender smile. Gradually, she began to drift off to sleep.

She was a light sleeper, finding it difficult to fall into a deep slumber. Vaguely, she felt a warm and soft sensation on her lips. Curiously, Lu Zizheng opened her eyes, and what appeared before her were Lian Xuan’s closed eyes, fluttering with long, dense eyelashes. In that moment, Lu Zizheng anxiously closed her eyes again, savoring the warmth on her lips. Her heart raced like thunder, overwhelmed with a sweet and joyful sensation.

She thought that Lian Xuan had finally seen her heartfelt sincerity, even in her lowly state. She heard the blossoming sound in her heart, believing that Lian Xuan would be her sun, dispelling all the shadows in her life. From that point on, everything would be filled with warmth, radiance, and boundless happiness.

But on that evening during self-study, Ji Yao approached her and said, “Lu Zizheng, don’t take yourself too seriously. Lian Xuan is well aware of your unsavory past. The reason she initially reached out to you was actually a dare, a consequence of losing a bet with her friends. I’m not sure what you currently think of Lian Xuan, but I just hope you can see your place clearly and not harbor any improper thoughts. Keep your distance from her; the paths you two are meant to take are different.”

Lu Zizheng was taken aback when she heard Ji Yao reveal Lian Xuan’s initial intentions towards her, and she was momentarily thrown into disarray. She had long noticed Ji Yao’s dislike and underlying hostility towards her. Lu Zizheng wasn’t accustomed to trusting others or being brave. She was accustomed to avoiding and retreating. But in that moment, she thought of the tenderness imprinted on her lips by Lian Xuan in the afternoon, and suddenly an infinite courage and determination surged within her. Clenching her teeth, she retorted, “I’m not sure what Lian Xuan’s initial intentions were when she approached me, but I believe that her current feelings for me are sincere. She will trust me and realize that all those things from the past were nothing but lies.”

Ji Yao seemed to have realized something and looked at her with a touch of sympathy, mocking her, “Sincerity? I’ve told you before, you and Lian Xuan are different people. How can you understand how much weight sincerity holds in Lian Xuan’s world?”

At that time, Lu Zizheng didn’t believe Ji Yao’s words.

However, two days later, Lian Xuan made her fully understand.

And today, after many years, Lian Xuan once again told her that she genuinely liked her, presenting an appearance of absolute sincerity. Ha, what kind of gamble or bet is this now? Or did she never have enough fun with her before? Lu Zizheng suddenly couldn’t restrain the anger in her heart. She abruptly let go of Lian Xuan, gave her a cold glance, and coldly said, “Lian Xuan, how much weight does your so-called liking carry? I don’t believe you. What can you offer to prove that your liking isn’t fake?”

Lian Xuan looked at the cold and confrontational Lu Zizheng in disbelief, feeling a sense of sadness wash over her. How could one prove their feelings? Knowing that it wasn’t allowed to like, but unable to resist being moved, she admonished herself a thousand times to stay away in her heart, yet still yearned to be close. Was this considered genuine liking?

She remembered that year when she cautiously and tenderly stole a kiss from Lu Zizheng, afraid to wake her up. After reluctantly parting from her lips, before she could even rejoice, she looked up and saw Ji Yao standing nearby, casting a cold and disdainful gaze. In that moment, it felt as if she had fallen into an ice cellar.

Ji Yao asked her, “Don’t you know how much pressure Mr. Lian has endured and how high his expectations are for you?”

Lian Xuan remained silent, wanting to escape.

But Ji Yao hit the nail on the head, “Lian Xuan, you’ve finally returned from England after so much effort. Don’t you know how many eyes are watching you from behind? Aren’t there enough rumors about you and Lu Zizheng circulating in the school? If Mr. Lian finds out, do you think he would willingly choose to send you away again just to set your feelings straight?”

Finally, Lian Xuan’s expression loosened, her lips almost bleeding from biting them, but she remained silent.

That night, she looked at the secretly taken photos of Lu Zizheng on her phone and sobbed throughout the sleepless night. Love, indeed, was too extravagant for her. When daylight arrived, with red eyes, she deleted all the photos of Lu Zizheng. Sometimes it’s better to make a clean break rather than enduring prolonged pain.

But she still couldn’t bring herself to speak up, unable to find an opportunity to sever ties with Lu Zizheng, until that day when Lu Zizheng, due to her uncle’s situation, pleaded with her and gave her a chance.

On that day, Lu Zizheng desperately clung to her hand, disregarding everything, and she keenly felt her own weakness and compassion. Fearing her own compromise, she spoke without restraint, wanting to push Lu Zizheng away. How long did Lu Zizheng chase after the car from behind? How long did she endure tears in the car? She didn’t even have the privilege to cry because she was afraid the driver would notice and report it to her grandfather.

Throughout these years, Lu Zizheng remained deeply buried in the depths of her heart, like the most untouchable and distant yet beautiful dream of her life. She had been deceiving herself, thinking that with enough time, she could forget completely. But she didn’t expect Lu Zizheng to appear in front of her again, and from the very first moment of their reunion, she struck a chord in her heart.

During these years, she had kissed others in a staged manner, but never again did she experience the heart-fluttering joy and sweetness of that year. In this lifetime, what she longed for and desired was only the fleeting warmth she had briefly tasted on Lu Zizheng’s lips that year. Could this serve as proof of her true affection for her?

Continuing to drive in silence, Lian Xuan returned to the hotel. When it was time to get off the car, she seemed to have finally made up her mind and spoke with determination, “Zizheng, believe me, I will give you my proof.”

Lu Zizheng glanced at her but remained silent, not responding. She opened the door and got out of the car. As soon as she stepped out, she saw a handsome man standing at the hotel entrance, holding a bouquet of flowers. When he saw Lian Xuan, he quickly walked towards her, embraced her affectionately, and exclaimed, “Little Xuan…”

Lu Zizheng recognized him as the man she had dinner with on Christmas Day, Lian Xuan’s fiancé-to-be.

Upon seeing Zhou Zhong’an, Lian Xuan’s face turned pale. She instinctively looked at Lu Zizheng’s expression, but all she saw was Lu Zizheng looking at them with a faint expression. Finally, Lu Zizheng revealed a slightly mocking smile, nodded at them, and entered the hotel ahead of them.

In that moment, Lian Xuan’s heart sank to the bottom of the valley.

In the elevator, Lu Zizheng chuckled in silence. She didn’t know who was truly in Lian Xuan’s heart, but she knew who she was embracing in her arms. She wondered if Lian Xuan herself knew or not.

Lowering her head, she recalled the moment when Jiang Huaixi unhesitatingly threw the rose into the trash can and firmly said, “I would rather waste than settle.” A gentle smile gradually appeared on her lips.

But in just a moment, it turned into bitterness.

So, Huaixi, you were unwilling to settle for me, weren’t you?

In this world, who else could be so fortunate to have you without settling?

She had always lived by the motto of being grateful for what she gained, accepting what she lost, and remaining calm in both situations. However, at this moment, she clearly felt the emergence of a feeling called jealousy…

Lu Zizheng returned to the hotel and turned on her phone, only to discover several missed calls from an unfamiliar number. Normally, she wouldn’t pay much attention to calls from unknown numbers, but due to the high frequency of calls from this particular number, Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but speculate if it was Jiang Huaixi who had discovered that she was blocked and couldn’t reach her, prompting her to change her number.

After much hesitation, she couldn’t resist the uneasiness and decided to return the call. She told herself that she just wanted to see who was calling and that it might not be anything important.

The phone rang for a while before finally being answered. On the other end of the line, Lu Zizheng heard the familiar cold voice of Jiang Huaixi asking, “Is this Zizheng?”

At that moment, Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but raise the corners of her mouth. Could this be proof that Jiang Huaixi also cared about each other, just like herself?

But in the next moment, Lu Zizheng’s smile vanished in an instant.

With the voice that made Lu Zizheng feel deeply attached, Jiang Huaixi calmly and hoarsely delivered news that made Lu Zizheng’s world spin: “Zizheng, are you still in Japan? Please come back. Auntie… she’s critically ill and currently undergoing emergency treatment. The doctor has issued a critical condition notice…”

TL. Oh come on, give my girl a break!!!