Solitary Toss of Tenderness

Why don’t you dare to tell me? At least I still have you

Jiang Wang weakly let her hand holding the phone hang by her side, leaning against the closed door of the hospital office. She tilted her head back, furrowing her brow tightly with an expression of pain.

Why, after so many years have passed, upon hearing her voice again, does she still feel so familiar, so cherished…

Didn’t she want to forget a long time ago?

Didn’t she already forget a long time ago?

Wasn’t it true that she had long surpassed hatred with love?

A passing nurse on her rounds noticed Jiang Wang’s unusual expression of pain and stopped in her tracks, curious and concerned. She asked, “Dr. Jiang, what’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”

Jiang Wang opened her eyes, momentarily appearing confused. Then, she regained her composure and shook her head lightly, saying, “It’s nothing.”

At that moment, she finally remembered the last words she heard clearly from Xu Baihan, “Huaixi had an accident in Juzhou.” Her heart tightened, and she raised her phone again. After hesitating for a moment, she dialed Huaixi’s number once more. This time, the call was quickly answered, and on the other end of the line, the familiar and unexpectedly warm voice of Xu Baihan sounded, “Hello, I’m Xu Baihan…”

Jiang Wang bit her lip, took a deep breath, and then struggled to ask, “Hello, I’m Jiang Huaixi’s personal doctor, Jiang Wang. What happened to Huaixi in Juzhou?”

Xu Baihan sat alone in a wheelchair in the corridor near the entrance of the emergency room. Her hand holding the phone suddenly trembled slightly, and her heartbeat skipped a beat, leaving her momentarily bewildered. This voice… so familiar. Yun Bo always had chronic rhinitis, and when she spoke, she unintentionally had a nasal tone. Over the years, Xu Baihan often dreamed of hearing this voice countless times in her midnight dreams, saying, “I love you, I hate you,” followed by tears wetting her pillow. This doctor’s voice, Jiang Wang’s, carried that exceptionally familiar nasal tone. However, she couldn’t help but bitterly smile, as it was like Yun Bo but ultimately not Yun Bo. Yun Bo’s voice was clean and clear, while this voice, like a cello, though melodious, was deep. She steadied herself and calmly replied, stating the facts, “Jiang Huaixi attempted suicide by cutting her wrists to save Lu Zizheng. She is currently being treated at Bokang Hospital…”

When Lu Zizheng woke up in the hospital room, she looked at the glaring white ceiling and smelled the pungent odor of disinfectant, momentarily feeling confused. But in the next instant, it was as if she had been pressed against a button. She suddenly sprung up from the bed and tried to run out, only to be pulled back by the intravenous drip tubing in her hand. The bag of medication hanging from the bed was on the verge of being yanked out due to her forceful movements.

Furrowing her brow, Lu Zizheng turned her head and decisively tore off the bothersome needle from her hand. Blood instantly oozed out, drop by drop, falling to the ground…

Jiang Huaixi had been rescued and was taken to the intensive care unit. Mother Jiang and Jiang Huaichuan had rushed over from Linzhou. After Xu Baihan explained what she knew about Jiang Huaixi’s situation, she hurriedly went to Lu Zizheng’s room, concerned for her. As soon as she entered the room, what she saw was Lu Zizheng, disheveled, barefoot, standing on the ground after tearing off the intravenous needle.

Xu Baihan was startled and exclaimed, “Zizheng, what are you doing?”

Lu Zizheng saw Xu Baihan and rushed towards her, gripping Xu Baihan’s shoulders tightly. Her eyes were bloodshot, her voice hoarse and almost inaudible, but she strained to amplify her voice urgently, asking, “Where is Huaixi? Where is she? How is Huaixi?!” Her hands grasped Xu Baihan’s shoulders so tightly that it caused some pain.

Xu Baihan looked at her reddened eyes, pale and cracked lips, feeling a pang of heartache. She raised her hand and gently patted the hand that Lu Zizheng had pressed on her shoulder, soothingly saying, “Zizheng, don’t be afraid, don’t worry. Huaixi has been rescued, she is fine, she will be better in a few days. The floor is cold, can you please put your shoes on first?”

Upon hearing these words, Lu Zizheng instantly released all the pressure from her hands on Xu Baihan’s shoulders and wore a silly smile on her face. The movements caused a slight trace of crimson blood on her cracked lips. However, in the blink of an eye, Xu Baihan saw tears streaming down her face. “Huaixi is fine, she is fine. It’s good, so good…”

Xu Baihan was about to persuade her to rest on the bed when Lu Zizheng lowered her head again, gazing at Xu Baihan with her bloodshot eyes and asked, “Where is Huaixi now?”

Xu Baihan knew that she couldn’t convince her otherwise, so she bent down and picked up the shoes, saying, “Huaixi just came out of the emergency room and has been transferred to the intensive care unit. It’s the room at the far end of the corridor on the upper floor.”

Before Lu Zizheng could even say a word of thanks, she ran out of the hospital room barefoot, leaving Xu Baihan staring blankly at the shoes in her hands, unable to help but smile wryly.

Lu Zizheng couldn’t wait for the elevator and instead took three steps at a time, running up the stairs. In the quiet hospital, her footsteps sounded particularly crisp, with an echoing melody.

Sitting outside the intensive care unit in the corridor, Mother Jiang and Jiang Huaichuan heard the urgent and frantic footsteps in the distance, different from the usual. Following the sound, they saw a disheveled woman with long messy hair, pale face, and disheveled clothes, running towards them barefoot in a hurry.

Jiang Huaichuan widened his eyes, and as he gradually recognized the face of the approaching person, he suddenly stood up, stepping into the middle, and without hesitation, reached out his hand to stop Lu Zizheng.

Lu Zizheng couldn’t stop her steps and collided forcefully with Jiang Huaichuan. The urgency to see Jiang Huaixi made her feel unusually angry at the fact that someone was blocking her. She angrily raised her head, intending to vent her frustration, but in the instant she saw Jiang Huaichuan’s face, all her anger vanished, and she lowered her head despondently, calling out in a hoarse voice, “Huaichuan…”

Jiang Huaichuan looked at the weary woman in front of him, his anger already turning into despair. He had pleaded with her multiple times, begging her not to harm his sister, even if she didn’t like her. But what had she done? Besides repeatedly causing harm to his sister, what else had she done? Wasn’t everything his sister had done for her over the years enough? Did it have to come to risking a life for it to be considered true love? Jiang Huaichuan felt that no, he couldn’t let Lu Zizheng get close to Jiang Huaixi anymore.

His eyes were filled with hostility, ready to confront Lu Zizheng. However, Mother Jiang also stood up, quickly walking behind Jiang Huaichuan and tugging at him, instructing, “Huaichuan, go outside the hospital and buy some food. And while you’re at it, bring a pair of cotton slippers for Zizheng.”

Unhappily, Jiang Huaichuan turned his head and growled at Mother Jiang, “Mom, why do you still care about her…”

Mother Jiang, however, glared at Jiang Huaichuan with a sharp gaze, abandoning her usual gentleness, and sternly said, “If I tell you to go, then you go!”

Reluctantly, Jiang Huaichuan gave a resentful look at Lu Zizheng and left, feeling unwilling in his heart.

Lu Zizheng lost the obstruction in front of her and immediately rushed to the front of the intensive care unit. Through the glass window, she gazed affectionately at Jiang Huaixi’s pale yet serene sleeping face on the hospital bed. She couldn’t help but reach out her hand and gently touch the glass, murmuring, “Huaixi, Huaixi, you fool, you big fool…” Tears flowed down her cheeks, trickling down steadily.

Mother Jiang stood behind her, her voice unable to conceal her weariness. “The doctor said Huaixi will be fine. It’s just excessive blood loss, and she’s a bit weak. You don’t have to worry too much.”

Lu Zizheng turned her head and looked at Mother Jiang, whose face showed exhaustion and lacked its usual radiance. She couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with guilt. She raised her hand and forcefully slapped herself, hunching her body and lowering her head, apologizing in a hoarse voice, “Auntie, I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

After saying that, Lu Zizheng raised her hand again, preparing to slap herself once more.

But Mother Jiang was quicker, reaching out to catch Lu Zizheng’s descending hand. With a heavy sigh, she said, “You are not at fault. Auntie doesn’t blame you.”

Lu Zizheng looked at Mother Jiang anxiously, her mind in turmoil, momentarily unable to react. She thought that Mother Jiang would hate her to the core, wishing for her to disappear immediately, just like Huaichuan.

However, Mother Jiang calmly explained, “I know that everything Huaixi did for you, she did willingly. I can’t blame you because it would upset Huaixi. Zizheng, you shouldn’t endure any grievances here, because Huaixi wouldn’t bear it. She loves you with her life, and how could I, as her mother, hurt her?”

Lu Zizheng’s raised hand fell weakly, and in the end, her body went limp. She fell to her knees in front of Mother Jiang with a thud and repeatedly apologized, “Auntie, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Mother Jiang crouched down, pulling Lu Zizheng up and guiding her to sit on a nearby chair. She sighed and said, “Zizheng, you probably don’t know just how much Huaixi loves you.”

“On Huaixi’s sophomore year birthday, Father Jiang’s close friend’s son happened to return from the UK. So our two families gathered together for a meal. That boy had liked Huaixi since childhood and had been waiting for her for many years. He went abroad during college, urged by his parents, and just as he had recently earned his doctoral degree, he eagerly returned to find Huaixi. Both Father Jiang and I liked that boy very much, so our families jokingly and intentionally tried to match them during the meal. The atmosphere at the dining table was joyful and harmonious, but suddenly, not long after we made another joke, Huaixi exploded. Unexpectedly, she stood up abruptly and declared that she had something to announce: she had someone she liked, someone she couldn’t live without in her lifetime. The atmosphere at the dining table became tense. Father Jiang’s friend tried to defuse the situation by saying, ‘Which lucky young man has caught her attention? Bring him here for me to see.’ But she shocked everyone by saying, ‘It’s not a young man. The person I like is a girl.’ This revelation left everyone speechless. Needless to say, that meal ended on a sour note. Grandmother Jiang even suffered from high blood pressure because of it, and Father Jiang couldn’t help but angrily slap her. We had never wanted to hit her or scold her since she was young, but it was the first time Father Jiang hit her. He regretted it immediately and his eyes turned red. But Huaixi looked at Father Jiang with an indifferent expression, neither sad nor happy, and solemnly said, ‘Dad, in this lifetime, I only want her. My determination is unwavering.’ Father Jiang grew furious and shouted at her to leave the house, not wanting to bring shame upon the Jiang family. That night, she left without taking anything with her, leaving behind all her personal belongings—car keys, house keys, and starting anew. It caused Father Jiang to lose sleep for several nights. Huaichuan was worried about her, afraid that she would suffer outside, so he sent her his own savings, but she returned it untouched. She truly never returned home again, nor did she ask her family for a penny. She busied herself with part-time jobs, relying on meager earnings to get by, sometimes skipping meals. In the end, Father Jiang received a call from the counselor, saying that she had been absent from class for several days. Worried, he sent Huaichuan to find her and discovered that she had fallen ill in her dorm room, running a high fever. The doctor warned that if she had been brought in any later, it could have been disastrous. When Father Jiang saw her lying in bed, thin and frail, he couldn’t help but shed tears. But when she woke up in the hospital and saw Father Jiang, without a word, she pulled out the IV needle and tried to get out of bed, wanting to leave. Father Jiang was both angry and heartbroken. In his entire life, he had never yielded to anyone, but he was defeated by his precious daughter. He sternly told her to go back, saying that from now on, she could love whomever she wanted, and he wouldn’t interfere. Later on, our whole family silently acknowledged her extraordinary feelings for you.”

Lu Zizheng listened with wide eyes, unable to believe…

Mother Jiang paused for a moment and continued, “We thought you and Huaixi were already together, which is why she held onto her feelings so strongly. But later, we realized that you two were never together. Huaichuan felt sorry for her, scolded her for being foolish, and endured hardships and suffering for a relationship that may or may not have started. Can you guess what she said?”

Mother Jiang continued with a bitter smile, “Huaixi said that whether or not she can be with you is the result of her love for you. But whether or not she tells everyone is her attitude towards her love for you. She can’t let her love hide in the shadows; she wants to give you an open and honest love without any concealment.”

Mother Jiang said, “Zizheng, Huaixi is not a gentle person, yet she has done all she can for you with gentleness.”

At the entrance of the hallway downstairs, Jiang Wang stopped, gazing at the frail figure of the woman sitting in a wheelchair at the end of the hallway, losing all her composure.

Wasn’t she dreaming of becoming a ballet dancer since childhood? Didn’t she say she wanted to tour the world? Shouldn’t she be gracefully dancing on stage right now?

Unconsciously, Jiang Wang’s fists clenched her clothes.

How could this happen? How could she become like this? Hunched and desolate in a wheelchair, trapped in such a confined world.

How could Xu Baihan end up so miserable, so pitiful, to the point where Jiang Wang’s heart almost couldn’t bear it? No, in her imagination, abandoning her own Xu Baihan shouldn’t be like this!

Jiang Huaichuan returned from outside the hospital and, passing by the absent-minded Jiang Wang, couldn’t help but call out in confusion, “Jiang Wang, what are you doing here? Did you complete the procedures?”

“Alright, no problem. It’s done. I happen to be going up with you,” Jiang Wang replied before turning around and leaving.

Upon hearing the name “Jiang Wang,” Xu Baihan’s heart skipped a beat. She immediately turned around, hoping to catch a glimpse of the person who had a voice similar to Yun Bo. However, the wheelchair was cumbersome, and by the time she turned around, all she saw was the slender figure of a woman walking away.

She couldn’t help but feel a sense of disappointment and amusement, and self-mockingly thought to herself, “What are you still hoping for?”