Solitary Toss of Tenderness

From now on, I won’t believe anything you say, as trust has taken its final bow

Jiang Huaixi disappeared for another five days, but Lu Zizheng wasn’t surprised at all.

Over the years, Lu Zizheng had already figured out her habits. There would be times when Jiang Huaixi would suddenly vanish without a phone call or a text message.

Although Lu Zizheng was puzzled, she never actively asked about it. She was accustomed to keeping her distance from people, rarely initiating conversations about herself, and never prying into others’ affairs.

As the night grew deeper, Lu Zizheng sat at her desk in the study, holding a book and flipping through it absentmindedly.

Her mind wasn’t entirely focused on the book; she felt restless and distracted. Tomorrow, she and Lian Xuan would be going on a business trip to Jiangbei City, just the two of them, along with Lian Xuan’s male assistant.

The phone suddenly vibrated, and Jiang Huaixi finally reappeared.

She said, “There’s a new restaurant in Houxixi. Do you have time to try it tomorrow?”

Lu Zizheng replied, “I’ll be on a business trip to Jiangbei with my boss tomorrow.”

There was a moment of silence from Jiang Huaixi’s end before she asked, “When will you be back then?”

Lu Zizheng flipped through the desk calendar and said, “It’s estimated to take a week. I’ll be back at the beginning of next month.”

Jiang Huaixi sighed, expressing some regret as she said, “Well, in that case, it seems you won’t receive your birthday gift this year. Since you won’t be here, I won’t give it to you.”

Lu Zizheng glanced at the calendar, and indeed, she would be celebrating her birthday in the unfamiliar land of Jiangbei. She furrowed her brows, let out a cold snort, and said, “Well, I guess it’s a convenient excuse for your stinginess.”

On the other end of the phone, Jiang Huaixi let out a soft chuckle and asked, “What time tomorrow? Do you need me to drive you to the airport?”

Lu Zizheng declined, saying, “The company will send a car to pick me up.”

Jiang Huaixi responded with a faint “Oh” and didn’t say much more.

The hour hand had already reached twelve, but Lu Zizheng lay in bed, still unable to fall asleep. She sat up and, reluctantly, gave in. She opened the drawer and took two sleeping pills.

Before drifting off to sleep, she found herself lost in a haze of thoughts. Jiang Huaixi’s face flickered in her mind—the serene expression, the proud demeanor, the slight frown of displeasure…

Back then, when Lu Zizheng refused to respond to her, Jiang Huaixi would wear that subtle frown, pursing her lips, an expression of nonchalant indifference.

The second time Lu Zizheng saw Jiang Huaixi was right next to her usual seat. It was nearing class time, and she walked towards the front row as usual, where there was usually no one sitting. From a distance, Lu Zizheng could see that there was still an empty seat in the front row—her usual spot.

However, as she approached the front row, ready to sit down, she realized that the person sitting next to the empty seat was none other than the enigmatic woman from the library—Jiang Huaixi! Jiang Huaixi sat straight in her seat, gripping a pen in one hand and flipping through a book with the other, exuding the aura of a diligent student.

Lu Zizheng looked towards the back of the classroom, cursing under her breath. It was frustrating; with class about to begin, only a few rows remained where the chalkboard and course materials were barely visible.

The bell for class timely rang, signaling that the teacher was about to start on time.

With no other choice, Lu Zizheng reluctantly took her seat. Throughout the class, she kept her head slightly turned, refusing to even glance at Jiang Huaixi. She was afraid that if she looked at her for a moment longer, she wouldn’t be able to stay seated and might storm out of the room.

While trying her best to focus on the lecture, a note was passed to her, still wet with black ink, elegantly written: “I apologize for what happened before. Please forgive me.”

After reading the note, Lu Zizheng smiled inwardly. Just because you apologize doesn’t mean I have to say it’s okay, right?

She didn’t respond and lifted her head to continue listening to the lecture.

Another note was passed to her: “From now on, I won’t believe anything you say. How about being friends?”

As she read it, she noticed a pause in the writing at the part about being friends. The pen had pressed so hard that the ink bled through the paper and spread.

Not all your hopes can be fulfilled by others with tolerance and kindness, can they?

Lu Zizheng folded the two notes together, folding them carefully, then crumpled them into a ball and threw them into the drawer. She cast a cold glance at Jiang Huaixi, a provocative look on her face. In response, she saw Jiang Huaixi’s brows slightly furrowed, her gaze piercing and untroubled.

The moment the dismissal bell rang, before waiting for the teacher to announce the end of class, Lu Zizheng was the first to leave her seat, clutching her books, and swiftly walked out of the classroom.

She knew that Jiang Huaixi had been watching her the whole time. She speculated that someone like Jiang Huaixi, a pampered lady, had probably never experienced the feeling of being disregarded and rejected. So, thank her for giving her the opportunity to experience it.

As Lu Zizheng’s last trace of consciousness before falling asleep, she thought, “There, Lu Zizheng, you always remember things so vividly…”

Early the next morning, as Lu Zizheng descended the stairs with her lightweight suitcase, she saw the driver already waiting downstairs, informing her to head directly to the airport to meet up with Lian Xuan.

Before boarding the plane, she sent a text message to her mother: “Mom, I’m boarding the plane. I’ll call you when I arrive.”

Soon, Mama Lu replied, “Sure, don’t worry about me. I still have Huaixi.”

Lu Zizheng chuckled and turned off her phone. Mom, you really don’t consider yourself an outsider.

On the plane, Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan sat side by side.

Lu Zizheng had brought a magazine and casually flipped through it, while Lian Xuan diligently reviewed documents. Occasionally, she would ask Lu Zizheng a few questions, but overall, they coexisted peacefully.

Fengshang had a branch office in Jiangbei, and the airport had already arranged for someone to pick them up. After disembarking, Lu Zizheng leisurely followed behind Lian Xuan and her assistant. Her role was simply to comply with the arrangements.

When Lian Xuan made the introduction, Lu Zizheng realized that the manager from the branch office who came to pick them up was Jiyao, their classmate from their freshman year.

Upon seeing Lu Zizheng, Jiyao appeared slightly surprised. However, she didn’t show any intention of catching up with her. They exchanged a formal handshake and nodded at each other.

Lu Zizheng wasn’t surprised at all. Even back in high school when she and Lian Xuan were friends, Jiyao never gave her a friendly look.

In the evening, Lian Xuan and Jiyao had plans, but Lu Zizheng’s main event was scheduled for the following afternoon and evening. So, on her first night in Jiangbei, Lian Xuan said, “You’re free tonight since we don’t have anything planned. Feel free to do as you please.”

With nothing particular to do and considering she hadn’t slept well the previous night, Lu Zizheng lied down on the hotel bed without even having dinner and dozed off until Lian Xuan called her upon returning to the hotel.

It was already past 9 o’clock when Lian Xuan finished her dinner. She had drunk a bit too much and had a slight headache. Jiyao accompanied her on the way back, and after enduring it for a while, she couldn’t help but ask, “How did Lu Zizheng end up here?”

Lian Xuan didn’t stop her stride towards the exit and replied casually, “It’s work-related…” As soon as the words left her lips, she halted her steps and stared motionlessly at the girl sitting in front of the piano in the hotel lobby.

The girl was wearing a white dress, with long chestnut curls cascading down. From the side, Lian Xuan could only see her long eyelashes, dainty nose, rosy lips, pointed chin—her profile was strikingly similar to Lu Zizheng.

Lian Xuan fixated her gaze unwaveringly on the girl’s slender fingers gracefully dancing on the piano keys. As the keys descended, the notes resonated.

It was Pachelbel’s Canon. Lu Zizheng had played this piece at her house before. She had said that she didn’t prepare anything and considered this piece as her birthday gift to her.

Lu Zizheng mentioned that she had seen someone appreciate this composition as a blend of melancholy and joy, tranquility and happiness, sunshine amidst darkness, and hope amidst disappointment. Coincidentally, for Lu Zizheng herself, she embodied such an existence. Presenting this piece to her was a reflection of her heartfelt intentions.

Memories surged toward Lian Xuan like a tidal wave, and in that instant, she could hardly remain standing. Lu Zizheng’s image appeared vividly in her mind—those arched eyebrows, the shy yet radiant smile that curved her lips. It was a brightness rarely seen in today’s world.

Lian Xuan finally lifted her feet and briskly walked towards the exit, disregarding Jiyao’s bewildered expression. At that moment, her heart had only one relentless desire echoing within: Zizheng, Lu Zizheng. She longed to see her.

Upon reaching the hotel, Lian Xuan couldn’t wait and hurriedly approached Lu Zizheng’s door. However, as she lifted her hand, it remained suspended, unable to descend and knock. She stood outside Lu Zizheng’s door for a while, feeling an inexplicable gust of wind passing through the hallway, chilling her and gradually sobering her slightly intoxicated mind. Her raised hand slowly clenched and, eventually, dropped down as she turned and walked away.

Back in her room, Lian Xuan opened a bottle of red wine and leaned against the sofa, drinking absentmindedly.

Finally, she set down her wine glass, picked up her phone, and dialed Lu Zizheng’s number. She said, “Come to my room for a moment.”

Lu Zizheng was still in a daze when she answered the phone. After setting it down, she panicked and hastily climbed out of bed, threw on some clothes, and quickly tidied her hair before heading straight to Lian Xuan’s room. It was already ten o’clock, so why would she be called at this hour? Was there an emergency?

To her surprise, when Lian Xuan opened the door and let her in, she simply sat on the sofa, immersed in drinking. Lu Zizheng stood near the coffee table for quite some time, waiting for any instructions from Lian Xuan, but none came. She couldn’t help but feel puzzled.

Just as Lu Zizheng was about to ask Lian Xuan what was going on, Lian Xuan unexpectedly set down her wine glass, rubbed her temples with one hand, and looked at Lu Zizheng gently. She softly said, “I’ve had too much to drink, and my head is throbbing. Can you massage it for me?”

Lu Zizheng was taken aback, unsure of how to react.

“Zizheng?” Lian Xuan called out, seeking her response.

She saw Lian Xuan, her brows slightly furrowed and her lips gently bitten, as her watery eyes gazed steadily at her. It was the familiar sight of Lian Xuan’s usual coquettishness.

Lu Zizheng surrendered, taking heavy steps to stand behind Lian Xuan. She reached out her hands, resting them on Lian Xuan’s temples at the sides of her forehead, and began gently massaging. Gradually, she felt Lian Xuan’s body relax.

Now, after all these years, when she saw the anticipation in Lian Xuan’s eyes, she couldn’t bear to refuse. She couldn’t tell if it was Lian Xuan’s acting that was too convincing or if her love for Lian Xuan had once been too genuine.

Lu Zizheng lowered her head, looking at the dense strands of hair on Lian Xuan’s head, and self-mockingly thought to herself.

Feeling the cool touch of Lu Zizheng’s hands gently pressing against her forehead, Lian Xuan couldn’t help but recall a time during a free activity in their physical education class. They had avoided all their classmates and sat side by side under a large banyan tree to rest. Lian Xuan mentioned how her head felt heavy and dizzy from a day of classes, and Lu Zizheng had smiled and said, “Let me massage it for you. You’ll feel better soon.”

Lian Xuan said, “You’re tricking me. There’s no way it’s that magical.”

Lu Zizheng, however, stretched out her legs and patted them, saying, “Just lie down and try it.”

Lian Xuan hesitated but ultimately disregarded the messiness of the grass and lay down, resting her head on Lu Zizheng’s legs, closing her eyes to feel the movements of Lu Zizheng’s hands.

Lu Zizheng’s voice was softly carried by the wind, “Feeling a bit better now…”

I remember when we were young, you loved chatting while I loved laughing. Sitting side by side under the peach tree, the wind rustling through the leaves and birds chirping. I don’t know how we fell asleep, but in my dreams, the flowers drifted down, who knows how many…

Lian Xuan suddenly raised her hand and lightly placed it on Lu Zizheng’s gently moving hand, but before exerting any pressure, Lu Zizheng, as if startled, quickly withdrew her hand.

Her voice was slightly unsteady as she politely said, “Ms. Lian, it’s late now and there’s nothing urgent. I’ll go back first so as not to disturb your rest.”

Lian Xuan bit her lip and squeezed out a response from her throat, “Alright, thank you.”

Then, she watched as Lu Zizheng hurriedly left, covering her face with a wry smile.